NR Parent Wont Give Summer Dates

[LifesPeachy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Delaware

Hello All,

My daughters father, the non-residential parent, will not give us the dates he wants to take our daughter for summer visitiation. This is the 3rd year in a row he has done this.

He has 5 weeks he can take her (no more than 2 weeks and no less than 1 week). He has between March 1 and April 1 to submit his dates. If he doesn't, then I get first choice of my two weeks. Which I have done.

The frustrating part is that I have all summer off and so does my husband. We want to make plans for the rest of our summer and we cannot do this until he gives us the dates he is going to take her. He says he does want her and is planning on taking her for all 5 weeks but will not give us his dates.

This is the game he plays every year.

I want to take him to court and have our court order ammended to say that he forfeits his dates to the last 2 weeks in August if he doesn't give us his dates by April 1. Is this reasonable?? Is this something the court would do? I hate the court system and do not want to go through this if it is something that is just not done. The court order should give a deadline for summer dates. As it reads now, there is no deadline and he can pick his dates whenever he wants, assuming even a day before he wants her for 2 weeks. I do not like living my life up in the air and my daughter needs the structure of knowing when she is going. I copy/pasted below how the summer visitation order reads for our standard custody order.

Thank you!

"The nonresidential parent shall have visitation for five weeks (35 days) each summer. Summer visitation shall be taken in increments of no greater than two (2) weeks (14 days) or less than one (1) week (7 days), unless otherwise agreed, and shall not be extended because other visitation days fall within the chosen summer visitation weeks. The nonresidential parent shall give the residential parent written notice of summer visitation plans between March 1 and April 1 of each year. The nonresidential parent has priority of choice of summer visitation dates if notice is given as required and unless the residential parent's vacation is an annual mandatory shut-down of the place of employment. If no notice is given by April 1, the residential parent has priority in the scheduling of any summer vacation plans and the nonresidential parent may choose only those weeks in which the residential parent is not scheduled to be out of town on visitation with the children. The residential parent shall be entitled to up to two (2) weeks for an actual visitation, which shall not be interrupted by any conflicting visitation times. Each parent shall provide the other parent with destination, times of departure and arrival, method of travel and telephone number where the parent can be reached in case of an emergency when taking the children outside the parent's community."

 

[stealth2]

"The nonresidential parent shall have visitation for five weeks (35 days) each summer. Summer visitation shall be taken in increments of no greater than two (2) weeks (14 days) or less than one (1) week (7 days), unless otherwise agreed, and shall not be extended because other visitation days fall within the chosen summer visitation weeks. The nonresidential parent shall give the residential parent written notice of summer visitation plans between March 1 and April 1 of each year. The nonresidential parent has priority of choice of summer visitation dates if notice is given as required and unless the residential parent's vacation is an annual mandatory shut-down of the place of employment. If no notice is given by April 1, the residential parent has priority in the scheduling of any summer vacation plans and the nonresidential parent may choose only those weeks in which the residential parent is not scheduled to be out of town on visitation with the children. The residential parent shall be entitled to up to two (2) weeks for an actual visitation, which shall not be interrupted by any conflicting visitation times. Each parent shall provide the other parent with destination, times of departure and arrival, method of travel and telephone number where the parent can be reached in case of an emergency when taking the children outside the parent's community."

This really is quite clear. You get up to two weeks uninterrupted time to do with as you please. If Dad has not noticed you by April 1, you get to pick those tweo weeks, regardless of his plans. Other than that, y'all need to play nice. Sure... you could ask the court to specify default dates. They may or may not be the dates you want, though.

 

[LifesPeachy]

I dont care what dates they are. As long as they are set. I shouldnt have to wait around all summer for him to say he is taking her. My husband is from the UK and we'd like to travel to the UK to visit his family when my daughter is with her Dad. We obviously cant make plans until we know when he is taking her and we all know airline tickets get more expensive the closer to your departure date you get.

 

[Isis1]

I dont care what dates they are. As long as they are set. I shouldnt have to wait around all summer for him to say he is taking her. My husband is from the UK and we'd like to travel to the UK to visit his family when my daughter is with her Dad. We obviously cant make plans until we know when he is taking her and we all know airline tickets get more expensive the closer to your departure date you get.

then take the order back for modification. if dad doesn't comply with the deadline of notification, then there are default dates in place. might not be in time for this year, but for the following years.

and FYI, in the event dad cancels on picking up his daughter for those dates you are out of the country, plan on a backup sitter.

 

[LdiJ]

I dont care what dates they are. As long as they are set. I shouldnt have to wait around all summer for him to say he is taking her. My husband is from the UK and we'd like to travel to the UK to visit his family when my daughter is with her Dad. We obviously cant make plans until we know when he is taking her and we all know airline tickets get more expensive the closer to your departure date you get.

There isn't anything that you are going to be able to do for this year, but you may be able to get something in the works for next year.

You could try to get it changed to each parent getting 1/2 of the summer (uninterrupted) and that he has to give you his dates by April 1, and if he doesn't, you get to choose your 1/2 by April 15th, and he gets the remainder.

Or, you could switch it to every other week during the summer...again uninterrupted.

There are lots of ways that you can put a set schedule together that is fair and reasonable yet still gives flexibility for vacations. Personally, I like the every other week schedule in the summer time, unless more than one week at a time is needed for vacations. It eliminates the whole ordeal of "choosing".

 

[wileybunch]

I do understand it's frustrating because you want to plan the ENTIRE summer, but in reality your CO only gives you TWO weeks with child so those are the only firm plans you can make with DD -- and you got your first choice b/c he didn't let you know his dates in the required timeframe.

I'm a planner, too, and I would totally want to have the summer planned out and make max use of the time, etc., but Dad has a "right" to figure out his plans, look for good airfare/hotel/whatever deals, etc. He doesn't have to give you more notice, at least not per the current CO.

Suggestions to split the dates specifically in a modified CO are good, too, so it's not always this wondering game.

 

[stealth2]

I dont care what dates they are. As long as they are set. I shouldnt have to wait around all summer for him to say he is taking her. My husband is from the UK and we'd like to travel to the UK to visit his family when my daughter is with her Dad. We obviously cant make plans until we know when he is taking her and we all know airline tickets get more expensive the closer to your departure date you get.

Then take it back to court. But, as stated in another post - it's not likely to happen for this summer. Still and all, I assume you realize that even if he has specified dates, he may not take them. And then you're still stuck figuring out what to do with the kid(s) while you go gallivanting.

 

[proud_parent]

and FYI, in the event dad cancels on picking up his daughter for those dates you are out of the country, plan on a backup sitter.

Exactly. That's what other married couples are forced to do when they want to enjoy a vacation together without their minor children. OP shouldn't expect to be able to force Dad into exercising his parenting time whenever she desires to have an unpaid babysitter.

 

[zoobiz]

So theoretically, the mother should prepare for the possibility that the father turns up one day and says that from that day, he's going to take the daughter for 2 weeks, and he knows that as long as it doesn't impact on the mother's 2 weeks, there's nothing she can do about being given no notice of his intentions, because there's nothing in the court order that says he can't do this. And of course he can repeat that 2 or 3 times throughout the summer, so long as it avoids the mother's 2 weeks. Excellent.

 

[LdiJ]

So theoretically, the mother should prepare for the possibility that the father turns up one day and says that from that day, he's going to take the daughter for 2 weeks, and he knows that as long as it doesn't impact on the mother's 2 weeks, there's nothing she can do about being given no notice of his intentions, because there's nothing in the court order that says he can't do this. And of course he can repeat that 2 or 3 times throughout the summer, so long as it avoids the mother's 2 weeks. Excellent.

The way that this particular order is written, yes. Which is one reason why mom should probably try to get the order modified.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Read what she said:

My husband is from the UK and we'd like to travel to the UK to visit his family when my daughter is with her Dad.

She is trying to make plans for when DD is with dad - not on the two weeks that she gets.

Go back and change the CO so that it rolls every two weeks starting with (you fill it in.) Then you KNOW when you get your two weeks to travel.

 

[LifesPeachy]

Exactly. That's what other married couples are forced to do when they want to enjoy a vacation together without their minor children. OP shouldn't expect to be able to force Dad into exercising his parenting time whenever she desires to have an unpaid babysitter.

That's mean. That's not what I meant at all. I just don't want him to say last minute, "oh by the way, I'm taking my 2 weeks tomorrow". It is not fair to my daughter. She needs the structure and stability of knowing when she is going. She worries about things like this and feels much better if she knows and can look on a calendar about when she is going.

Also, I would love it if he didn't take her at all. But he says he is taking her for 5 weeks. That is fine too, but when?? I shouldn't have to wait around all summer waiting for him to one day say he's taking her for his CO time. Its not fair to my daughter and its not fair to me.

I do not want to FORCE him into anything and I do not want to go out GALLIVANTING. Maybe you should read the entire post before you jump to conclusions and leave presumptuous posts. All I simply want to know is WHEN he is taking her. He plays these games every year because he knows it messes with my head. There is no reason why he cant give us his dates by April 1. This is why I want to modify the CO to state that if he doesn't give us his choice of dates by April 1, xyz are his default days instead. Then I know he has to take her those days and if he doesn't, that's fine too, at least I know not to plan around those days. The point of my post was to find out if CO's like this existed, not to be accused of trying to force my daughter on her father if he doesn't want her.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Then do it like a standard TX order - if you give your summer dates by xx/xx, then you get them. Otherwise, the following dates will be it. In their case, they then get the month of July, but the CP gets select weekends.

For example, if you court order said that the dates must be submitted by April 15th, they could choose their 5 weeks. Otherwise, you get Weeks 2&3 of June, beginning on the second Sunday of June. Pick the next two weeks in July. Then pick first Sunday for one week in August.

Easy, peasy

 

[wileybunch]

There really is no way to ENSURE Dad takes time no matter how much notice he may or may not give. We have *tentatively* planned to do something when Dad has the kids this summer, but it's just a reality that plans could change and we'll be taking the kids with us (or staying home). OP can't force Dad to actually follow through, not unless they have one of those rare states where CPs can go after NCPs on contempt for not exercising their visitation.

 

[TheGeekess]

That's mean. That's not what I meant at all. I just don't want him to say last minute, "oh by the way, I'm taking my 2 weeks tomorrow". It is not fair to my daughter. She needs the structure and stability of knowing when she is going. She worries about things like this and feels much better if she knows and can look on a calendar about when she is going.

Also, I would love it if he didn't take her at all. But he says he is taking her for 5 weeks. That is fine too, but when?? I shouldn't have to wait around all summer waiting for him to one day say he's taking her for his CO time. Its not fair to my daughter and its not fair to me.

I do not want to FORCE him into anything and I do not want to go out GALLIVANTING. Maybe you should read the entire post before you jump to conclusions and leave presumptuous posts. All I simply want to know is WHEN he is taking her. He plays these games every year because he knows it messes with my head. There is no reason why he cant give us his dates by April 1. This is why I want to modify the CO to state that if he doesn't give us his choice of dates by April 1, xyz are his default days instead. Then I know he has to take her those days and if he doesn't, that's fine too, at least I know not to plan around those days. The point of my post was to find out if CO's like this existed, not to be accused of trying to force my daughter on her father if he doesn't want her.

Why, yes, they do. The Texas standard visitation/parenting/possession plan has such wording, if you'd care to read it for research purposes. Realize, however, that Texas is not Delaware and that the statutes are different.