Nursing Sexual boundary violation

[SolaireSolstice]

While there is a lack of information about whether or not this affair was initiated while your husband was a direct patient of this nurse, there is a complaint process and specific statutes that would be violated *IF* that were the case. : IC-25-1-9-4 Section 4(a),11 (see page 55 bottom left side) http://www.in.gov/pla/files/ISBN.2011_EDITION.pdf
"Sec. 4. (a) A practitioner shall conduct the
practitioner's practice in accordance with the
standards established by the board regulating
the profession in question and is subject to the
exercise of the disciplinary sanctions under
section 9 of this chapter if, after a hearing, the
board finds: (11) a practitioner has engaged in sexual
contact with a patient under the practitioner's
care or has used the practitioner-patient
relationship to solicit sexual contact with a
patient under the practitioner's care;"

Be aware specific evidence that your husband was a patient while the affair was initiated might be neccessary to prove your case. On the front page of the Indiana State Board of Nursing Code of Conduct, there is contact information for the board. If you feel you case a complaint, by all means, file one.

I am a nurse (not in Indiana) and patients under medical care are often vulnerable to the attentions of practitioners. HOWEVER, often the simple kindness and attention shown by a patient's caregiver is misinterpreted by the patient as romantic. I had a patient just the other day ask for direct contact information for me (from me) after a weekend of routine care. I refused of course, but sometimes patients are persistant to the point of inappropriateness (or stalking). And healthcare workers are not infalliable to the type of co-dependancy issues that can arise when someone seems vulnerable and seeks attention.

Be aware that you are very likely (ok 50/50) to be chasing the wrong guilty party here in a misplaced need to get revenge over what is simply a case of *he's just not that into you (anymore)*. If you wrongly accuse this nurse of engaging in improper behavior, she will likely have grounds to return fire by suing you in civil court for libel. This type of accusation can have serious reprecussions on her professional career. She has already shown some legal fortitude by arranging for a restraining order against you on behalf of her husband.

 

[dadda11o]

SolaireSolstice YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON WHO "GETS IT". I am a nurse, although I am not currently practicing. My husband had been acting unlike himself for many months. I found out after his behavior changed that the nurse had invited him to her home for "lunch". He had blatantly lied and said he was going to a male co-worker's (unlike him). My daughter overheard him while he was hiding in the barn, talking on the phone. Whatever she heard prompted her to ask him if he "has a girlfriend". The truth came out about where he's been within the next week. I told my husband (calmly) that it seemed the nurse was doing something to meet her own needs through her acquaintance with him and it was likely that she has some "problems". I suggested to him that he not get more involved. I was told he had stopped seeing/talking with her. I called her at the hospital and explained that her invitation had our family "upset". She said she understood and would stop the extracurricular activity.

As a nurse, she HAD TO KNOW that the stress of lying, secrecy and etc. could not be helpful to a person who's had a severe heart attack and still at high risk for another. She would HAVE TO KNOW that a marriage might be strained if one of the spouses had a major heart attack and was now receiving long-term wound care that might result in amputation (with a 50% chance of death within 3 years if that occurred). And if she didn't know, she should have consulted with a supervisor, the physician...SOMEBODY.

There is nothing that says this is the first patient involvement she's had-maybe just the first time she's been caught in it. Would you want her taking care of you or a loved one (another thing she wrote in her letter: I heard the pastor say "sin for a season", but reap its penalities(sic). I ignored him.), just ignoring what she doesn't agree with? As a nurse, you can disagree with an order, but normally, nurses don't disagree and carry out their own secret treatments and interventions. I was attacked years ago and was too ashamed to make a police report; it was when it hit me that it is likely my attacker probably did the same thing to others after (and I'd gotten counseling to put things into a more correct perspective) that I realized there is more at stake than just me or my marriage. I get headaches from dealing with it and it's much easier when I just think of my husband as "the jerk'.

It's not that I have been saying, "honey come home...everything is fine; it's the fault of the big, bad nurse." I just happen to know how chronic and/or severe health problems can fuel depression and other emotional reactions; I know how certain medical conditions can impair/damage/destroy mental (which includes emotional) processes and I am aware that medications can do the same. It was more a belief that if she stopped what she was doing (and I thought she would stay away from my husband), he could get his head clearer, we could get some things figured out and go from there. I am not at all interested in staying with an abusive or unfaithful spouse, but I am well aware that an affair is NOT usually predicated upon finding a better partner. As I told my husband, he was mistaking "feeling good" with happiness. He MIGHT HAVE A PROPENSITY toward being unfaithful; I just know that the lying and the affair are "not like him". But if his mental processes were impaired-by his medications and/or medical conditions and he was "captive" during the time his treatment lasted, his (normally operating) defenses might have been worn away and that calls into question his "consent"...especially since I know the contrast he would come home to: a frazzled, worried wife; a wife who was in need of support herself and wasn't able to "be there" as usual...I'm also aghast that nobody picks up on one other point: I was reporting to his treatment team (across many environments) his unusual behavior. If his meds had been changed, added to or whatever based on having the incorrect information, what then? That is one reason that professional nursing literature mentions (regarding professional boundaries) asking yourself (as the nurse) whether you are willing to document, in the patient's chart, ALL interventions you take. I highly doubt that any of the extracurricular activities are documented; I highly doubt that the content of their conversations (where she told him about her unsatisfactory marriage) is documented either. Her involvement with him has already cost him in terms of his marriage, his relationship with our children, financially-it remains to be seen whether he ends up having another heart attack or whatever. He sees ME as the complete problem, which also tells me that his thought processes are skewed. I've told him that he doesn't act like he's in a loving relationship-people who love are usually fairly kind, generous, empathetic. They don't normally become yelling, screaming maniacs hurting the people they (used to/said they) loved. If he'd come and said, "I'm sorry, I've found someone else," I'd be more apt to believe the story I'm getting. I'm actually concerned that she is (now) protecting herself through him. But as everyone for the most part has stated, he's a big boy and is making his own decisions. The National Council of State Boards of Nursing notes that in a 10 year period, there were only 636 cases of (reported) sexual misconduct. Many of those probably involve situations totally unlike this scenario. So there ISN'T a whole lot of info out there.

So I thank you again, SolaireSolstice, for your post...nurses (actually, all licensed health professionals) have a higher level of information, trust accorded to them by patients and families, as well as opportunity. Work is being done to set boundary issues as a national standard, clarifying them and communicating them. Since my husband and I have two daughters, who are statistically more likely to be exposed to sexual misconduct by a health professional, I do not appreciate their being told that what is occurring is "normal", especially since at times one is defending the nurse now.

At any rate, I can't do much more than I have done, it seems, other than try to get as much accurate information as I can and recognize that some of the nurse's actions are probably designed to throw me emotionally off kilter and make my life more difficult; again, to protect herself from what she knows was the wrong course of action. Personally, I had hoped it would end, that she'd get some help for her problems and get her marriage and nursing practice straightened out. But I guess that it's like an addiction; maybe she will have to hit rock bottom first. I didn't want her taking my husband and family down with her.

 

[Indiana Filer]

Sweetie, your husband cheated on you. This woman did not cheat on you. She had no commitment to you. You need to find a therapist to help you deal with this, and get on with your life. You cannot make him want to stay with you if he wants to be with someone else. Neither of you will be happy.

 

[dadda11o]

Indiana Filer I am well aware of who cheated on me. I have a therapist; thank you for your concern in regard to that. I have a grip. I filed a complaint; the nurse is either disturbed psychologically or just made a decision to violate professional standard and code for nursing practice. I have the right to file a complaint; I did so.

I suppose if you are not familiar with the effects of sexual violation, it's very easy to dismiss everything as "they cheated"; end of story. And it very well likely is, as far as my marriage goes. I am taking steps to deal with that as well. What people may not realize is this: nurses are often offered treatment if they violate these or standards/code related to drugs and/or alcohol. Why would the nurse be offered treatment in order to KEEP their nursing license if it's just a matter of another "bad person"? By offering treatment to the professional, there is an acknowledgment that there is a problem, but there is also a belief, hopefully founded in science, that the person can learn or acquire new skills or coping techniques. Same goes for adultery. I don't know about you, but there are things I don't do anymore because I realized that those things were hurting me. I got more information, I saw more choices, I changed. I do something else instead.

I merely (naively, obviously) believe that the patient SHOULD be informed that this is not standard nursing practice, etc. etc. so that they can make arrangements for their own treatment if need be. I tried; that's more than can be said for some. I can live with that. Since my husband was spending nearly 12 hours a day in the hospital for months on end getting treatment, I just never suspected an affair. Medications, mood changes due to a general medical condition, whatever. Who would ever think of an affair with hospital staff? I must be more naive than I realized.

 

[LAWMED]

Your only remedy here is to file a complaint with the Indiana Board of Nursing. THAT is the ONLY appropriate agency/entity charged with dealing with what is a violation of the state nurse practice act...which this is. The RN can be sanctioned by fine, suspension, probation or revocation of her license...but it ITS a serious matter for a licensed health care provider and a clear violation of the practice act.

 

[eerelations]

I've just read through all this for the first time, and OP, based on all of your posts together, your obsession with this nurse is really starting to look pathological.

You need to get your therapist to help you put what this woman has done to the side and focus on you and your family's future.

Really, I say this in all seriousness.