Ok, new question re: childcare

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? MO

I deleted my other thread from today, as it's no longer applicable. (my, how fast things change, huh?)

I found a childcare place for the baby. It's on the way to my new office regardless of the direction I commute, and I've checked references... so we're squared away there.

I called the ex to tell him that I was beginning work on Monday, and that I'd be dropping the girls off at 7am on my days, and picking them up at 5:30 or so. He said that his wife had no plans to keep the kids on my days anymore because he pays me to keep the kids on my days (which I assume was a reference to child support).

In our new parenting plan, it says "Childcare, when needed, will remain with the current provider until the parties agree on a new provider." The 'current provider' at the time the order was signed was the ex's wife.

Am I correct in my assumption that unless we (the ex and I) have actually discussed a change and come to an agreement, then the wife HAS to provide child care?

This wouldn't be an issue except I've already called every child care provider in the area (easy, considering there are only 3), and there is not a single opening for school-age kids for before and after school care that is either licensed to transport to and from school, or on the bus route.

The school office doesn't open til the 3rd, but once it does I will check into after school programs, but I know that last year there weren't any in our district.

 

[Zephyr]

is any of the child support referenced as an allottment for daycare? from what I remember I don't think so...you may want to ask him if you should request child care expenses as well..... ok so I am evil...

what a donkey.....point out to him what the order says and ask how he would like to proceed

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? MO

I deleted my other thread from today, as it's no longer applicable. (my, how fast things change, huh?)

I found a childcare place for the baby. It's on the way to my new office regardless of the direction I commute, and I've checked references... so we're squared away there.

I called the ex to tell him that I was beginning work on Monday, and that I'd be dropping the girls off at 7am on my days, and picking them up at 5:30 or so. He said that his wife had no plans to keep the kids on my days anymore because he pays me to keep the kids on my days (which I assume was a reference to child support).

In our new parenting plan, it says "Childcare, when needed, will remain with the current provider until the parties agree on a new provider." The 'current provider' at the time the order was signed was the ex's wife.

Am I correct in my assumption that unless we (the ex and I) have actually discussed a change and come to an agreement, then the wife HAS to provide child care?

This wouldn't be an issue except I've already called every child care provider in the area (easy, considering there are only 3), and there is not a single opening for school-age kids for before and after school care that is either licensed to transport to and from school, or on the bus route.

The school office doesn't open til the 3rd, but once it does I will check into after school programs, but I know that last year there weren't any in our district.

What a tool....he's the one who wanted fights his wife designated as the child care provider- then he says she can't provide childcare?

I agree with Zephyr~ Point out the wording in the court order...and if he balks, tell him you'll then have to file in court to modify the order to designate a childcare provider (one which he may wind up paying 1/2 for)

 

[CJane]

is any of the child support referenced as an allottment for daycare? from what I remember I don't think so...you may want to ask him if you should request child care expenses as well..... ok so I am evil...

what a donkey.....point out to him what the order says and ask how he would like to proceed

No, it's not an allotment for child care. In fact, on the Form 14, it states that there is no childcare expense... if there was, child support would have been more than it is, or the new order would read like the old one in which he's ordered to pay for all required daycare expenses.

I did point it out to him. He said "Due to your shenanigans in court, I've had to go to a lot of expense and eat a lot of crow. I refuse to back down on this issue." (bahahahahahahaha!)

I just want to make sure that he CAN'T refuse to provide the childcare, at least until there's an opening elsewhere.

 

[Zephyr]

No, it's not an allotment for child care. In fact, on the Form 14, it states that there is no childcare expense... if there was, child support would have been more than it is, or the new order would read like the old one in which he's ordered to pay for all required daycare expenses.

I did point it out to him. He said "Due to your shenanigans in court, I've had to go to a lot of expense and eat a lot of crow. I refuse to back down on this issue." (bahahahahahahaha!)

I just want to make sure that he CAN'T refuse to provide the childcare, at least until there's an opening elsewhere.

then I guess he's hungry for more crow......I say feed him!

 

[casa]

then I guess he's hungry for more crow......I say feed him!

he he he he he

 

[CJane]

Ok, so I'm going to set my dad up as backup daycare for Monday, just in case. But, assuming I go to drop off the girls and no one is at the ex's house... what do I do next?

Is it contempt?

If I'm going to feed him crow, I wanna make sure the bird is properly identified.

 

[LdiJ]

Ok, so I'm going to set my dad up as backup daycare for Monday, just in case. But, assuming I go to drop off the girls and no one is at the ex's house... what do I do next?

Is it contempt?

If I'm going to feed him crow, I wanna make sure the bird is properly identified.

Ok...he has already said that he isn't going to back down on this one...therefore I wouldn't risk just showing up and dropping off the kids.

I would simply calmly inform him that daycare is part of the child support calculation, and that your order was calculated as if neither party had daycare expense. That if he feels that his wife should no longer provide daycare....even though the orders stated that the existing daycare arrangements were to be in effect, then you are assuming that he expects you to file to adjust the child support, based on the fact that you will now have daycare expense. Point out that daycare expense is a "change in circumstance" as far as a child support calculation is concerned.

In all reality, I honestly don't believe that his wife should be providing daycare on your time....not because it wouldn't make sense, but because I believe that in the long run you will be better off if its kept separate.

I am amazed that your school system doesn't offer any kind of after school care (or didn't)....is there a YMCA anywhere near the school? They usually have a good program and will transport the kids back and forth from school.

 

[CJane]

Ok...he has already said that he isn't going to back down on this one...therefore I wouldn't risk just showing up and dropping off the kids.

I would simply calmly inform him that daycare is part of the child support calculation, and that your order was calculated as if neither party had daycare expense. That if he feels that his wife should no longer provide daycare....even though the orders stated that the existing daycare arrangements were to be in effect, then you are assuming that he expects you to file to adjust the child support, based on the fact that you will now have daycare expense. Point out that daycare expense is a "change in circumstance" as far as a child support calculation is concerned.

In all reality, I honestly don't believe that his wife should be providing daycare on your time....not because it wouldn't make sense, but because I believe that in the long run you will be better off if its kept separate.

I am amazed that your school system doesn't offer any kind of after school care (or didn't)....is there a YMCA anywhere near the school? They usually have a good program and will transport the kids back and forth from school.

I'm not a big fan of step-mom providing the child care for the girls either. BUT right now, it's the only option, and he fought for it and 'won' it. So I'm stuck with it until we 'agree to change it'. Believe me, if I'd called and told him that the girls were going to be at XYZ daycare on my days, he would have had an issue with that too, and reminded me that I'm ordered to allow his wife to provide the child care.

The nearest Y that has a child care program is around 35 miles away in Kansas City and does not offer transportation outside the school district that it's in (and also costs about $200/week per child).

There isn't/wasn't enough demand for after school care in our district to make it worth the schools offering it. Last time I looked up the numbers, 87% of the families in our district were of the single income or work at home (farm) variety, and the kids just go home after school. There is ONE daycare facility to serve 3 towns (total population less than 2000), I called daycare facilities in the town I used to live in, but there are only 2 there (town's population is about 1500) and they're full.

When the ex pulled the kids out of the center they were in, he pretty much guaranteed a 6 month to one year wait for another opening if they ever have to go back.

 

[CJane]

Ok, input please...

EX,

As you know, I've been offered a position to start on Monday.

Per our current order, we are supposed to keep the other parent apprised of our employer's phone number and address. Following is that information:

MY COMPANY
ADDRESS
CITY, STATE
PHONE NUMBER

I have arranged child care for THE BABY, and am counting on YOUR WIFE continuing to provide needed child care for the girls, per our current order.

The language in the current order is as follows:

"The children shall remain with the current child care provider until the parents jointly select a new child care provider."

When that decision was rendered by the judge, YOUR WIFE was still our child care provider, as I was still working. To my knowledge, we have not agreed to change to a new provider.

Because the current child support amount was ordered without taking into account child care expenses, if I am forced to incur child care expenses, I can only assume that you wish for me to file for an increase, stating the new expense as a change in circumstances.

Please advise me as to whether or not YOUR WIFE will be providing care for the children during the week. As stated, I will be starting this job on Monday. My hours will be such that the children will require care from 7am until 5pm on Mon and Tues, and until 430 on my Fridays (not taking into account any traffic issues, of course).


Thank you in advance for your prompt reply.

Good? Too snarky?

(Have I mentioned how much I hate this petty crap?)

 

[ezmarelda]

Ok, input please...

EX,

As you know, I've been offered a position to start on Monday.

Per our current order, we are supposed to keep the other parent apprised of our employer's phone number and address. Following is that information:

MY COMPANY
ADDRESS
CITY, STATE
PHONE NUMBER

I have arranged child care for THE BABY, and am counting on YOUR WIFE continuing to provide needed child care for the girls, per our current order.

The language in the current order is as follows:

"The children shall remain with the current child care provider until the parents jointly select a new child care provider."

When that decision was rendered by the judge, YOUR WIFE was still our child care provider, as I was still working. To my knowledge, we have not agreed to change to a new provider.

Because the current child support amount was ordered without taking into account child care expenses, if I am forced to incur child care expenses, I can only assume that you wish for me to file for an increase, stating the new expense as a change in circumstances.

Please advise me as to whether or not YOUR WIFE will be providing care for the children during the week. As stated, I will be starting this job on Monday. My hours will be such that the children will require care from 7am until 5pm on Mon and Tues, and until 430 on my Fridays (not taking into account any traffic issues, of course).


Thank you in advance for your prompt reply.

Good? Too snarky?

(Have I mentioned how much I hate this petty crap?)

I don't think it is too snarky but I also just spent three hours making myself sick trying to not be too snarky in an e-mail to my XMIL so my judgement may be skewed a bit

 

[CJane]

OMG, he's lost his mind.

He's claiming that his wife has never provided child care for the girls on my days.

Had I been providing child care for your days up to the time of the
order I would continue to do that. We both know that was not the
arrangement because you refused to bring them and made your own
arrangements for your days.

I told you back when you moved in with EXBF and stopped bringing them
that STEPMOM could not just be available at your whim in the future
and you chose to break that arrangement. I didn't want it that way but you
made the change. That's the way it was prior to the order and that is
the way it is going to have to remain. If I get to guess, your
knowledge of this is why you started off by threatening rather than
asking. You get child support now, and I know how unfair it may seem
but you might actually have to spend some of it on our children.

This argument is just a symptom of how ridiculously inadequate this
court ordered joint parenting plan is. If "current provider" had been
specified we wouldn't be having this issue. That leads to a whole
other question, how can we jointly select a new provider for our children if
we can't even agree on what their "current provider" arrangement is?
I'm not going to say you have to continue to watch them on your days but I
sure as hell expect that we must agree of where you intend to place
them before it is done.

So what now?

I emailed him back, and told him that we both know that his wife was the provider, and that I was willing to provide him with court transcripts to show where he testified to that... but I might just be beating my head against the wall.

I cannot lose this job before I even start it... it's the first call back I've even had since March, the market for my field is THAT dry.

I really only need full time care for this coming Monday and Tuesday, and the one following. School starts on the 17th, and after that, I'll only need 15 minutes in the morning and 1 hour in the evening.

Suggestions?

 

[LdiJ]

OMG, he's lost his mind.

He's claiming that his wife has never provided child care for the girls on my days.



So what now?

I emailed him back, and told him that we both know that his wife was the provider, and that I was willing to provide him with court transcripts to show where he testified to that... but I might just be beating my head against the wall.

I cannot lose this job before I even start it... it's the first call back I've even had since March, the market for my field is THAT dry.

I really only need full time care for this coming Monday and Tuesday, and the one following. School starts on the 17th, and after that, I'll only need 15 minutes in the morning and 1 hour in the evening.

Suggestions?

Get your family to help for now...and then work your butt off to find the short time care that you need once school starts....I don't know what else to suggest. He isn't going to back down....and the most that you could get through court is him getting a temporary slap on the wrist before additional CS kicks in.

 

[CJane]

Get your family to help for now...and then work your butt off to find the short time care that you need once school starts....I don't know what else to suggest. He isn't going to back down....and the most that you could get through court is him getting a temporary slap on the wrist before additional CS kicks in.

I just reran the numbers, assuming I pay for before/after school care in the amounts I've been quoted (pending openings)... and his CS will go up another $200 or so per month. Bastage.

BUT - here's a little lesson in Karma... (though a little off topic)

When I filed for CS of the youngest, and the order was issued, the amount was determined with my income taken into account (I was still employed) but NO child care expense because I was taking the baby to work with me.

Babydaddy filed for a hearing - paternity and all that - and that won't take place til November. By then, I'll be working again (at about the same pay) but the baby will be in daycare ($400/month) and his income has already increased over what it was in April... SO, I reran those numbers too, since I was at the form 14 website anyway. His CS obligation will increase about another 200/month too.

I've never met two more imbecilic NCPs in my life.

 

[Ohiogal]

I've never met two more imbecilic NCPs in my life.

No offense intended CJane but you chose them. And you seem to be the common denominator. So figure out why you choose imbeciles, learn from that, and do not do it again. Okay dear?