Oklahoma Custody

[KarenWalker]

1991 comes up because she's somehow trying to sue US for that year (go figure) but it has nothing to do with custody of course.

Any of the times he's been in court he has asked her personally but has had crappy lawyers who say that's another lawsuit alltogether. And yes, he sued a lawyer for telling him to pay child support through HIM and not the state (then mr. lawyer skipped town with that money). He's had a lot of bad luck with incompetent lawyers who did behind doors deals and said that visitation was separate from the CS and IRS issues she brings up. He's financially back on track and has a payment plan for arrears. Last year he only made $20,000, $10,000 the year before and $6000 the year prior but OK DHS said that he could not modify unless unemployed (bad luck AGAIN talking to the wrong person). So, it is difficult and we know no judge will just say "hey, ok" but we do have their well being in mind.

LdiJ you have been very subjective and helpful, I hope your input continues to guide me!

 

[stepmom&mom]

I'm sure the reason he can't modify it is because child support has already been calculated based on minimum wage.

 

[KarenWalker]

ABSOLUTELY! You are right about that, but we have never fought to decrease because I actually make a lot of money so we can afford to make their lives better You've really helped me tonight with your unbaised efforts!

 

[LdiJ]

1991 comes up because she's somehow trying to sue US for that year (go figure) but it has nothing to do with custody of course.

Any of the times he's been in court he has asked her personally but has had crappy lawyers who say that's another lawsuit alltogether. And yes, he sued a lawyer for telling him to pay child support through HIM and not the state (then mr. lawyer skipped town with that money). He's had a lot of bad luck with incompetent lawyers who did behind doors deals and said that visitation was separate from the CS and IRS issues she brings up. He's financially back on track and has a payment plan for arrears. Last year he only made $20,000, $10,000 the year before and $6000 the year prior but OK DHS said that he could not modify unless unemployed (bad luck AGAIN talking to the wrong person). So, it is difficult and we know no judge will just say "hey, ok" but we do have their well being in mind.

LdiJ you have been very subjective and helpful, I hope your input continues to guide me!

I really do feel that his first step is to enforce visitation and re-establish a full relationship with both kids before even considering a custody challenge.

Honestly, if a custodial parent (CP for short) came to this board asking how to deal with a non custodial parent (NCP for short) who was demanding visitation of an 8 year old after three years of no contact....I would be advising that parent to request that visits start out with a counselor, to allow them to be reintroduced to each other in a neutral environment.

...and admittedly, I still don't understand how he has been able to enforce visitation with his son but not with his daughter.

That attorney who told you that things were a sign of abuse...is practicing medicine with a license...sigh....

PAS is something that you probably should drop. It has always been very controversial and not widely recognized in the medical community. It has become even more controversial in the last year because its discoverer/founder, Dr. Richard Gardner, recently committed suicide. Google PAS and you can find out more info...there are vast quantities of it available that demonstrates the controversy.

 

[KarenWalker]

As I will close this post soon, I want to ask something first... I hear "after three years of no contact" from people and the reason is that the X and her current husband screaming "I'm going to kill you, f*** off, and die" was offputting. My husband felt that (knowing his ex wife COULD be calm if he was not "disrupting" their "perfect life") that not putting the children through hearing constant screaming against him would be better. Would a judge understand this violent measure taken by the X as offputting to my husband?

 

[LdiJ]

As I will close this post soon, I want to ask something first... I hear "after three years of no contact" from people and the reason is that the X and her current husband screaming "I'm going to kill you, f*** off, and die" was offputting. My husband felt that (knowing his ex wife COULD be calm if he was not "disrupting" their "perfect life") that not putting the children through hearing constant screaming against him would be better. Would a judge understand this violent measure taken by the X as offputting to my husband?

Your husband's reaction is understandable...however it was also a tactict acceptance of her actions/wishes as well.

Basically the longer a parent goes without filing contempt, the less likely a court is to see actions as contempt...and the more likely a court is to see court actions as a "do over"...if that makes any sense. In the case of your stepdaughter, age 5-8 is significant. She may or may not honestly remember her previous time with your husband....which adds layers of complication that a court MUST address....for HER sake.

Sure, if she is being abused the traumna of being removed from the only home she knows is better than remaining in the home. However if she isn't being abused then the traumna of removing her from the only home she knows/remembers to place her with a parent she doesn't know/remember is far more abusive than anything you could imagine.

Therefore the courts have to act with extreme caution...and they tend to favor the "status quo" unless there is hard cold evidence of abuse.

There is absolutely no doubt that your husband could re-establish visitation and force mom to comply....however some re-introduction will probably be necessary. However I honestly don't think that custody is reasonably possible at this point.

I totally understand that mom is a complete jerk...however you husband didn't respond the way that he should have responded. (again, its understandable) but his lack of response does make things more complicated now.

 

[KarenWalker]

Lots to chew; thanks for your advice, I'll update soon

THANKS!

 

[stealth2]

A few additional thoughts... If there's no documentation of the "threats" (and that would mean unbiased witnesses), then it's hearsay. If the only "proof" you have that she put the older kid up to calling and cussing Dad out - that's not going to do much for Dad unless he puts the kid on the stand, which is not a great place to put the kid.

The lawyers have all been correct - CS and visitation ARE separate and unless a petition covers both of them in one filing, he can't just bring one up at the hearing for the other.

Otherwise, I agree with the others. Dad should be taking things one step at a time instead of jumping into the pool of a custody battle from the get-go.