open adoption?

[brisgirl825]

No, it was discussed and he hasn't made a decision yet. He'll have to figure it out soon though, cause I'll be filing for a modification and a garnishment.

Does he know you're going to do that? My ex had mentioned the TPR before but when Makayla was diagnosed, that was it. He didn't want to deal with the shots or the bills. I imagine once he realizes that you're going to get things going, he'll make up his mind quickly.

I'll be sending you positive thoughts!

 

[tigger22472]

Does he know you're going to do that? My ex had mentioned the TPR before but when Makayla was diagnosed, that was it. He didn't want to deal with the shots or the bills. I imagine once he realizes that you're going to get things going, he'll make up his mind quickly.

I'll be sending you positive thoughts!

Ya know, that's the sad thing about a lot of these step-parent adoptions and TPR's. Whether they literally sign like yours or ignore the filing, like mine, what it boils down to a lot of the time is money. In essence, they give their children up for money. I'm not saying that it's not in the best interest of the kids though cuz if you think about it, if someone has that mentality where they would do that they aren't likely to be the best parent anyways. I know of cases where this isn't the case and more of a CP has pushed the NCP out so much that it's pretty much a forced decision but that doesn't happen as often as the other.

 

[brisgirl825]

Ya know, that's the sad thing about a lot of these step-parent adoptions and TPR's. Whether they literally sign like yours or ignore the filing, like mine, what it boils down to a lot of the time is money. In essence, they give their children up for money. I'm not saying that it's not in the best interest of the kids though cuz if you think about it, if someone has that mentality where they would do that they aren't likely to be the best parent anyways. I know of cases where this isn't the case and more of a CP has pushed the NCP out so much that it's pretty much a forced decision but that doesn't happen as often as the other.

I agree that it is sad. My ex was just waiting to get this done as soon as I remarried. Once we separated and CS was calculated, he was ready to do it.
It really hurts to see that kids are worth so little. My ex gave them up for $5k. It was originally $10k and he paid it down, yet it was still too much for him.
I am just thankful that I have found a man who loves them no matter how much they cost and despite no bio relation. We are all lucky, we have good husbands/dads.

 

[Rushia]

Does he know you're going to do that? My ex had mentioned the TPR before but when Makayla was diagnosed, that was it. He didn't want to deal with the shots or the bills. I imagine once he realizes that you're going to get things going, he'll make up his mind quickly.

I'll be sending you positive thoughts!

I mentioned it to him last year and then I held off on doing it because I felt bad for their new baby. As time goes by though it gets harder to deal with seeing things like: tons of new DVDs, "I saw the cutest thing on QVC for baby and I just HAD to order it!", "Can we switch a weekend cause I want to take a hunting course and the only days for it are on Sat am and Sun am?"

I mean, come on, the man was ordered to pay a lousy 50.00 per month for two children. I would be happy to get that. I would have been happy if he paid 10.00 per week, I would have called it even. It's not that I need the money, DH and I are doing just fine without it. It is the principle. He is their father and he should help me with them. DH is doing ALL the work in the father role. X only takes them EW sat evening. Once in a while, he'll call and ask for more time, but it doesn't happen often. Grrrrr....

When it was ordered, he wasn't working. Now he is and I'm going for the whole kit and caboodle.

Sorry for the highjack and the rant....

 

[tigger22472]

I agree that it is sad. My ex was just waiting to get this done as soon as I remarried. Once we separated and CS was calculated, he was ready to do it.
It really hurts to see that kids are worth so little. My ex gave them up for $5k. It was originally $10k and he paid it down, yet it was still too much for him.
I am just thankful that I have found a man who loves them no matter how much they cost and despite no bio relation. We are all lucky, we have good husbands/dads.

Seeing as my ex chose to ignore the papers all I did was contact CSE to stop current support (not that I was getting it). Had he contacted me I'm sure he would have tried to make a deal and I likely would have done it. My ex owed 25K. He let himself get caught AFTER the adoption was finalized thinking the 25K wasn't owed. Of course I knew his plan would be to tell the kids that he didn't know about the adoption or that it was done illegally. I was right because just last week he told that to the judge.

Little does he know that I am waiting for it to be a while for him to show that he can follow a court order and then I"m going to ask that they lower that amount per week... and if he can stick to that for a few months I will petition the court to drop all but what is owed to the state which is 3,500. That's a far cry from the over 20K still owed.

 

[brisgirl825]

I mentioned it to him last year and then I held off on doing it because I felt bad for their new baby. As time goes by though it gets harder to deal with seeing things like: tons of new DVDs, "I saw the cutest thing on QVC for baby and I just HAD to order it!", "Can we switch a weekend cause I want to take a hunting course and the only days for it are on Sat am and Sun am?"

I mean, come on, the man was ordered to pay a lousy 50.00 per month for two children. I would be happy to get that. I would have been happy if he paid 10.00 per week, I would have called it even. It's not that I need the money, DH and I are doing just fine without it. It is the principle. He is their father and he should help me with them. DH is doing ALL the work in the father role. X only takes them EW sat evening. Once in a while, he'll call and ask for more time, but it doesn't happen often. Grrrrr....

When it was ordered, he wasn't working. Now he is and I'm going for the whole kit and caboodle.

Sorry for the highjack and the rant....

I'm the OP, so highjack away! I value your guys' experience, it helps a lot.

I feel bad that thinking that what I receive is very little. It's nice to know that they can afford that stuff huh? It just amazes me how some ncp's, man or woman, can think it's ok not to support your kids. Even just from a pride standpoint, ya know? I'd to think what people thought of me if I didn't support my kids.

I hope that it all works out, either way. Good luck.

 

[brisgirl825]

Seeing as my ex chose to ignore the papers all I did was contact CSE to stop current support (not that I was getting it). Had he contacted me I'm sure he would have tried to make a deal and I likely would have done it. My ex owed 25K. He let himself get caught AFTER the adoption was finalized thinking the 25K wasn't owed. Of course I knew his plan would be to tell the kids that he didn't know about the adoption or that it was done illegally. I was right because just last week he told that to the judge.

Little does he know that I am waiting for it to be a while for him to show that he can follow a court order and then I"m going to ask that they lower that amount per week... and if he can stick to that for a few months I will petition the court to drop all but what is owed to the state which is 3,500. That's a far cry from the over 20K still owed.

I remember reading in one of your posts that you just had a court date in which he tried to pull that stunt. What a dumba$$.

Do you think he'll actually keep up with payments? It seems like in your case, dropping the arrears would be worth just so you didn't have to up with him anymore. I'm glad that mine isn't that bad. I feel for you.

I hope things work out for you and your kiddos too. Good luck.

 

[tigger22472]

I remember reading in one of your posts that you just had a court date in which he tried to pull that stunt. What a dumba$$.

Do you think he'll actually keep up with payments? It seems like in your case, dropping the arrears would be worth just so you didn't have to up with him anymore. I'm glad that mine isn't that bad. I feel for you.

I hope things work out for you and your kiddos too. Good luck.

He will keep up with the payments as long as the judge keeps setting up compliance hearings. Last week he showed that he's paying but it seems his employer isn't sending it in... he told the judge it HAD to be the clerks office. It COULD be, however, I find it odd that 5 payments have been missing (1 in June, 1 in July, then a payment made and now 3 in August) and it's sporatic. I also would find it odd that if it was the clerk's office that it wasn't happening to more and he was the only one in court that happened to. I don't count on it, I don't rely on it and I'm sure once the hearing stop he will too but they aren't going to stop until he starts complying as they expect.

 

[Rushia]

I'm the OP, so highjack away! I value your guys' experience, it helps a lot.

I feel bad that thinking that what I receive is very little. It's nice to know that they can afford that stuff huh? It just amazes me how some ncp's, man or woman, can think it's ok not to support your kids. Even just from a pride standpoint, ya know? I'd to think what people thought of me if I didn't support my kids.

I hope that it all works out, either way. Good luck.

That's my x, he just likes to puff out his chest, beat upon it and declare "These are MY offspring! I am fertile!" Watch me be a great daddy. As far as he's concerned because he calls them everyday and sees them everyother sat, he's a great dad.

 

[brisgirl825]

We got a court date on Oct 19th! This is happening much sooner than we had expected! The lawyer had thought it wouldn't be until next month.

Tigger, the PM I sent you, is no longer an issue. Now that the court date has been set, we're not worried about it anymore especially since it's just under two wks away. Brian was going to call BD tonight to discuss that topic. I am happy that the lawyer called us this am, otherwise we may have started something that need not have been brought up.
We are going to keep our promise and tell BD that he may visit as long as he comes to our state and agree to be under the supervision of my husband, while with them. This way, we have "clean hands" should he decide to not see the children.

The GAL is aupposed to be getting ahold of us soon. The atty says that in SP adoptions, the home study often doesn't happen. However, should the GAL decide to come over, what usually happens? Do they just make sure the home is safe, of adequate size, cleanliness, etc?

You guys have been immensely helpful and a great group of people!

 

[tigger22472]

Um... the home study is NOTHING... they don't even really look at things, at least not here. Ours simply wrote down things like how big our house was and asked a few questions and was gone pretty much.

Are you putting the visitation issues in the papers? I have different feelings when it comes to that. I just wouldn't put it in the papers in the event it's not what's best to do for the child.

 

[brisgirl825]

Um... the home study is NOTHING... they don't even really look at things, at least not here. Ours simply wrote down things like how big our house was and asked a few questions and was gone pretty much.

Are you putting the visitation issues in the papers? I have different feelings when it comes to that. I just wouldn't put it in the papers in the event it's not what's best to do for the child.

Nope, nothing about visits in the papers. It's simply the adoption and nothing more. BD has made it clear that he will find the kids after they are 18 and tell them "the truth". So we wanted to do the right thing and not lie when we can tell the kids, should it come up, that we did offer visits. Does that make sense at all? I just don't want to have to face my kids one day and say that I did keep them apart.

I'm glad that the home study is easy. I feel that our home is plenty large and safe. I do have tons of toys everywhere. I guess I should go ahead and do my bi-yearly toy dump, to get rid of some of the "overgrowth".