opinions on modification

[terp]

Must Vent

Let's see
1. Dad stopped paying the ordered CS, pays what he wants.
2. I file contempt.
3. He offers to settle and go with a wage withholding.
4. He never presented the order to employer but got the wage assignment but again for 1/2 of what the order really is. ( the amount he wants to pay)
5. He files for modification.
6. I file contempt again, this time also asking for attorney's fees.
7. He quits his job, thus no wage assignment, company insurance, etc..no biggie, I've carried a policy on our son forever(couldn't get the insurance info from dad)
8. Runs up attorney's bill by calling his attorney to have him call mine, etc....we all know the game.
9. "WAWAWAWA....I can't afford CS". says Dad.
10. Just announce they are having ANOTHER baby......

Yup....that sums it up......errrrrrrr.

Part of me is VERY bitter, very annoyed and very jealous. I can't afford another kiddo PLUS I am still a little gun shy to have one.






TOOOO MANY EMOTIONS....VERY ticked off!

 

[Ohiogal]

Ummm. okay.
Here is the best advice you will ever receive -- let it go. Just let it go. Don't let him bother you in any way shape or form. Don't depend on CS and don't rely on it. Move on.

And that does not mean you should not have a court order or want dad to support his child but do not let it get to you, bother you or control you.

 

[IrishLady47]

Ummm. okay.
Here is the best advice you will ever receive -- let it go. Just let it go. Don't let him bother you in any way shape or form. Don't depend on CS and don't rely on it. Move on.

And that does not mean you should not have a court order or want dad to support his child but do not let it get to you, bother you or control you.

Second that!! OP, it took me a long while to let it go, but boy was it a big release. Not financially--had to work 2 jobs for 10 yrs. And, you never know what will happen. My X worked under the table for 9 yrs to avoid WG for CS. But, eventually he had to get a job w/health coverage when he was in his 40s. Didn't finish paying arrears until our son was 26 (and that was on a $100 a month order w/o interest).

That's not the important part though. I didn't let it bother me and saved myself years of anger & bitterness. And, in my case, turned it over to CSE so I didn't spend any time or money for attorneys or in court. Just sent a letter 1x yr to confirm I was still interested in the court order being upheld and gave any updated info on him if I had it.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Let's see
7. He quits his job, thus no wage assignment, company insurance, etc..no biggie, I've carried a policy on our son forever(couldn't get the insurance info from dad)
10. Just announce they are having ANOTHER baby......

Chances are that he is going to be looking for another job - he'll need insurance for the new bundle of joy. Employers are supposed to send in notice to the states of their new employers. Worse case, the state finds out when they file their quarterly unemployment tax returns.

Does the state send out enforcement notices on your case? Are payments supposed to be made directly to you, or to the state? If the payments are to be made directly to you, that would be one thing I would change. States generally have built in "timers" for when the child support payer hits certain levels of arrearage. That might help.

 

[terp]

Thank you all. For the most part, I have let it go. I have adjusted my budget to not rely on CS. It is just the timing of it all.

I think the biggest mistake I made was not to let it go thru the state. The state could have handled 1/2 the stress, not to mention the cost. The only fear I have is that because I will never use any type of gov assistance, my case may not be a priority. I have heard of cases that just get shuffled to the bottom and arrears accumulates up to tens of thousands of dollars.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Thank you all. For the most part, I have let it go. I have adjusted my budget to not rely on CS. It is just the timing of it all.

I think the biggest mistake I made was not to let it go thru the state. The state could have handled 1/2 the stress, not to mention the cost. The only fear I have is that because I will never use any type of gov assistance, my case may not be a priority. I have heard of cases that just get shuffled to the bottom and arrears accumulates up to tens of thousands of dollars.

If anything, file a motion for the courts to handle the child support payments. Then, it gets you out of the middle.

 

[terp]

Awesome suggestion. I think I am going to ask for that at our hearing. I have soooo many positive things that I would love and prefer to focus on. I would love someone else to take on the headache.