OSC questioon

[CJane]

Why is it not okay for your older kids to babysit the younger ones at your house, but okay for the 9yo to babysit younger siblings at his house? If that clause of his IS agreed to (the one about adults only), he'll have to abide by it, too.

I'm a little confused on this as well. Sure, the kids don't LIKE it, but there IS another grown up in the house. It sounds more like a case of "stay quiet so I can get some sleep until your dad gets home, ok?"

 

[summerdawn]

Why is it not okay for your older kids to babysit the younger ones at your house, but okay for the 9yo to babysit younger siblings at his house? If that clause of his IS agreed to (the one about adults only), he'll have to abide by it, too.

I think they think it is ok because there is an adult present in his house, but sleeping. In my house I leave the girls alone with their teen siblings when I am not present in the house...I certainly won't agree to it. They have demanded before that I not leave children alone with minors at all, and I have told them that I don't agree. I have 5 children, and sometimes I take just one or two our for a special treat, or to the store with me, and leave the other one or two at home with my 16 yr old. 15 and 16 get a lot of time alone with me when the girls are gone for their weekends, and I try to make sure 9, 7, and 6 get some time alone too, even if it is just a short trip to the grocery store to pick up dinner. If I didn't have minors watch the kids it would make it much more difficult to take one child somewhere alone.

I think dad feels that the loophole, so to speak, that an adult is present in his house when it happens, means that he can continue to do it at his house.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You mentioned in one of the posts that whichever child would have a room by themselves if they lived with dad. Is that true of all the kids? Are they each banished to their own rooms while stepmom is sleeping, or is EXPECTED that the older child WATCHES the younger children while she sleeps? Who puts them to bed and gets their teeth brushed, etc?

 

[summerdawn]

You mentioned in one of the posts that whichever child would have a room by themselves if they lived with dad. Is that true of all the kids? Are they each banished to their own rooms while stepmom is sleeping, or is EXPECTED that the older child WATCHES the younger children while she sleeps? Who puts them to bed and gets their teeth brushed, etc?

Sorry, I have been sick.

From what the children have told me, stepmom used to tuck them into bed, and they could play and watch tv in their room (one room they all share) until they felt like going to sleep. When they felt tired they would each go to their own bed and go to sleep.

According to them, now stepmom puts them in the room and shuts the door, then she goes into her room and shuts the door. My 9 yr old says this happens around 4 p.m. They are to stay in their room until daddy comes home between 9 and 10. 9 year old is expected to watch 8 and 7. 9 year old says that most of the time stepmom isn't feeding them dinner before they go in the room, and when daddy comes home he says goodnight to them but he usually doesn't feed them dinner either. They said there was one time that they were so hungry daddy actually made them dinner at 1 a.m. and stepmom started yelling to put the food away because it was too late to eat but daddy let them eat anyways.

This leads to one more issue-the girls are coming home telling me they are hardly getting anything to eat there. 9 says they are allowed to snack on chocolate a lot but she says they don't get much in the way of food that actually makes them feel full, because daddy has to pay the rent, car payment, child support, etc. so he can't afford to buy a lot of food. I don't know if he is talking to her about this [financial] stuff or if maybe she hears him talk to his wife about it. She has asked me to talk to her daddy and ask them for more to eat. She said that she even talked to dad's MIL ("granny") asking her to help daddy and stepmom get more to eat in the house. She says they are very, very hungry while they are there, and that stepmom eats in front of them a lot of the time and doesn't let them eat with her.

I don't know why he would tell them they could have their own room, maybe he figures if he has custody he won't pay child support anymore and could provide them each with their own room. Currently they all share a room.

 

[summerdawn]

Small Update

I was really shocked to receive a message on my answering machine this morning from the school district nurse. She said that she wrote me a "to whom it may concern letter" for court, listing the dates the children were sent home for lice (there were 3, this year) and that each time I responded promptly by taking care of the children and they were back in school the next day. The children are checked by the nurse each time and would not be permitted to return to school if the problem wasn't resolved.

I am really grateful that she was able to do this for me, as I didn't think it could be done per school district policy. It's funny, the school nurse wasn't allowed to do it, but the district nurse was. I'll talk to the people in the basement at the courthouse about how to include it in my response (they tell you the proper way to fill out the paperwork, from what I have heard)...right after I recover from the pneumonia I was diagnosed with yesterday. Blah. I'm feeling a little uplifted that I have something from someone who is unbiased stating that I have not been neglecting my children in this way.

I hope what i'm typing makes sense, I have been sick for so long that my head is in a fog.

 

[CSO286]

I was really shocked to receive a message on my answering machine this morning from the school district nurse. She said that she wrote me a "to whom it may concern letter" for court, listing the dates the children were sent home for lice (there were 3, this year) and that each time I responded promptly by taking care of the children and they were back in school the next day. The children are checked by the nurse each time and would not be permitted to return to school if the problem wasn't resolved.

I am really grateful that she was able to do this for me, as I didn't think it could be done per school district policy. It's funny, the school nurse wasn't allowed to do it, but the district nurse was. I'll talk to the people in the basement at the courthouse about how to include it in my response (they tell you the proper way to fill out the paperwork, from what I have heard)...right after I recover from the pneumonia I was diagnosed with yesterday. Blah. I'm feeling a little uplifted that I have something from someone who is unbiased stating that I have not been neglecting my children in this way.

I hope what i'm typing makes sense, I have been sick for so long that my head is in a fog.

Yep...you're making sense.

And happy you were able to get some statements to refute some of Dad's claims.
Best of luck and keep us posted.
It's all about the baby steps!

 

[CourtClerk]

All you need to do is prepare a declaration and attach the letter (as if it matters much)...

Provide proof of service and file it.

 

[summerdawn]

All you need to do is prepare a declaration and attach the letter (as if it matters much)...

Provide proof of service and file it.

It may not mean much, but I feel a little reassured that someone was willing to do it for me. I'm going to include it anyways, for a teeny bit of added "insurance" to back my own claims.

Do I call it evidence or something? As in, please see attached Document A or something?

Should I call the health department and get a letter from the worker stating our case is closed on the bb incident, if that is possible?

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

It may not mean much, but I feel a little reassured that someone was willing to do it for me. I'm going to include it anyways, for a teeny bit of added "insurance" to back my own claims.

Do I call it evidence or something? As in, please see attached Document A or something?

Should I call the health department and get a letter from the worker stating our case is closed on the bb incident, if that is possible?

Prepare a declaration, and attach the letter as an exhibit to the declaration.

Be sure to also file your proof of service to the other party.