Out of State Custody?

[Youngmom]

Neither is or does your boyfriend. And for him to adopt after marriage you WILL have to establish paternity. And then he WILL have rights. So go right ahead and mess with your kid's head. Great parenting, chicklette. Then wait for the judge to let you have it.

Mess with my kids head?!?!? My FIANCE is going to be in her life regardless so I dont understand why that is messing with her head. Just a reminder, I came here to ask for advice not for you to judge my parenting skills! Thanks!

 

[Silverplum]

Mess with my kids head?!?!? My FIANCE is going to be in her life regardless so I dont understand why that is messing with her head. Just a reminder, I came here to ask for advice not for you to judge my parenting skills! Thanks!

ROFL!!!

You are very naive.

 

[penelope10]

Mess with my kids head?!?!? My FIANCE is going to be in her life regardless so I dont understand why that is messing with her head. Just a reminder, I came here to ask for advice not for you to judge my parenting skills! Thanks!

I think what the poster was trying to get through is that adults created this situation and not the child. And some people think they can enter into a new marriage and erase their child's history. It is a biological fact that fiance is not this child's Dad. He can support the child financially, he can love the child, he can love you, but he is not Dad. Legally the child has no Dad now. Paternity has not been legally established. When paternity is established your fiance will not legally be Dad--her biological father will be. And it doesn't matter if you feel he is a louse or that he has acted less than fatherly in the past.

Now if and when paternity is established, and if Dad decides to allow your fiance to adopt your child, then your fiance will be Dad. It is a head game to allow your child to call someone Dad when he isn't---no matter how great that person is to your child. Your child could have just as easily called your fiance by his first name, or a nickname, as she could have called him Dad. What you allowed to happen was a pretend situation to go on rather than a reality. Plenty of other people get on this forum and are guilty of doing the same thing---there's nothing new about this.

 

[stealth2]

Mess with my kids head?!?!? My FIANCE is going to be in her life regardless so I dont understand why that is messing with her head. Just a reminder, I came here to ask for advice not for you to judge my parenting skills! Thanks!

HE'S NOT HER FATHER! Allowing her to think he is, is known as messing with her head.

 

[Melanie80]

alienation

Wouldn't that be parental alienation?
I agree with the previous posts, and most therapists would consider this emotional abuse.
If that is the case, after paternity is established, could he, the real father, go for custody?

 

[Youngmom]

HE'S NOT HER FATHER! Allowing her to think he is, is known as messing with her head

Again! He will be her step father and I am not messing with her head at all by having her call him daddy. I honestly dont know how all of you grew but your dad is not necessarily your biological father but it is the person who raised you and provided for you. If that is how it is than both my parents are really not my parents at all since I was adopted.

 

[Silverplum]

Again! He will be her step father and I am not messing with her head at all by having her call him daddy. I honestly dont know how all of you grew but your dad is not necessarily your biological father but it is the person who raised you and provided for you. If that is how it is than both my parents are really not my parents at all since I was adopted.

You clearly have no respect for the law.

In that case, I suggest you move along to a ~support~ site. Like Oprah or DrPhilLuvsU or someplace more suited to your wants at this time.

 

[Ohiogal]

First of all Ohiogal: You do not have to be rude. Thanks for your advice.

LIttle girl I was not rude. I was honest. But at least you thanked me for the advice.

Well in 3 months he will be her step dad and he has been providing for her for the last 2 years...I dont know about you but in my book that is her dad and she has every right to call him that!

Well what is she going to call the man who is her biological father when he becomes the legal father? Oh and before you say johnny or jimmy or whatever his first name is, please google parental alienation.

We called and called and he didnt seem to show interest so ya I gave up. I really have more important things to do.

More important than facilitating your child's relationship and knowledge of her father?

Also please mind you that like someone else previously said. He is not on the birth certificate and is not legally the father. He has no rights to her and if he doesnt go file for paternity I dont have to do anything.

But morally you should not be lying to your child and allowing your child to live a lie. Psychologically that is harmful to the child. And if you are willingly allowing your child to be psychologically harmed that makes you an irresponsible parent in my book.

Also I am familiar with how step parent adoption works and again it was just a thought I know it is probably a slim chance that anything will happen soon.

Please then enlighten us because you know, none of us, ESPECIALLY ME, have any clue about how the courts work. I am dying to know.

Thanks again.

You are welcome.

 

[Ohiogal]

Again! He will be her step father and I am not messing with her head at all by having her call him daddy. I honestly dont know how all of you grew but your dad is not necessarily your biological father but it is the person who raised you and provided for you. If that is how it is than both my parents are really not my parents at all since I was adopted.

You are clueless. Legally your parents if they adopted you are your parents. The stepfather will NOT be her father legally.

 

[Ohiogal]

Wouldn't that be parental alienation?
I agree with the previous posts, and most therapists would consider this emotional abuse.
If that is the case, after paternity is established, could he, the real father, go for custody?

It could most definitely be parental alienation depending on the entire set of circumstances.

 

[bmaebell]

Again! He will be her step father and I am not messing with her head at all by having her call him daddy. I honestly dont know how all of you grew but your dad is not necessarily your biological father but it is the person who raised you and provided for you. If that is how it is than both my parents are really not my parents at all since I was adopted.

[/end lurk]

When you marry your fiance, how about you let your daughter know that he is her step-father, and that he loves her and cares for her, and her biological father (I know y'all hate that term, but for lack of a better one in this instance...) is out there too. Whether that man chooses to be in her life or not, you cannot control, but you cannot deny that he DOES exist. And to do that, you would be lying to your child. I cannot fathom why any parent would want to do that.

Step-dad can love her and provide for her and be a father-figure to her, especially if the real dad decides to remain absent, but he can never be her actual father. And you only perpetuate the lie by allowing her to think that he is. It WILL hurt her later in life.

ETA - I think you should have more faith in your daughter. If your fiance really is the greatest thing to happen to this child, and if he continues to be, then her loyalties will lie with him. And think about how much resentment she'll have towards you when she finds out you lied (and she WILL eventually find out), not to mention the psychological damage. And she will be UBER pissed off that you didn't think she was smart enough to figure it all out. Trust is an important thing.

[/resume lurk]

 

[Melanie80]

to young mom

I am a step parent, and I am in no way this childs parent, whether or not the child wants it. It should be your job to clarify to the child that this man (step-dad) loves you but is not your real father. It should be you doing this and not the courts forcing you to do it. And it will definitely mess with the childs head as the child gets older, and very well may hold you responsible. It should be in the best interest of the child not the parent.
Take it or leave it but I put money down that it will turn against you later.