Outdated Agreement-Summer Visitation

[SCMommy78]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina.

My ex-husband recently relocated to MD. My daughter as of right now is with me in SC as I am not relocating. Our current agreement is 50/50..which would be fine if he still lived here.

Since he's moved we've been to an emergency hearing where he was denied his requests for sole custody. Shortly thereafter we attended court ordered mediation where he requested some personal information on my husband about DUIs in his past.

He stated that if he received these items he would stop fighting and let my child live with me during the school year. We agreed to provide what he needed to feel comfortable and know that our daughter is safe with my husband and I. So it's been a few months and he's never requested anything from us and our case is at a standstill. So we have no long distance visitation agreement set up.

So now Summer vacation is coming up. He wants her from the day school lets out until days before school starts again. I have no problem with this, but am I am just concerned that this is going to bite me in the butt for allowing her to stay for the whole Summer and not doing the 50/50 our current agreement states.

Would I be making a mistake by straying from our court ordered agreement? I'm worried that by him not following through with his requests from mediation that he may be planning something to make it so he doesnt have to bring her back.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina.

My ex-husband recently relocated to MD. My daughter as of right now is with me in SC as I am not relocating. Our current agreement is 50/50..which would be fine if he still lived here.

Since he's moved we've been to an emergency hearing where he was denied his requests for sole custody. Shortly thereafter we attended court ordered mediation where he requested some personal information on my husband about DUIs in his past.

He stated that if he received these items he would stop fighting and let my child live with me during the school year. We agreed to provide what he needed to feel comfortable and know that our daughter is safe with my husband and I. So it's been a few months and he's never requested anything from us and our case is at a standstill. So we have no long distance visitation agreement set up.

So now Summer vacation is coming up. He wants her from the day school lets out until days before school starts again. I have no problem with this, but am I am just concerned that this is going to bite me in the butt for allowing her to stay for the whole Summer and not doing the 50/50 our current agreement states.

Would I be making a mistake by straying from our court ordered agreement? I'm worried that by him not following through with his requests from mediation that he may be planning something to make it so he doesnt have to bring her back.

Even in long distance plans, the CP is allowed to have a few weeks of summer vacation time to have "vacation". He will NOT get 100% of summer vacation.

If you have a parenting plan that will work, then you can stipulate it in court without going to court. Is there ANYTHING you two have agreed on.

 

[SCMommy78]

Well we've both agreed that he would get liberal visitation. I just want to get a agreement together so we can end our current case. I don't know what he's waiting for! I really don't want to let him take her for the whole summer until we've written something up and had it filed. If he refuses to do write something up and sign it should I just insist on the 50/50 our current agreement says?

 

[stealth2]

Well we've both agreed that he would get liberal visitation. I just want to get a agreement together so we can end our current case. I don't know what he's waiting for! I really don't want to let him take her for the whole summer until we've written something up and had it filed. If he refuses to do write something up and sign it should I just insist on the 50/50 our current agreement says?

Well... Your choices are to abide by the current order or to write up an agreement yourself and ask hi to sign it.

 

[SCMommy78]

Well if he refuses to put it on paper he's going to hate life shuttling her 8 hours every weekend...lol

 

[stealth2]

Well if he refuses to put it on paper he's going to hate life shuttling her 8 hours every weekend...lol

You're a bit of a piece of work, aren;t you? Wanting to stick it to Dad more than caring for your child. Nice.

 

[SCMommy78]

Oh no! I don't mean it like that! lol We've had our ups and down but he's an excellent father and despite all the drama the last few years, I've haven't let it affect my daughter's relationship with her dad. I can grin and bare it until she's 18 because after all, it's not about me...it's about her having a healthy happy childhood with BOTH of her parents.

I just want him to stop stalling and just sign the summer agreement. I've given him the entire summer with our daughter. I'm not denying him anything he's asking for at all. I have her for about 5 days the whole summer. If I dont follow the agreement and just let her go without modifying the order wouldn't that cause more problems?

 

[gam]

Oh no! I don't mean it like that! lol We've had our ups and down but he's an excellent father and despite all the drama the last few years, I've haven't let it affect my daughter's relationship with her dad. I can grin and bare it until she's 18 because after all, it's not about me...it's about her having a healthy happy childhood with BOTH of her parents.

I just want him to stop stalling and just sign the summer agreement. I've given him the entire summer with our daughter. I'm not denying him anything he's asking for at all. I have her for about 5 days the whole summer. If I dont follow the agreement and just let her go without modifying the order wouldn't that cause more problems?

I would keep more then 5 days for myself, I would keep the week after school lets out and he return her the week before school resumes. That is more to the standard, then he getting all of the summer. He moved, he misses out on time during the school year. He should still get every other holiday break during the school year, with you getting the other ones.

I don't know standard for SC on long distance, but most states still allow at least those 2 weeks I suggested to the CP. The child benefits from having summer vacation time with both parents.

If the current agreement is 50/50 and it is week on/week off, then if he won't sign a new agreement, then you must follow the 50/50 order. What does that order say as far as transportation?

It's not good enough either to just get him to sign an agreement, it still should be filed with the court so it can protect all parties involved. Much easier though to file an agreed upon new plan for his long distance, then to sit and wait for a court date, for the court to make a long distance plan. With the current agreement being 50/50, and you just letting her go for the whole summer with no new agreement, it is possible he can use that against you and refile for full custody. So if it was me, he moved, he needs the new plan, and no I would not change it unless he is willing to sign and agree to file that new agreement with the court.

 

[SCMommy78]

Thanks Gam,

That's what I was thinking. I wrote something up very simple stating the dates and when she will come back to me. Had it looked over my my attorney's associate and she made it sound a little more formal and I emailed it to him. He said he'd take it to a notary and sign. I did add in there that I want two extended weekends during the summer and I just have to give two weeks notice before I plan to exercise.

I definitely plan to stick to the order if I absolutely have to, but I really don't want to put our daughter through 16 hours of travel every weekend.
Right now can't file anything because we still have an open case where he's asking for sole custody. We already went through an emergency hearing in which his requests we denied and he had to pay my attorney's fees. We've done court ordered mediation and he's not followed through with sending me his requests. Not sure what the hold up is....I suspect it may be about money and him not wanting to pay child support but I can't say for sure.

We have nothing outlining travel costs. I've tried to address this with him but he insists I pay half of a plane ticket at all costs. I can't afford to do that every time he wants to see her. I offered to meet him halfway but he doesnt want to have to drive that far. (He's pretty wealthy)

I guess it's better than before we went to court...he wanted me to pay ALL travel costs when he was the one that chose to move away.
Now I'm rambling...sorry!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

He moved, he pays. There is little I would negotiate with that. As for things to look for:

* who is responsible for unaccompanied minor fees
* each parent can be responsible for the driving and parking fees to the airport
* agree to the child not flying on the last flight of the day (trust me on that one)
* child should NOT come in at 8 or 9 pm on the night before school starts. Mine had the child come in at 12:20 AM on a school day with a 1.5 hour drive home. You are reading that right.
* virtual parenting time to include phone calls, webcam access, facetime if both parties have iPhones or other webcam, emailing, instant messaging

 

[SCMommy78]

He moved, he pays. There is little I would negotiate with that. As for things to look for:

* who is responsible for unaccompanied minor fees
* each parent can be responsible for the driving and parking fees to the airport
* agree to the child not flying on the last flight of the day (trust me on that one)
* child should NOT come in at 8 or 9 pm on the night before school starts. Mine had the child come in at 12:20 AM on a school day with a 1.5 hour drive home. You are reading that right.
* virtual parenting time to include phone calls, webcam access, facetime if both parties have iPhones or other webcam, emailing, instant messaging

I definitely agree that he should pay travel fees since he moved but in the past it was a deal breaker in mediation. I've definitely learned to pick my battles when it comes to my ex...lol For some reason money has always been such a huge issue and he demands I pay for everything. Currently theres no child support order but he does pay daughters tuition for her school which is a pretty penny ($11k) so I try not to ask for any help from him unless its I can not afford on my own and it's a big deal.

Well hopefully we can get all of this signed and filed and atleast move on for the summer. Lord knows when we'll ever actually have a permanent long distance plan.

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, and for taking time out of your lives to read this and reply! I lurk and read alot here and I see how underappreciated you all are. Especially when the advice you have to give isnt what the poster is wanting to hear. Thanks.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I definitely agree that he should pay travel fees since he moved but in the past it was a deal breaker in mediation. I've definitely learned to pick my battles when it comes to my ex...lol For some reason money has always been such a huge issue and he demands I pay for everything. Currently theres no child support order but he does pay daughters tuition for her school which is a pretty penny ($11k) so I try not to ask for any help from him unless its I can not afford on my own and it's a big deal.

Well hopefully we can get all of this signed and filed and atleast move on for the summer. Lord knows when we'll ever actually have a permanent long distance plan.

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, and for taking time out of your lives to read this and reply! I lurk and read alot here and I see how underappreciated you all are. Especially when the advice you have to give isnt what the poster is wanting to hear. Thanks.

If you can't get an agreement through mediation, then don't be afraid to go in front of a judge. They can figure out the unreasonable party. They did NOT get to be judges by being stupid.

My suggestion is to run through your thought process here so that we can poke holes in it. Going into a plan that you could live with if it were YOU having to be the NCP makes you think about what is reasonable. I have a long-distance plan with an unreasonable NCP.

I have actually seen the judge roll her eyes at him.