Overnights with daddy

[huntersmommy06]

Look, you've been whining and crying about this same issue all the time you have been here. I breast feed my children too and can say that, argue all you want, you don't have anything special going for you.

The plain and simple fact is that you don't want your child and his father to have a relationahip and are doing all you can to prevent it. Children adapt very well when given the opportunity and encouraged, that is what you must do. It sounds like a good place for your child since there will be other children there and other experienced parents to lend a hand as his father gets the chance to bond with his child. If anyone is cranky, it is you so please encourage your child to have a good relationship with his father and quit trying to interfere or a judge will speak far more abruptly than I.

I have recently finished my parenting/divorce class and have done a lot of prayer to overcome my personal issues. I wasn't complaining about breastfeeding as I am trying to wean my son. I was only wondering if a judge would request him to obtain his own residence, and if anyone thought this arrangement would impact a sleeping schedule (for my son's sake, not mine) I agree with you rmet, I have starting sending weekly letters to daddy, meeting him halfway (115 miles) and having my son call daddy at bedtime everynight. I love my son's smile when he sees his daddy!

 

[huntersmommy06]

So..... you're not self-weaning.

I am doing that now by taking away a feeding at a time per his pediatrician, the easiest way to do that has been when he is with daddy, since he lives 3 hours away, it hasn't been consistant, so I have made an arrangement with a day care center for him to be there a few hours a day, during a feeding time and to be with other children. This has been a real struggle for me and baby, he started wanting to nurse more when he caught a flu recently (only thing that would comfort him). If anyone has any suggestions on how to do this easier I would love to hear some advice!

 

[casa]

I was so afraid of weaning my son early on as it was a great experience for me, now I'm almost afraid he won't stop he just plain has no desire, he grabs and me and screams and cries when I try to hold him off a bit. I am planning on the weaning process, I just need daddy's help with that, as my son knows, he's not getting any of that from daddy Also, here is a link on Extended Breastfeeding and the Law written by Elizabeth Baldwin, leading national expert on breastfeeding issues (passed away in 2000). http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/LawExtended.html
This is definately a personal decision on my end, however I am doing my best to take away 1 feeding at a time (per my son's pedi.)

Yes, I'm familiar with Elizabeth Baldwin's writings- I was a volunteer support person for La Leche League for quite some time. (one of my children had to be fingerfed while her latch strengthened enough to nurse, so afterwards I volunteered my time in appreciation of the help that La Leche League reps. have given me throughout the process- I also donated my pump and equipment etc. after we were done needing it.) So I'm aware of what the actual averages are, and also that most problems with pumping have more to do with lack of experience and patience than they do with inability. Pumped milk is an excellent transition tool to weaning

At any rate, you say you'd like father's help in assisting weaning your son...so overnights should only benefit that.

 

[casa]

I am doing that now by taking away a feeding at a time per his pediatrician, the easiest way to do that has been when he is with daddy, since he lives 3 hours away, it hasn't been consistant, so I have made an arrangement with a day care center for him to be there a few hours a day, during a feeding time and to be with other children. This has been a real struggle for me and baby, he started wanting to nurse more when he caught a flu recently (only thing that would comfort him). If anyone has any suggestions on how to do this easier I would love to hear some advice!

Interesting to note that your son's pediatrician is also encouraging you to wean your son.

When a child is sick they will almost always want more comfort. Try a warm bath. Pedialyte popsicles work wonders because they taste good and appear to be a popsicle and they also help balance electrolytes. My one daughter loved car rides when she was sick- to this day she falls asleep in long car rides...I can't tell you how many circles around the block I made when it was cold/flu season

 

[huntersmommy06]

Yes, I'm familiar with Elizabeth Baldwin's writings- I was a volunteer support person for La Leche League for quite some time. (one of my children had to be fingerfed while her latch strengthened enough to nurse, so afterwards I volunteered my time in appreciation of the help that La Leche League reps. have given me throughout the process- I also donated my pump and equipment etc. after we were done needing it.) So I'm aware of what the actual averages are, and also that most problems with pumping have more to do with lack of experience and patience than they do with inability. Pumped milk is an excellent transition tool to weaning

At any rate, you say you'd like father's help in assisting weaning your son...so overnights should only benefit that.

I agree with you, that is why I made the suggestion to 1 overnight stay at first and then a full weekend after he has done that a few times. Who knows??? maybe he'll come home fully weaned!

 

[huntersmommy06]

Interesting to note that your son's pediatrician is also encouraging you to wean your son.


When a child is sick they will almost always want more comfort. Try a warm bath. Pedialyte popsicles work wonders because they taste good and appear to be a popsicle and they also help balance electrolytes. My one daughter loved car rides when she was sick- to this day she falls asleep in long car rides...I can't tell you how many circles around the block I made when it was cold/flu season

I actually asked him for some suggestions at his latest checkup. He said there was nothing wrong with him still nursing, it is just not neccessary at this age, but again a personal choice. I just wanted to have it done prior to his first overnight so that it wouldn't be an hard thing for my son

Thank you for the advice casa!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I have recently finished my parenting/divorce class and have done a lot of prayer to overcome my personal issues. I wasn't complaining about breastfeeding as I am trying to wean my son. I was only wondering if a judge would request him to obtain his own residence, and if anyone thought this arrangement would impact a sleeping schedule (for my son's sake, not mine) I agree with you rmet, I have starting sending weekly letters to daddy, meeting him halfway (115 miles) and having my son call daddy at bedtime everynight. I love my son's smile when he sees his daddy!

Your child is at the point where they are learning that they are seperate from you, your child has been isolated too much and will gain much from social interaction both with his father and the other children and the weekend visitations will lots of fun for him and will greatly aid you in weaning him and will give you a much needed respite.

Actually going cold turkey after a weekend with Daddy may be the easiest way. I can say this because my last child also had a mouthfull of teeth early and weaned him at about 1 year when he could drink from a cup easily. He went around looking for his "nummy numms" in some strange places, for about a week then he was through it. He was also potty trained in 2 days at age 2 with no problems because he was ready. You will have to have distractions for an older child, the last thing you want is a 5 yo child grabing for your breast all the time or getting caught nursing your kindergardener in the car to stop a tantrum.

Most judges have been parents and are not likely going to order the father to get other living arrangements for visitations, children have adapted to these conditions for thousands of years and when tired, will sleep just about anywhere. What is important is that the environment be safe and the child receives appropriate care, but most of all, the child requires love.

 

[huntersmommy06]

Your child is at the point where they are learning that they are seperate from you, your child has been isolated too much and will gain much from social interaction both with his father and the other children and the weekend visitations will lots of fun for him and will greatly aid you in weaning him and will give you a much needed respite.

Actually going cold turkey after a weekend with Daddy may be the easiest way. I can say this because my last child also had a mouthfull of teeth early and weaned him at about 1 year when he could drink from a cup easily. He went around looking for his "nummy numms" in some strange places, for about a week then he was through it. He was also potty trained in 2 days at age 2 with no problems because he was ready. You will have to have distractions for an older child, the last thing you want is a 5 yo child grabing for your breast all the time or getting caught nursing your kindergardener in the car to stop a tantrum.


Most judges have been parents and are not likely going to order the father to get other living arrangements for visitations, children have adapted to these conditions for thousands of years and when tired, will sleep just about anywhere. What is important is that the environment be safe and the child receives appropriate care, but most of all, the child requires love.

Ohhh nooo, I definately don't want him standing up and nursing!!! It has just been a real struggle for us. So next time I talk to daddy, I will see if he wants to do it cold turkey. He probably will!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Ohhh nooo, I definately don't want him standing up and nursing!!! It has just been a real struggle for us. So next time I talk to daddy, I will see if he wants to do it cold turkey. He probably will!

The sooner the better for all concerned. It is difficult being a single mother, and easy to fall into this trap, because you are both trying to make up for what is missing in your lives, while at the same time avoiding the very thing needed to help balance things out. A child needs two parents, sometimes they cannot both be there for the child at the same time. How do you manage work?

 

[stealth2]

I think you're doing the right thing, huntersmommy.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I think you have legitamate concerns according to your post. I also commend you for your breastfeeding your son. Do not try to justify why your are still breastfeeding to those who do not agree. You are the mommy, and obviously want what is best for your son. I looked up some new giudelines on breastfeeding advocated by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Following is a short copy of the article on their recommendations:
OP previously made reference to this in her other posts, if you had bothered to read them, there is some history here and you are making large assumptions.

I am sorry some of the posters are so rude. A little empathy on their part would be nice. I also encourage you to do a search on young children and overnight visits. I think phasing in the overnight visits is conducive to rearing a happy, emotionally healthy, secure child. By phasing in the visits you are insuring that your son not only maintains the trust he has in you, but also helps him to develop a bond and trust relationship with his father. A win, win situation for all. Good luck!

There is no need to be sorry because we are not rude but rather other experienced mothers, some of whom have also breastfeed their children. How the law looks at this issue is the question, not in providing empathy. OP has come to realize that her child needs to be weaned and that her child will greatly benefit from a relationship with their father and that that may even facilitate the process. I have always encouraged mothers to breastfeed their children,, however, it is no excuse to interfere with the relationship between a child and their father, a child needs both parents, not just one with milk on tap. Resolving these issues and learning to coparent a child will greatly reduce stress in their lives.

 

[huntersmommy06]

The sooner the better for all concerned. It is difficult being a single mother, and easy to fall into this trap, because you are both trying to make up for what is missing in your lives, while at the same time avoiding the very thing needed to help balance things out. A child needs two parents, sometimes they cannot both be there for the child at the same time. How do you manage work?

I currently handle bookkeeping for a surgical facility at home, however I do plan to return to work outside the home soon. When we first had our son our marriage was intact and what I thought happy, we both agreed that I would be an at home mommy until our son was pre-k age as we did not want him in daycare, then I would finish school (BA in accounting). Since circumstances beyond my control (divorce) happened, I will just HAVE to adjust.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I currently handle bookkeeping for a surgical facility at home, however I do plan to return to work outside the home soon. When we first had our son our marriage was intact and what I thought happy, we both agreed that I would be an at home mommy until our son was pre-k age as we did not want him in daycare, then I would finish school (BA in accounting). Since circumstances beyond my control (divorce) happened, I will just HAVE to adjust.

And those are some of the issues you are dealing with and perhaps the hope that you can have once again what you planned, I take it the divorce wasn't your idea, were you both in agreement on having a child?

You are lucky to have employment you can do from home to allow the breastfeeding, you and your child will also benefit from preschool.
Good Luck!

 

[huntersmommy06]

And those are some of the issues you are dealing with and perhaps the hope that you can have once again what you planned, I take it the divorce wasn't your idea, were you both in agreement on having a child?

We lost our first child (miscarriage) when we had only been married 3 months. That caused a lot of strain on me as my husband was not ready at that time for children (I did grieve alone). We were told children were not possible shortly afterwards due to cancer and surgery, I was devestated as I wanted to be a mommy of 5 (still do). By a lot of prayer and a miracle, 3 years later my son was born! My husband appeared happy when we found out, and I know he loves his son, but a year later he received a very large lump sum W/C injury settlement and decided to leave and pursue other interests. I did not and still do not want this divorce. I am not angry anymore, just sad.

 

[Chelle0511]

And those are some of the issues you are dealing with and perhaps the hope that you can have once again what you planned, I take it the divorce wasn't your idea, were you both in agreement on having a child?

We lost our first child (miscarriage) when we had only been married 3 months. That caused a lot of strain on me as my husband was not ready at that time for children (I did grieve alone). We were told children were not possible shortly afterwards due to cancer and surgery, I was devestated as I wanted to be a mommy of 5 (still do). By a lot of prayer and a miracle, 3 years later my son was born! My husband appeared happy when we found out, and I know he loves his son, but a year later he received a very large lump sum W/C injury settlement and decided to leave and pursue other interests. I did not and still do not want this divorce. I am not angry anymore, just sad.

~Being sad will not change things. Be happy for the life of your child and someday things will change for the better. Being with someone that wants to be "somewhere else" is not the life to live. Love yourself and your child and once again you will find someone to love you