Parent with a disability

[doc2b]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

My husband's kids are with their mom part time (less than half of the week). She is unemployed and claiming disability, recieving benefits in the form of SSI and Medicaid. She was working part time up until recently, and we are unsure if the status of her condition has changed. If so, considering the medical condition she suffers from, there could be some serious consequences to the level of care she is able to provide for the children when they are with her. What can be done to check in on the situation? Medical records are obviously confidential, but in situations like this is it possible to have the courts force her to update them and the other parent on her ability to perform as a caregiver to the kids without going into a full fledged battle? Any help would be appreciated!

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

My husband's kids are with their mom part time (less than half of the week). She is unemployed and claiming disability, recieving benefits in the form of SSI and Medicaid. She was working part time up until recently, and we are unsure if the status of her condition has changed. If so, considering the medical condition she suffers from, there could be some serious consequences to the level of care she is able to provide for the children when they are with her. What can be done to check in on the situation? Medical records are obviously confidential, but in situations like this is it possible to have the courts force her to update them and the other parent on her ability to perform as a caregiver to the kids without going into a full fledged battle? Any help would be appreciated!

Well , how do the children come back to your husband's home ?

Anything that would indicate they are not receiving ordinary care ?

Why doesn't you husband have a talk with her and ask ?

 

[doc2b]

The children typically come back without having homework done, faces a mess, dirty clothes (underwear, mainly). They both have displayed some emotional distress on several occassions, but it is not entirely clear what is causing this. They openly discuss goings-on at both homes with both parents and myself, but have been acting out of sorts for the last couple of months.

My husband has made multiple attempts to contact and discuss any matters that have come up since the divorce that have needed attention, and she simply blows him off and goes off on a tangent about how everything is his fault or the courts fault (anyone but her, regardless of the issue). Any kind of civil exchange between the two of them is impossible due to her inability to take responsibility for herself and her actions. She would take a personal question like this (regarding her disability) as a direct personal attack on her integrity as a parent and a person and go into "crazy mode".

 

[Bloopy]

She would take a personal question like this (regarding her disability) as a direct personal attack on her integrity as a parent and a person.

Isn’t that Dad’s angle? He wants to know if she’s not well enough to parent.

Yeah, this makes people defensive and crazy. Another “angle” she is covering is that she may be well enough to work and Dad may be tring to stick it to her that way.

Whether Dad is this naughty or not, Mom is reasonable to question his intentions.

 

[doc2b]

Isn’t that Dad’s angle? He wants to know if she’s not well enough to parent.

Yeah, this makes people defensive and crazy. Another “angle” she is covering is that she may be well enough to work and Dad may be tring to stick it to her that way.

Whether Dad is this naughty or not, Mom is reasonable to question his intentions.

Dad's "angle" is not to punish her for her disability, but to find out if the kids are being taken care of properly or if her home situation is lacking proper supervision and care on her time. His only intentions are to make sure the kids are in good hands...capable hands.

 

[Bloopy]

Dad's "angle" is not to punish her for her disability, but to find out if the kids are being taken care of properly or if her home situation is lacking proper supervision and care on her time. His only intentions are to make sure the kids are in good hands...capable hands.

But you do understand why Mom would see it that way? She is not likely going to be forthcoming with such information nor is she obligated to at this point. Is there anyone that could check up on Mom, like her family, that she isn't divorced to?

Really, the only way to address this is to see how the children are doing. If he feels he has strong evidence of neglect, he can call CPS. He doesn't seem to have a case for that now from what you have said.

 

[BL]

The kids are in school ( homework mentioned ) .

The kids are with mom 1/2 the week ( during school ) .

If the school personnel aren't saying something is going on with the kids , or inquiring , there no need for CPS to be involved .

Dad should be up on issues with the school .

 

[CJane]

How old are the children?

What is Mom's 'condition'?

 

[doc2b]

I do understand why their mom would be on guard after being questioned like this. That was the reason for the original question posted. She won't be forthcoming and is not required to keep my husband updated on her medical status by any court order.

My hubby is up to date on school issues. Few issues of concern have been brought up by the school, including some tardies when mom couldn't get the kids to school on time due to "fatigue", and we recently found out that she has enrolled them in the federal free lunch program, despite the fact that both her household and ours make too much money to qualify. She is either too lazy to make lunch or incapable for physical or financial reasons...who knows for sure.

There has never been any intention to get CPS involved without good reason, and that is why we are looking closely at all aspects of the situation. It would be unfortunate for the kids to have to go through that unnecessarily, not to mention both families.

We could inquire with her mother (the kids' grandma), but it's unlikely that she would be truthful if there were any problems at the home. She has been helping with the bio-mom at her house in taking care of the kids and has an interest in maintaining the current custody schedule for her own access to the kids.

My question was is there any way to obtain that information (her disability/health status) with help of the family court involved...in order to ensure that she is, in fact, still capable of properly caring for the kids.

 

[doc2b]

How old are the children?

What is Mom's 'condition'?

I'm sure you can understand that answering this question would make this case distinguishable to anyone familiar with our situation, so I would rather not put it out there.

I can tell you that they are both in lower grade school and that their mom suffers from an irreversible condition that has been known to seriously and permanently disable, cause mental instabilities and may have a fatal prognosis in some patients.

 

[CJane]

Well, unless you (Dad) can PROVE that her condition is CURRENTLY affecting the health/safety/welfare of the children, it doesn't sound as if there's anything to indicate that a change in parenting time would be in the children's best interest.

You MIGHT be able to get a court to order medical evaluations, but it's EXTREMELY unlikely, would be VERY expensive, and wouldn't PROVE anything except that she has a particular diagnosis.

 

[Bloopy]

My question was is there any way to obtain that information (her disability/health status) with help of the family court involved...in order to ensure that she is, in fact, still capable of properly caring for the kids.

Not really. Not a direct court order.

You COULD ask that a GAL and CASA be apointed. They would be privy to such info. They still wouldn’t have to tell you. CASA would share findings with the GAL. The GAL would make recommendations.

I don't think sharing ages would instaly alert someone that your talking about Jim and Suzy, but okie dokie.

 

[Ohiogal]

I do understand why their mom would be on guard after being questioned like this. That was the reason for the original question posted. She won't be forthcoming and is not required to keep my husband updated on her medical status by any court order.

Nor does she have to be forthcoming.

My hubby is up to date on school issues. Few issues of concern have been brought up by the school, including some tardies when mom couldn't get the kids to school on time due to "fatigue",

Few issues of concern .. then don't concern yourself with it. Because quite frankly it is NONE of YOUR business.

and we recently found out that she has enrolled them in the federal free lunch program, despite the fact that both her household and ours make too much money to qualify.

And you KNOW this for a fact do you?

She is either too lazy to make lunch or incapable for physical or financial reasons...who knows for sure.

Pure speculation. And if she is incapable for financial reasons then that means she would be able to qualify the children for the federal free lunch program though a paragraph before you were contradicting this statement.

There has never been any intention to get CPS involved without good reason, and that is why we are looking closely at all aspects of the situation. It would be unfortunate for the kids to have to go through that unnecessarily, not to mention both families.

And if mom is really ill the children will definitely remember how dad and you treated their mother by ripping the children from her.

We could inquire with her mother (the kids' grandma), but it's unlikely that she would be truthful if there were any problems at the home. She has been helping with the bio-mom at her house in taking care of the kids and has an interest in maintaining the current custody schedule for her own access to the kids.

And she is allowed access on mom's time. And apparently mom is doing fine by the children.

My question was is there any way to obtain that information (her disability/health status) with help of the family court involved...

No.

in order to ensure that she is, in fact, still capable of properly caring for the kids.

She is considered capable until dad can prove she is not capable.

 

[doc2b]

OhioGal...
I appreciate your post in the sense that you are obviously knowledgable in family law and child custody in particular. I may be wrong, but you appear to be biased towards mothers based on your other posts, and without me going into great depth to explain the situation, you're assuming that the mom is sick but has been a pristine parent, which is not the case at all.

I'm only on here seeking advice to help my husband help his kids. This may not be my business, but it is my husband's business how and if his kids are being cared for properly, and I'm here looking for guidance on his behalf.

I do know for a fact that they are on free lunches and breakfast, as there school has verified this. We were advised by an attorney to check in on this because, apparently, my husband can be held liable if his ex-wife is on this kind of federal aid for the kids and has filed her application with false information regarding his and her income. I can only go on what we're being told by the so-called authorities on this. When I said incapable due to financial reasons, I actually meant her spending habits, not her actual income. She makes too much money to qualify according to the application guidelines and the fact that she is not the primary custodian of the kids (my husband is). His income is supposed to be used on this application along with hers, and she withheld that information.

As far as "ripping" the children from their ill mother (and she has been officially diagnosed with a major disabling disease), no one wants to deny her parenting time, just ensure that it's safe for the kids to be under her care. The people that care about these kids would rather they remember people looking out for their safety and wellbeing than have them endangered by their environment.

Here's a what-if... mom is driving the freeway with kids in the car and loses sensation to and/or control of her arms or legs, causing a potentially fatal accident. Or there's a fire in the home and due to her "extreme fatigue", she doesn't wake up to the alarm going off to help the kids out of danger. These scenarios aren't too far-fetched, based on past incidents...

Everyone who has responded has pretty much painted the clear picture that, unless bio-mom has an episode with her disease and loses complete rather than partial control over her systems or succumbs to her disease, potentially causing harm to herself and the kids, there is no way to find out how she is managing currently to ensure that the kids are going to be okay. That's frustrating, but I guess that's how it goes...

 

[Isis1]

there goes that word bio-mom :|