Parent with a disability

[CJane]

OhioGal...
I appreciate your post in the sense that you are obviously knowledgable in family law and child custody in particular. I may be wrong, but you appear to be biased towards mothers based on your other posts, and without me going into great depth to explain the situation, you're assuming that the mom is sick but has been a pristine parent, which is not the case at all.

OhioGal is a family law attorney and a children's advocate (GAL). She is not biased towards MOTHERS. She is biased towards the best interests of the children.

Mom does not HAVE to be a pristine parent. She does, in fact, have a CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to be a TERRIBLE (but fit) parent.

I do know for a fact that they are on free lunches and breakfast, as there school has verified this. We were advised by an attorney to check in on this because, apparently, my husband can be held liable if his ex-wife is on this kind of federal aid for the kids and has filed her application with false information regarding his and her income. I can only go on what we're being told by the so-called authorities on this. When I said incapable due to financial reasons, I actually meant her spending habits, not her actual income. She makes too much money to qualify according to the application guidelines and the fact that she is not the primary custodian of the kids (my husband is). His income is supposed to be used on this application along with hers, and she withheld that information.

Completely irrelevant to custody. Also? If she's on disability, it's possible that the children qualify for these services regardless of income.

As far as "ripping" the children from their ill mother (and she has been officially diagnosed with a major disabling disease), no one wants to deny her parenting time, just ensure that it's safe for the kids to be under her care.

How does Dad propose that happen? Supervised visits? Monitoring devices? Random drop ins? What is HIS suggestion?

And, if HE was diagnosed w/a potentially disabling disease, would he be ok w/the reverse happening to HIM?

Here's a what-if... mom is driving the freeway with kids in the car and loses sensation to and/or control of her arms or legs, causing a potentially fatal accident. Or there's a fire in the home and due to her "extreme fatigue", she doesn't wake up to the alarm going off to help the kids out of danger. These scenarios aren't too far-fetched, based on past incidents...

They're not actually THAT far-fetched for ANYONE. I could quite easily have a stroke while driving, die in my sleep, develop seizures due to a previously undiagnosed brain tumor. You name it, it can happen. And does. Every day.

Everyone who has responded has pretty much painted the clear picture that, unless bio-mom has an episode with her disease and loses complete rather than partial control over her systems or succumbs to her disease, potentially causing harm to herself and the kids, there is no way to find out how she is managing currently to ensure that the kids are going to be okay. That's frustrating, but I guess that's how it goes...

Bio-Mom? As opposed to what? She's their ONLY mom. And your use of that term is very telling about your (and Dad's) intent.

 

[Bloopy]

there goes that word bio-mom :|

I missed it.

We could inquire with her mother (the kids' grandma), but it's unlikely that she would be truthful if there were any problems at the home. She has been helping with the bio-mom[/B] at her house in taking care of the kids and has an interest in maintaining the current custody schedule for her own access to the kids.

I'm glad Mom has someone in her support circle to ensure her ability to provide for the children's needs. Somone is minding the store. Problem solved.

 

[doc2b]

there goes that word bio-mom :|

To all who commented on this...

My use of the term bio-mom is not a tell for anything other than the fact that I have gotten accustomed to posting on a support forum for stepparents and new spouses. It's easier to differentiate who you're talking about when multiple families and parents/stepparents/grandparents/etc are being discussed.

My husband's intent is only to look out for the kids. And I may be their stepmom, but I love them like my own and would do anything for them.

 

[stealth2]

My use of the term bio-mom is not a tell for anything other than the fact that I have gotten accustomed to posting on a support forum for stepparents and new spouses. It's easier to differentiate who you're talking about when multiple families and parents/stepparents/grandparents/etc are being discussed.

There is no need to differentiate. She's their MOM. You're.... a legal stranger. Stepmom. Period. Differentiate yourself, not her.

To everyone else - just remember, OP knows best. After all, she's a "doc 2 b".

 

[Isis1]

To all who commented on this...

My use of the term bio-mom is not a tell for anything other than the fact that I have gotten accustomed to posting on a support forum for stepparents and new spouses. It's easier to differentiate who you're talking about when multiple families and parents/stepparents/grandparents/etc are being discussed.

My husband's intent is only to look out for the kids. And I may be their stepmom, but I love them like my own and would do anything for them.

problem with that word is, you wouldn't like it when someone calls you that in regards to your own children. when i was a NCP and with my children everyday the grandmother kept telling my kids to call me by my first name. i don't allow my husband (who is their stepfather) to use that word in regards to their dad. mom is mom, dad is dad, you are stepparent. try to look at it this way.....you walk into an attorney's office without your husband for this advice....he will walk you back out. and tell you to have your husband make an appointment. at least my old boss family attorney would have.

 

[LdiJ]

OhioGal...
I appreciate your post in the sense that you are obviously knowledgable in family law and child custody in particular. I may be wrong, but you appear to be biased towards mothers based on your other posts, and without me going into great depth to explain the situation, you're assuming that the mom is sick but has been a pristine parent, which is not the case at all.

And mothers who post here feel she is biased in favor of fathers. What she is, is a family law attorney.

I'm only on here seeking advice to help my husband help his kids. This may not be my business, but it is my husband's business how and if his kids are being cared for properly, and I'm here looking for guidance on his behalf.

If its your husband who brought it up and you are purely doing research for him, fine. Anything else and you are overstepping, badly.

I do know for a fact that they are on free lunches and breakfast, as there school has verified this. We were advised by an attorney to check in on this because, apparently, my husband can be held liable if his ex-wife is on this kind of federal aid for the kids and has filed her application with false information regarding his and her income. I can only go on what we're being told by the so-called authorities on this. When I said incapable due to financial reasons, I actually meant her spending habits, not her actual income. She makes too much money to qualify according to the application guidelines and the fact that she is not the primary custodian of the kids (my husband is). His income is supposed to be used on this application along with hers, and she withheld that information.

How in the world could she be making too much money for the free lunch and breakfast program? You specifically stated that she is on SSI. SSI income is VERY low.

As far as "ripping" the children from their ill mother (and she has been officially diagnosed with a major disabling disease), no one wants to deny her parenting time, just ensure that it's safe for the kids to be under her care. The people that care about these kids would rather they remember people looking out for their safety and wellbeing than have them endangered by their environment.

That's pure semantics.

Here's a what-if... mom is driving the freeway with kids in the car and loses sensation to and/or control of her arms or legs, causing a potentially fatal accident. Or there's a fire in the home and due to her "extreme fatigue", she doesn't wake up to the alarm going off to help the kids out of danger. These scenarios aren't too far-fetched, based on past incidents...

Everyone who has responded has pretty much painted the clear picture that, unless bio-mom has an episode with her disease and loses complete rather than partial control over her systems or succumbs to her disease, potentially causing harm to herself and the kids, there is no way to find out how she is managing currently to ensure that the kids are going to be okay. That's frustrating, but I guess that's how it goes...

Yes, that's exactly the way that it goes.

 

[Ohiogal]

To all who commented on this...

My use of the term bio-mom is not a tell for anything other than the fact that I have gotten accustomed to posting on a support forum for stepparents and new spouses. It's easier to differentiate who you're talking about when multiple families and parents/stepparents/grandparents/etc are being discussed.

My husband's intent is only to look out for the kids. And I may be their stepmom, but I love them like my own and would do anything for them.

Then you never read the rules about posting here and if you did you are not following them for some reason -- maybe because you think you don't have to.

As Cjane and LDij (thanks Ladies!) said, I am NOT biased towards mothers. I have ripped apart many mothers, stepmothers, fathers and stepfathers who have posted on here. YOU are not special in that regard and your defense is relatively meager and mediocre. My post stands. YOU have no rights in this situation and nothing you have brought up matters legally. So sit back, deal and when mom dies, you can swoop in and take the kids okay? Until then mom has it handled if grandma is around and the children are being cared for.
As for mom's finances, you are speculating as you cannot KNOW what her financial situation is. Sorry but you don't. So quit playing like you do.

 

[Just Blue]

To all who commented on this...

My use of the term bio-mom is not a tell for anything other than the fact that I have gotten accustomed to posting on a support forum for stepparents and new spouses. It's easier to differentiate who you're talking about when multiple families and parents/stepparents/grandparents/etc are being discussed.

My husband's intent is only to look out for the kids. And I may be their stepmom, but I love them like my own and would do anything for them.

Mom is Mom

Dad is Dad

You? You are nothing.