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Parenting agreement on living situation (CA.)

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Unvmessa

New member
What is the name of your state? (Both dad and I live in California)

I am a stay at home mom and dad works we are not married. we have two kids, a daughter 9 (she is mine from a previous relationship) and a son 18 months (he is the one im asking the questions for). Dad and I are on the verge of spilting up so there for no courts are involved yet, hopefully never.
We have discussed how we both want for the living situation with our son to happen. The living situations as we discussed which we both agree (now) on is:
Dad has the job to better financially support son at this time, and our son is a daddy's boy completely. So i said its fine dad can take son to live with him but, i want to be the one who watches our son when dad is at work or, when ever needed. With dad agreeing on me being the one who still takes care of our son, I would agree on son living with dad.
Now, I know the world we live in isnt perfect and plans hardly ever go as we want. My question is:
By me letting my son go with his father will I be screwing myself over if we have to go to court. I just want equal custody if we do end up going.

*Side note i do plan on looking for a night job if i let my son go live with his father. I am a stay at home mother because dad and I can manage it so I can take care of our son.
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? (Both dad and I live in California)

I am a stay at home mom and dad works we are not married. we have two kids, a daughter 9 (she is mine from a previous relationship) and a son 18 months (he is the one im asking the questions for). Dad and I are on the verge of spilting up so there for no courts are involved yet, hopefully never.
We have discussed how we both want for the living situation with our son to happen. The living situations as we discussed which we both agree (now) on is:
Dad has the job to better financially support son at this time, and our son is a daddy's boy completely. So i said its fine dad can take son to live with him but, i want to be the one who watches our son when dad is at work or, when ever needed. With dad agreeing on me being the one who still takes care of our son, I would agree on son living with dad.
Now, I know the world we live in isnt perfect and plans hardly ever go as we want. My question is:
By me letting my son go with his father will I be screwing myself over if we have to go to court. I just want equal custody if we do end up going.

*Side note i do plan on looking for a night job if i let my son go live with his father. I am a stay at home mother because dad and I can manage it so I can take care of our son.
Parents almost ALWAYS "screw themselves over" when they don't put their parenting plan through the courts. So, Yes. IMO you are making a big mistake, and dad is as well, by not having your agreed upon parenting plan go through the courts.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
What is the name of your state? (Both dad and I live in California)

I am a stay at home mom and dad works we are not married. we have two kids, a daughter 9 (she is mine from a previous relationship) and a son 18 months (he is the one im asking the questions for). Dad and I are on the verge of spilting up so there for no courts are involved yet, hopefully never.
We have discussed how we both want for the living situation with our son to happen. The living situations as we discussed which we both agree (now) on is:
Dad has the job to better financially support son at this time, and our son is a daddy's boy completely. So i said its fine dad can take son to live with him but, i want to be the one who watches our son when dad is at work or, when ever needed. With dad agreeing on me being the one who still takes care of our son, I would agree on son living with dad.
Now, I know the world we live in isnt perfect and plans hardly ever go as we want. My question is:
By me letting my son go with his father will I be screwing myself over if we have to go to court. I just want equal custody if we do end up going.

*Side note i do plan on looking for a night job if i let my son go live with his father. I am a stay at home mother because dad and I can manage it so I can take care of our son.
I really don't understand your question...

As a loving parent, I'm sure that you want what's best for your child, and your own self-interest is placed in a distant second to that, right? Whether you are screwing yourself is largely irrelevant.



With that said: Court orders protect EVERYONE! You are deluding yourself if you think things will be easier by avoiding it.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
we are not married. we have two kids, a daughter 9 (she is mine from a previous relationship) and a son 18 months
I might note - you only have one kid together. Assuming he has been legally determined to be the father of #2. You might have no kids together, otherwise...
 

Unvmessa

New member
I really don't understand your question...

As a loving parent, I'm sure that you want what's best for your child, and your own self-interest is placed in a distant second to that, right? Whether you are screwing yourself is largely irrelevant.



With that said: Court orders protect EVERYONE! You are deluding yourself if you think things will be easier by avoiding it.
You're correct, I shouldnt have put it that way. I just want it to be equal between both parents. I am hoping by me letting my son live with his father will not make me look as if i am abandoning him. So thats more what i was asking.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
You're correct, I shouldnt have put it that way. I just want it to be equal between both parents. I am hoping by me letting my son live with his father will not make me look as if i am abandoning him. So thats more what i was asking.
No, it does not make you look like you are abandoning him. You would have to go without seeing or supporting him, for abandonment to come into play.

Just draw up the schedule for custody/support and file with the courts.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? (Both dad and I live in California)

I am a stay at home mom and dad works we are not married. we have two kids, a daughter 9 (she is mine from a previous relationship) and a son 18 months (he is the one im asking the questions for). Dad and I are on the verge of spilting up so there for no courts are involved yet, hopefully never.
We have discussed how we both want for the living situation with our son to happen. The living situations as we discussed which we both agree (now) on is:
Dad has the job to better financially support son at this time, and our son is a daddy's boy completely. So i said its fine dad can take son to live with him but, i want to be the one who watches our son when dad is at work or, when ever needed. With dad agreeing on me being the one who still takes care of our son, I would agree on son living with dad.
Now, I know the world we live in isnt perfect and plans hardly ever go as we want. My question is:
By me letting my son go with his father will I be screwing myself over if we have to go to court. I just want equal custody if we do end up going.

*Side note i do plan on looking for a night job if i let my son go live with his father. I am a stay at home mother because dad and I can manage it so I can take care of our son.
Court orders are absolutely necessary. You can agree to everything and make it simple so that a judge basically just needs to sign off on it. However, you absolutely need enforceable court orders. You can agree to a 50/50 legal and physical custody with your timeshare being that you have the child while dad works, but you also need to address weekends and holidays in your agreement.

You need to consider however that if you get a night job, you still have to sleep. Therefore your current agreement might not be workable in the long term.
 

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