Parenting Plan Question

[tiki101]

What is the name of your state? Oregon

I had a few questions for anyone who may be able to offer some info to me. I recently just settled my custody/parenting time case and this past weekend the father(NCP) came to pick up our son(14 months old) for his parenting time. His time with our son is from 10am-6pm, no overnights till 18months. My question is this: The NCP lives over 100 miles away from me. Durring his parenting time this past weekend he was insitant upon taking our child to his parents home which is over 300 miles away from my location which is the designated pick up spot. I was told in court that the NCP was to keep our child in the same county our child lives in. Only when we start overnights will our child be able to leave the county. In our parenting plan it is not written in there about this situation at hand. The NCP seems to believe that since it's not written on paper then what ever he feels he may do with our child is do-able. Should I speak with my attorney about this? I don't think my attorney nor his anticipated that they would need to go through the parenting plan with a fine tooth comb and give specifics. Or is this a matter I should deal with the NCP directly about? I mean, it doesn't say that the NCP cannot take our child outside of the US but I just assumed that a little common sense would play a part in what a CP or a NCP can or cannot do. Any insight you may have would greatly be appreciated!

 

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? Oregon

I had a few questions for anyone who may be able to offer some info to me. I recently just settled my custody/parenting time case and this past weekend the father(NCP) came to pick up our son(14 months old) for his parenting time. His time with our son is from 10am-6pm, no overnights till 18months. My question is this: The NCP lives over 100 miles away from me. Durring his parenting time this past weekend he was insitant upon taking our child to his parents home which is over 300 miles away from my location which is the designated pick up spot. I was told in court that the NCP was to keep our child in the same county our child lives in. Only when we start overnights will our child be able to leave the county. In our parenting plan it is not written in there about this situation at hand. The NCP seems to believe that since it's not written on paper then what ever he feels he may do with our child is do-able. Should I speak with my attorney about this? I don't think my attorney nor his anticipated that they would need to go through the parenting plan with a fine tooth comb and give specifics. Or is this a matter I should deal with the NCP directly about? I mean, it doesn't say that the NCP cannot take our child outside of the US but I just assumed that a little common sense would play a part in what a CP or a NCP can or cannot do. Any insight you may have would greatly be appreciated!

Basically without it saying that he cannot take the child out of the jurisdiction in black and white and signed by the judge then he can do as he pleases from 10A to 6P on HIS parenting time. It may have been said in court but being said and being put IN the order are different. I wouldn't be overly concerned except it seems an awful far way to do in a 'day trip.'

It would however be meaningless to take this back to court. For one, he gets overnights in a mere four months, it might take you that long to get into court and then it would be moot. If by chance you did get into court prior to that you will likely be asked if there is a reason why you dont' think he should have been able to do this.. meaning, is dad a danger to the child.

 

[GrowUp!]

What is the name of your state? Oregon

I had a few questions for anyone who may be able to offer some info to me. I recently just settled my custody/parenting time case and this past weekend the father(NCP) came to pick up our son(14 months old) for his parenting time. His time with our son is from 10am-6pm, no overnights till 18months. My question is this: The NCP lives over 100 miles away from me. Durring his parenting time this past weekend he was insitant upon taking our child to his parents home which is over 300 miles away from my location which is the designated pick up spot. I was told in court that the NCP was to keep our child in the same county our child lives in. Only when we start overnights will our child be able to leave the county. In our parenting plan it is not written in there about this situation at hand. The NCP seems to believe that since it's not written on paper then what ever he feels he may do with our child is do-able. Should I speak with my attorney about this? I don't think my attorney nor his anticipated that they would need to go through the parenting plan with a fine tooth comb and give specifics. Or is this a matter I should deal with the NCP directly about? I mean, it doesn't say that the NCP cannot take our child outside of the US but I just assumed that a little common sense would play a part in what a CP or a NCP can or cannot do. Any insight you may have would greatly be appreciated!

In addition to Tigger's advice...you're also comparing taking the child out of the country to taking the child out of the COUNTY! There are laws in each state regarding taking a child out of the country that all parents must follow. Stuff like that does NOT need to be written into plans because the law applies.

As far as taking the child out of the county...c'mon! Pick and choose your battles. If you try to take this back to court because he's taking the child out of the county -- TO SPEND TIME WITH THE CHILD'S GRANDPARENT'S -- I can imagine the Judge will look at you like "you're seriously wasting my time and the court's time over THIS?!, not to mention make you look controlling.

While you mention common sense on the NCP's part, quite frankly, YOU should be using some of yours. How is it NOT in the best interest of the child to not develop a relationship w/their grandparents.

 

[tigger22472]

In addition to Tigger's advice...you're also comparing taking the child out of the country to taking the child out of the COUNTY! There are laws in each state regarding taking a child out of the country that all parents must follow. Stuff like that does NOT need to be written into plans because the law applies.

As far as taking the child out of the county...c'mon! Pick and choose your battles. If you try to take this back to court because he's taking the child out of the county -- TO SPEND TIME WITH THE CHILD'S GRANDPARENT'S -- I can imagine the Judge will look at you like "you're seriously wasting my time and the court's time over THIS?!, not to mention make you look controlling.

While you mention common sense on the NCP's part, quite frankly, YOU should be using some of yours. How is it NOT in the best interest of the child to not develop a relationship w/their grandparents.

Well and of course mom does have the option of allowing the overnights (or even 1) earlier than in 4 months.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Oregon

I had a few questions for anyone who may be able to offer some info to me. I recently just settled my custody/parenting time case and this past weekend the father(NCP) came to pick up our son(14 months old) for his parenting time. His time with our son is from 10am-6pm, no overnights till 18months. My question is this: The NCP lives over 100 miles away from me. Durring his parenting time this past weekend he was insitant upon taking our child to his parents home which is over 300 miles away from my location which is the designated pick up spot. I was told in court that the NCP was to keep our child in the same county our child lives in. Only when we start overnights will our child be able to leave the county. In our parenting plan it is not written in there about this situation at hand. The NCP seems to believe that since it's not written on paper then what ever he feels he may do with our child is do-able. Should I speak with my attorney about this? I don't think my attorney nor his anticipated that they would need to go through the parenting plan with a fine tooth comb and give specifics. Or is this a matter I should deal with the NCP directly about? I mean, it doesn't say that the NCP cannot take our child outside of the US but I just assumed that a little common sense would play a part in what a CP or a NCP can or cannot do. Any insight you may have would greatly be appreciated!

Question: How did he travel over 300 miles and back in the 8 hours he had parenting time to visit Grandma and Grandpa for any length of time? Even if he traveled 100 miles an hour that is three hours each way.

I am stuck on the ability of the NCP to do this. Unless you are exaggerating. Especially since you didn't mention that he was late in getting the child back.

But CPs do NOT have the right to control what NCPs do on their time. Why does him taking the child to visit grandma bother you.

 

[nextwife]

Question: How did he travel over 300 miles and back in the 8 hours he had parenting time to visit Grandma and Grandpa for any length of time? Even if he traveled 100 miles an hour that is three hours each way.

Small plane?

 

[Ohiogal]

Small plane?

I dont know which is why I was asking. It could be. But that would involve getting to an airport quickly, not missing the plane (which I guess if you are a pilot and own one or are renting one that is not a problem), getting clearance to fly and land at an airport near the grandparents, then spending some time with the grandparents, making sure the child has time to eat...
There is just something missing here.

 

[CJane]

Well and of course mom does have the option of allowing the overnights (or even 1) earlier than in 4 months.

Not that it's at all relevant to the posted question... but it's 14 months, not 4.

I have the same question as OhioGal though... how did he make the trip to the GPs house in the given timeframe? Or was he saying that he WOULD take the child, and didn't?

 

[stealth2]

Not that it's at all relevant to the posted question... but it's 14 months, not 4.

I suspect she meant that in FOUR months, the FOURTEEN mo will be EIGHTEEN mo and the overnights will kick in according to the order. And that nothing bars Mom from allowing an overnight before then.

 

[CJane]

I suspect she meant that in FOUR months, the FOURTEEN mo will be EIGHTEEN mo and the overnights will kick in according to the order. And that nothing bars Mom from allowing an overnight before then.

Yeah, I'm an idjit. I read that the kid was 4 months old, not 14. It's amazing how much my reading conprehension goes up when I put on my glasses.

 

[tiki101]

NCP drives the distance for his parenting time. My concern isn't with our child seeing his grandparents. I am glad that they would like to be in our child's life and to open their hearts to him. My concern is the father stated to me that he was planning on his visit sunday that he would like to take our child to his home which is over an hour and a half drive away(107 miles to be exact from mapquest) for a baby shower that someone was putting on for our child. Our child is 14 months old now so I would imagine it being late for a baby shower and I never heard of people throwing one for the father but I guess you learn something new everyday. I said I thoguht he wasn't able to do this so we both agreed that he may be able to take our child but with me going with them as well. The father has a history of alcohol abuse and is ordered by the court not to have our child around any alcohol where is consumed or present. I thought this would be a good experince fo him and myself as well as our child to see if the NCP has kept up with the oder. Then about five minutes later the NCP after leaving with our child calls me up and tells me that plans had been changed and he would like to take our child to his parents house which is about 300 miles away from my house. Saying that his parents would like to throw this baby shower at their house for the NCP house isn't big enough and that he did not own a bbq. The whole situation just sounded fishy. When I confronted him the NCP parent told me that he had the whole time planned on taking our child to his parents house but was just telling me his house so I wouldn't be worried. I don't know if he was planning on taking our child some place other then his parents house or what. He has stated in the past about taking him to places that were inappropiate for children. I don't mind him taking him to places but it does scare me that he may lie to me about it. Am I being unreasonable? Should I speak to my attorney about this stuation or the NCP and speak to him about my concerns? I would like to maintain a good relationship for the sake of our child but it is hard to co-parent at times. Does anyone have a tips on how to make co-parenting run smoothly? I just would like some input as to what may be the best way for both parents to communicate and voice concerns to one another without having to speak to an attorney or going through the court system. Thank you all so much for your replies I have taken them to heart and it's good to get advice from people who are not in the situation. Third parites have a better perspective looking in on a situation rather then being a party involved. Thanks!

 

[tigger22472]

The problem is that once visitation is his, you really cannot control what he does or who he does it with as long as the child is returned at the specified time. What if's or Could be's don't work in co-parenting. This means that he doesn't have to tell you or get your permission to take the child anywhere.

 

[GrowUp!]

Small plane?

The Batmobile with high octane fuel?

 

[Ohiogal]

Lets go through this step by step:

NCP drives the distance for his parenting time.

He is allowed.

My concern isn't with our child seeing his grandparents. I am glad that they would like to be in our child's life and to open their hearts to him. My concern is the father stated to me that he was planning on his visit sunday that he would like to take our child to his home which is over an hour and a half drive away(107 miles to be exact from mapquest) for a baby shower that someone was putting on for our child.

No problem here either. He can take the child to his home. It is also going to be the child's home when dad has him.


Our child is 14 months old now so I would imagine it being late for a baby shower and I never heard of people throwing one for the father but I guess you learn something new everyday.

Baby showers are held to give new parents supplies and such for caring for the baby. If dad hasn't had to care for the baby then it is very possible. What you imagine is irrelevant.

I said I thoguht he wasn't able to do this so we both agreed that he may be able to take our child but with me going with them as well.

Okay you need to let go of the control. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO FOLLOW YOUR EX AROUND WITH THE CHILD -- unless the court order states that. You have no right to demand that you must go.
The father has a history of alcohol abuse and is ordered by the court not to have our child around any alcohol where is consumed or present. I thought this would be a good experince fo him and myself as well as our child to see if the NCP has kept up with the oder.

No. You thought it was a great time to spy on him. You dont have that right. He wasn't taking the child to a bar or anything of that nature. He was taking him to his parent's house. Which is his right -- provided he can do it in the time allotted for visitation.

Then about five minutes later the NCP after leaving with our child calls me up and tells me that plans had been changed and he would like to take our child to his parents house which is about 300 miles away from my house. Saying that his parents would like to throw this baby shower at their house for the NCP house isn't big enough and that he did not own a bbq. The whole situation just sounded fishy.

It sounds like you are way too controlling with this situation. he doesn't have to give you an itinerary for his eight hours of visitation.

When I confronted him the NCP parent told me that he had the whole time planned on taking our child to his parents house but was just telling me his house so I wouldn't be worried.

The error on his part was telling you anything because he doesn't have to.

I don't know if he was planning on taking our child some place other then his parents house or what. He has stated in the past about taking him to places that were inappropiate for children. I don't mind him taking him to places but it does scare me that he may lie to me about it. Am I being unreasonable?


Yes you are being unreasonable. You had a baby with this man. YOu CHOSE to have sex with this man and bear the child that resulted. That doesn't mean you get to dictate the rest of this man's life. This child is his as well.

Should I speak to my attorney about this stuation or the NCP and speak to him about my concerns?

What are you going to tell your attorney? You have no proof and without proof of anything the attorney can't do anything. You could talk to the NCP which is always a good thing HOWEVER you are still coming across as very controlling wanting to know everywhere and everything the NCP does with the child. That is beyond what a CP is allowed.

I would like to maintain a good relationship for the sake of our child but it is hard to co-parent at times. Does anyone have a tips on how to make co-parenting run smoothly?

Truthfully you need to back off and allow the NCP to parent. Apparently there was SOMETIHNG good about him which caused you to tumble into bed with him and produce a child. Until the NCP shows that he is a danger to the child, you need to relinquish some control or you are going to spend the next 18 years angry and bitter and controlling and feeling as though he has to answer to you and when the courts say otherwise you are going to be crushed.
I just would like some input as to what may be the best way for both parents to communicate and voice concerns to one another without having to speak to an attorney or going through the court system. Thank you all so much for your replies I have taken them to heart and it's good to get advice from people who are not in the situation. Third parites have a better perspective looking in on a situation rather then being a party involved. Thanks!

You may decide to go to counseling either with your ex or without. But you need to deal with the fact that you do not have the right to control what your ex does with the child.

 

[angeleyzad]

I'm thinking the big concern with her going to the baby shower with the NCP and child was that as of now (before the child is 18 mos), visitation needed to be in her county. She was allowing the NCP to bring the child out of the area, but only if she could go, as well. That kind of threw the kink's into the NCP's plans, as he had already planned on doing it at the grandparent's house.

Not sure how he could have made the trip there and back in enough time, but that's besides the point. As of now, can't the OP can dictate anything done outside her county for visitation (and only if the NCP wants to bring the child outside the county)? I can see that the OP would also require an itinerary or something that shows that he is not taking the child out of the area if the visitation is not in front of the OP. However, once the child turns 18 mos, the OP cannot dictate. Where the parenting plan states now that the visitation is for 8 hours in her county of residence, it seems that there is a pretty tight leash on his options, that is until the child reaches 18 mos.