paternity action advice

[cjohnson0922]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
My Ex boyfriend and I split apart after 6 years together and 1 daughter. We split because we could never figure out how to get along and many times the fights were verbally or physically abusive and January was the last time he would put hands on me. The father of our daughter has filed a paternity action since we were never married. The pre-trial meeting is set for Sept. Do I have the legal right to make my own schedule if we currently can not come to an agreement? We have been doing 50/50 for the most part, but communication with him about our daughter is non existent. I have tried to get him to focus just on her, but ever single conversation results in arguments and past events. I feel as if this is placing her right in the middle of us and not sure what I should do or what my legal boundaries are? He has a lawyer and I do not. At first it seemed as though we could work this out and come up with arrangements and I do not have money for a lawyer. I have been left with all the responsibilities of paying for our daughter and have all the bills now that were once split. In the papers that were sent he has filed for joint custody with me as primary physical custody. Do i have the right to request that it not be 50/50 since we can not communicate effectively about our daughter and concerned when she starts Kindergarten next year and he lives 30-40 min away from school and starts work at 6AM? What can I do to show my concerns to the judge?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
My Ex boyfriend and I split apart after 6 years together and 1 daughter. We split because we could never figure out how to get along and many times the fights were verbally or physically abusive and January was the last time he would put hands on me. The father of our daughter has filed a paternity action since we were never married. The pre-trial meeting is set for Sept. Do I have the legal right to make my own schedule if we currently can not come to an agreement? We have been doing 50/50 for the most part, but communication with him about our daughter is non existent. I have tried to get him to focus just on her, but ever single conversation results in arguments and past events. I feel as if this is placing her right in the middle of us and not sure what I should do or what my legal boundaries are? He has a lawyer and I do not. At first it seemed as though we could work this out and come up with arrangements and I do not have money for a lawyer. I have been left with all the responsibilities of paying for our daughter and have all the bills now that were once split. In the papers that were sent he has filed for joint custody with me as primary physical custody. Do i have the right to request that it not be 50/50 since we can not communicate effectively about our daughter and concerned when she starts Kindergarten next year and he lives 30-40 min away from school and starts work at 6AM? What can I do to show my concerns to the judge?

Without a court order in place you don't have to allow access at all but, given that you've been practicing a 50/50 timeshare without a court order, I suspect his attorney will make a huge deal of this in court if you suddenly withhold that same access and make you out to be the bad guy.

What is Dad actually asking for?

 

[cjohnson0922]

His request

I am not entirely sure? He has told me he wants it to be 50/50 and little to no money exchanged even though i have expressed that he at least needs to be splitting her school and other cost with me.
The schedule has mostly been he has her every tuesday and thursday I have her every monday and Wednesday. We alternate weekends starting on Friday. There are reasons i do not like this schedule and do not think its good for our daughter. He has no interest in discussing or considering a different one. I have denied him to take her on a few occasions because of the lack of communication between him and I, but feel this is also not good for her. I have no desire to keep her away from him with no visitation, but since he has made everything so combative it would be easier for me and better for her so she is not being placed in our constant conflict. I have expressed us needing to do co-parenting counseling and also has no desire for this. I feel its at a stand still and have no idea what to expect with the pretrial meeting or actual trial? He paternity action includes 3 cases-next of friend, joint custody with me as primary physical custody and child support which i was told this all boils down to a state set form and will go off of what each of us make and visitation schedule.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not entirely sure? He has told me he wants it to be 50/50 and little to no money exchanged even though i have expressed that he at least needs to be splitting her school and other cost with me.
The schedule has mostly been he has her every tuesday and thursday I have her every monday and Wednesday. We alternate weekends starting on Friday. There are reasons i do not like this schedule and do not think its good for our daughter. He has no interest in discussing or considering a different one. I have denied him to take her on a few occasions because of the lack of communication between him and I, but feel this is also not good for her. I have no desire to keep her away from him with no visitation, but since he has made everything so combative it would be easier for me and better for her so she is not being placed in our constant conflict. I have expressed us needing to do co-parenting counseling and also has no desire for this. I feel its at a stand still and have no idea what to expect with the pretrial meeting or actual trial? He paternity action includes 3 cases-next of friend, joint custody with me as primary physical custody and child support which i was told this all boils down to a state set form and will go off of what each of us make and visitation schedule.

Why shouldn't your daughter attend public school? What costs are there in public school? What other costs do you think he should split other than out of pocket medical and extracurriculars upon which you both AGREE? Why don't you do a 2-2-5 plan that would make it easier on everyone. MT with one parent, WH with the other, alternate weekends.

Look at talkingparents.com -- a free site like Our Family Wizard -- to help with communication. You denying him looks spiteful and petty. Other than too many exchanges, a 50/50 time share is not bad.

 

[stealth2]

Why shouldn't your daughter attend public school?

The child is in either pre-school or daycare, so there are associated expenses - which BOTH parents should contribute to.

 

[cjohnson0922]

School

She is not yet in public school. She attends pre kindergarten M/W/F. I am open to a different schedule that is easier on her. My concerns right now is the days that follows his visitation she has school. She can not be dropped off till 6:30AM. He starts work at 6AM and instead of changing his days he is wanting to wake her up at 4:30AM meet me at a gas station to exchange her at 5AM. She always falls back asleep and then i have to wake her back up in an hour to drop her off and go to work. She's tired and crabby and does not have good reports on most of these days. He needs to split the cost of her pre school with me because it is not free and i can not afford to pay it all myself. I have always provided her with her medical/dental and eye insurance. He has never contributed to this since she was born. My concern when she starts public school are mainly because his job has him starting at 6AM and he lives 30-40 minutes away from her school. How would this work? you can not drop kids off that early and dont think she should have to get up that early, 4:30AM is hard on adults let alone a child. If these concerns of mine would not hold up or make me look petty I can try to accept that, but i dont understand how this would make me look petty? Im not wanting to deny 50/50 for no reason and of course i do not expect him to split cost for public school because there will be none, unless she has to attend a latchkey program before and after school.

 

[Ohiogal]

She is not yet in public school. She attends pre kindergarten M/W/F. I am open to a different schedule that is easier on her. My concerns right now is the days that follows his visitation she has school. She can not be dropped off till 6:30AM. He starts work at 6AM and instead of changing his days he is wanting to wake her up at 4:30AM meet me at a gas station to exchange her at 5AM. She always falls back asleep and then i have to wake her back up in an hour to drop her off and go to work. She's tired and crabby and does not have good reports on most of these days. He needs to split the cost of her pre school with me because it is not free and i can not afford to pay it all myself. I have always provided her with her medical/dental and eye insurance. He has never contributed to this since she was born. My concern when she starts public school are mainly because his job has him starting at 6AM and he lives 30-40 minutes away from her school. How would this work? you can not drop kids off that early and dont think she should have to get up that early, 4:30AM is hard on adults let alone a child. If these concerns of mine would not hold up or make me look petty I can try to accept that, but i dont understand how this would make me look petty? Im not wanting to deny 50/50 for no reason and of course i do not expect him to split cost for public school because there will be none, unless she has to attend a latchkey program before and after school.

Preschool is NOT required. Do you work? Is this required for work? If not, then you are not entitled to be reimbursed. You may get reimbursement from date of filing but not before. Why does HE have to change his days or, more importantly, CAN HE CHANGE HIS DAYS? If you can't afford preschool, she doesn't go. Without a court order, he owes nothing. What if he gets custody?

 

[Ohiogal]

The child is in either pre-school or daycare, so there are associated expenses - which BOTH parents should contribute to.

Got confused. But the costs ONLY go from date of filing.