Please help ! I may lose my mother

[Proserpina]

dvs_trrl, As suggested call a family member and ask them to get a consult with an attorney to see what you mother could be facing. Have there been any other problems between your mother and your sister? Is this the first time your mother has hit her?

I think to say that mom looked for the object that would prolong her suffering is unfair. When she lost her temper I feel it may just have been what was in her reach or the first thing she saw. Not saying I think its ok to hit your children with cords, it was wrong, but she probably had been up all night, worried sick and when lil miss thang came in mom lost it. I know when I was a teenager I came home at 3 am. I came through the front door and walked into the dining room where my mom sat with a glass of tea, when she saw me I saw the relief then I saw the anger, then she threw her tea in my face(not the glass, contents only). I am not sure what I said but she then smacked me across the face. It was her reaction, her throwing tea in my face was just a reaction. And the smack, well I believe I earned that. My bet is that mom saw daughter, maybe they exchanged words and mom lost it. I don't think she went on a search for an object to inflict as much pain as she could. I agree that she should have remained calm, but I do not think she is a threat to her students and shouldn't lose her job. I highly doubt she would act in such a way to her students, she loves her kids and emotions like love can make you do some crazy things, her students she may care for but they wouldn't invoke that much feeling in her. She would not be as worried about a student as she would her own child. The poster says this is the first time anything like this has happened,so maybe some anger management for mom and a good long grounding for daughter. Either way it is a sad situation, mom and daughter need to talk it out, mom needs to know that hitting her daughters with whatever is in reach is not a good idea and daughter needs to understand that rules are set for her own safety and must be followed. Just to clarify, I do not condone violence with children,But I really think this is just a case where a worried, very tired mom lost her cool and made a really bad decision. I hope it all works out well for them.

That is NOT acceptable parenting. PERIOD.

 

[Hot Topic]

I'd still like to know who called the police, who subsequently arrested the mother.

 

[st-kitts]

Many of these answers are cruel. Have you noticed the sad irony that many of these responses condemn the mother for abuse (physical) while verbally tearing the OP, who is a MINOR, to shreds? Where is the support for OP? Where is the advice? I am sure that I am not the only reader that sees this hypocrisy. How can someone condem abuse while being abusive? To the original poster, you are brave to seek out legal help for your mom. That is resourceful. If you consult a local advocate from a domestic violence agency they may be able to help you and your older sister in suprising ways. Advocates are awesome and they will not judge your love and support for your mom. They will help you understand what is and is not abuse. AARDVARC has (and yes, she posts on expert law site where you posted) is the best website on domestic violence currently on the web. They have resources for every state and most counties in most states. I found help there and I suggest you look for help for your family there. If you go to church, please go talk to your pastor. If you are close with a school guidance counselor, you might look for help there as well. Many adults have the (wrong) idea from their own chidhood that "whipping" is the right form of disicpline. As late the 1980s corporal punishment with a paddle that left bruises was used in public school. Today that is illegal. You are very mature to have sought out this site. Maybe you will want to think about going into a legal field. You will be OK. Your sister will be OK. And believe it or not, your mom is going to be OK as well. I hope you get counseling, because that is good advice. Please remember, you don't deserve abuse. You do not deserve it at home. You do not deserve it here on this web-site.

 

[TheGeekess]

Many of these answers are cruel. Have you noticed the sad irony that many of these responses condemn the mother for abuse (physical) while verbally tearing the OP, who is a MINOR, to shreds? Where is the support for OP? Where is the advice? I am sure that I am not the only reader that sees this hypocrisy. How can someone condem abuse while being abusive? To the original poster, you are brave to seek out legal help for your mom. That is resourceful. If you consult a local advocate from a domestic violence agency they may be able to help you and your older sister in suprising ways. Advocates are awesome and they will not judge your love and support for your mom. They will help you understand what is and is not abuse. AARDVARC has (and yes, she posts on expert law site where you posted) is the best website on domestic violence currently on the web. They have resources for every state and most counties in most states. I found help there and I suggest you look for help for your family there. If you go to church, please go talk to your pastor. If you are close with a school guidance counselor, you might look for help there as well. Many adults have the (wrong) idea from their own chidhood that "whipping" is the right form of disicpline. As late the 1980s corporal punishment with a paddle that left bruises was used in public school. Today that is illegal. You are very mature to have sought out this site. Maybe you will want to think about going into a legal field. You will be OK. Your sister will be OK. And believe it or not, your mom is going to be OK as well. I hope you get counseling, because that is good advice. Please remember, you don't deserve abuse. You do not deserve it at home. You do not deserve it here on this web-site.

This is not a poor little you site, so your little rant is meaningless here.

Just so you know, it is STILL LEGAL in the STATE OF ALABAMA for a SCHOOL to allow the principal or his/her designates to administer CORPORAL PUNISHMENT, as it is still LEGAL in the STATE of ALABAMA for a PARENT to administer CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. Age of Majority in Alabama is 19.

 

[stealth2]

It really doesn't matter how much your Mom loves to teach. What does matter is that she apparently believes that corporal punishment is okay. Well, it's not to me, as a parent. So no, I would not want someone with that belief - AND an anger problem - responsible for my children. I'm sorry if that offends you.

And it's certainly NOT abusive to express that opinion.

 

[st-kitts]

I stand by my statement regarding bruises going beyond corporal punishment, even in the Crimson Tide state. Please reference your own earlier post.

The OP clearly states in the initial post she is 17 years old. The 19 year old victim is not posting. The 17 year old CHILD states she is scared. If you, hypothetically, had a pre-teen daughter, would you want strangers verbally attacking that hypothetical precioius child in a crisis situation, for any reason? "DRAMA QUEEN" I believe was the comment to the OP that sent me over the edge here. It was not your comment.

And if making suggestions to the OP is whiny, I plan to whine a lot on this domestic violence and abuse site. If it helps a single abuse victim it is worth it. So, AARDVARC is the best internet site for domestic abuse. I whined again.

 

[Proserpina]

I stand by my statement regarding bruises going beyond corporal punishment, even in the Crimson Tide state. Please reference your own earlier post.

The OP clearly states in the initial post she is 17 years old. The 19 year old victim is not posting. The 17 year old CHILD states she is scared. If you, hypothetically, had a pre-teen daughter, would you want strangers verbally attacking that hypothetical precioius child in a crisis situation, for any reason? "DRAMA QUEEN" I believe was the comment to the OP that sent me over the edge here. It was not your comment.

And if making suggestions to the OP is whiny, I plan to whine a lot on this domestic violence and abuse site. If it helps a single abuse victim it is worth it. So, AARDVARC is the best internet site for domestic abuse. I whined again.

17 is not a pre-teen.

And do your whining elsewhere - this really is NOT the correct forum, and if you continue you will likely end up banned.

Now if you have anything useful to add by all means stick around.

 

[TheGeekess]

17 is not a pre-teen.

And do your whining elsewhere - this really is NOT the correct forum, and if you continue you will likely end up banned.

Now if you have anything useful to add by all means stick around.

I think it's a spammer....

 

[Proserpina]

I think it's a spammer....

Sigh...

I know the owner of that site would not be impressed :/

 

[Finished2010]

Has your mother been released yet? Did anyone consult an attorney about any charges against her? You, your sister and your mother are in my prayers. I really hope you all can work this out.

Parents are not perfect, we make mistakes. And to who ever you were saying that my mom taught me that physical violence and love are the same, you are wrong, lmao. There is nothing wrong with spanking you kids and my mother slapping me made me sure to be home on time. And maybe there was a cord just lying there, and I think we all agree that she was wrong in her choice, she should have smacked her and then told her if she wanted to stay out all night she could move. What was she supposed to do, ground her?? Time out maybe. This chick is 19 years old, she disrespected her mothers home, she had a few whelps that I am sure where gone in an hour. If she had beat her down and blacked her eye I could understand the fuss, mom made a bad parenting decision, mom lost her cool, mom made a mistake. She will pay for her actions if not by the law then by her own memory of what she did. I hope mom dont lose her job, I know a lot of teachers who spank and a few that have admitted (military community here guys) to slapping their teenage children(in the heat of the moment) for being disrespectful. Would I be worried for them teaching my kiddos, no way. But again to each their own. May all of you have a great day.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Has your mother been released yet? Did anyone consult an attorney about any charges against her? You, your sister and your mother are in my prayers. I really hope you all can work this out.

Parents are not perfect, we make mistakes. And to who ever you were saying that my mom taught me that physical violence and love are the same, you are wrong, lmao. There is nothing wrong with spanking you kids and my mother slapping me made me sure to be home on time. And maybe there was a cord just lying there, and I think we all agree that she was wrong in her choice, she should have smacked her and then told her if she wanted to stay out all night she could move. What was she supposed to do, ground her?? Time out maybe. This chick is 19 years old, she disrespected her mothers home, she had a few whelps that I am sure where gone in an hour. If she had beat her down and blacked her eye I could understand the fuss, mom made a bad parenting decision, mom lost her cool, mom made a mistake. She will pay for her actions if not by the law then by her own memory of what she did. I hope mom dont lose her job, I know a lot of teachers who spank and a few that have admitted (military community here guys) to slapping their teenage children(in the heat of the moment) for being disrespectful. Would I be worried for them teaching my kiddos, no way. But again to each their own. May all of you have a great day.

wow... just. WOW.

 

[stealth2]

I'm sorry, but it drives me nuts when people can't get simple words correct - especially when the correct one has been pointed out. Unless Mom was dropping puppies or small insolent children on OP's sister, she did not leave "whelps" on anyone! She left "welts".

And st-kitt? On what planet is a 17yo a "pre-teen"? Say it with me... "Seven-teen". Hear that "teen" in there? Means she is not a preteen.

Good God in heaven - could you please instill some basic literacy into these people?

 

[st-kitts]

This is a legal forum. I will challenge abusive responses to OP that spout opinion but not advice, legal or otherwise.

I note that some of the respondants to OP's post are clearly parents of pre-teens. I would hope for better treatment for a minor OP (yes, 17) from anyone that is a parent themself.

The website AARDVARC (ranting again) is so helpful in connecting abuse victims to legal resources that it deserves a reference in each post where it could help.

If the owner of the site has an objection to my reference to an abuse web site, or advicing OP to talk with a pastor or guidance counselor, than I am sure they will remove my posts.

Please, if I missed something, explain to me how telling the OP that you don't want her mom teaching your kids is legal advice? How is telling her she is a Drama Queen legal advice? How is assuming her mother has been abusive prior to this time legal advice?

 

[stealth2]

I note that some of the respondants to OP's post are clearly parents of pre-teens.

And you know this HOW?

 

[Hot Topic]

Happy to shred st-kitts' claim that no one provided advice or support to the OP: on May 30th, The Geekess gave her an URL to reference for information; on May 30th, stealth2 suggested her dad or grandparents contact an attorney; on May 30th, I gave her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline to call to see if they could provide any information on what might happen to her mother.

It's not unusual that another Crusader Rabbit has hopped on the board to defend the indefensible.