Please help This Dad

[pit469]

What is the name of your state?mississippi
I dated this girl on and off for about a year. We were both into partying and doing drugs. I didnt want to be with her any more, so I changed my phone # and became scarce. She contacted my brother who i live with and she told him she was pregnant. My bro convinced me to contact her and she told me. I was of course, in shock. We argued and I left. Well I decided I needed to clean up and quit drugs So I went to a 30 day treatment center. (I had been in drug rehab 3 years prior and had stayed clean until meeting this girl) While I was in there, she and my brother(who had always been friends) slept together. Anyway...I didnt tell her I was going in and after a few weeks when i tried to call, her number had been changed. When I got out of the program, I went to her house and she was packing to move back with her family in anothere state. I told her I wanted to be involved with pregnancy and baby(but not her) so she decided to stay in MS. I called a few times to see how things were going, and we always argued and fought. So I didnt call often and didnt go to any doctors appointments, even after she said there were problems found with ultrasound. About a month before she was due, she told me they were talking about taking baby early because of problems. She called and told me she was going to check into the hospital the next morning for them to induce labor. I was working in Florida (about 4 hours away) and didnt want to miss work so I wasnt at the hospital with her. I feel a lil bad about that now because there was nobody there at all for her(she didnt have any friends or local family) The baby was born and I went home that weekend. I paid to have a paternity test done and it is my child. I gave her child support ($250) that month. After about two months, I was ready to get my son for the weekend and she would only let me see him around her or at her house. I refused to pay any more $ without weekend/overnight visits.
She gave in and let me keep him overnight one time. She moved out of state to be with family and said she wouldnt keep me from seeing him. When I tried, she insisted on visits at her home until the baby was older. I want nothing to do with her, I want to see my son even if it has to be in a hotel room. So I filed papers for custody and signed an acknowledgement of paternity. I didnt think she'd have the $ to, but she also hired an atty. to represent her in MS. My atty went out of business and told me I had to find a new atty. I spoke with her and she agreed to let me and my mom come to her home for a visit. Since then, she always has plans when I am available to come see my son. I got a email from her last week where she's complaing that I dont know my son and about me wanting to bring girlfriend to meet him.

There are several Q's.....
Can she keep my son from having my surname or is there anything she can do?
How long will back child support have to be paid for?
Do I have to go there, or her here?
Can she keep me from seeeing my son?
Can I use email in court?
I filed for custody a year ago, but never went to trial. What happens now?

Any advice or info is appreciated

 

[jmac3]

Unless you can prove how having your surname will be in the best interest of the child they judge won't go for that, and you would have to prove the mother unfit before they would give you custody. Since there was no order placed for visitation she doesn't owe you that. Child support is if there was an order however much you were behind. If there never was an order placed then you won't owe her arrearages. You would however have every right to get visitation. Depending on the child's age it may be supervised for a while. And you have to go to wherever the child lives.

 

[MrsK]

Your situation sounds a lot like my husbands. Girl gets pregnant, dad says he wants to be around for the BABY, it pisses off girl, girl wont let dad see kid for revenge but still wants $. Crappy situation, sorry you are dealing with that.

There are several Q's.....
Can she keep my son from having my surname or is there anything she can do?
How long will back child support have to be paid for?
Do I have to go there, or her here?
Can she keep me from seeeing my son?
Can I use email in court?
I filed for custody a year ago, but never went to trial. What happens now?

Any advice or info is appreciated

Q #1: I think it sort of depends on the judge. From what I have seen on here, they frequently do give the child the dad's name once visitation & child support are taken care of. You need to petition for it right now so they can settle it when they get to your case.
#2- When did she file through the court for child support? When you go in front of the court, your amount will be set and you will owe amount x however many months since the filing date. For example, $200 x 5 months= 1000
#3 That is up to the judge as well. It could be that you have to meet 1/2 way, or that you drive there & you split the costs. Lots of different scenarios. I would think its likely that YOU will go THERE while the baby is young & that you will split transportation costs.. But, like I said, its up to the judge
#4 If there is a court order, she would not be wise to keep you from your son. Until there is a court order, she isnt required to let you see the baby, but once there is one in place, if she doesnt let you see him she's in contempt & you can file charges against her for contempt.
#5 I have no idea about the email, ask your atty
#6 Have they given you a court date? When my husband filed, we went in front of a hearing officer who made a recommendation. If the parties dont agree (either party) to what the recommendation is, you would go in front of the judge. If you havent been given ANY court dates (hearing officer or otherwise) you need to have it looked into. We got dates about a month after filing & were in court within 3-4 months & had it settled.

Another idea- if you two can agree on the best "course of action" (amount of child support & terms of custody & visitation) you can have papers drawn up & signed by a judge. Then you wouldnt have to fight in court. That doesnt sound likely in your case, but you can try. My husband's daughter's ex was the same way, she said she would do paperwork but wanted everything on HER terms. Guess what...we went to court & she didnt get what she wanted. She wanted him to have EOW or less (at first she wanted him to have NO visitation but to pay c/s) & no joint legal custody, he got 2 days a week & joint (legal) custody & a lot more (holidays, etc, etc, etc).

You dont have to settle for what SHE wants. You are the other parent, get a good atty & take her to court if she wont agree to something reasonable.

 

[LdiJ]

There are several Q's.....
Can she keep my son from having my surname or is there anything she can do?

Maybe, it depends on the judge. Apparently the baby does not have your surname right now. The judge will decide whether or not its appropriate for the baby's surname to be changed. A hyphenated surname (ie, Smith-Jones) is a popular solution with judges.

How long will back child support have to be paid for?

Generally back support goes back to the date when the case was first filed. Please remember for the future that child support and visitation are completely separate matters. Once support is court ordered you have to pay it, period...even if mom isn't cooperating in the way that you want regarding visitation.

Do I have to go there, or her here?

Most likely you will have to visit in mom's community for a period of time, but eventually you will get visitation in your community.

Can she keep me from seeeing my son?

Until there are enforceable court orders, yes. Therefore if you want to see your son before there are orders in place, you are going to have to live with mom's rules.

Can I use email in court?

It depends on the judge. Some will accept email into evidence, some won't.

I filed for custody a year ago, but never went to trial. What happens now?

How long have mom and the baby been living in the other state?...unless your case is still active that may mean that you will have to file in mom's state if mom has lived there long enough to establish residency.

You need to hire yourself a new attorney.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

What is the name of your state?mississippi
I dated this girl on and off for about a year. We were both into partying and doing drugs. I didnt want to be with her any more, so I changed my phone # and became scarce. She contacted my brother who i live with and she told him she was pregnant. My bro convinced me to contact her and she told me. I was of course, in shock. We argued and I left. Well I decided I needed to clean up and quit drugs So I went to a 30 day treatment center. (I had been in drug rehab 3 years prior and had stayed clean until meeting this girl) While I was in there, she and my brother(who had always been friends) slept together. Anyway...I didnt tell her I was going in and after a few weeks when i tried to call, her number had been changed. When I got out of the program, I went to her house and she was packing to move back with her family in anothere state. I told her I wanted to be involved with pregnancy and baby(but not her) so she decided to stay in MS. I called a few times to see how things were going, and we always argued and fought. So I didnt call often and didnt go to any doctors appointments, even after she said there were problems found with ultrasound. About a month before she was due, she told me they were talking about taking baby early because of problems. She called and told me she was going to check into the hospital the next morning for them to induce labor. I was working in Florida (about 4 hours away) and didnt want to miss work so I wasnt at the hospital with her. I feel a lil bad about that now because there was nobody there at all for her(she didnt have any friends or local family) The baby was born and I went home that weekend. I paid to have a paternity test done and it is my child. I gave her child support ($250) that month. After about two months, I was ready to get my son for the weekend and she would only let me see him around her or at her house. I refused to pay any more $ without weekend/overnight visits.
She gave in and let me keep him overnight one time. She moved out of state to be with family and said she wouldnt keep me from seeing him. When I tried, she insisted on visits at her home until the baby was older. I want nothing to do with her, I want to see my son even if it has to be in a hotel room. So I filed papers for custody and signed an acknowledgement of paternity. I didnt think she'd have the $ to, but she also hired an atty. to represent her in MS. My atty went out of business and told me I had to find a new atty. I spoke with her and she agreed to let me and my mom come to her home for a visit. Since then, she always has plans when I am available to come see my son. I got a email from her last week where she's complaing that I dont know my son and about me wanting to bring girlfriend to meet him.

There are several Q's.....
Can she keep my son from having my surname or is there anything she can do? Yes, she can. You did not sign a birth certificate.


How long will back child support have to be paid for? From the time there is a order in place.

Do I have to go there, or her here?Where she files.


Can she keep me from seeeing my son?Yes, since there are no court orders in place. Why would you care? You were not even there for the birth.[/I

]
Can I use email in court?Depends.


I filed for custody a year ago, but never went to trial. Then, you did not go to court for custody, of a child you did not want to see born.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Your situation sounds a lot like my husbands. Girl gets pregnant, dad says he wants to be around for the BABY, it pisses off girl, girl wont let dad see kid for revenge but still wants $. Crappy situation, sorry you are dealing with that.

EXCUSE ME? Who is the crappy one here? He knew there were problems, yet chose not to go with her to the doctor. He knew she was in labor, and decided he wanted to work.




You dont have to settle for what SHE wants.

I don't see where he even tried.

You are the other parent, get a good atty & take her to court if she wont agree to something reasonable. In case you did not read, he wanted nothing to do with the situation.

 

[acmb05]

yea paradise

And as I have been told many times. Keep your opinion out of it. This is a legal forum not a message board to voice your personal opinions on matters.

He had a paternity test done and was found to be the father. So no matter what he did in the past he has a right to go to court and get visitation.

Btw he wanted nothing to do with the mother, he wants a relationship with the child. It's the mother who is being unreasonable.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Mississippi allows for retroactive child support. For how long is at the discretion of the court.


In any event, support is ordered from the filing of the ORIGINAL action. Therefore, it now matters not when the case is revived or a new action if filed. The date of the original action will control for the assignment of support arrears, plus any retroactive support before that date to the birth of the child which may be assessed.

 

[brisgirl825]

And as I have been told many times. Keep your opinion out of it. This is a legal forum not a message board to voice your personal opinions on matters.

He had a paternity test done and was found to be the father. So no matter what he did in the past he has a right to go to court and get visitation.

Btw he wanted nothing to do with the mother, he wants a relationship with the child. It's the mother who is being unreasonable.

Actually he said that mom didn't move b/c he said that he wanted to be involved with the pregnancy and baby. So she did what he asked and then he left her to go to dr.'s appts by herself and to go into labor and delivery by herself. It seems to me mom was trying.

Please try to read the entire situation. Just b/c your husband is going through something similar doesn't make the two situations the same.

 

[acmb05]

First Of All

I have not nor will I ever have a husband because am a man.

Secondly why would he go to the doctors appointents with her when all she did was argue with him every time they saw each other. I'm sure the doctor and other patientswould love that.

She moved to another state after the baby was born not him( maybe you should reread it) She stayed the first time when he asked.

She says he can see his son whenever he wants but every time he tries SHE has other plans.


She is being unreasonable. He needs a good attorney to get court ordered visitation then she will have no choice but to have the child available for visits.

Sounds like she is using the child against him as leverage.

 

[brisgirl825]

I am sorry I confused you with Mrs K.

She stayed so he could be involved, he chose not to be involved, so she left after the child was born. He had the right not to come around, she had the right to leave. Nothing that was done was illegal, on either part.

You have no knowledge of what the arguments were about, who started them, etc. You have no way of knowing who's fault it was or who was being unreasonable in the phone calls. You ASSUME, too much.

She has the right to dictate who, when, and where re visitation just as dad has the right, and uses that right, to use CS as leverage since there are COs involved. They both are using what they have in order to irritate each other, which makes them equally wrong.

 

[acmb05]

I am sorry I confused you with Mrs K.

She stayed so he could be involved, he chose not to be involved, so she left after the child was born. He had the right not to come around, she had the right to leave. Nothing that was done was illegal, on either part.

You have no knowledge of what the arguments were about, who started them, etc. You have no way of knowing who's fault it was or who was being unreasonable in the phone calls. You ASSUME, too much.

She has the right to dictate who, when, and where re visitation just as dad has the right, and uses that right, to use CS as leverage since there are COs involved. They both are using what they have in order to irritate each other, which makes them equally wrong.

I never said anything was illegal I said she is using the child as leverage.

It does not matter who started the arguments or what they were about I quarantee you if the were to do it in the doctors office he would tell him not to come anymore.

He cant use CS as leverage because CS and visitation are two seperate issues. he can have an order to pay support and still not have visitation if it is not ordered.



Also there are NO court orders involved because he stated they never went to court yet.

Ideally if they could stand to be in the same room for a few hours mediation would probably solve most of the problems.

Regardless of who started the arguments she wants to dictate when and where he can see the child. At the moment she CAN do that and has every right to do that, which is why he needs to get a CO for visitation so she cannot dictate to him what he can and cannot do.

Btw YOU are ASSUMING he wanted nothing to do with his child just because he cant get along with the mother. I dont blame him for not going to doctors appointments I would not go either if I knew all we would do is argue,regardless of who started it.

 

[brisgirl825]

I never said anything was illegal I said she is using the child as leverage.

It does not matter who started the arguments or what they were about I quarantee you if the were to do it in the doctors office he would tell him not to come anymore.

He cant use CS as leverage because CS and visitation are two seperate issues. he can have an order to pay support and still not have visitation if it is not ordered.



Also there are NO court orders involved because he stated they never went to court yet.

Ideally if they could stand to be in the same room for a few hours mediation would probably solve most of the problems.

Regardless of who started the arguments she wants to dictate when and where he can see the child. At the moment she CAN do that and has every right to do that, which is why he needs to get a CO for visitation so she cannot dictate to him what he can and cannot do.

Btw YOU are ASSUMING he wanted nothing to do with his child just because he cant get along with the mother. I dont blame him for not going to doctors appointments I would not go either if I knew all we would do is argue,regardless of who started it.

Sorry once again, as I forgot to add "no" Cos involved. I am not having a good typing day...

He has the right to use any money, NOT COed as leverage, which he has done in order to get what he wanted.

I am not assuming he wanted nothing to do with the child. I simply stated that he did not go through with his promise to be involved. It was his choice but he cannot expect mom to be appreciative of that.

It seems as though both party's have made mistakes in this situation. I realize, as a male, it is easy for you to blame this all on mom but your bias does the OP no good. It is better for him to see his mistakes, in order to understand where mom is coming from, and vise versa. However mom is not here to be told that.

 

[casa]

There are several Q's.....
Can she keep my son from having my surname or is there anything she can do?
How long will back child support have to be paid for?
Do I have to go there, or her here?
Can she keep me from seeeing my son?
Can I use email in court?
I filed for custody a year ago, but never went to trial. What happens now?

Any advice or info is appreciated

She can give the baby her name...but you can also petition the court to change the baby's name to your last name. This happens more often when babies/young children & less often the older the child is. Do this ASAP.

How much back support will depend on the judge. Start putting money away if you aren't paying support...then you'll have money to pay any arrearages once they are determined.

The action is filed in MS, so that's where the case is being handled (& why she had to hire a MS attorney).

Until there is a court order for visitation- then she is under no obligation to allow you visitation.

You can ask to allow e-mail evidence...it's dependent on your judge (your attorney should know if the judge you are assigned usually allows it or not). Hopefully they will, if it helps your case. It helped my own case a lot.

What happened the last time you filed for custody? Was there ever a ruling or court order as a result?

 

[diana.pussehl]

I agree with that statement... my husband is dealing with the same thing.....The scary part is that the mother stated that is was ALL about the money to his face..... so sad.

In response:
Q #2- Each state is different. Here in Michigan, Back child support didn't go from the date the mother filed. It went from the date the baby was born. However, it can be changed by a judge at any time if he feels she is only out for money.
#4 I agree with the answer of - - Until there is a court order, she isnt required to let you see the baby, but once there is one in place, if she doesnt let you see him she's in contempt & you can file charges against her for contempt.


QUOTED - You dont have to settle for what SHE wants. You are the other parent, get a good atty & take her to court if she wont agree to something reasonable. But please remember, get it in writing. What is reasonable to her may not be reasonable to you. That part in courts is a fuzzy area. That is part that my husband is dealing with. But all I can tell you is DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Write down the words she used and dates and times and tone of voice as soon as you can everytime it happens. THAT does hold up in court. It is as admissable in court as video or picture proof of what happened at that moment. That is what our lawyer said. I hope that helps.