Pregnant w/Triplets & Husbands Ex taking us to Court for more child support

[Silverplum]

On the otherside, all who simply put things about possibly having a miscarriage, I thought that was unnecessary. Any woman who is pregnant knows that that is a possibility and a triplet pregnancy is higher risk on many levels. Rubbing that factor in is not helpful nor called for. You could chose to answer question or not without breaking up things of this nature. I'm not seeking medical advice.

Oh, dear. It would seem someone has hurt your feelings, and unnecessarily at that.

I'm sure that a discussion of the dangers of your pregnancy was not why you came here.

 

[sandyclaus]

You know... No one bothered to reference the all-important missing question here: What state do you live in?

In addition, one other question that I believe could be relevant here. Was the pregnancy planned? Because IMHO, if your husband can afford to support a new child (or children, as the case may be), then he can afford to pay MORE support to the existing children he has first.

 

[Zigner]

You know... No one bothered to reference the all-important missing question here: What state do you live in?

Post #7:

I had heard of hardships per child that are granted for subsequent children here in the state of CA...

 

[tripletmom]

I didn't think this would be relevant but if it helps with getting answers to my OP than I'm ok with sharing. I need help conceiving so I was referred to a reproductive doctor who gave me medicine to take in order to become pregnant. I did not have any medical procedures or IUI or IVF. I was simply given the medication and told to have intercourse.

I know I have 2 step children which I do love dearly and I wanted the opportunity to be a mother myself. We could afford a baby even if our child support went up a little, however...3 is a totally different ball game! My plan was to go back to work within 6 weeks of giving birth but now...I don't make enough to pay for full time childcare for 3 so my income is out of the equation because I would have to be a SAHM.

We live in CA.

I had heard that if the court hearing did not occur until after I deliver (appx.June-triplet are always premature according to my dr.) then CA courts give a 'hardship' for each child aka a monetary amount subtracted from my husbands total income when calculating child support. But I don't know if that is true.

I want to be a good step mom and mom financially to all 5 but i'm stressed out since my husband's ex is always trying to get more money. When we got married she took us to court with in 30days saying the household income was more so she deserved more due to me being employed. (it didnt work but thats 1 example of many)

 

[nextwife]

You know... No one bothered to reference the all-important missing question here: What state do you live in?

In addition, one other question that I believe could be relevant here. Was the pregnancy planned? Because IMHO, if your husband can afford to support a new child (or children, as the case may be), then he can afford to pay MORE support to the existing children he has first.

I'm not sure I buy that logic. If I have another child and can afford them, that does not mean I can also afford to spend more on my earlier born child than I already was. Matter of fact, I am pretty sure I remember (as the firstborn) my parents spending LESS on me when my younger sibs came along. That's how parents handled it for generations, they reapportioned the pie as more kids joined the family. . . It is not that bizarre of a concept.

 

[Zigner]

I didn't think this would be relevant but if it helps with getting answers to my OP than I'm ok with sharing. I need help conceiving so I was referred to a reproductive doctor who gave me medicine to take in order to become pregnant. I did not have any medical procedures or IUI or IVF. I was simply given the medication and told to have intercourse.

I know I have 2 step children which I do love dearly and I wanted the opportunity to be a mother myself. We could afford a baby even if our child support went up a little, however...3 is a totally different ball game! My plan was to go back to work within 6 weeks of giving birth but now...I don't make enough to pay for full time childcare for 3 so my income is out of the equation because I would have to be a SAHM.

We live in CA.

I had heard that if the court hearing did not occur until after I deliver (appx.June-triplet are always premature according to my dr.) then CA courts give a 'hardship' for each child aka a monetary amount subtracted from my husbands total income when calculating child support. But I don't know if that is true.

I want to be a good step mom and mom financially to all 5 but i'm stressed out since my husband's ex is always trying to get more money. When we got married she took us to court with in 30days saying the household income was more so she deserved more due to me being employed. (it didnt work but thats 1 example of many)

To be clear, YOU haven't been taken to court at all. Please remember that.

 

[tripletmom]

Yes. You are right. I was just raised as looking at everything as "us" and "we" once marriage happens. Sort of like..my $ is now our $ and the other way around. So, its hard to think of this as just my husbands situation when it affects me just as much. I don't know...maybe I'm thinking about it wrong.

 

[Zigner]

Yes. You are right. I was just raised as looking at everything as "us" and "we" once marriage happens. Sort of like..my $ is now our $ and the other way around. So, its hard to think of this as just my husbands situation when it affects me just as much. I don't know...maybe I'm thinking about it wrong.

From an emotional point of view, it's entirely understandable. But, this matter is a legal matter. As such, it's just as much "your" matter as if your husband were to get a speeding ticket. (Just an example)

 

[tripletmom]

Thanks Zigner

 

[AlmostThere]

I'm not sure I buy that logic. If I have another child and can afford them, that does not mean I can also afford to spend more on my earlier born child than I already was. Matter of fact, I am pretty sure I remember (as the firstborn) my parents spending LESS on me when my younger sibs came along. That's how parents handled it for generations, they reapportioned the pie as more kids joined the family. . . It is not that bizarre of a concept.

But YOU and your partner made that choice. Somebody else did not decide that your existing child deserves less so they can have more children. The support paying parent is welcome to provide less to his/her pre-exisiting child when s/he is in his/her care, in order to supply more for his/her newer children, but is not welcome to make the decision for the other parent.

 

[Ohiogal]

But YOU and your partner made that choice. Somebody else did not decide that your existing child deserves less so they can have more children. The support paying parent is welcome to provide less to his/her pre-exisiting child when s/he is in his/her care, in order to supply more for his/her newer children, but is not welcome to make the decision for the other parent.

Courtclerk posted the law and it deals with the fact that each child he has successively will be considered at the same amount of child support as this child for a "hardship credit" thus decreasing his income by the amount of child support. If I am understanding it properly.

 

[ecmst12]

But YOU and your partner made that choice. Somebody else did not decide that your existing child deserves less so they can have more children. The support paying parent is welcome to provide less to his/her pre-exisiting child when s/he is in his/her care, in order to supply more for his/her newer children, but is not welcome to make the decision for the other parent.

OP never said that her husband wants to pay any LESS for his existing children. Only that mom wants MORE out of some bizzare logic because his new wife is having more children (which, by the way, why on earth would you tell your husband's ex that you were pregnant at only 8 weeks along?? I don't know if I would even tell my own mother that early!).

 

[mistoffolees]

OP never said that her husband wants to pay any LESS for his existing children. Only that mom wants MORE out of some bizzare logic because his new wife is having more children (which, by the way, why on earth would you tell your husband's ex that you were pregnant at only 8 weeks along?? I don't know if I would even tell my own mother that early!).

The bolded is incorrect. Mom wants more because Dad's income has gone up. And that's entirely her right. If Dad's income increased, Mom is entitled to file for a modification.

People shouldn't be having more kids if they can't afford them.

 

[Silverplum]

What, exactly, is your problem with this poster? What did she do to you to make you feel the urge to grind her down and make unpleasant remarks about her pregnancy?

Are you feeling jealous? Rude? I don't know. But you're way out of line.

Your pregnancy and any subsequent children that dad decides to create in the future will have NO bearing on EXISTING child support orders. If he is paying less than he should be because his income has increased since the order was made, expect that his payments will increase.

Also, I hate to say it, but being pregnant with triplets at 8 weeks does not mean that all 3 babies will make it to term. There is a LOT of things that could happen in the next 7 months.

If you "hate" to say it, don't. It's a child support thread, not a medical thread.

Certainly children which have not been born yet won't be taken into consideration. And triplets is an extremely high risk pregnancy.

Again, are you her doctor?

OP never said that her husband wants to pay any LESS for his existing children. Only that mom wants MORE out of some bizzare logic because his new wife is having more children (which, by the way, why on earth would you tell your husband's ex that you were pregnant at only 8 weeks along?? I don't know if I would even tell my own mother that early!).

Feel the urge to criticize her in every way, dont'cha?

And I thought I heard you ladies were gonna be NICE now. It's your new THING, right?

Not a nice start for your Nice Girl Club, is it? Maybe they'll kick you OUT.

 

[ecmst12]

I was stating facts. Her pregnancy is not going to affect the outcome of the hearing - even if additional children WOULD affect it, he doesn't have additional children yet. The court can't rule on something that may or may not happen in the future. And I am truly baffled why OP would want to talk to husband's ex about something as sensitive as pregnancy before it's obvious to the world. It's not a judgement, just a question.

I don't know what "nice girls club" you're talking about, I am the same degree of nice or not nice that I've always been. I never claimed to sugar coat the truth and I'm not going to start now.