Preventing an issue

[NWOhioGuy]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My wife and I only have 1 of out 3 kids still living at home. Our youngest Daughter is 18 and in her Senior Year of High School. She is quite often very rude, nasty and hateful verbally. She refuses to follow any long standing house rules put in place to keep our dogs safe and frankly the house from catching fire. She is flunking her Senior year and does not care.

To be honest if she was out of school and treating us like this, she would not be living here.

I need advice. Every night is miserable. We are at wits end. We try to talk with her only to get verbally abused. She used to see a few therapists but refused to work with them.

Help

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My wife and I only have 1 of out 3 kids still living at home. Our youngest Daughter is 18 and in her Senior Year of High School. She is quite often very rude, nasty and hateful verbally. She refuses to follow any long standing house rules put in place to keep our dogs safe and frankly the house from catching fire. She is flunking her Senior year and does not care.

To be honest if she was out of school and treating us like this, she would not be living here.

I need advice. Every night is miserable. We are at wits end. We try to talk with her only to get verbally abused. She used to see a few therapists but refused to work with them.

Help

You have taken away all her toys? ...ie...phone, computer, car, no new clothing, door off her bedroom?

She is 18...you can legally toss her butt out the door. By CRRR USPS send her a notice that she has 30 days to find a new residence. And stick to it.

 

[quincy]

Even though your daughter is 18, you are still legally obligated to support her until she graduates from high school, IF she remains enrolled in school as a full-time student (according to the Ohio State Bar Association).

 

[adjusterjack]

ou have taken away all her toys? ...ie...phone, computer, car, no new clothing, door off her bedroom?

Ditto that.

 

[NWOhioGuy]

She does not have a car, not under our roof we don’t trust her. Phone is taken away, she needs computer for when she pretends to do school work.

Ohio law is such that until they graduate senior year or drop out of school we cannot kick out. However the 18 yr old can move out whenever. Seems like a double standard.

 

[NWOhioGuy]

Even though your daughter is 18, you are still legally obligated to support her until she graduates from high school, IF she remains enrolled in school as a full-time student (according to the Ohio State Bar Association).

We would be happy to do so. The situation is just hell. It is really affecting my wife’s health, she has MS

 

[quincy]

We would be happy to do so. The situation is just hell. It is really affecting my wife’s health, she has MS

You could try to get her declared by a court as an “unruly child.” The court can then take action to control her until she graduates:

https://codes.ohio.gov/orc/2151.354

This forum has as a member a family law attorney/GAL from Ohio. Watch for a post from “Ohiogal.”

@Ohiogal

 

[NWOhioGuy]

You could try to get her declared by a court as an “unruly child.” The court can then take action to control her until she graduates:

https://codes.ohio.gov/orc/2151.354

This forum has as a member a family law attorney/GAL from Ohio. Watch for a post from “Ohiogal.”

@Ohiogal

Thank you, I will check into that Ohio Code
Appreciate all advice! All we want is for her to be successful, any advice we give is thrown back at us with venom. :-(

 

[Just Blue]

I'll give OhioGAL a call in the morning and ask her to take a look at your thread and advise you.

 

[quincy]

Thank you, I will check into that Ohio Code
Appreciate all advice! All we want is for her to be successful, any advice we give is thrown back at us with venom. :-(

Just a thought: If your daughter has only been incorrigible since she began her senior year of high school, or since learning of her mom’s medical diagnosis, it could be that she is more scared than angry. She might not want to leave home, leave her mom, so she is afraid to finish high school.

Although 18 year olds are legally adults, they are in many (if not most) ways still children.

This doesn’t make living with them any easier and it is not an excuse to misbehave. It just is a possible explanation, this if there have been relatively recent changes in your daughter’s behavior. Of course, illegal drug use can be another explanation.

Anyway, you should wait for Ohiogal to respond. Good luck.

 

[Ohiogal]

You could try to get her declared by a court as an “unruly child.” The court can then take action to control her until she graduates:

https://codes.ohio.gov/orc/2151.354

This forum has as a member a family law attorney/GAL from Ohio. Watch for a post from “Ohiogal.”

@Ohiogal

I know of no juvenile court that will or can declare her unruly. She is legally an adult and any "crimes" she commits would be in Common Pleas Court General Division -- not juvenile court.

 

[commentator]

Who feeds her, does her laundry, gets her to and fro? I cannot but believe she must be garnering a fair amount of her support and nourishment from your assistance. Where are the other two children? Are they anywhere around, providing her with any support or helping you? Perhaps she would like to go and live elsewhere as in with other relative, is there somewhere she would be happier? I have seen such relocations work better. So what are her plans for after she flunks out of high school? No transportation, no job? What's the deal with the "rules to keep our dogs safe, keep her from burning the house down"? Does she have a social life, a boyfriend?

 

[Ohiogal]

Try the garden of eden approach. Remove her from it. She needs to earn her belongings. She gets a mattress on the floor and simple clothes to wear. Nothing fancy, nothing special. When she starts behaving she gets things back -- her cell phone, her television, her computer (unless she needs it for school and then she can only use it for school with no social media or games). You provide the basics and she earns everything else. Your roof, your rules.