Private School Being Forced

[michele2377]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

My ex and I share joint 50/50 custody. We share two boys ages 10 and 12.

The 10 year old will be entering 5th grade this year and the 12 year old, 7th. They have been in the same public school district since Kindergarten. They both get A/B honor roll consistantly(Some marking periods they have straight A's), there are no behavioral problems, and I try to get them into extra curricular activities every year (math club, Destination Imagination, etc)(both of which they weren't allowed to attend while with their father) They have both also excelled consistantly on their MSA's (Maryland state testing). My middle schooler was in all advanced classes except for Science this year (he's like me with science..bleh) LOL. He is reading at a 12th grade level and has already completed Algebra 1 with A's this year. If he continues excelling in the math he has an opportunity to start getting highschool credits in math starting the 2nd half of 7th grade.

My issue, my ex has gotten it into his mind that his boys should now attend one of the local catholic private schools in the area. (coincidentally the same school that his new wife's children attend). He has sent me a list of reason why he wants the boys there; all of which I have countered with reasons why I don't. Their curriculam is actually 6mo-1 year behind what my boys are learning now. (Maryland is ranked #1 in public schooling and our county is ranked 10th or 11th in the state. )
He said he would pay for all tuitions, uniforms, etc. (he does not realize that I have already contacted the school and know that they will only be paying for 1/2 of one tuition because of her children that are already attending (multi child discount). Before he offered the financial deal he did try to hit me up for 1/2 of 2 full tuitions but that is besides the point .

He has harassed me via email about this issue among others for a few months now. I have repeatedly sent him my reasonings about why I don't want them to attend besides the obvious "it ain't broke so why try to fix it" analogy with their current schooling. Today I just received a letter from his lawyer requesting that the boys attend this private school.

To sum it up; what are my rights? If this went to court would this be laughed out by the judge? Or could our boys be forced to leave the friends/teachers they've known since they started their education just because their father and new step mother want to make their weeks easier with their gaggle of kids all going to the same school?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

My ex and I share joint 50/50 custody. We share two boys ages 10 and 12.

The 10 year old will be entering 5th grade this year and the 12 year old, 7th. They have been in the same public school district since Kindergarten. They both get A/B honor roll consistantly(Some marking periods they have straight A's), there are no behavioral problems, and I try to get them into extra curricular activities every year (math club, Destination Imagination, etc)(both of which they weren't allowed to attend while with their father) They have both also excelled consistantly on their MSA's (Maryland state testing). My middle schooler was in all advanced classes except for Science this year (he's like me with science..bleh) LOL. He is reading at a 12th grade level and has already completed Algebra 1 with A's this year. If he continues excelling in the math he has an opportunity to start getting highschool credits in math starting the 2nd half of 7th grade.

My issue, my ex has gotten it into his mind that his boys should now attend one of the local catholic private schools in the area. (coincidentally the same school that his new wife's children attend). He has sent me a list of reason why he wants the boys there; all of which I have countered with reasons why I don't. Their curriculam is actually 6mo-1 year behind what my boys are learning now. (Maryland is ranked #1 in public schooling and our county is ranked 10th or 11th in the state. )
He said he would pay for all tuitions, uniforms, etc. (he does not realize that I have already contacted the school and know that they will only be paying for 1/2 of one tuition because of her children that are already attending (multi child discount). Before he offered the financial deal he did try to hit me up for 1/2 of 2 full tuitions but that is besides the point .

He has harassed me via email about this issue among others for a few months now. I have repeatedly sent him my reasonings about why I don't want them to attend besides the obvious "it ain't broke so why try to fix it" analogy with their current schooling. Today I just received a letter from his lawyer requesting that the boys attend this private school.

To sum it up; what are my rights? If this went to court would this be laughed out by the judge? Or could our boys be forced to leave the friends/teachers they've known since they started their education just because their father and new step mother want to make their weeks easier with their gaggle of kids all going to the same school?

How many kids ARE there in a gaggle?

 

[michele2377]

How many kids ARE there in a gaggle?

She has 3 of her own plus my 2.(she being the step mom)

 

[Silverplum]

She has 3 of her own plus my 2.(she being the step mom)

Okay, thanks. I was curious.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

My ex and I share joint 50/50 custody. We share two boys ages 10 and 12.

The 10 year old will be entering 5th grade this year and the 12 year old, 7th. They have been in the same public school district since Kindergarten. They both get A/B honor roll consistantly(Some marking periods they have straight A's), there are no behavioral problems, and I try to get them into extra curricular activities every year (math club, Destination Imagination, etc)(both of which they weren't allowed to attend while with their father) They have both also excelled consistantly on their MSA's (Maryland state testing). My middle schooler was in all advanced classes except for Science this year (he's like me with science..bleh) LOL. He is reading at a 12th grade level and has already completed Algebra 1 with A's this year. If he continues excelling in the math he has an opportunity to start getting highschool credits in math starting the 2nd half of 7th grade.

My issue, my ex has gotten it into his mind that his boys should now attend one of the local catholic private schools in the area. (coincidentally the same school that his new wife's children attend). He has sent me a list of reason why he wants the boys there; all of which I have countered with reasons why I don't. Their curriculam is actually 6mo-1 year behind what my boys are learning now. (Maryland is ranked #1 in public schooling and our county is ranked 10th or 11th in the state. )
He said he would pay for all tuitions, uniforms, etc. (he does not realize that I have already contacted the school and know that they will only be paying for 1/2 of one tuition because of her children that are already attending (multi child discount). Before he offered the financial deal he did try to hit me up for 1/2 of 2 full tuitions but that is besides the point .

He has harassed me via email about this issue among others for a few months now. I have repeatedly sent him my reasonings about why I don't want them to attend besides the obvious "it ain't broke so why try to fix it" analogy with their current schooling. Today I just received a letter from his lawyer requesting that the boys attend this private school.

To sum it up; what are my rights? If this went to court would this be laughed out by the judge? Or could our boys be forced to leave the friends/teachers they've known since they started their education just because their father and new step mother want to make their weeks easier with their gaggle of kids all going to the same school?

Technically it would be possible for a judge to make that kind of order if dad is willing to pay for all of it and dad can prove that it is in the children's best interest.

However, since you object to making that kind of change, AND you can prove that your children are already in excellent schools, and doing very well, I think that dad would lose that one.

You can either ignore his lawyer or respond with the same information that you have provided to dad and provided here.

 

[single317dad]

What is your current court order? What it says will decide who has the right to select the children's school (and who has to pay for it). If Dad wants something but does not have the right to demand it, he would have to file to modify the order to give him that power.

 

[xylene]

In addition to LdiJ's fine points, the "it ain't broke so why try to fix it" actually does count for a lot.

Additionally there is the whole religion can of worms. I'm assuming you are not catholic?

 

[michele2377]

In addition to LdiJ's fine points, the "it ain't broke so why try to fix it" actually does count for a lot.

Additionally there is the whole religion can of worms. I'm assuming you are not catholic?

Thats what I was thinking as well.

No I am not Catholic. So yes there is that whole can of worms.

 

[mistoffolees]

No I am not Catholic. So yes there is that whole can of worms.

Not as much as you might think. At my daughter's Catholic school, less than half the kids are Catholic. We have kids of every major Christian religion as well as Jewish people and atheists.

 

[nextwife]

Not as much as you might think. At my daughter's Catholic school, less than half the kids are Catholic. We have kids of every major Christian religion as well as Jewish people and atheists.

And I doubt any judge imposed the attendence at a Catholic School upon an unapproving, non Catholic parent.

 

[mistoffolees]

And I doubt any judge imposed the attendence at a Catholic School upon an unapproving, non Catholic parent.

Probably not, but it's not fundamentally a religious issue. If one parent has strong opposition to a private school of any type for ANY rational reason, there's a good chance the court won't order it over their objections.

I think the religious aspect is a red herring (especially since it didn't seem to be an issue for OP when she started this thread).

OP will simply argue that there's no reason to force the change. The kids are doing well where they are and they are in a good school and there is no reason to upset the apple cart.

While it's nice if Dad wants to pay all their expenses, that's not the major issue. The real issue is that any time you make major changes in a kid's life, you risk causing harm, so major changes need to be considered seriously and only implemented when the benefits appear to outweigh the down side. The benefits are minimal since the kids are already in a good school. Going to the same school as Dad's other kids is completely negated by the fact that they'd no longer be going to school with Mom's other kids, so that isn't a real advantage.

The risk is that they won't adapt well to the new school's style. Or that they will rebel over losing their friends. Or missing out on extracurricular activities (from experience, Catholic schools generally can't offer the entire range of activities that public schools do). Or logistical problems if they are created by the change.

Ultimately, to make ANY change, the person proposing the change has the burden of proof to show that the change is in the kids' best interests. That's going to be hard to do. Even if he can show that standardized test scores are better at the private school, that is not likely to be sufficient, for example.

To answer OP's question, the judge is NOT going to laugh this out of court. Dad has every right to request it and it will seriously be considered. That said, if you mount a solid defense, you have a very good chance of blocking it.

 

[PQN]

Catholic schools generally require daily instruction in the Catechism. Having a court essentially order that the kids get daily instruction in a faith over the objections of the mother is unlikely, on top of the already unlikeliness of it from a status-quo perspective.

OP - if he takes you to court, a good lawyer should be able to shoot it down quickly.

 

[mistoffolees]

Catholic schools generally require daily instruction in the Catechism. Having a court essentially order that the kids get daily instruction in a faith over the objections of the mother is unlikely, on top of the already unlikeliness of it from a status-quo perspective.

You are wrong. Catholic schools OFFER religion class, but not all of them require it.

Furthermore, I don't know ANY Catholic schools which are still teaching from the Catechism. In all the years of my daughter attending Catholic school and 50+ years of practicing Catholocism, I've never even seen a copy of the Catechism. It hasn't been used much for years.

Furthermore, even the Catholic schools which require religion class are almost never 'teaching' religion. It tends to be more of a history of religion class in some cases. They have been designed that way specifically because so many non-Catholics attend many Catholic schools.

 

[PQN]

You are wrong. Catholic schools OFFER religion class, but not all of them require it.

Furthermore, I don't know ANY Catholic schools which are still teaching from the Catechism. In all the years of my daughter attending Catholic school and 50+ years of practicing Catholocism, I've never even seen a copy of the Catechism. It hasn't been used much for years.

Furthermore, even the Catholic schools which require religion class are almost never 'teaching' religion. It tends to be more of a history of religion class in some cases. They have been designed that way specifically because so many non-Catholics attend many Catholic schools.

The Pope will be quite surprised to hear that as Pope John Paul II gave an updated Catechism to the faithful as recently as 1992. I think the Vatican still expects the American Catholic churches to teach the faith as defined by the Church. (You may be thinking of the pre-Vatican II Catechism, which is, of course, gone.)

In all my years of Catholic schooling as a pupil, a parent and a teacher, I have never seen a school that did not require daily religious instruction which focused on teaching children the faith.

Since I have not seen all of the Catholic schools in the country, I will have to accept your assertation that there are Catholic schools that do not require religious instruction.

OP - you'd need to check with the specific Catholic school in question to see how they operate.

 

[michele2377]

Thank you all for the great points you've made. Addressing the religion aspect; I'm aware that there are non catholic students attending this school. I didn't list it as a reason in my original post because to me, although it is a very important aspect of what they would be taught now, I'm more concerned with a huge change like this. They have already defied the odds of being offspring of a nasty divorce and still are able to excel socially and academically. I really don't want to have them thrown into yet another new situation.

My ex husband on the other hand has made it a point to use the religion and the "different social atmosphere" as the main reasons for wanting the boys to change schools. I am a not an overally religious person; but I'm an open person. I've allowed my sons to become baptized Catholic and attend catholic church while with their father. In my opinion the boys are getting the religious education their father wants them to have with the Sunday school, etc. On my time I've answered questions they have about that religion and I've taken them to other churches so they can learn for themselves. I do however not agree with religion being an actual class they are required to take during school. What subject are they losing out on to be taught this? As far as the "different social atmosphere" he has listed as a reason in his lawyers letter; I'm really not sure what that means.

I have asked my sons what they want in this case. My youngest who is very head strong wants nothing to do with it. My oldest who is always so willing to please anyone and everyone is on the fence. When I asked him what he knows about this private school and why he is on the fence...his response was..."they told me it had a soda fountain". This right there tells me that he has been only told what he wants to hear. I got the curriculum printed out about what he would be learning next year and sat and went over it with him. I saw the lightbulb go on as he looked it over and realized he had already learned many of those things. I told him, its not all about soda fountains and cool fieldtrips. I told him that he is smart enough to figure out what is more important.

To top it off we have an advanced curriculum here called STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math). Where they bus gifted children from all local schools to one school and teach them advanced subjects of the above. My ex is using STEM as an activity that this private school offers. I haven't negated that fact with him yet; I also haven't informed him that our sons current middle school is where all the STEM students get bussed to. So even if he went to this private school; he would still be attending the same public school with the same "social atmosphere". I'm saving that one for his lawyer