Problems w/Summer Visitation

[ziphash]

I e-mailed my ex-wife that my summer visitation with my son will be from 6/27 - 8/7. I live in OH & she is in AL. We have to split the transportation 50/50. I told her that if she would allow me to have my son for 12 wks instead of 6 wks. I would do 75% of the transportation and include Christmas visitation in those 12 wks.

My ex e-mailed back stating that she is pregnant & due 9/6. She states that her dr. won't allow her to travel at all. She said she will allow an extra 3 wks. visitation which would include Christmas if I do 75% of the transportation & her mother will do 25%. She won't allow 6 extra wks because she wants my son to be there when her baby is born. She says that's the only way it will work.

I am willing to settle for 3 wks extra only if I did 50% of the transportation, which she won't agree on.

If she refuses to do 50% of the transportation because she is pregnant or get someone else to do it, what can I do? Two yrs. ago she refused visitation after I'd driven to AL & the magistrate gave her a slap on the wrist. I'm afraid that if I just tell her that I'll be down to pick my son up & she can get him at the end that she'll refuse to give him to me. Then, if I go back to court, I'm afraid the magistrate will say I was wrong because I wouldn't do what she wanted because she's pregnant & has a dr. excuse not to travel.

 

[Cookie97128]

Sorry,

If you want your son, you'll do what it takes to get him. Have SOME consideration that she's pregnant. I don't care if it's not you baby and your problem... Show your son that YOU are the bigger person and you did what ever it took to see him as much as possible.

Offer your services to her, ie: make the 75 or 100% transportation. Make it a fun 'road trip' with your son. She's pregnant and her hormones are running rampant. I am sure she will feel really bad some time down the road for giving you such a hard time if you show her you are willing to bend and she's being so hard about everything.

Remember, this is about your son. His summer vacation. Not your visitation. Think of it that way and you'll see it in another light.
Chances are, once the baby is born. She'll appreciate you taking your son more. Depends on how many kids there are total, and how stressed she is.

Best of Luck to you.
Cookie

 

[ziphash]

Believe me, I wouldn't mind working with her more if the situations were different. However, when my wife was 8 mos. pregnant, we drove with our 3 children 1,000 miles to get my son. Instead of giving him to us, she called the sheriff's dept. on us. She knew at that time that my wife had delivered our first son 2 mos. early. Yet, she had no consideration for us. Since then, I have willingly worked with her on all the other visitations and it always comes back to bite me in the a*s. Each time I agree to her terms, she ends up trying to change things & we end up with even more problems.

Another problem is I just don't have the extra money to be doing all the transportation. If I do all of it, I will end up missing several days of work. That will put me behind in cs which means she'll take me to court.

My ex is a nut (believe me, she even gets SSI for having mental problems). She isn't even the one who takes care of my son. Her mother does. When she got married, her husband got custody of his daughter. She couldn't take the responsibility of another kid & shipped her off to her grandmother's.

I understand your point. I wish it would work that way with her. However, she's impossible.

 

[Cookie97128]

Who has custody of your son? How old is your son? Have you thought about trying to get custody of your son? If the Grandmother is the primary care taker, can't you work out the details with her? There is always the option of taking the case back to court. If it's ordered that the transportation cost is split 50/50, then tell her that you'll go by the order. Period. If she doesn't, then she'll be held in contempt. Maybe if you play by the rules, she will too.

I don't know what else to say if you can't do what's needed. What about a plane ticket for the return trip? Depending on the child's age. It looks like the ball is in your court.

Good Luck

 

[ziphash]

My ex has custody of my son who is 3. I have court ordered visitation. When she initially denied visitation the first summer, I took her to court to get custody but was denied. She just was ordered to allow visitation. I have called different attorneys and am always told that until something major happens, I cannot try to get custody. Although I know that my ex's mother takes care of my son, I cannot prove it. I called private investigators in her area but was told that it would cost a minimum of $1000 to attempt to prove where my son is living the majority of the time. If I had the money, I would do it. I simply can't afford it. Because of my son's age, he can't fly alone. It would cost more for me to fly down and get him since he has to have an adult with him.

If my ex doesn't change her mind, I am going to go by the regular visitation. I will just go down to AL to get my son & she will have to come here or send someone here to get him. If she doesn't allow me to get him, I'll take her back to court for custody again. The thing I'm worried about is going in front of the magistrate because he just simply will not rule in a father's favor.

 

[hisdaddy]

Your ex is so unstable that she collects SSI? I would put money away each paycheck to get a PI. Do you think that your son will be moving back in with her after she has ANOTHER kid when she can't even handle raising one? I doubt it! The new baby will probably wind up with grandma too! So I doubt you have to worry about him moving in w/ her again before you get the $ to hire a PI. I can't even begin to tell you the unecessary drama that we have been through for no reason except for the fact that she is so irrational and unstable. The world (and my money) revolve around her and what she wants when she wants it. I see my son anyway. And this is all b/c I got married. She said I didn't "check with her first". What a joke...(that's crazy). She is his mom, not mine. I could care less what she wants...I want to see my son! I just show her that she isn't going to stop me from having a relationship with my kid. And she is starting to give in. In your case, if it involves $ I doubt she will give in this time. I know how you feel with your $ situation. When you don't have any $, you just can't spit it out right away. Anyway, good luck with your seeing your son.