Problems with Bio Mom

[Just Blue]

Why does it matter, I love my husband and no he didnt cheat . He knew her before me but that doesnt matter

READ THIS! DO NOT POST AGAIN UNTIL YOU ARE DONE READING!

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=387214

 

[proudwifey]

Why does it matter, I love my husband and no he didnt cheat . He knew her before me but that doesnt matter

IMO, it matters because you were mocking the stability of single mothers. yet you're with a man for less than a year, and are trying to control the situation between the MOTHER and FATHER (neither of which are you)

 

[stepmom4ever]

READ THIS! DO NOT POST AGAIN UNTIL YOU ARE DONE READING!

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=387214

I apologize and will FOLLOW the rules

Thank you!!

 

[Peanuts200788]

OP im sorry but I dont like you very much right now...apparently you have the reading comprehension of a 3 year old...understand what you are being told **************...... BUTT OUT!!! quit overstepping! And your antics could cost your hubby precious time with his child....think about that...i'm sure if that happend you wouldn't be on his FAV PPL of the YEAR list!

I could just imagine what OG would do if she were to read this...you think others are horrible...she'd rip you to shreds...fact is...I'd like to see her set you straight!!

 

[frylover]

It's nice that you believe in a two parent home.

You are NOT this child's parent, but, just for sake of your argument, let's "count" you as one..... suppose you die tomorrow? What lovely "2 parent home" should your step son be shipped off to live in? I mean if mommy isn't stable because she's not married, clearly daddy wouldn't be either, would he?

I'll be the first to say that if a child is lucky enough to have both parents happily married to each other, living under the same roof, its a good thing. But it's not the ONLY way to have a family. Just because daddy married you doesn't make him a better parent. In fact, if he's letting you interfere and possibly damage his son's relationship with mom, he's not doing such a great job.

A poster here, CJane, may not even read this since you chose to use "biomom" in your title, but she could tell you what happened when her ex's wife decided she was a "better mommy" to CJane's kids than Cjane.

 

[stepmom4ever]

It's nice that you believe in a two parent home.

You are NOT this child's parent, but, just for sake of your argument, let's "count" you as one..... suppose you die tomorrow? What lovely "2 parent home" should your step son be shipped off to live in? I mean if mommy isn't stable because she's not married, clearly daddy wouldn't be either, would he?

I'll be the first to say that if a child is lucky enough to have both parents happily married to each other, living under the same roof, its a good thing. But it's not the ONLY way to have a family. Just because daddy married you doesn't make him a better parent. In fact, if he's letting you interfere and possibly damage his son's relationship with mom, he's not doing such a great job.

A poster here, CJane, may not even read this since you chose to use "biomom" in your title, but she could tell you what happened when her ex's wife decided she was a "better mommy" to CJane's kids than Cjane.

Listen, I'm NOT trying to be mom! I'm just supporting my husband but I will not use WE again and I will only back off when neccessary. I pay his chil support so why cant I be involved. Yes, I pay it because he's currently in college full time

 

[stepmom4ever]

IMO, it matters because you were mocking the stability of single mothers. yet you're with a man for less than a year, and are trying to control the situation between the MOTHER and FATHER (neither of which are you)

Im just supporting him but I will not control the situation. I dont know her and she really dont know me, it's just that she came out of nowhere saying that the chil is his (which it is). I know my husband made a mistake but we are dealing with it at best

 

[Isis1]

he is ordered to pay child support. not you. you voluntarily chose to pay. you are not ordered by the court to pay HIS child support. it still gives you no legal standing. you are a sugar momma. that's all.

 

[stepmom4ever]

he is ordered to pay child support. not you. you voluntarily chose to pay. you are not ordered by the court to pay HIS child support. it still gives you no legal standing. you are a sugar momma. that's all.

I take offense to this comment, I'm not a sugar momma, I'm his wife! wouldnt you support your husband? thats what better or for worse is all about

 

[Isis1]

if my husband had children prior to me, those children are still not my legal responsibility. you ask about legal advise. not emotional. his marriage to you has no standing in court, you are not a party to his case in the judge's eyes.

i have children from a prior relationship. my husband pays for their rent, their food, their clothes. my children's father does not contribute one penny to their upbringing. but it still does not change the fact that he is a legal stranger to my children. he ha no say so in school or medical decisions. he can know about it, but he makes no decisions. In our home, he is the head male figure in the household. which my children respect. but my husband does not interfere. despite the fact that he pays for all of their bills and mine. he is allowed to parent, allowed to discipline, allowed to help with homework. but he does not interfere with custodial issues. you need to learn and accept the fact that legally, you do not matter.

but that does not limit you to providing all the love and emotional support for the child and your husband.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

OP - I am a SINGLE mom. Yes, I have a live-in BF who pays for a large portion of the household expenses. We both work. We've talked about what his role would be when we get married. He did NOT like my answer - he would be NOTHING legally to my daughter. No matter what our opinion may be of her father, she still has one - and it won't be my BF.

And yes, my BF will tell my daughter, "didn't you hear what your mother tell you to do? You need to respect your mother." That is a role that you can take. It can be to support the position of your husband. But, it does NOT allow you to be the decision maker.

Babies can be sweet and cuddly. But this one is NOT yours. It already has a mother and father. If you want one to have both mommy and daddy in the same house, then have one of your own.

This mother is viewing your actions as trying to replace her. You want her to think of you as an ally who will support both hers and your husbands positions as mother and father. You can either help create more friction, or just back off and let them work it out themselves.

 

[stepmom4ever]

OP - I am a SINGLE mom. Yes, I have a live-in BF who pays for a large portion of the household expenses. We both work. We've talked about what his role would be when we get married. He did NOT like my answer - he would be NOTHING legally to my daughter. No matter what our opinion may be of her father, she still has one - and it won't be my BF.

And yes, my BF will tell my daughter, "didn't you hear what your mother tell you to do? You need to respect your mother." That is a role that you can take. It can be to support the position of your husband. But, it does NOT allow you to be the decision maker.

Babies can be sweet and cuddly. But this one is NOT yours. It already has a mother and father. If you want one to have both mommy and daddy in the same house, then have one of your own.

This mother is viewing your actions as trying to replace her. You want her to think of you as an ally who will support both hers and your husbands positions as mother and father. You can either help create more friction, or just back off and let them work it out themselves.

Okay I understand now and it will take some time to digest this information as it is very hurtful to hear. I just want my husband and I to be able to share in the parenting of this child as well and for this child to meet his cousins of my family. that's all

 

[jbowman]

You are full of it because you say this:

I dont know her and she really dont know me, it's just that she came out of nowhere saying that the chil is his (which it is).

But earlier you said this:

My husband knew she was pregnant but left her because he wasn't sure it was his.

So it was NOT out of nowhere. You can not use that as any excuse whatsoever. Dad KNEW. Maybe he didnt tell YOU about it. Thus, the issues you have with trusting him--they have NOTHING to do with Mom.

 

[stepmom4ever]

You are full of it because you say this:



But earlier you said this:



So it was NOT out of nowhere. You can not use that as any excuse whatsoever. Dad KNEW. Maybe he didnt tell YOU about it. Thus, the issues you have with trusting him--they have NOTHING to do with Mom.

This is true dad did KNOW but I still dont know her and she still dont know me. We were never properly introduced.

 

[Just Blue]

Listen, I'm NOT trying to be mom! I'm just supporting my husband but I will not use WE again and I will only back off when neccessary. I pay his chil support so why cant I be involved. Yes, I pay it because he's currently in college full time

So you think you should get some kind of rights because you are CHOOSING to pay your husbands bill. So by that theory any parents that are receiving Welfare should expect Joe and Daisy Taxpayer to have legal rights to their child...