protective order for children

[mommyofmany27]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas


I don't even know where to start there is so much information (some might even consider this my own personal novella), so please bear with me!

I share two daughters with my ex-husband. The oldest is seven and the youngest is three. We were divorced in April of 2008. We have JMC and I am the CP with him having standard visitation. In June 2008 he left for Iraq and while he was gone he called three times to speak with the girls. In March of 2009 he came home for his midtour leave and spent a total of 16 hours with the kids. However, I didn't try to push the issue. I tried to be sensitive to the fact that he was probably completely exhausted and let him know that the girls would be available whenever he wanted to see them and that I wouldn't just stick it to him by only giving him visitation based on what the decree said.

May 2009 he finally returned home from Iraq after his tour was complete. He started visiting the girls in June, but visits have not been consistent. Since June he has had them a total of 5 1/2 weekends, (the half is from him picking up Saturday afternoon instead of Fri at 6)a handfull of Thursday visits and chose not to exercise his extended summer visit with them. (I actually have all of this written down in a calendar)

When we were divorced our decree clearly states that he is to provide me with a military ID for the girls so that I can take them to the dr.. He left for Iraq without doing so. I asked him on his midtour leave and he told me that he had called Tricare and they said they don't issue them to children under 13. Once he got back from Iraq I kept asking. I have been persistent because my children not only deserve the medical coverage, they are legally entitled to it. Finally, I had had enough of it. Playing nice wasn't working for me and it certainly was not beneficial to my kids. I warned him that if he did not provide me with ID's for them that I would contact his chain of command. He then told me he didn't have to do anything so I did exactly what I said. Less than 24 hours after contacting his chain of command I had their ID's in hand. I realize me calling his 1st sgt probably really ticked him off, but this isn't about him or me.

Anyway, to make a long story as short as possible things have progressively gone further and further downhill. But my biggest concern isn't his attitude towards me, I'm very concerned about the safety of my children. My oldest daughter came home the first weekend of October saying that she never wanted to go back because my ex-husband and his girlfriend were mean to her. Although I didn't pry I probably should have but I didn't want to do to my girls what my divorced parents did to my sisters and myself. No matter how much I dislike this man I have done my best to remain cordial and make this about the girls.

On the 14th of November my ex-husband and his girlfriend began to text and call me about wanting me to give them the girls for the weekend so that my ex-husband could get out of work (which is what the text messages and voicemails say). The second weekend is not his weekend and I chose not to respond. He had not picked them up in a month and was only wanting to do so in order to avoid work. It really urked me, but I remained calm and ignored it. Then my ex-husband sent me one last condescending message and I picked up the phone and again called his 1st sgt and asked him to please ask my ex-husband to leave me alone and told him what he was attempting to do. I started looking around on Facebook and found his girlfriends page where she states, and I quote, "Wish murder was legal...at least under "special circumstances"" and at that point my name was not mentioned. However, once her friends started inquiring about what was going on her response was, "its a long story but baby mama drama." Seeing that I'm the only person he has children with it can only be about me. That set off some huge red flags for me. I looked around and found his myspace and how he describes himself is truly remarkable. It is completely sick and twisted. I started piecing things together...like why did my 3 year old come home flinching after her last visit, how did my 3 years old suddenly go from being potty trained to not potty trained (her potty training was complete in September, no accidents, no pull ups except at night. he didn't pick them up for a single overnight visit in September, but had them the 1st and 3rd weekend in October and magically she refuses to put on underwear or go to the potty after the visits), I started to wonder why she developed a huge fear of dark and semi dark rooms this summer as well as having nightmares every night and ending up in my room. The more I thought about things the more things seemed to stack up against his parenting ability and the things I mentioned are just the tip of the iceburg.

I simply asked my seven year old why she said she never wanted to go back to his house and there came a huge list. Things like how in the summer their house was so hot because he wouldn't run the AC in the house or car (we live in Texas!), he spanks them so hard he leaves red marks, they are being left unsupervised in the bathtub (though my 7 year old can take a shower without help theyre putting them in the tub together and expecting my 7 year old to make sure everything is ok), his girlfriend is spanking my youngest (which is a violation of our state statute), the main form of punishment for my three year old regardless of what she does is for my ex to either pop or flick her in the mouth (which totally explains her flinching when I tried to give her a high five which we routinely do in our home), the list just kept getting bigger, but the MOST alarming to me was when my seven year old told me that once at naptime when she wasn't sleeping my ex came into the room and laid on top of her, held her down with his hands on her shoulders and then made her get up to get a spanking and that he had done the same thing to my three year old when she was screaming later that night at bedtime but minus the spanking and when my oldest said that she was going to tell me he said, "no, dont." I asked her to show me what she meant because the last thing I wanted to do was to call CPS and make false allegations if he was actually laying next to them. She demonstrated and sure enough she was not confused about what happened. I immediately called CPS and made a report. I did deny him his visitation last weekend because I'd rather a judge come down hard on me for protecting my children than for my children to be put back into that situation. He was supposed to have visitation for Thanksgiving that started yesterday but he didn't show up and I didn't plan on giving them to him.

I had an appointment with an attorney on Monday. He submitted the paperwork to get an ex parte order however the judge did not sign off on it because (what my attorney told me) A. the claims are being made by a small child and B. she doesn't feel comfortable signing an order that would deny him an extended visitation. We have a court date set for next week to present our case for getting a restraining order or protective order...from what I understand in Texas it's the same thing (?). The case worker from CPS came out today and she too is the most concerned about him laying on top of the girls and said that the other things sound like he needs basically a "good talking to" about fixing the behavior if he wants to continue a relationship with them.

Here are my concerns: My daughter has said that the reason she never told me anything was that because she was afraid he was going to be mad at her. I understand why she feels that way and although I've tried to put on a happy face for my girls I'm deathly afraid of what the backlash is going to be from him. My attorney is wanting to submit an order to confer and I know that would mean that it would be just my seven year old daughter and the judge in closed chambers but I don't want to put my baby through that...I don't think any parent wants to have to put their child in that situation unless there is no other way around it. My attorney says that I need people to testify about "first hand knowledge" but I'm unsure how that would happen since everything that has been said has been by my daughter and I thought when someone goes to court and says "so and so told me this" it becomes hearsay. Am I correct?

My ex is a fantastic liar and manipulator. We divorced for many reasons, but the last straw came when he left bruises on me during a fight, told me he was going to shoot me and then I found an email where he was inquiring about how he would go about obtaining a fire arm in Texas with an out of state license. I reported him, pictures were taken of my bruises, I supplied the email to back up my statements, the Army put out a temporary restraining order on him until a committee could come together and rule on the case (an Army committee) and he lied his way out of it along with violating the order over and over and over. I'm afraid he's going to do it again, especially since there's no actual physical proof of what he did.

I am absolutely heartbroken that my babies suffered an ounce of pain because this man cannot control himself or his anger. I truly wanted to believe that he could separate his hatred for me from the relationship with the girls. I need help. I need to be able to present the best case possible to protect these sweet little girls. Please, please, please help me!

 

[LdiJ]

Mom, you have an attorney and your attorney is the very best person to help you and answer your questions. You really do need to follow the advice of your attorney.

I think it was despicable of dad to try to force you to give him your weekend so he could get out of work. However, I do think that you went overboard in contacting his 1st sgt on that particular issue. However I think you were spot on to do it to get the ID cards.

 

[mommyofmany27]

Mom, you have an attorney and your attorney is the very best person to help you and answer your questions. You really do need to follow the advice of your attorney.

I think it was despicable of dad to try to force you to give him your weekend so he could get out of work. However, I do think that you went overboard in contacting his 1st sgt on that particular issue. However I think you were spot on to do it to get the ID cards.

I know my attorney is and I am so thankful for him and the legal team at his office that are helping me through this. I guess I figured that having more than one opinion/idea/game plan might be beneficial for the case. I am just so worried about my girls and the outcome of next weeks hearing because of all of the 'what if's' that I can't help but think about.

I understand that it may seem that I went overboard with calling his 1st sgt, but the constant harassing text messages have been an ongoing ordeal since he returned from Iraq. So, in hindsight, maybe I did jump the gun on that one but I had had enough.

Also, although this was not part of your reply, I just want to make one thing really clear. This is not a case of a mother wanting to cut all ties to the dad. I believe that he needs help and I desperately want to see him get that because my girls deserve to have a healthy, loving relationship with their father.

 

[Ohiogal]

Let your child speak to the judge in chambers. It is JUST a conversation and the judge is not going to be scary or cruel or interrogate the child -- the judge is only scary or cruel or interrogating when it comes to parents. The child should see the judge as a friend. I have had several children (all ages from five on up) speak in camera to the judge. Not one of them expressed any feeling of upset or uneasiness afterwards. In fact, all of them were HAPPY about it afterwards because it gave them a bit of control and feeling of relief that someone LISTENED.

 

[Ronin]

A protective order in Texas is a pretty strong legal action, and not taken lightly. It does not appear you have enough evidence to have a protective order granted against your ex in Texas. Even less so if the judge was unwilling to grant an ex parte request for a temporary order, which is often much easier to get than a permanent order.

Your attorney is absolutely correct that you need witnesses to testify about "first hand knowledge", and it appears that you do not have this kind of evidence. Your attorney will get paid either way for his time on this issue, and he will make the best case he can for you, but it may be money wasted if he does not have enough evidence to work with.

Your evidence is based primarily upon hearsay from your children, and in what generally falls into the realm of parental discipline. While his behavior may be inappropriate, they would not likely constitute abuse or family violence as defined by the Texas Family Code. Furthermore, since your ex has been down this road before, it is unlikely he will admit to anything that will incriminate himself, and it is likely he will strongly dispute your testimony and any other allegations you make.

In Texas, a parent has the right to have any conversations between a judge and their children recorded.

Based upon what you have stated, you do not have enough to deny visitation, and having already done so will not help your case. It will also give him ammo to argue at the upcoming hearing you are in contempt of court for having done so. The judge has already refused your request for a temporary restraining order, specifically stating she did not wish to deny the father extended visitation at this point.

Any issues that occurred before the divorce will not likely be considered relevant to your current request for a protective order. Given you both have JMC, this meant that there was never any determination made of family violence or abuse prior to the divorce. The best the judge will probably do is admonish the father, and may order some form of anger management, but these are tenuous solutions at best.

Even so, such matters should be addressed in court, as they do tend to make both parents extra careful on how they choose to discipline their children.

 

[mommyofmany27]

A protective order in Texas is a pretty strong legal action, and not taken lightly. It does not appear you have enough evidence to have a protective order granted against your ex in Texas. Even less so if the judge was unwilling to grant an ex parte request for a temporary order, which is often much easier to get than a permanent order.

Your attorney is absolutely correct that you need witnesses to testify about "first hand knowledge", and it appears that you do not have this kind of evidence. Your attorney will get paid either way for his time on this issue, and he will make the best case he can for you, but it may be money wasted if he does not have enough evidence to work with.

Your evidence is based primarily upon hearsay from your children, and in what generally falls into the realm of parental discipline. While his behavior may be inappropriate, they would not likely constitute abuse or family violence as defined by the Texas Family Code. Furthermore, since your ex has been down this road before, it is unlikely he will admit to anything that will incriminate himself, and it is likely he will strongly dispute your testimony and any other allegations you make.

In Texas, a parent has the right to have any conversations between a judge and their children recorded.

Based upon what you have stated, you do not have enough to deny visitation, and having already done so will not help your case. It will also give him ammo to argue at the upcoming hearing you are in contempt of court for having done so. The judge has already refused your request for a temporary restraining order, specifically stating she did not wish to deny the father extended visitation at this point.

Any issues that occurred before the divorce will not likely be considered relevant to your current request for a protective order. Given you both have JMC, this meant that there was never any determination made of family violence or abuse prior to the divorce. The best the judge will probably do is admonish the father, and may order some form of anger management, but these are tenuous solutions at best.

Even so, such matters should be addressed in court, as they do tend to make both parents extra careful on how they choose to discipline their children.

I realize that I'm in contempt for the visitation, however from what I have read about state statutes in Texas it appears that if I allow my child to go back into a situation that has been deemed an unsafe environment by a reasonable adult then I too could be found guilty of abuse and or neglect. He never showed to pick them up anyway. And I also think the contempt charge would be a wash because the one he has on me I have more than three on him. Either way, I'm willing to risk a scolding from a judge for doing what I felt was in the best interest of my children. And, even if I couldn't be charged with abuse or neglect for allowing them to be put back in the situation how would it look if I said, "well ok I think the allegations my child is making are true, but since the decree says this I'm going to push all of the other aside and make you girls go back"??

I'm not really sure how none of it falls under family violence. At the very least what he has done certainly falls under neglect. Not to mention the fact that this 215 lb man is laying on top of a seven and three year old and that he's letting his girlfriend discipline which violates state statute.

The other stuff before we were divorced was all Army stuff. I never went to civilian court to do anything. Yes, I should have but I don't think anyone can truly understand what it's like to be afraid of an abuser until they've dealt with it themselves. I had no experience with dealing with an abuser and thought reporting him to the Army would get him out of the house and get the girls and I protected. Hindsight is 20/20. He is so obviously continuing the pattern and I just simply will not sit back and let this happen to my girls. He beat on me, fine, BUT, he will NOT put my girls through this and have me sit back quietly and wait until a life altering event happens for me to finally step up and say something.

His myspace alone, I think, is enough to question what kind of individual we are dealing with. To top that off, his girlfriend isn't going to be of any help to prove his so called innocence. In a case like this, where it comes down to he said, she said, why is an adult male with a shaky past and questionable behavior more reliable than the word of a seven year old?? I'm not saying that my seven year old is going to be honest all the time, but I have definetly made it clear that lying will get her no where with this and that if what she is saying about daddy isn't true it's not a very nice thing to do. She understands as well as any seven year old can the seriousness of this.

I'm also not saying that spanking in itself is a "bad" form of discipline. Spankings, when done correctly, can be a good form of discipline. But, taking it to the extreme is not healthy for children. And doing the other various forms of punishment is certainly crossing a line.

At the end of the day, what I would really like to happen is to see him get supervised visitation while also getting help for his problems. Once he has completed a program and can show the court (and our children) that the behavior no longer exists I would of course love to see him have a relationship with the girls. But, at this point, it does not seem like he is willing to admit that he has a problem. He is only doing what his father taught him as a kid and, in his mind, that makes it ok.

 

[LdiJ]

I realize that I'm in contempt for the visitation, however from what I have read about state statutes in Texas it appears that if I allow my child to go back into a situation that has been deemed an unsafe environment by a reasonable adult then I too could be found guilty of abuse and or neglect. He never showed to pick them up anyway. And I also think the contempt charge would be a wash because the one he has on me I have more than three on him. Either way, I'm willing to risk a scolding from a judge for doing what I felt was in the best interest of my children. And, even if I couldn't be charged with abuse or neglect for allowing them to be put back in the situation how would it look if I said, "well ok I think the allegations my child is making are true, but since the decree says this I'm going to push all of the other aside and make you girls go back"??

I'm not really sure how none of it falls under family violence. At the very least what he has done certainly falls under neglect. Not to mention the fact that this 215 lb man is laying on top of a seven and three year old and that he's letting his girlfriend discipline which violates state statute.

The other stuff before we were divorced was all Army stuff. I never went to civilian court to do anything. Yes, I should have but I don't think anyone can truly understand what it's like to be afraid of an abuser until they've dealt with it themselves. I had no experience with dealing with an abuser and thought reporting him to the Army would get him out of the house and get the girls and I protected. Hindsight is 20/20. He is so obviously continuing the pattern and I just simply will not sit back and let this happen to my girls. He beat on me, fine, BUT, he will NOT put my girls through this and have me sit back quietly and wait until a life altering event happens for me to finally step up and say something.

His myspace alone, I think, is enough to question what kind of individual we are dealing with. To top that off, his girlfriend isn't going to be of any help to prove his so called innocence. In a case like this, where it comes down to he said, she said, why is an adult male with a shaky past and questionable behavior more reliable than the word of a seven year old?? I'm not saying that my seven year old is going to be honest all the time, but I have definetly made it clear that lying will get her no where with this and that if what she is saying about daddy isn't true it's not a very nice thing to do. She understands as well as any seven year old can the seriousness of this.

I'm also not saying that spanking in itself is a "bad" form of discipline. Spankings, when done correctly, can be a good form of discipline. But, taking it to the extreme is not healthy for children. And doing the other various forms of punishment is certainly crossing a line.

At the end of the day, what I would really like to happen is to see him get supervised visitation while also getting help for his problems. Once he has completed a program and can show the court (and our children) that the behavior no longer exists I would of course love to see him have a relationship with the girls. But, at this point, it does not seem like he is willing to admit that he has a problem. He is only doing what his father taught him as a kid and, in his mind, that makes it ok.

Re the bolded:

If you want the word of the 7 year old taken into consideration, she is going to have to speak to the judge in chambers.

Refer back to Ohiogal's post.

 

[gr8rn]

When my 4 year old son told me his father pushed his head in the toilet for getting pee on the seat, I filed for a PFA and I took my son to the court to talk to the judge. He went with my son in to his chambers and he believed my son. I would suggest you take your child to talk to the judge.

 

[mommyofmany27]

I'm willing to let my daughter talk to the judge, I was just hoping that this matter could be resolved without involving her. As it is right now, neither she nor the three year old know what's going on. Even when the CPS worker came out to talk to them no one said anything about daddy getting into trouble, the lady just wanted the facts and when she was telling me the things that were going on over there I kept a straight face the entire time so that she didn't feed off of my emotions and so she didn't just completely shut down and stop talking. I just wanted to keep my girls as protected as possible from this whole ordeal and just let them be kids. But, I think that I can find a way to tell her she needs to talk to the judge and turn it into a positive experience.

Any advice on how to word this to her so that she understands?

 

[mommyofmany27]

I talked with my oldest about speaking with the judge and she seems to be doing well with it. She has said that she's very scared about seeing her dad so I'm going to try and work out with my attorney a way to keep her from having to see him even in the waiting area. Anyone that has been through this if you could let me know if you were able to have any kind of arrangement where you were able to keep your child out of the ex's sight I would really appreciate any idea that you used.

I do have another question after reading the post from the man in Alaska. After someone had found his page and commented about how the judge would look at his interests, etc., is that the same in a case like this? I think I have mentioned how my ex describes himself on his page. My attorney has copies of it along with the CPS worker. Will a judge find that relevant? And what role, if any, does his girlfriend play in this? Are the things she has posted online relevant?

And my last question, I swear (for now ), I want to get the girls into counseling because I feel like someone who specializes in this type of situation would be very beneficial for them. I talked to my neighbor yesterday because she teaches small children and she gave me some paperwork with a list of phone numbers. I called one of the hotlines yesterday for the military and was told that my three year old is not eligible because children have to be five. It would be difficult for my youngest to get anything from "typical" therapy because of her speech impediment. Does anyone know about therapy for special needs children?

Thank you all so much for all of the advice you have given thus far. I apologize if I have come off as that "annoying, needy poster"!! This is a very difficult situation and I am very grateful to have this forum to get helpful answers.

 

[txmom512]

And my last question, I swear (for now ), I want to get the girls into counseling because I feel like someone who specializes in this type of situation would be very beneficial for them. I talked to my neighbor yesterday because she teaches small children and she gave me some paperwork with a list of phone numbers. I called one of the hotlines yesterday for the military and was told that my three year old is not eligible because children have to be five. It would be difficult for my youngest to get anything from "typical" therapy because of her speech impediment. Does anyone know about therapy for special needs children?
.

Mental Health America: Welcome to Mental Health America

Try these people. I went on an interview for a job w/ them a couple years ago - I ended up spending a lot of time talking w/ the woman who runs the Austin office about a family member who had adopted a couple small children who had been in and out of foster care & had been through a lot. She suggested (more like she said it was imperative that they attend) play therapy. I was able to get my family member to contact them and they helped a lot.

 

[gr8rn]

Re: my situation, my son was 4 when his father pushed his head in the toilet 3 days before Christmas. I was able to obtain an emergency PFA the next day the courthouse opened, prior to that had not gone to court for anything. we had been separated for a year. We had a hearing and I brought my son, the judge talked to him in chambers and believed my son. He extended the PFA for 3 months but since my son wanted to see the father the judge ordered supervised visitation with the paternal grandparents. In the meantime I filed for primary physical custody and he got standard visitation to start when the judge deemed it OK which was at the next PFA hearing. All told the father was supervised for about 3 months. It has not been easy since but taking him back to court has not been a problem. Judge has ordered communication counseling and family counseling. I have on my own had my son in individual therapy for the last 3 years and he has been having free play therapy and group therapy through the local womens shelter since the toilet incident. I suggest as much therapy as you can afford. I will keep son in therapy for as long as his father continues to be abusive to him (and me)

 

[mommyofmany27]

Thank you both so much for that information, I appreciate it very much!!

 

[mom6399]

As I was reading your thread, I was wondering if counseling had been considered. Glad to hear it is.

My child was only three when she started to see a counselor due to traumatic visitations with the NCP. Kids needing to be five to be covered by insurance is CR*P. File a dispute with the insurance, or buck up yourself. It is very important. If you explain the circumstances to the therapist, she/he will likely work out an affordable rate for you. It is critical you get this started immediately for your children...if nothing else, they may learn coping skills for this very difficult situation. Many child psychologists therapists utilize play therapy...a lot of drawing, acting out...make some calls.

In terms of court, it really helps to have a therapist on the kids side...it makes things a lot clearer on all sides, when it's not mom and dad in a he said she said battle. The therapist is the advocate for the children, not you and dad. In my situation, the therapists notes and observations over more than 6 years of counseling determined the course of my child's visitation/access to the NCP. In the end, it wasn't me saying a thing...dad could place no blame on anyone but himself for the judges decisions.

Don't psych your daughter out about going to see the judge. Don't tell her why she is going, what you are trying to achieve. If you have to tell her anything, just tell her that the judge just wants to talk to her...and she does not need to be afraid...it's between the two of them. Do not prep her...I know at 7 my voice could be heard through my child...don't suggest what she should say...don't say things you don't want her to repeat...just tell her to be honest if the judge asks her questions. Don't let it be a big deal.

It is not unusual for the child to be interviewed by the judge on a day/time when both parents are not scheduled to be in court. Given the circumstances here, your attorney should request this.

Been through all of this. You need facts, documentation and a clear and cool head. If the kids have come home with red marks or bruises, they should have been photographed, or at the very least, noted in a journal. Not sure how valuable myspace/facebook posting will be...the internet is a fantasy, but print them. Keep all cell records, texts, emails. Knowing someone intimately (as well all do our ex's) isn't worth squat in family court. Facts, details, dates, times, concrete evidence. Leave your emotions at home, they are not always helpful in the courtroom.

Good luck and get those girls in to therapy TOMORROW!

 

[mommyofmany27]

As I was reading your thread, I was wondering if counseling had been considered. Glad to hear it is.

My child was only three when she started to see a counselor due to traumatic visitations with the NCP. Kids needing to be five to be covered by insurance is CR*P. File a dispute with the insurance, or buck up yourself. It is very important. If you explain the circumstances to the therapist, she/he will likely work out an affordable rate for you. It is critical you get this started immediately for your children...if nothing else, they may learn coping skills for this very difficult situation. Many child psychologists therapists utilize play therapy...a lot of drawing, acting out...make some calls.

In terms of court, it really helps to have a therapist on the kids side...it makes things a lot clearer on all sides, when it's not mom and dad in a he said she said battle. The therapist is the advocate for the children, not you and dad. In my situation, the therapists notes and observations over more than 6 years of counseling determined the course of my child's visitation/access to the NCP. In the end, it wasn't me saying a thing...dad could place no blame on anyone but himself for the judges decisions.

Don't psych your daughter out about going to see the judge. Don't tell her why she is going, what you are trying to achieve. If you have to tell her anything, just tell her that the judge just wants to talk to her...and she does not need to be afraid...it's between the two of them. Do not prep her...I know at 7 my voice could be heard through my child...don't suggest what she should say...don't say things you don't want her to repeat...just tell her to be honest if the judge asks her questions. Don't let it be a big deal.

It is not unusual for the child to be interviewed by the judge on a day/time when both parents are not scheduled to be in court. Given the circumstances here, your attorney should request this.

Been through all of this. You need facts, documentation and a clear and cool head. If the kids have come home with red marks or bruises, they should have been photographed, or at the very least, noted in a journal. Not sure how valuable myspace/facebook posting will be...the internet is a fantasy, but print them. Keep all cell records, texts, emails. Knowing someone intimately (as well all do our ex's) isn't worth squat in family court. Facts, details, dates, times, concrete evidence. Leave your emotions at home, they are not always helpful in the courtroom.

Good luck and get those girls in to therapy TOMORROW!

I think the lines got a little crossed with the man on the phone I spoke with yesterday about counseling. I think, though I could be wrong, that what he meant was that counseling on post was not available before five but it shouldn't be difficult to get the little one a referral to counseling that fits her needs. I'm going to keep digging though and if I have to pay out of pocket, then I have to pay out of pocket, but it'll get done. My girls deserve that.

I've made sure that I haven't prepped her at all. I've continued to tell her that telling the judge the truth is very important. Besides that the only thing I've said to her is that the judge is a mommy or daddy and that they also probably have grandbabies so they're around kids her age all the time and they're nothing to be afraid of. She is, of course, very curious and excited about what she will wear for court because her school has a uniform dress code so that in itself is fun for her.

Here's a new discovery, tonight I printed out multiple copies of everything I want to give to several different people so I have copies every where just in case they decide to pull some extra crazy moves. While I was printing it out, I realized on one of the postings (which hadn't been the reason to why I had printed the original comment) actually states that his girlfriend had swine flu for at least the first few weeks of October. Their father never notified me. Never said, "hey my girlfriend has the swine flu, the girls were around her so you should get them tested." NOTHING! Maybe this is me overreacting. But wouldn't that be pertinent information to have provided me with? My youngest is considered to be in the high risk category and thankfully neither one of them actually got the swine flu, but what kind of behavior is that? Neglect or just bad, within legal rights, parenting?

I can leave my emotions at home. I've put on a very strong front for the kids. I'm very sad and my heart aches for them, but I know that I can't sit and boo hoo in front of them because it will only make it worse for them. I will most definitely check my emotions at the door so that I can get these babies protected.