Question about father's rights

[nanademi]

What is the name of your state? Texas

A friend of mine down here in Texas has a little girl that lives with her mother in California. They are still legally married and no papers have been filed yet. He wants to take his new girlfriend with him to California for a weekend to visit his daughter, but his soon-to-be-ex says that if he brings the girlfriend she will not let him see his daughter. He offered to pay for the child (she's 6) to fly down and spend a weekend with him down here, but the soon-to-be-ex refuses.

What rights does he have? As I said they are still married and no papers have been filed. I was of the mindset that due to those two circumstances they share joint custody, and that he would be able to not only see his daughter but bring her to Texas to live if he chooses. is that correct? Please provide any insight you can so that i can pass it on; he has not seen his daughter since he relocated down here for work four months ago and he misses her terribly. But he also doesn't want to misstep and blow his chances for full custody when the divorce proceedings begin (from what he has told me it already sounds like it could be quite a fight). Thanks a bunch.

 

[stealth2]

Nope. If there's no visitation order, Mom doesn't have to allow visitation. And frankly, Dad should be a bit more concerned with seeing his child than introducing the kid to his flavor of the month.

Why does he think he's going to get full custody? Especially since he's moved out of state.

 

[sirxamiel]

What is the name of your state? Texas

A friend of mine down here in Texas has a little girl that lives with her mother in California. They are still legally married and no papers have been filed yet. He wants to take his new girlfriend with him to California for a weekend to visit his daughter, but his soon-to-be-ex says that if he brings the girlfriend she will not let him see his daughter. He offered to pay for the child (she's 6) to fly down and spend a weekend with him down here, but the soon-to-be-ex refuses.

What rights does he have? As I said they are still married and no papers have been filed. I was of the mindset that due to those two circumstances they share joint custody, and that he would be able to not only see his daughter but bring her to Texas to live if he chooses. is that correct? Please provide any insight you can so that i can pass it on; he has not seen his daughter since he relocated down here for work four months ago and he misses her terribly. But he also doesn't want to misstep and blow his chances for full custody when the divorce proceedings begin (from what he has told me it already sounds like it could be quite a fight). Thanks a bunch.

Unless there is an order for custody or visitation, then she can pretty much call whatever shot she wants. She doesnt have to let him see the child. There is nothing he can do about that. What he needs to do is file a case for custody and visitation. But keep in mind, that if the child has resided in Ca for more than 6 months, then more than likely he will have to file there. It seems to me that he will have to file there anyway. But im not exactly sure as I dont know the laws there. But as far as getting custody, unless he can prove the mother to be unfit or prove that the child is in danger, his chances are slim. Im not saying he cant get custody, but it could be highly unlikely.
Once he gets a custody and visitation order in place, then she cant tell him who he can or cannot bring. But like Stealth said, why at this point is he worried about introducing his daughter to someone else anyway. If the mother is willing to let him see his child if he comes alone, then I would leave the new meat at home and go visit with my child. The child is 100% more important than a fresh piece of meat. He can indroduce his girlfriend to his daughter later on down the road.

 

[nanademi]

"I would leave the new meat at home and go visit with my child. The child is 100% more important than a fresh piece of meat."

"Dad should be a bit more concerned with seeing his child than introducing the kid to his flavor of the month."

First of all - I am NOT a 'fresh piece of meat' nor am I 'the flavor of the month', and greatly resent being referred to as such. This man and I plan to marry once his divorce is final, and our hope is that we can win custody of his daughter and raise her together along with my sons.

We have an excellent shot at custody because among other things we can prove a record of multiple counts of adultery on the part of the mother pretty much all the way through the marriage. The child herself has mentioned to us about mommy's new friends of late. Also he & I are both established career people with a solid, loving, and happy home environment that she would be better off in. He has told the wicked witch of the west that she can have everything else - all proceeds from both house sales, everything - all he wants is Alexis to come be with us. And THAT is when she pulled the 'if you bring her here you can't see your daughter' bull. He did NOT bolt on his daughter, his company transferred him down here, and the witch refused to come, threw a fit, and packed & ran to momma's house in CA.

We intend to file down here in Texas once he has fulfilled the residency requirement (two more months); the witch & the child have not lived in CA six months or more, and she when asked if she intends to start the ball rolling has replied , "when I feel like getting to it".

While you both seem very well versed in legal matters, which I appreciate, it might behoove you to refrain from flinging insults and just stick to answering people's questions who come to you for advice.

 

[juke]

You are sadly, sadly misinformed. You do not have a shot at custody. That train has left the station.

You're also hypocritical: if the wife was having affairs while married and that is *bad* to the husband...then how does he justify his relationship with you?

And, if you don't want to read what posters here think of new chicks before the divorce is final, then perhaps you should have been upfront about who you are in this equation. They probably wouldn't have called her...I mean, you..."fresh meat!"

 

[stealth2]

Well "a friend of mine" is way different from "my fiance", isn't it. I had a feeling there was more to it than you indicated. And, sweetheart... before Dad flings "adultery" around (which btw, has absolutely NO bearing on custody), he might want to bear in mind that he is still a married man - and he is therefore just as guilty at this point as she is.

As for "flavor of the month"... you said you're a "new" girlfriend. Do you realize how few pre-divorce relationships actually last? Flaunting you in front of mom isn't going to do anything good for the child. So Dad should leave you home and focus more on the little one than making one big happy family.

And.... TX may not have jurisdiction over custody. Dad may want to talk to a lawyer.

 

[AJsMOM]

If it were my child and I couldn't see her if I brought my girlfriend/boyfriend with me...then I wouldn't bring them. Right now the important this is for dad and dd to visit and have that relationship. If mom is willing to LET dad see his dd as long as you aren't there, then be supportive and let him go. It's only for a little while and would make 2 people you care about happy.

As far as the custody battle. It's really out of your hands. As harsh as it sounds, you have no say in what happens or doesn't happen. This your boyfriend and his soon 2b ex.

Just sit this one out.

 

[sirxamiel]

"I would leave the new meat at home and go visit with my child. The child is 100% more important than a fresh piece of meat."

"Dad should be a bit more concerned with seeing his child than introducing the kid to his flavor of the month."

First of all - I am NOT a 'fresh piece of meat' nor am I 'the flavor of the month', and greatly resent being referred to as such. This man and I plan to marry once his divorce is final, and our hope is that we can win custody of his daughter and raise her together along with my sons.

We have an excellent shot at custody because among other things we can prove a record of multiple counts of adultery on the part of the mother pretty much all the way through the marriage. The child herself has mentioned to us about mommy's new friends of late. Also he & I are both established career people with a solid, loving, and happy home environment that she would be better off in. He has told the wicked witch of the west that she can have everything else - all proceeds from both house sales, everything - all he wants is Alexis to come be with us. And THAT is when she pulled the 'if you bring her here you can't see your daughter' bull. He did NOT bolt on his daughter, his company transferred him down here, and the witch refused to come, threw a fit, and packed & ran to momma's house in CA.

We intend to file down here in Texas once he has fulfilled the residency requirement (two more months); the witch & the child have not lived in CA six months or more, and she when asked if she intends to start the ball rolling has replied , "when I feel like getting to it".

While you both seem very well versed in legal matters, which I appreciate, it might behoove you to refrain from flinging insults and just stick to answering people's questions who come to you for advice.

Well first of all, he is still married, and you yourself have no right getting in the middle of thier divorce and custody proceedings. It seems to me that you guys are getting ready to try to throw everything that you can find to get revenge on her, and you are getting ready to put the child right in the middle! That is WRONG!!! If you want to do things the right way, you need to quit accusing the mother of things that your boyfriend is doing as well. I would suggest that the 2 of you move to Ca if you are such good carreer people, and him and the mother get joint custody. That way everybody is happy.You get your boyfriend, he gets his son, and the mother gets the child as well. And then evrybody can get along. But right now you are starting on the wrong track, and it will backfire on you. You yourself need to stay out of it, as you have no right at all in the matter. And as far as file in TX for custody...it will never happen. The judge will ask you where the child is living, and as soon as the courts find out the child resides in CA they will throw your case out, and tell you to file there.

 

[stealth2]

Ya know, sirxamiel .... I could get to like you.

 

[nanademi]

whoa, whoa, hang on one second. my only involvement in this by posting on here was to get SOUND legal advice about how he should proceed as we are both unfamiliar with CA laws. His inclination was to go get her and bring her back, and i said, no, darlin, let's do some checking because i don't know for sure if you can do that.

While i do have a vested interest in whether or not she comes to live with us, i realize fully that this is his ball game. As for me being a hypocrite - whatever. The fact that he and i are together, AFTER the marraige has died and AFTER they have ceased to reside together as man and wife, is irrelevant. The fact that together we have a stable and healthy home enivronment where the child would thrive, IS relevant. You cannot tell me that commiting adultery in the physical presence of the child (which is what has been occurring with her mother), intentional or not, cannot be detrimental to the child's well being. There are some things that children do not need to be exposed to.

As for moving to California, it's not possible. My two sons are happy and well-adjusted, and they see their father, with whom i share joint custody, every weekend. I will not uproot them again, especially not to place them in a position where they could be targets of the wicked witch of the west.

and just for the record - i was staying out of this whole thing, or trying to, except she dragged me in by using me as an excuse to deny him access to his child. As a matter of fact this whole trip to CA to see her started out with just him going (my suggestion) because i am scared to death to fly. He said, no, you & I are together and i want us to go.

Oh, and Stealth, I ain't your damn sweetheart. Keep the patronizing for someone else.

Now, is there anyone who will put down their stones from within their glass houses long enough to give me specifics:

1) Will it do any good at all to file in Texas?
2) How difficult is it to try for custody if he winds up having to file out-of-state from where he resides?
3) Does anyone know what the 'typical' visitation schedule set-up is when the parties reside in different states? Or is it done on a case-by-case basis?
4) What recourse would he have once the papers are filed if she continues to deny his visitation to the child?

thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

1) Will it do any good at all to file in Texas?

Unless I misunderstood he CANNOT file in TX because TX doesn't have jurisdiction and never will.

2. How difficult is it to try for custody if he winds up having to file out-of-state from where he resides?

Tougher than nails..and particularly without and attorney and unless he can legally prove mom unfit.

3. Does anyone know what the 'typical' visitation schedule set-up is when the parties reside in different states? Or is it done on a case-by-case basis?

The age of the child is significant. If the child isn't really little and has an established relationship with the parent then the norm is every other major holiday, a week a Christmas and a specific share of the summer.

4. What recourse would he have once the papers are filed if she continues to deny his visitation to the child?

Nothing once papers are filed....filing for contempt once orders are written and she disobeys the orders.

ok...I don't know HOW that all got so messed up...and editing won't fix it....sigh.

 

[sirxamiel]

Ya know, sirxamiel .... I could get to like you.

Feelings are mutual there stealth. I could get to like you as well. I just call it like I see it. We should get together and chat sometime.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

First of all - I am NOT a 'fresh piece of meat' nor am I 'the flavor of the month', and greatly resent being referred to as such. This man and I plan to marry once his divorce is final, and our hope is that we can win custody of his daughter and raise her together along with my sons.
.

O.K. you may not be a fresh piece of meat (I don't know how old and wrinkled you are so I won't hold that judgement) and you may not be the flavor of the month (I honestly don't know how you taste), but you are a liar.

A friend of mine down here in Texas has a little girl that lives with her mother in California. They are still legally married and no papers have been filed yet. He wants to take his new girlfriend with him to California for a weekend to visit his daughter,

Until I caught you in that lie I was willing to give you a perfectly legal and sane answer to the delimina but since I don't help people who lie, have a hap hap happy day.

 

[nanademi]

ldiJ - Thank you, thank you for answering the legal questions i had. Hope you have a great day, may the Lord bless & keep you.

BelizeBreeze - how much I care about your opinion of me personally could fit on a pinhead with tons of room to spare. Have a nice life.

 

[casa]

whoa, whoa, hang on one second. my only involvement in this by posting on here was to get SOUND legal advice about how he should proceed as we are both unfamiliar with CA laws. His inclination was to go get her and bring her back, and i said, no, darlin, let's do some checking because i don't know for sure if you can do that.

While i do have a vested interest in whether or not she comes to live with us, i realize fully that this is his ball game. As for me being a hypocrite - whatever. The fact that he and i are together, AFTER the marraige has died and AFTER they have ceased to reside together as man and wife, is irrelevant. The fact that together we have a stable and healthy home enivronment where the child would thrive, IS relevant. You cannot tell me that commiting adultery in the physical presence of the child (which is what has been occurring with her mother), intentional or not, cannot be detrimental to the child's well being. There are some things that children do not need to be exposed to.

As for moving to California, it's not possible. My two sons are happy and well-adjusted, and they see their father, with whom i share joint custody, every weekend. I will not uproot them again, especially not to place them in a position where they could be targets of the wicked witch of the west.

and just for the record - i was staying out of this whole thing, or trying to, except she dragged me in by using me as an excuse to deny him access to his child. As a matter of fact this whole trip to CA to see her started out with just him going (my suggestion) because i am scared to death to fly. He said, no, you & I are together and i want us to go.

Oh, and Stealth, I ain't your damn sweetheart. Keep the patronizing for someone else.

Now, is there anyone who will put down their stones from within their glass houses long enough to give me specifics:

1) Will it do any good at all to file in Texas?
2) How difficult is it to try for custody if he winds up having to file out-of-state from where he resides?
3) Does anyone know what the 'typical' visitation schedule set-up is when the parties reside in different states? Or is it done on a case-by-case basis?
4) What recourse would he have once the papers are filed if she continues to deny his visitation to the child?

thank you.

If the case is heard in CA don't bother bringing up the adultry. And as long as he's married still but living with you- he's legally doing the same thing.

Once a custody order is made, if the mother does not allow the court ordered visitation the father can file police reports each time and then take her to court for contempt. That's a long way down the road yet though, since nothing is filed, the case hasn't been heard and no order has even been made yet.

'Typical' visitation out of state is (sometimes rotating)holidays and part or all of summer vacations.

Apparently Mom has been in CA long enough for Dad to go through at least 2 girlfriends, she may have met the residency requirements. You can check what they are online.

Don't go into court saying "WE want to raise the child"- YOU are not the child's mother.

You say supposedly there were drug issues when the father and mother were together- BUT the father stayed with her during that time, so will look foolish saying it bothers him after she's left him- but didn't bother him while they were together.