Question About Moving Out of State

[johannah11]

I live in Maryland, right outside Washington DC. My question concerns by ability to move out of state with my two sons, age 5 and 3. The relevant facts are as follows.

The boys father and I lived together for about 5 years, but never married. During that time, he was abusive to me. We separated several times because of it. We separated for good at the end May. I was on a business trip in LA and was about to go into a meeting, when I got a call from the children's daycare that they were calling Child Protective Services, because my older son had a red mark on his face and said his dad slapped him. I immediately kicked the father out of the house and got back as soon as I could.

I currently have a very high paying job. But with that job comes a lot of travel and 50-60 hour work week. Quite frankly, I am finding this job to be exceedinly stressful as a single parent. I don't want to travel or work so much, the high income is just not worth it. I also have no family here in the area and not much in the way of a support system, except for friends who also have their own families. The boy's father has been very spotty about seeing the boys. (I have tried to facilitate some contact, but in general he does not see them). He went almost 2 months without seeing them, most recently. When he does see them, I have to provide the transportation. He has contributed very little to their support. He does earn significantly less than I do. The boy's father's family all lives in the area, although they are not overly involved with the kids and see them primarily on holidays.

I have not done anything yet about establishing custody and child support. My finances have been in great disarray, and I am trying to dig out of that with the help of a financial counselor.

My question -- i want to move to the Midwest to be closer to my family, so I can have some help. I plan to take a job that pays much less than what I make now, but it will be less stressful, requires no travel and much fewer hours. I think that, given with the lower costs of living in the Midwest, we will be able to live just as well as we have in Maryland. I am concerned that the boy's father might be able to stop me from moving -- he will fight it. What are my rights and equities?

Thanks so much.

 

[LdiJ]

I live in Maryland, right outside Washington DC. My question concerns by ability to move out of state with my two sons, age 5 and 3. The relevant facts are as follows.

The boys father and I lived together for about 5 years, but never married. During that time, he was abusive to me. We separated several times because of it. We separated for good at the end May. I was on a business trip in LA and was about to go into a meeting, when I got a call from the children's daycare that they were calling Child Protective Services, because my older son had a red mark on his face and said his dad slapped him. I immediately kicked the father out of the house and got back as soon as I could.

I currently have a very high paying job. But with that job comes a lot of travel and 50-60 hour work week. Quite frankly, I am finding this job to be exceedinly stressful as a single parent. I don't want to travel or work so much, the high income is just not worth it. I also have no family here in the area and not much in the way of a support system, except for friends who also have their own families. The boy's father has been very spotty about seeing the boys. (I have tried to facilitate some contact, but in general he does not see them). He went almost 2 months without seeing them, most recently. When he does see them, I have to provide the transportation. He has contributed very little to their support. He does earn significantly less than I do. The boy's father's family all lives in the area, although they are not overly involved with the kids and see them primarily on holidays.

I have not done anything yet about establishing custody and child support. My finances have been in great disarray, and I am trying to dig out of that with the help of a financial counselor.

My question -- i want to move to the Midwest to be closer to my family, so I can have some help. I plan to take a job that pays much less than what I make now, but it will be less stressful, requires no travel and much fewer hours. I think that, given with the lower costs of living in the Midwest, we will be able to live just as well as we have in Maryland. I am concerned that the boy's father might be able to stop me from moving -- he will fight it. What are my rights and equities?

Thanks so much.

Yes, he can certainly fight any relocation. Its best to establish custody and child support and petition the courts for permission to relocate at that time. If you do win the right to relocate with the children (and its definitely not guaranteed) then you will need to be prepared for being required to provide all transportation for visitation.

 

[johannah11]

Thanks so much for the response. I am certainly prepared to pay transportation. I am still wondering what exactly the order would forbid. It would not prevent me from moving, just from taking the kids with me. So if I was moving in any event, wouldn't the court have to find that the boys would be better off in the custody of their dad, rather than with me. Given his hstory of being reported as an abuser to Child Protective Services, of domestic abuse towards me, problem drinking -- even alcoholism, and his sporadic contact with the boys -- wouldn't it be likely the the court would find that they are better off with me?