Question for Tinkerbelle

[reportermom]

Your Welcome!

 

[luvisabattle]

withholding weekends

my daughter's father feels that he should have three weekends in a row if one of his holidays falls on my weekend. I've disagreed with this and it was a issue we mediated on.

I feel that this next weekend should be mine and he is disagreeing. this will cause a lot of drama with him possibly showing up at my door with the police at 9pm at night. I don't want to put our duaghter through that, but also would like to spend some time with her.

She is not used to being apart from me for this long of a period, last summer was her first summer with him, it was a disaster. I know she's going to need this weekend as much as I do.

 

[candg918]

Who has her during the week?

 

[luvisabattle]

During the summer he (and by 'he' I mean his wife because he's rarely at the home) has her during the week.

 

[wileybunch]

What happened since your 12/2009 posts? Did you go to court and get the whole weekend rotation clarified? I thought you were going to plan the calendar out for the year?

 

[luvisabattle]

It really started last summer when she was living with them for the first time. We had to mediate before any court action and it took forever to get him/his lawyer to agree to meet. While in mediation we covered all of the issues, the mediator said she would print up the modified plan - he was in agreement - she asked him pointedly if he had anything else to add etc he said no, and then I spent the next two weeks trying to get him/his lawyer to sign the modified plan. He/his lawyer are claiming that the mediator was biased and they want to meet with a new one (?) It's amazing to me that the new lawyer supports and seems to be suggesting he respond this way to me. His lawyer last year would not have done that and I'm really missing him and the way he handled things .

I'm going into the facilitators office tomorrow and file a motion to modify and hopefully the commissioner will just sign the mediator's pp.

Yesterday I tried to speak to our daughter on the phone and it took all day to try to get him to have her call me. He had his wife texting me telling me that my daughter refused to speak to me (she has her own cell phone at home that she calls me on constantly when she's playing in the neighborhood or with a friend somewhere so I know the step-mom isnt telling the truth, or they are making her feel uncomfortable), he would e-mail me telling me to call certain phone numbers which I would do, but no-one would answer, at about 6pm he sent me a picture of our daughter and him that was borderline disturbing. Finally at 8:30 pm she called when they were in the car - I couldn't hear her because of the dvd players etc. She's not used to being away from me and our home, and it's been four days. I just wanted to connect with her.

I just don't see how he can get away with this behavior?

 

[PQN]

rofr

If you are going back to court to modify anyway, why not add in a clause for when dad is going to be gone more than 8 hours (or overnight, whatever makes sense), that daughter returns to you. She shouldn't be spending extended time with stepmom if dad isn't there.

 

[luvisabattle]

the dad and step-mom have a 3 1/2 yr old and a almost 2 yr old boys that are my daughter's half brothers. His lawyer has said that our daughter needs to form the relationship with them.

I would agree with that if it were a healthy situation, but since she was six they (the step-mom mainly) has left her in charge of the two boys. Step-mom has been around, but my daughter is supposed to keep them occupied. The 3 yr old has develpmental problems (My nurse neighbor said it's autisim) and neither boy has much parental guidence so it's quite a handful for her.

I'll add it in though the worst the commissioner could say is no.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

It could include wording that if dad is going to be gone, YOUR child could be available for a play date of like 2 HOURS so that stepmom can't use her as a babysitter.

It is true that the children should bond, but not to be used as a built-in entertainment unit.

 

[luvisabattle]

I'll put that in the document - thank you