re: car insurance for 16 year old living with mom

[simpleguy05]

As an NCP spouse, I can think of a whole lotta reasons why that statement is NOT blackmail.

having a minor child who is a driver can create huge liabilities....If I am foooting the bill for it, I might want them under my roof, so I have some control over the situation, never mind it might be possible for me to secure better insurance for the child etc.....

Ain't that the truth...bottom line, they can't make you pay for it. You can offer different methods to help your child but if they want it bad enough they'll work. I know I did. And as for the mother saying she'd never make it if she didn't get child support (as stated in the begining): some kids see thru the ugly haze of divorce and some kids just can't. Its not your place...They'll either figure their manipulative parent out for themselves or they won't. But you should never say anything nasty or that makes you the bad guy too...

 

[spidey225]

As an NCP spouse, I can think of a whole lotta reasons why that statement is NOT blackmail.

having a minor child who is a driver can create huge liabilities....If I am foooting the bill for it, I might want them under my roof, so I have some control over the situation, never mind it might be possible for me to secure better insurance for the child etc.....

Thank you, Haiku!!! That is exactly how we feel. If she is under our roof and we are paying, we can monitor when and where she drives and have some control. Under mom's roof, we have no say whatsoever.

 

[spidey225]

There is no compromise. If a kid wants to drive, then the kid needs to be responsible and get a job to pay for insurance and license fees and gas. Can't pay 'em, then you ain't driving.

OP...tell your ex psycho to file. Then when she loses, file paperwork against her for abuse of court system (or whatever it's called).

Amen!!

 

[ablessin]

And men NEVER do that sort of thing, huh?

Maybe they do... But in all the cases that I see and hear, it's the mother who is always bent on dragging the father back to court.

Most men seem to want nothing to do with running to court every other month

 

[stargazer0725]

My point isn't to insult, just to point out that if they're willing to pay for insurance, they're willing to pay. To coerce the girl to change residences for money does not send a good message.

I don't think insurance is a necessity (as do all of us here), and funds should definitely be contributed by the minor child to fund their privilege.

But keep in mind, while everyone is talking about child support covering the necessities in life, insurance is NOT necessarily a necessity, which means it technically falls under the "extra" category. Which means a CP can ask for help, but the NCP is not under the obligation to oblige. In this case, if the NCP is willing to contribute to insurance, they should just go ahead and do it. For goodness sake, the NCP can shop the insurance themselves and stipulate the policy (and driving stipulations for the daughter) if they want to.

 

[spidey225]

My point isn't to insult, just to point out that if they're willing to pay for insurance, they're willing to pay. To coerce the girl to change residences for money does not send a good message.

I don't think insurance is a necessity (as do all of us here), and funds should definitely be contributed by the minor child to fund their privilege.

But keep in mind, while everyone is talking about child support covering the necessities in life, insurance is NOT necessarily a necessity, which means it technically falls under the "extra" category. Which means a CP can ask for help, but the NCP is not under the obligation to oblige. In this case, if the NCP is willing to contribute to insurance, they should just go ahead and do it. For goodness sake, the NCP can shop the insurance themselves and stipulate the policy (and driving stipulations for the daughter) if they want to.

unfortunately, we have NO say in the driving "stipulations" for her, as she lives under mom's roof and mom is constantly hell-bent on showing who is the boss and who has the power, because she is the CP, after all, and we are merely the income providers. Seriously. You have never met anyone so determined to get as much out of someone as she does, and if it causes the other party discomfort, so much the better, in her eyes. She , after all, has all the power, we are merely the NCP, and we need to be reminded of that all the time, in her eyes. Sorry, sometimes it gets a little bit irritating. No compromise whatsoever. Just screaming at us over the phone and complaining about how the money she gets isn't enough.....

 

[stargazer0725]

Spidey, it's not that hard to take control of this situation. You simply find an appropriate policy for the girl, gather their shares of 6 months worth of the premium, add it to what you might be willing to contribute, then put in writing your stipulations for contributing to the renewal six months down the road...provided she has no traffic tickets or accidents. If she complies, then re-up for another six months - if she doesn't you can then cancel the policy and make them purchase one by themselves.

Don't be reactive and bitter about the situation - look at this as an opportunity to be proactive and become a guiding force. But if mom won't play ball and contribute, then you don't have to contribute - but at least you can say you made an effort.

 

[spidey225]

Spidey, it's not that hard to take control of this situation. You simply find an appropriate policy for the girl, gather their shares of 6 months worth of the premium, add it to what you might be willing to contribute, then put in writing your stipulations for contributing to the renewal six months down the road...provided she has no traffic tickets or accidents. If she complies, then re-up for another six months - if she doesn't you can then cancel the policy and make them purchase one by themselves.

Don't be reactive and bitter about the situation - look at this as an opportunity to be proactive and become a guiding force. But if mom won't play ball and contribute, then you don't have to contribute - but at least you can say you made an effort.

Thanks for the idea, but she is non-receptive about paying any share at all. She simply feels that we should fund everything, and she should not have to pay at all. Period.

 

[nextwife]

Plenty of parents are glad when their teen begins driving.Not me.. I always enjoyed driving mine around. But in larger families they can help shuttle siblings to activities and get themselves to and from school. Which has to be admitted helps working parents out.

In this case parents should kick in and at least pay the majority of the insurance/gas/payments.

There is responsibility to be learned in alot of things but, any time a parent doesn't want to pay for something they always harp "it teaches responsibiliy to pay for it yourself"

And if a CP has younger kids that are NOT those of the paying NCP, why should THEIR transportation needs be the financial resposnibilty of this NCP? Should a NCP have to pay for auto insurance so that another couple can be relieved of the stress of getting their kids wherever they need to be?

I was one of those kids that grew up in a home in which my parents believed that taking financial responsibilty for certain things myself WAS a good idea, because they both grew up that way. And they were married to each other until my dad's death, so it had NOTHING to do with being a CP or NCP. And I am raising my child that way because I BELIEVE in teaching children that everything isn't coming to them, that everything isn't only about them and what they want, and they have a responsibilty to grow into fully self-sufficient adults and make responsible choices.

 

[spidey225]

[

I was one of those kids that grew up in a home in which my parents believed that taking financial responsibilty for certain things myself WAS a good idea, because they both grew up that way. And they were married to each other until my dad's death, so it had NOTHING to do with being a CP or NCP. And I am raising my child that way because I BELIEVE in teaching children that everything isn't coming to them, that everything isn't only about them and what they want, and they have a responsibilty to grow into fully self-sufficient adults and make responsible choices.[/QUOTE]


Exactly how I was raised, and how I am raising my kids. They will be more responsible if they have to share in the costs of their car and insurance. My hunsband's ex is truly teaching their daughter that she deserves to have everything she wants when she wants it and that dad should foot the bill. She is also teaching her way of treating men...she uses every man in her life to buy her things or pay for her bills, and daughter sees that and thinks that is how it is supposed to be. She is learning how to be dependent on a man and how to be unable to make responsible choices, as we stand helplessly by.


Thanks for your positive input!! Keep up the good work!