Recent developments raises question about notarized shared parental agreement

[Testimony]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?Maryland
I am in a terrible situation. Can I make a notarized shared parental agreement null /void if it was established under false pretenses? Also, can I obtain full physical and legal custody? Case in point: I was engaged to someone that is active duty for over a year and lived with him for a year. I moved out when I was 5 months pregnant because 1)he became more and more aggressive with my eldest son who he is not the father of;2) he was disrespectful and verbally abusive to his own mother who lived with us. 3) the environment wasn't healthy for me and the fetus (his mom is a chain smoker and chronic depressive and he excessively drinks alcohol);4) I over heard him conversing with his aunt stating that he gave his ex-wife a concussion( he also physically abused the kids he had with her);5) I recently found out that he molested his step daughter when she was young. She is now older and is in the military and has made moves to report him to the military.

As to the shared parental agreement, he coerced me into agreement by stating that 1) if he didn't have one in placed that he could be dishonorably discharged and 2) he needed it to obtain additional dependent benefits since the baby and I resided in another state. He mentioned that the so called "military instruction" stipulated that if I had resided more than 50 miles from his station, he was due more dependent care monies. I later found out that the parental agreement which is a prerequisite to the military dependent care certificate, doesn't apply to me because I am a civilian and that it is only a requirement of single parents or married couples that are active duty.

Your professional advice is greatly appreciated, thanks in advance.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?Maryland
I am in a terrible situation. Can I make a notarized shared parental agreement null /void if it was established under false pretenses? Also, can I obtain full physical and legal custody? Case in point: I was engaged to someone that is active duty for over a year and lived with him for a year. I moved out when I was 5 months pregnant because 1)he became more and more aggressive with my eldest son who he is not the father of;2) he was disrespectful and verbally abusive to his own mother who lived with us. 3) the environment wasn't healthy for me and the fetus (his mom is a chain smoker and chronic depressive and he excessively drinks alcohol);4) I over heard him conversing with his aunt stating that he gave his ex-wife a concussion( he also physically abused the kids he had with her);5) I recently found out that he molested his step daughter when she was young. She is now older and is in the military and has made moves to report him to the military.

As to the shared parental agreement, he coerced me into agreement by stating that 1) if he didn't have one in placed that he could be dishonorably discharged and 2) he needed it to obtain additional dependent benefits since the baby and I resided in another state. He mentioned that the so called "military instruction" stipulated that if I had resided more than 50 miles from his station, he was due more dependent care monies. I later found out that the parental agreement which is a prerequisite to the military dependent care certificate, doesn't apply to me because I am a civilian and that it is only a requirement of single parents or married couples that are active duty.

Your professional advice is greatly appreciated, thanks in advance.

Was this notarized agreement ever ordered by a court? If not, then it is not worth much if anything and does not have the force of an order. Dad can go to court and ask that the court make this agreement an order however. Some of the above by the way matters not because after he molested (allegedly) his stepdaughter (what evidence do you have of that -- oh nothing) and after he allegedly gave his ex-wife a concussion, YOU still allowed him to impregnate you AND you carried the baby to term. He will be able to get parenting time with his child.

 

[Testimony]

Clarification

Hi Ohiogal,

Thanks for responding so quickly but I think I need to make some clarifications. The notarized agreement was not ordered by the court. The agreement is something he conjured up to obtain more military benefits. Also, I found out that he gave his wife a concussion when I was five months pregnant. Although I over heard him conversing with his aunt about it, I went ahead and took it a step further and contacted his ex-wife directly as to why I moved out of his house so quickly. His ex-wife confirmed the events even went as far as to tell me that there was an emergency room visit which validates the event. With regards to his step daughter, I found out about the molestation the night of my son's first birthday. The youngest daughter (who is 17) attended my son's party. She was visiting her dad( summer visitation only)based on the stipulations in her dad and mother's divorce decree. Once the party was over, the daughter insisted that I take her to the mall. On the way there, she revealed disturbing information. That information entailed her eldest sister's accounting of molestation. She also stated that she was in fear of her father because he barged into her bedroom one day when she got out of the shower and she was startled and told her dad that she wasn't dressed and he replied that he seen her before he used to change her diapers. The only reason he has visitation is because the molestation was not brought up as a separate case to the divorce proceedings. Anyway, the daughter also mentioned that she was planning to leave her father's house without him knowing and sure enough two weeks later she called me from Ohio to say that she managed to slip out one morning when he thought she was going to school. She mentioned that her mom and other siblings decided to give me the information out of fear for my son because he can not talk yet. She also stated that they were wondering what made me so special as to why her dad didn't physically abuse me yet. At this point I am ready to go to court to file for full physical and legal custody. I don't want a judge to tell me that if I knew this information why do I allow him visitation.

Again your reply is welcomed and appreciated.

 

[Proserpina]

Hi Ohiogal,

Thanks for responding so quickly but I think I need to make some clarifications. The notarized agreement was not ordered by the court. The agreement is something he conjured up to obtain more military benefits. Also, I found out that he gave his wife a concussion when I was five months pregnant. Although I over heard him conversing with his aunt about it, I went ahead and took it a step further and contacted his ex-wife directly as to why I moved out of his house so quickly. His ex-wife confirmed the events even went as far as to tell me that there was an emergency room visit which validates the event. With regards to his step daughter, I found out about the molestation the night of my son's first birthday. The youngest daughter (who is 17) attended my son's party. She was visiting her dad( summer visitation only)based on the stipulations in her dad and mother's divorce decree. Once the party was over, the daughter insisted that I take her to the mall. On the way there, she revealed disturbing information. That information entailed her eldest sister's accounting of molestation. She also stated that she was in fear of her father because he barged into her bedroom one day when she got out of the shower and she was startled and told her dad that she wasn't dressed and he replied that he seen her before he used to change her diapers. The only reason he has visitation is because the molestation was not brought up as a separate case to the divorce proceedings. Anyway, the daughter also mentioned that she was planning to leave her father's house without him knowing and sure enough two weeks later she called me from Ohio to say that she managed to slip out one morning when he thought she was going to school. She mentioned that her mom and other siblings decided to give me the information out of fear for my son because he can not talk yet. She also stated that they were wondering what made me so special as to why her dad didn't physically abuse me yet. At this point I am ready to go to court to file for full physical and legal custody. I don't want a judge to tell me that if I knew this information why do I allow him visitation.

Again your reply is welcomed and appreciated.

Again, Dad is going to get parenting time with his child.

This is his right - it's not about you allowing anything.

In all honesty I see no reason why sole legal is necessary; there's no actual proof of any wrongdoing.

 

[Testimony]

Question

So you are telling me that I need proof of physical abuse /molestation? Child protective services was called several times during his previous marriage and his kids were placed in foster care. Also he has a DUI record pertaining to his alcohol drinking which I found when I did a background search to further investigate this man. Is that proof enough? It seem as though your comments, suggestions lean more towards being a male advocate. I find that a lot of times the powers that be ignore tell tell signs of real issues as to why children end up being unfortunate victims. Example: like the mother in law who threw her granddaughter off a ledge because she didn't like the woman that her son married (she was taking prozac because she was chronically depressed). Or domestic abuse situations that go over looked and the next thing you see is that both mother and child is shot dead because the father doesn't want to pay child support.

You should be more compassionate in your replies, not everyone is out for revenge because a relationship had went sour. I am just saying.

 

[Proserpina]

So you are telling me that I need proof of physical abuse /molestation?

Basically, yes.

Child protective services was called several times during his previous marriage and his kids were placed in foster care.

But none of that involved your child.

Also he has a DUI record pertaining to his alcohol drinking which I found when I did a background search to further investigate this man. Is that proof enough? It seem as though your comments, suggestions lean more towards being a male advocate.

No, what you're finding is that we - as a collective - are pro-child. And the LEGAL reality is that you have nothing.

I find that a lot of times the powers that be ignore tell tell signs of real issues as to why children end up being unfortunate victims. Example: like the mother in law who threw her granddaughter off a ledge because she didn't like the woman that her son married (she was taking prozac because she was chronically depressed). Or domestic abuse situations that go over looked and the next thing you see is that both mother and child is shot dead because the father doesn't want to pay child support.

You should be more compassionate in your replies, not everyone is out for revenge because a relationship had went sour. I am just saying.

Who are you addressing with that comment?

You received the legal truth.

 

[Proserpina]

At this point I have to ask - what's your end goal?

Sole legal and physical won't take away Dad's rights, nor will it mean he won't have unsupervised visitation.

 

[CJane]

OP, most of what you've stated is irrelevant to the question that you asked. Why? Because you don't need a reason to refuse visitation. There is no court order in place, nothing that requires you to allow any contact at all.

And dad isn't going to magically 'get' visitation. IF dad chooses to file for visitation, he's going to need to do so in the child's home state, and he's going to need to follow through while the courts grind through the process. No one knows whether or not he's likely to do that.

But for now, as it applies to your immediate concerns, you owe dad nothing, and do not have to worry about the 'agreement' -it's not legally binding.

 

[Testimony]

Re:

I was responding to (Proserpina). It is hard for me to digest that the laws of the land stipulate that time with mom or dad takes precedent over safety. Shouldn't we be proactive versus reactive as it pertains to a child's safety? If spending time with mom and dad is a priority why then does the court/Child Protective Agency are quick to send children to foster care where there are only (strangers) caseworkers/social workers?

I know now what I have to do. I will document and keep a journal. If safety becomes an issue, I will obtain a restraining order. If the abuse finally occurs to my son, I will present evidence to the court to deem the father unfit. Although in my opinion, past behaviors should be taken into account especially if the person managed to be deceptive about who they really are.

Have a blessed day!

 

[Proserpina]

I was responding to (Proserpina). It is hard for me to digest that the laws of the land stipulate that time with mom or dad takes precedent over safety. Shouldn't we be proactive versus reactive as it pertains to a child's safety? If spending time with mom and dad is a priority why then does the court/Child Protective Agency are quick to send children to foster care where there are only (strangers) caseworkers/social workers?

The thing is, he hasn't harmed your child at all. Too many parents try to use a "what if..." to prevent the other parent from having contact. That's why the court wants to see evidence.

I know now what I have to do. I will document and keep a journal. If safety becomes an issue, I will obtain a restraining order. If the abuse finally occurs to my son, I will present evidence to the court to deem the father unfit. Although in my opinion, past behaviors should be taken into account especially if the person managed to be deceptive about who they really are.

Have a blessed day!

No, if safety becomes an issue you take it back to court to request supervised visitation. You must also understand that even if he abuses your son, there's still a chance he'll be able to get supervised visitation.

No visitation at all is very, very rarely ordered.

And though people never like to read or hear this, you're somewhat expected to know the person you've chosen as the father - I know, I know, we can all be taken in by a charmer. But the court doesn't always see it that way.

 

[CJane]

Proserpina, she doesn't need to take anything back to court. There is no court order.

 

[ecmst12]

She needs to go to court for the first time.

 

[CJane]

I disagree. In my opinion, in a case so full of drama a[HR][/HR]nd angst, it would be best if she did nothing, and waited to see if dad files anything.

 

[Testimony]

Do nothing, wait for dad

If I deny the dad visitation, wouldn't that act work against me when the dad decides to bring it to court?

 

[stealth2]

If I deny the dad visitation, wouldn't that act work against me when the dad decides to bring it to court?

Not necessarily, because you HAVE full custody, and there is no visitation order. You could offer supervised visitation, if you're concerned.

As for the rest of your posts... Have you ever heard of "Innocent until proven guilty"? Do you have any idea how many ex's allege abuse - spousal or child - when breaking up so as to keep te poter parent away from the child(ren)? So yes, the court requires more than "my ex's kid told me that her sister told her that he molested her Y number of years ago." Why were the cops not called? For that situation, or for his causing his wife's concussion? And if the cops were called and there was no conviction? He is NOT guilty. That's how our legal system works, and rightfully so.

Nor is it insensitive to tell you that.