relocation question for texas ..

[michael_s_cott]

I live in Plano, Texas (suburb of dallas), collin county and I have a custody/relocation question. I will try and keep this as non confusing as possible. I do understand that each case has different circumstances wich result in different results so I am looking for opinions .... As I am starting to freak out.

My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter. I just recently filed for divorce in Collin County. We have temp orders hearing in 2 weeks.

mom wants to move to lubbock, texas and live with her grandparents so she can go to school. She feels that she has no life here once we are divorced. She wants me to get no more then the standard visitation (just to be mean i think).

dad would like her to stay here so we can have 50/50 split time with our daughter, I do believe that kids need equal time with both parents to form a life long bond.

mom assumes that since she is the mother that her being a mother trumps everything.

Mom and dad are both great parents and there is no domestic violence history, no alcohol or drug abuse history.

Dad has stable job, been with same company for 3 years. Dad carries 100% of the financial burdan of the family. Dad has taken the child to and from daycare every single day for the past 2 years.

Mom is currently a part time student in school with no job in the past 3 years.

Mom wants to move back to lubbock with her grandparents, who are both over 80 years old and live with them while she is in school. Moms mom has been remarried 6 times and is moving to Houston.

I am confused on "best interest of the child", im not sure what factors weight in on determining this. My point of view is that we are both great parents however at this point in life I am better to take care of our child. The child has had the same doctors since birth, been at the same daycare since 6 weeks old and has a great and stable support system here with my family.

From reading on the net it seams to me that it will be tuff for her to move out of the county. My first concern is her moving, my second concern is visitation. I want 50 / 50 she wants the minimum.

I am going for primary (physical) possession of the child and asking tht we get 50 / 50 .. she wants primary as well but wants the minimum for myself.

Based on all the facts above .. What are some opinions of the possible outcome of the custody hearing.

 

[Proserpina]

Has Mom been primary caregiver (I mean day to day - not financially) during the past two years?

That aside, a 50/50 timeshare is not likely to be ordered unless BOTH parents agree to it.

 

[acmb05]

I live in Plano, Texas (suburb of dallas), collin county and I have a custody/relocation question. I will try and keep this as non confusing as possible. I do understand that each case has different circumstances wich result in different results so I am looking for opinions .... As I am starting to freak out.

My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter. I just recently filed for divorce in Collin County. We have temp orders hearing in 2 weeks.

mom wants to move to lubbock, texas and live with her grandparents so she can go to school. She feels that she has no life here once we are divorced. She wants me to get no more then the standard visitation (just to be mean i think).

dad would like her to stay here so we can have 50/50 split time with our daughter, I do believe that kids need equal time with both parents to form a life long bond.

mom assumes that since she is the mother that her being a mother trumps everything.

Mom and dad are both great parents and there is no domestic violence history, no alcohol or drug abuse history.

Dad has stable job, been with same company for 3 years. Dad carries 100% of the financial burdan of the family. Dad has taken the child to and from daycare every single day for the past 2 years.

Mom is currently a part time student in school with no job in the past 3 years.

Mom wants to move back to lubbock with her grandparents, who are both over 80 years old and live with them while she is in school. Moms mom has been remarried 6 times and is moving to Houston.

I am confused on "best interest of the child", im not sure what factors weight in on determining this. My point of view is that we are both great parents however at this point in life I am better to take care of our child. The child has had the same doctors since birth, been at the same daycare since 6 weeks old and has a great and stable support system here with my family.

From reading on the net it seams to me that it will be tuff for her to move out of the county. My first concern is her moving, my second concern is visitation. I want 50 / 50 she wants the minimum.

I am going for primary (physical) possession of the child and asking tht we get 50 / 50 .. she wants primary as well but wants the minimum for myself.

Based on all the facts above .. What are some opinions of the possible outcome of the custody hearing.

There are so many possible outcomes that it would take a week to post them all. In most states moving from one city to another is not such a big deal and it is rather easy for weekend visitations. However Texas is a large state and you are talking about a close to 6 hour drive between lubbock and plano.

I would hope the judge would take into consideration the ties the child has with the community and the fact that mom has no really good reason to move the child that far away from the other parent.

If she is awarded primary custody and is allowed to move that far away I would ask that she be responsible for transportation cost.

 

[michael_s_cott]

response

well ... thats where the confusion comes into play ...

best answer i can do is give you the schedule that we have had the past 2 years ...


mon - friday
I get up get my daughter dressed and take her to day care.
I pick her up at the same time everyday 6pm, then go home.
With in the past 2 years mom has maybe taken/picked up from day care 2 or 3 times. She says she does not have time.

saturday and sunday
both mom and I are home with her

When both the mom and I are with our daughter we share the day to day duties of parenting. thats never been an issue. I guess if you start counting the hours each of us have with our daughter daily, I would come out to more time with her since I am taking her and picking her up from daycare and taking her with me anywhere i need to go before going home for the night.

Our daughter is in day care 5 days a week from 8 - 5(6 on some days).

I also make all the medical arrangements. And on the weekend if I go anywhere I take my daughter with me. Not to say that mom is a bad mom, I just spend more time with our daughter.

Mom has also been diagnosed with schizophrenia /bi-polar and is a manic depressant which is a major role in our divorce.

So who is the primary care giver ? if its based on time with our daughter, i guess i am. If its based on who makes sure she has everything she needs, i guess I am. If its based on love an affection then there is no winner since we both give equal.

So thats where i get confused about primary care giver. If the child was not in day care and at home with mom all day then she obviously would be the primary care giver. But thats not the case. All her classes are online except for one. She asked that our daughter be in day care so she could study. I dont agree with that but thats a whole other fight lol.

This is where "best interest of the child" gets confusing. To me what that is, would be the parent who can provide the child with the most stable living environment, who can financially provide for the child on there own without any outside help (outside help is great, we all need it sometime, but I dont think that it is stable income to keep asking for helo) and who can provide the most attention to the child, which we both give as much as we can. So in our case its hard to determine since we both "are gone" all day and our daughter is in day care.

Her whole defense at this point is that she needs to move to lubbock to her grandparents can support her while she finishes school, wich makes no since to me since her school is in dallas. Her family is not stable at all. I have known her mom for 3 years and she has been married 2 times since i have known her. I just dont want my daughter around that environment. And i cannot trust that her grandparents could take care of a 2 year old at there age. So I feel at this time I could provide for our daughter better then mom can at this point in time.

Sorry that was a really long answer to your really short question ....

 

[michael_s_cott]

response

@acmb05

Yes lubbock is far. We lucked out with the judge that we got. Out of the 5 or so cases she (my lawyer) has handled with this judge they all ended up with county relocation restrictions. So I am pretty confident that she will not be allowed to take our daughter to lubbock. My main "scare" at this point is possession and visitation. My wife is the type of person that will use our daughter to get back at my, by limiting my time with our daughter as much as she can. Wich I personally think is the crappiest thing someone can do. I dont care how pissed off or mad I was I would never deny my daughter time with her mom, the more the better. But thats me.

 

[Isis1]

As much I still don't understand it, Texas has a standard law that allows the custodial parent to chose where to live. I have seen alot of posters put partial orders up with that language.

Your main goal is to determine who was the primary caretaker. When you say mom has no job, are you saying she was a stay at home parent? Or was she hanging around the street corners with her friends without the child? Mom wants to take the child to her family so she has her support system. You want to keep the child near your family. Why is your family more important than hers? Her mother's marriage record doesn't matter. Perfectly legal to get married as much as she did.

Watch your wording.

 

[michael_s_cott]

response

@Isis1

no she is not a stay at home parent. our child has been in day care 5 days a week since she was about 6 weeks old.

she takes online classes at home. which consumes about 3 hours out of the day. the rest I guess she just watches tv. idk

My point about her mom is not that is bad to re-marry, to each there own, but what scares me is the choice in men that her mom has. And that my daughter would be around that, which i dont want. It would be changing all the time. And since they would be living with her mom and or grandparents in there home I feel that all that change would be more harm then good.

Yes in texas the parent with the primary possession gets to establish where the child is. but we have not even gotten that far. Temporary orders are in 2 weeks.

As of now our standing orders are that the child can not be removed from day care, or move residences and a few other things. Wich by the way mom picked up and jeted to lubbuck this past week and has not returned . If shes not back by tuesday i will file a petition.

 

[michael_s_cott]

standing orders

here is a link to the collin county standing orders ...

www.co.collin.tx.us/district_courts/standing_order_children.pdf

 

[acmb05]

@Isis1

no she is not a stay at home parent. our child has been in day care 5 days a week since she was about 6 weeks old.

she takes online classes at home. which consumes about 3 hours out of the day. the rest I guess she just watches tv. idk

My point about her mom is not that is bad to re-marry, to each there own, but what scares me is the choice in men that her mom has. And that my daughter would be around that, which i dont want. It would be changing all the time. And since they would be living with her mom and or grandparents in there home I feel that all that change would be more harm then good.

Yes in texas the parent with the primary possession gets to establish where the child is. but we have not even gotten that far. Temporary orders are in 2 weeks.

As of now our standing orders are that the child can not be removed from day care, or move residences and a few other things. Wich by the way mom picked up and jeted to lubbuck this past week and has not returned . If shes not back by tuesday i will file a petition.

Did mom take the child with her? If so I would definately bring this to the courts attention. It could show that she has no feelings as to the authority of the court and could show that she would not abide by an order for visitation. If she is already breaking a court order this could go in your favor.

 

[LdiJ]

I live in Plano, Texas (suburb of dallas), collin county and I have a custody/relocation question. I will try and keep this as non confusing as possible. I do understand that each case has different circumstances wich result in different results so I am looking for opinions .... As I am starting to freak out.

My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter. I just recently filed for divorce in Collin County. We have temp orders hearing in 2 weeks.

mom wants to move to lubbock, texas and live with her grandparents so she can go to school. She feels that she has no life here once we are divorced. She wants me to get no more then the standard visitation (just to be mean i think).

dad would like her to stay here so we can have 50/50 split time with our daughter, I do believe that kids need equal time with both parents to form a life long bond.

mom assumes that since she is the mother that her being a mother trumps everything.

Mom and dad are both great parents and there is no domestic violence history, no alcohol or drug abuse history.

Dad has stable job, been with same company for 3 years. Dad carries 100% of the financial burdan of the family. Dad has taken the child to and from daycare every single day for the past 2 years.

Mom is currently a part time student in school with no job in the past 3 years.

Mom wants to move back to lubbock with her grandparents, who are both over 80 years old and live with them while she is in school. Moms mom has been remarried 6 times and is moving to Houston.

I am confused on "best interest of the child", im not sure what factors weight in on determining this. My point of view is that we are both great parents however at this point in life I am better to take care of our child. The child has had the same doctors since birth, been at the same daycare since 6 weeks old and has a great and stable support system here with my family.

From reading on the net it seams to me that it will be tuff for her to move out of the county. My first concern is her moving, my second concern is visitation. I want 50 / 50 she wants the minimum.

I am going for primary (physical) possession of the child and asking tht we get 50 / 50 .. she wants primary as well but wants the minimum for myself.

Based on all the facts above .. What are some opinions of the possible outcome of the custody hearing.

50/50 is not a given. Who has been the child's primary caretaker? Not who pays for everything but the person who cares for the child? Is the child in daycare all day long or does mom pick up the child before you get home from work? Who feeds the child, who bathes the child, who prepares the child's meals, who takes the child to the doctor?

 

[nextwife]

50/50 is not a given. Who has been the child's primary caretaker? Not who pays for everything but the person who cares for the child? Is the child in daycare all day long or does mom pick up the child before you get home from work? Who feeds the child, who bathes the child, who prepares the child's meals, who takes the child to the doctor?

Gee, LdiJ, not all children HAVE a single parent who does all that!

Not all kids have one parent only taking the kid to the Dr, feeding them, etc. Dad sure outlined enough caregiving trhat he can claim shared caregiving duties and file for custody, same as mom. In some households, the time of day OR day of the week of the Dr appt determines which parent will take them, and the time of day determines which parent will be feeding them. Or the given day of the week determines who does that.

There is not always a primary caregiver.

 

[LdiJ]

Gee, LdiJ, not all children HAVE a single parent who does all that!

Not all kids have one parent only taking the kid to the Dr, feeding them, etc. Dad sure outlined enough caregiving trhat he can claim shared caregiving duties and file for custody, same as mom. In some households, the time of day OR day of the week of the Dr appt determines which parent will take them, and the time of day determines which parent will be feeding them. Or the given day of the week determines who does that.

There is not always a primary caregiver.

Yes, he certainly did outline that. I didn't see that when I posted. It sounds like they have been at least equal caregivers, if not dad being a bit more of a caregiver than mom.

 

[nextwife]

It should also be pointed out that it is Mom who is suddenly changing schools and planning on removing the child from access to their other parent and dad is willing to allow continuity of access by BOTH parents. If this college was good enough while married, why should she suddenly need to transfer so far away? She has three years in already during the marriage (who knows how much before the marriage), she should be able to wrap this up sooner or later, one would hope.

And at 80+ years old, it is unlikely her GPs are going to be a huge help in caregiving for very long. Certainly not MORE than she could get sharing caregiving with the child's very OWN parent.

Frankly, virtually everyone I know who finished college did so on their own without living with elderly grandparents OR parents. She should only need a year or two at this point, one would think, to finish up. I have close family who were singles, back in school full time years after GPs were gone, and parents gone or elder as well, who went back to school, lived away and did school completely on their own in the last ten years. People can and do find ways to do school and live in housing near campus.

 

[LdiJ]

It should also be pointed out that it is Mom who is suddenly changing schools and planning on removing the child from access to their other parent and dad is willing to allow continuity of access by BOTH parents. If this college was good enough while married, why should she suddenly need to transfer so far away? She has three years in already during the marriage (who knows how much before the marriage), she should be able to wrap this up sooner or later, one would hope.

And at 80+ years old, it is unlikely her GPs are going to be a huge help in caregiving for very long. Certainly not MORE than she could get sharing caregiving with the child's very OWN parent.

Frankly, virtually everyone I know who finished college did so on their own without living with elderly grandparents OR parents. She should only need a year or two at this point, one would think, to finish up. I have close family who were singles, back in school full time years after GPs were gone, and parents gone or elder as well, who went back to school, lived away and did school completely on their own in the last ten years. People can and do find ways to do school and live in housing near campus.

I suspect that her motivation is a free place to live. However I just mapquested it and that is a LONG drive. Mom's odds are not strong of being able to take the child with her.

 

[michael_s_cott]

response

@acmb05
yes mom took the child with her to lubbock last wednsday, I told her that I wanted it in writing when she would be back ( because this has happened before with the court order saying she could not leave collin county and she did leave and went to lubbock for a month, i got an order saying she had to come back and she did), when i asked the mom if i could have it in writing her words were "**** you, i dont need you or the courts ****ing permission to go to my moms for thanksgiving, **** off". So i told her i was not comfortable with her going, since I was scared she would not come back. But she went anyway. She is supposed to return today. I asked her yesterday via text ( she wont talk to me on the phone ) what time she will be back today, and her ongoing response was "i dont know". Im not an *******, i would never want to keep the child from seing her grandparents/great grandparents, its the fear of her not returning that scares me and makes me hesitant to agree on her leaving.


And yes I understand that 50/50 is not standard, I know what standard is and IT SUCKS for the parent that does not have the child living with them. That is why we will be asking for 50/50, because I feel that with a child this young, the child needs just as much time with each loving parent. The judge we got assigned to has given out 50/50 before so thats a plus for me.


Mom thinks that since she is the "mom" that she is above me in every way and the courts will do whatever she asks. She does not understand that its the courts decision of what the best interest of the child is. So all i can do is try my best to show that i am the best option for the child at this point in time.

Who has been the child's primary caretaker?

as gar as far as at home duties we share that equally.

Is the child in daycare all day long or does mom pick up the child before you get home from work?

Child is in day care from 8 - 5 (6 somedays), dad takes her and picks her up everyday.

Who feeds the child, who bathes the child, who prepares the child's meals, who takes the child to the doctor?

We share this 50/50. I personally love doing all that, its fun.


Background :

When mom got prego she was working as a hair sylist, the day she found out she was pregnant, she quit her job because she "didn't want the stress" and should not "be on her feet". Dad currently was working from home for himself, making good money but not stable enough to raise a child, and no insurance. Dad immediately went and got a full time job that provided insurance, and within a week was working. Dad has been at the same job since.

After child was born, mom stayed at home for about 6 weeks and cared for the newborn, not yet in school. At 6 weeks old the child started day care, mom got a job, but got fired 4 weeks later. Child stayed in daycare while mom tried and figured out what she wanted to do. Mom finally decided to go to school to be a sonagrapher (spelling). At this point the child is about 6 months old. Mom choose not to work and go to school, mom is only taking 9 - 12 hours at school and they are 75% online. (*** sidebar : This does and does not piss me off, she has not one time asked me if i needed any help dealing with stuff, daycare, money, etc etc. Its not that she has not helped its that she has not offered to help. I know ALOT of people going to school full time and working at least part time to help out there family. Hurts my feelings more then pisses me off. I even offered to get a second job, but she got pissed at me.) Anyway, her first part of school is done next month (december). Then she applies to the medical part ( certification, not degree) in december and IF she is accepted she will start the medical training NEXT JULY, so thats about 6 months she has off to do nothing. She said that there is no point for her to get a job since she will be going to school 40 hours (20 hours in class/20 hours training hands on at the hospital) and would have to quit her job in june.

Mom claims she can not handle school and work at the same time. Mom is schizophrenic and is on alot of meds for that and she is also a manic depressant. I try and not get mad at her when she gets one of her episodes and is overwhelmed by school, but sometimes its hard when it effects the child.

So yes she wants to move back home with mom/grandparents for free room and board while she finishes up school, which i am not sure how that would work seing her school is in dallas. My point is that my child would be taken care of by her grandparents and moms mom ( mom might be moving to houston with new husband in January, so it would be just her grandparents) on a daily basis and not mom, since she would be in school. They cant afford the daycare. The child currently only sees moms family a couple times a year. Moms side of the family is um, not normal. Way not normal and I dont want to get into that on here, but it does highly concern me that my child would not get the style of life that she has been used to.