relocation question for texas ..

[LdiJ]

Considering how far away Lubbock is, you probably have a better than decent shot to keep the child in your area.

However, mom was kind of right about Thanksgiving. I doubt that the orders were intended to prevent mom from that.

 

[ecmst12]

Are you willing and able to support mom while she finishes school so she can remain in your town? How else do you expect her to be able to afford her own apartment and otherwise support herself? What kind of job can she get now? What skills does she have? Jobs are hard to find right now. And once she finishes school, she'll be in a good position to make a decent living, it's a skilled job that pays well.

I kind of agree with her that you were being controlling, trying to interfere with her going to her family's for thanksgiving.

 

[acmb05]

Are you willing and able to support mom while she finishes school so she can remain in your town?

Why is it his responsibility to support mom while she goes to school? There are thousands of single parents who go to school and work and support themselves.

How else do you expect her to be able to afford her own apartment and otherwise support herself?

Ummm, get a job.

What kind of job can she get now? What skills does she have? Jobs are hard to find right now.

Not the OP's problem, his only concern is the care and welfare of the child.

And once she finishes school, she'll be in a good position to make a decent living, it's a skilled job that pays well.

That's great then she will be able to afford child support.

I kind of agree with her that you were being controlling, trying to interfere with her going to her family's for thanksgiving.

His concern was her not bringing the child back which it seems was a valid concern.

 

[LdiJ]

Why is it his responsibility to support mom while she goes to school? There are thousands of single parents who go to school and work and support themselves.

When someone is in the clinical part of one of those kinds of programs its almost impossible to work and go to school.

 

[nextwife]

When someone is in the clinical part of one of those kinds of programs its almost impossible to work and go to school.

My cousin's daughter is in her clinicals right now - she is assigned rotations all over the state, depending on the specialty in rotation. We talked about her program at Thanksgiving dinner. She's single, and 27, and NOT living with parents (or elderly/long deceased GPs!), or being supported by either of her divorced parents. She is living with a roommate and using student loans.

Odds are, she will need to be free to travel to different hospitals in different areas, maybe even live away form home for stretches of time.

 

[LdiJ]

My cousin's daughter is in her clinicals right now - she is assigned rotations all over the state, depending on the specialty in rotation.. She's single, and 27, and NOT living with parents (or elderly/long deceased GPs!), or being supported by either of her divorced parents. She is living with a roommate and using student loans.

That's a bit more difficult to do when you have children to support. Making it on student loans is not impossible with children to support, but it would be difficult.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

That's a bit more difficult to do when you have children to support. Making it on student loans is not impossible with children to support, but it would be difficult.

You are right, it is not impossible, but it is difficult to live on student loans as a single mom. I did it, though! I wasn't able to work because of the intense school schedule for my MS program, so I sucked it up and borrowed the needed money. It was a stretch, but I did it with a little one.

Also, if mom stays in the area, dad sounds like he is more than willing to support the child and pay for daycare, so mom only needs to worry about financing mom, which is definitely doable with student loans.

 

[nextwife]

That's a bit more difficult to do when you have children to support. Making it on student loans is not impossible with children to support, but it would be difficult.

Then it's a good thing she has those months OFF to work and save up!

 

[Ohiogal]

That's a bit more difficult to do when you have children to support. Making it on student loans is not impossible with children to support, but it would be difficult.

And? Many have done it. Including me. So it is not impossible to do. It is a CHOICE that mom is making therefore mom should be able to support herself and not expect others to support her.

 

[majomom1]

And? Many have done it. Including me. So it is not impossible to do. It is a CHOICE that mom is making therefore mom should be able to support herself and not expect others to support her.

Some make the choice and then hit a brick wall... called the "law".

I tried and got hit with "neglecting the kids"... by mine ex. It didn't matter that he had no evidence or proof... I still had to skip school and pay for an attorney.

I was far enough from my family that they could not help much. Yes they had money to loan... it all went to the attorney.

I won in court, but now I am back to square one on trying to pay for school and pay back all the loans.

 

[Ohiogal]

Some make the choice and then hit a brick wall... called the "law".

I tried and got hit with "neglecting the kids"... by mine ex. It didn't matter that he had no evidence or proof... I still had to skip school and pay for an attorney.

I was far enough from my family that they could not help much. Yes they had money to loan... it all went to the attorney.

I won in court, but now I am back to square one on trying to pay for school and pay back all the loans.

You didn't hit a brick wall called the "law" -- you hit a vindictive ex. Those are two very different things. Were you charged criminally? Did CPS step in and remove your children? If not then you were not charged with neglecting the children and the law didn't sideline you.

 

[majomom1]

You didn't hit a brick wall called the "law" -- you hit a vindictive ex. Those are two very different things. Were you charged criminally? Did CPS step in and remove your children? If not then you were not charged with neglecting the children and the law didn't sideline you.

Ok... vindictive ex. The point is things happen in life. It is not impossible, but also not an overnight thing for a stay at home mom to go from zero to 60 at the drop of a hat.

So if OP is serious about Mom being important... and could help then there is nothing wrong with that. Not his responsibility but certainly his option to choose to help and will benefit his child as well.

 

[michael_s_cott]

response

@ecmst12

I kind of agree with her that you were being controlling, trying to interfere with her going to her family's for thanksgiving.

maybe I was confusing in my statement. let me try and be more clear. I am dont have a problem with her going to lubbock. However, what scares me is that she wont come back. Before we were married I filed for custody. And the standing orders said she could not remove the child from the current residence.
Well she did not believe me / and or read the standing orders and she left anyway. She said "**** you and **** the court, i am the mom and that trumos everything". So we had to get a petition to get her back. She finally got a lawyer 20 days later and her lawyer told her to get her as back here. This is why I didnt want her going without us putting it in writing when she will be back. I want her to spend as much time with her family as possible, I also want to know she is not skipping out and trying to hide my daughter from me for a second time. (she finally came back and we went to counseling and tried to make tis work. looks like we didnt do enough counseling)

As far as helping her out, I actually told her I would. I feel bad for her, she has no education except for cosmetology school. She is going to school wich is good, I hope she finishes. But what it comes down to is that my child is my main responsibility, not her. I am responsible for her until we are divorced but after that its up to her to make a life for her. Im sorry she waited until she was 28 to go back to school.


@Mom_of_Two

Also, if mom stays in the area, dad sounds like he is more than willing to support the child and pay for daycare

I have been paying for 100% of daycare the past 2 years, and I told her I would continue to do so. I told her I would not expect any financial help until she was done with her school

And? Many have done it. Including me. So it is not impossible to do. It is a CHOICE that mom is making therefore mom should be able to support herself and not expect others to support her.

Mom has made it clear that she has no intention of getting a job while in school. and only a part time job while she has the next 6 months off. She expects her grandparents to pay for everything.

Like i said before, she has been in school for about 1.5 years. And she has NEVER been in school FULLTIME, if she wanted to she could easily of gotten a job part time and or on the weekend. But her response was "i should not have to work if I am in school and its your job to support me" - and as her husband I honored her request, I even told her I would get 2nd job to help pay for stuff here and there. Of course she shot that down, in her head i was just trying to get away from her ... um no I was trying to earn a little extra cash to allow us to do more things.

 

[acmb05]

Ok... vindictive ex. The point is things happen in life. It is not impossible, but also not an overnight thing for a stay at home mom to go from zero to 60 at the drop of a hat.

So if OP is serious about Mom being important... and could help then there is nothing wrong with that. Not his responsibility but certainly his option to choose to help and will benefit his child as well.

What will also benefit the child is if dad has physical custody. That way mom can devote all her time to school. Quite frankly if it will be that difficult for mom to do then the child should live with dad.

 

[michael_s_cott]

response

What will also benefit the child is if dad has physical custody. That way mom can devote all her time to school. Quite frankly if it will be that difficult for mom to do then the child should live with dad.

I am going for joint custody with me having physical custody and I am asking that we have 50/50 shared visitation and that we share all the important decisions.

Shes going for joint custody with her having physical custody, with her moving to lubbock and me only having minimum visitation. Which I don't understand why she would want me to have minimum visitation other then that she is just pissed of at me.

She did however offer me a "deal", which makes no since and just shows that shes using our child as a tool to get me to do what she wants ...

She said that if I dropped the divorce and went to more counseling and try and work things out (for the 3rd time) then we can pre arrange custody, just in case it did not work out, where she would allow 50/50 time with the child. If i do not drop the divorce, then she will not allow 50/50 and she will ask that I get the most minimum as possible as far as visitation goes.

So if I do what she wants she will give me 50/50, and if I do not do what she wants the will move to lubbock and i will get the minimum....

what she does not understand that its not her decision .. its the judges, and it could go either way ... fingers crossed it goes my way, i think that would be best for the child.