Respondent requesting visitation change

[yolandanewell]

What is the name of your state? California

I've filed contempt charges against my ex on numerous violations of a domestic violence restraining order and failure to provide support payments, daycare payments, employer information and residential information.

Yesterday during our first hearing he began to request changes to the existing order requesting more days spent with our daughter and requesting that I travel to meet him half way for visitation exchanges. The schedule that he is proposing is exactly the schedule that he shot down last year when I proposed it during mediation and he knows that since then I work the weekends when he has her and we have been enrolled in mommy n me classes on Friday nights. Is it right for him to be able to continue making all of these requests during the hearings that I have filed for? Yesterday it seemed as if the judge were more willing to hear from him than me -

He has moved three times in the past two years - I've remained steady. He has been through countless jobs - I've briefly been unemployed for three weeks and quickly recovered with a new job.

Can I request that his residential status in a town one hour away remain steady for a substantial amount of time before I am made to totally switch around our current schedule? There is nothing stopping him, outside of inconvenience because of his relocation, to keeping things the way that they are.

 

[CJane]

Has he filed any MOTIONS to change the custody schedule?

If he hasn't, you need to object strongly and request that any testimony regarding the physical custody or visitations with the child be heard during a modification hearing.

 

[yolandanewell]

He filed motions last year

The motion that he filed last year was after he assaulted me here at home... he requested an immediate change of location of the 'exchange' be made at the police department three miles from my home.. he didn't mention in his request that I didn't drive at the time and this left Kalea and I walking three miles on Weds evening (busses stop running at 8 and the exchange is 8:30) and on Saturdays (exchange started at 8 - busses didn't start running until 8:30) - so needless to say the judge granted those temporary orders and then once he found out that Jeff had failed to disclose my driving status had to ream him during the hearing for omitting the fact that I was without transportation and he told him that it was unreasonable. It was at that modification hearing that I came up with 3 different alternate schedules for Jeff... all of which he shot down because they entailed the same amount of visitation time as the current order. So the judge said, "let it stay the way it is"

So yesterday was our modification hearing on the fact that he was refusing to disclose his new home address and in light of his threats to take off with Kalea... now the judge did tell me that I was out of line for filing prior to his ordered 24 hour notice... but we met with a mediator and she agreed to keep everything in place until AFTER the contempt hearing on the 17th of next month.

Now - that is the CONTEMPT hearing... there are no modification issues that need to be addressed outside of the request that he made yesterday. So I'm really confused.

No he has not FILED a motion to change the current order. He requested that yesterday.

 

[yolandanewell]

CJ....Anticipating another piggy back on my motion

Good morning:

The trial for the intial motion that I filed in july of 07 is approaching in February. To make a very long story short... my exhusband continued to piggy back on my motion with requesting changes to our current visitation order and, in fact, was granted a slight change in the order to accommodate his schedule in Church which is in the town my daughter and I live in... he lives in a town 45 minutes away. The mediator was frustrated with him because he kept attempting to get the order changed to make me have to travel 1/2 way to his town in spite of the fact that he worked in THIS town and attends church in THIS town. We came to an agreement and modified the order according to his CHURCH schedule, not his employment schedule.

Well, now he has lost his job in this town.

I am anticipating at his criminal contempt trial that he will once again request a change in the visitation order because of his loss of job... however he STILL attends church in this town.

CJ you had told me to strongly object to allowing any requests made by him during MY motion hearings... can you please elaborate on what and how I should do that without upsetting the judge?

 

[IndyDad1on1]

The mediator was frustrated with him because he kept attempting to get the order changed to make me have to travel 1/2 way to his town in spite of the fact that he worked in THIS town and attends church in THIS town.

Thats a plus right there. Your ex was not willing to cooperate. Did the mediator send a report to the court (or give on to you) that shows an attempt at mediation has taken place?

Also, since you do not have transportation and your ex does, I don't see a judge making you and your daughter walk 3 miles. I do see where a judge might ask you if there is a mutual exchange point by your residence (ex public place). If so I see the exchange point moving to a public place by your home.

I am anticipating at his criminal contempt trial that he will once again request a change in the visitation order because of his loss of job... however he STILL attends church in this town.

Could, sounds like the judge was being nice the first time. Fact is the visitation schedule is not on that docket. If your ex wishes a visitation exchange he needs to file for one.

 

[yolandanewell]

Thank you Indy

By this time the transportation issue on my end has been settled and I am driving now... so that's a minus on my side considering that he has every right to request that I meet him 1/2 way... the mediator did file the report and my ex has been defiant against the mediator and all orders in place for several years.

After I filed contempt for the DVRO violation (he threatened to hack my head off with a knife then his girlfriend filed a statement with the court over this past summer that it was only meant to be 'funny' - not funny at all considering he's been convicted and jailed twice for assaulting me) My ex husband began filing continuous motions on ridiculous matters and the judge seems confused everytime we appear in front of him as to which motion we're there on... this trial is for the original dvro violation - I'm wondering what verbiage I use in court to sway the judge to refuse to allow my ex to take me back into mediation again...

Thank you

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Yolanda, did HE put the distance between you? If so, why should you have to pick up the slack?

 

[yolandanewell]

Yes... HE moved

To be with his pregnant girlfriend to a town 45 minutes away... at the first hearing when he started insisiting that I be made to travel half way.. we were being seen on my motion for contempt for the DVRO as well as failure to pay child support. This was right after he'd moved 45 minutes away and he told the judge that he couldn't pay his child support because if he did so then he would be homeless because he couldn't pay his rent.

Long story short... I was made to goto mediation with him after he requested the travel change... in mediation the mediator was going to make me meet him 1/2 way until she realized that he in fact worked here and attended church here. She said that it was OUR responsibility to make sure that our daughter had equal time with both of us -- not only HIS... I was shocked.

Needless to say after she found out he was in this town on average of three times per week for church we skewed the visitation to meet his bein here on Friday for church (rather than him picking up Sat morning he picks her up 100 feet away from my home on Friday evening and returns her a few hours earlier on Sunday night)

 

[CourtClerk]

The problem that you have is that everytime there is a request for change in the visitation or custody arragement, you MUST go to mediation... per the family code. Especially in your situation.

He's not dragging you to mediation, the law is (technically).

 

[yolandanewell]

the request...

Shouldnt the request be made by filing an OSC with request to modify the visitation order? Rather than piggy backing on the matters at hand --- he's been able to get us back into mediation when we weren't even there on an OSC for modification....

How do I get this case to quit being sidetracked by my exhusband requesting changes everytime we're being seen for HIS contempt charges... it is completely defusing the severity of the original charges (well, in my opinion at least... )

 

[CourtClerk]

Is he making the request in open court and then the judge is ordering you back to mediation?

 

[yolandanewell]

yes...

That's exactly what has happened twice now... and I'm anticipating this to occur again since he's lost his job and cannot afford to file being that he is the respondent.

 

[CourtClerk]

Have you then stated your objection? I mean, you're right (technically), if you are in court dealing with the contempt issue, then it's the contempt issue that should be discussed. Sounds to me like the judgy wudgy doesn't have a good hold on his courtroom, but you aren't going to get him to change this.

Suggestion: next time he does it, state your objection and remind everyone that we are dealing with an issue of contempt, and if your ex would like to modify his visitation, then he should do that using the proper channels. After that, it's up to the judge to decide what to do.

 

[yolandanewell]

Ah Ha!

Have you then stated your objection? I mean, you're right (technically), if you are in court dealing with the contempt issue, then it's the contempt issue that should be discussed. Sounds to me like the judgy wudgy doesn't have a good hold on his courtroom, but you aren't going to get him to change this.

Suggestion: next time he does it, state your objection and remind everyone that we are dealing with an issue of contempt, and if your ex would like to modify his visitation, then he should do that using the proper channels. After that, it's up to the judge to decide what to do.

thanks CC!!! That's what I'll do... at least I have the right to object.. and if "judgy wudgy" still insists that we go forward I think I'll point out that we JUST modified our visitation to fit the EX's schedule less than 2 months ago... this has to stop somewhere ...

THANKS !!!!

 

[CdwJava]

"Judgy Wudgy"?

I wonder if I could get away with calling any of our judges that?

- Carl