F
FrustratedinNYC
Guest
I am a single mother of a 6 year old boy who was in a relationship with his father for almost 10 years. We were never married during that time and basically our relationship ended due to his long time infidelity.
As it goes, it will be almost 2 years since we seperated. About a year ago he took me to court and petitioned visitation rights. What the judge ordered for him at the time were visits every other weekend and every other Wednesday. We were to split holidays (in other words, he would have my son for half the day), he had to quit his weekend job because due to lack of trust with his family I told the judge I didn't feel comfortable leaving my son alone with anyone in his family. So the judge told him that if he was requesting the weekends it was his duty to be there with my son from the moment he picked him up to the moment he dropped him off. He agreed.
Things were going fine until last October. First of all, he used the excuse of having to work on a Sunday to drop my son off on a Saturday night to go to a party that very night. His excuse was that he has a right to live his life and that there will be times he will be enjoying his life. Mind you I am with my son all week and then some. That's when he told me that there would be weekends when he would not be able to take him because of commitments. I have taken my son to birthday parties for his friend's children and they have all disrespected me, by pulling out pictures of his current g/f or gossiping behind my back while my son was in the same room,laughing, etc... so I basically asked him not to bring my son around these people again. Then he goes on to tell my son he cannot go visit his friends because his mom will not allow it.
During the holidays he asked if he could spend x-mas eve with my son after I told him he could have him Christmas afternoon. I tried to explain that I had something special planned out for him, but he continued to push me for it. I finally gave in. Three days later as I am having dinner with my son he tells me he has a "new mommy". He spent Christmas Eve with his dad's family and g/f (who might I add happens to be a stripper...my other concern). Then I find out it was not the 1st time he met her. His father didn't have the mind to tell me. It hurt me, yes, it did, but not out of jealousy, but because he once again conned me into doing him a favor w/out telling me the truth.
Either way, here comes New Year's...as it turns out he goes away on "vacation" and forgets his obligations to his son. He does not tell me until the week before.
Now for the past couple of weeks he has not seen his son because he has had other compromises. I asked him to switch a weekend with me and he said he could not, fine. So it has been two weeks...then he tells me that he will just see his son this coming weekend. I told him no because I had prior plans and he cannot make me change my schedule for his comfort. So he in tun gets mad. Now he tells me he is taking my son snowboarding to Vermont the following weekend. I do not trust him or the people he is around. I don't mind him staying with my son here in the city, but taking him out makes me uncomfortable and nervous.
I really do not know what to do? I now he is going to take him, because as he tells me he has a right to do what he wants with him while he is in his custody.
My question finally is this..if he took me to court and petitioned for every other weekend and other Wednesday's, etc...should he not abide by that?
Do I have to make it comfortable for him when he is making my life impossible? How can I go about making him a little more responsible in living up to what he asked for in Court?
Also is it true that he can take me back to court and get more rights even after his lack of his responsibilty?
I am just very confused. There are more events which have taken place, but these are the recent ones.
He just makes me feel as though I would be dumb to go to court and petition against him.
What do I do?
Frustrated in NYC
As it goes, it will be almost 2 years since we seperated. About a year ago he took me to court and petitioned visitation rights. What the judge ordered for him at the time were visits every other weekend and every other Wednesday. We were to split holidays (in other words, he would have my son for half the day), he had to quit his weekend job because due to lack of trust with his family I told the judge I didn't feel comfortable leaving my son alone with anyone in his family. So the judge told him that if he was requesting the weekends it was his duty to be there with my son from the moment he picked him up to the moment he dropped him off. He agreed.
Things were going fine until last October. First of all, he used the excuse of having to work on a Sunday to drop my son off on a Saturday night to go to a party that very night. His excuse was that he has a right to live his life and that there will be times he will be enjoying his life. Mind you I am with my son all week and then some. That's when he told me that there would be weekends when he would not be able to take him because of commitments. I have taken my son to birthday parties for his friend's children and they have all disrespected me, by pulling out pictures of his current g/f or gossiping behind my back while my son was in the same room,laughing, etc... so I basically asked him not to bring my son around these people again. Then he goes on to tell my son he cannot go visit his friends because his mom will not allow it.
During the holidays he asked if he could spend x-mas eve with my son after I told him he could have him Christmas afternoon. I tried to explain that I had something special planned out for him, but he continued to push me for it. I finally gave in. Three days later as I am having dinner with my son he tells me he has a "new mommy". He spent Christmas Eve with his dad's family and g/f (who might I add happens to be a stripper...my other concern). Then I find out it was not the 1st time he met her. His father didn't have the mind to tell me. It hurt me, yes, it did, but not out of jealousy, but because he once again conned me into doing him a favor w/out telling me the truth.
Either way, here comes New Year's...as it turns out he goes away on "vacation" and forgets his obligations to his son. He does not tell me until the week before.
Now for the past couple of weeks he has not seen his son because he has had other compromises. I asked him to switch a weekend with me and he said he could not, fine. So it has been two weeks...then he tells me that he will just see his son this coming weekend. I told him no because I had prior plans and he cannot make me change my schedule for his comfort. So he in tun gets mad. Now he tells me he is taking my son snowboarding to Vermont the following weekend. I do not trust him or the people he is around. I don't mind him staying with my son here in the city, but taking him out makes me uncomfortable and nervous.
I really do not know what to do? I now he is going to take him, because as he tells me he has a right to do what he wants with him while he is in his custody.
My question finally is this..if he took me to court and petitioned for every other weekend and other Wednesday's, etc...should he not abide by that?
Do I have to make it comfortable for him when he is making my life impossible? How can I go about making him a little more responsible in living up to what he asked for in Court?
Also is it true that he can take me back to court and get more rights even after his lack of his responsibilty?
I am just very confused. There are more events which have taken place, but these are the recent ones.
He just makes me feel as though I would be dumb to go to court and petition against him.
What do I do?
Frustrated in NYC