satan is a hypochondriac! please help stop the abuse!

[bakbrakr1]

What is the name of your state? Brevard County, Fl
My husband is, in MOST ways, a courageous man. He runs into burning buildings to save the lives of others, helps those bleeding to death from traumatic injury or disease and provides comfort and control to those who have lost their control. When he was younger and a bit irresponsible, he'd not thin twice about a brawl. He is a true hero. But when it comes to confrontation on an emotional level, he would rather everything be non confrontational, which has led to our problem. He refused to defend himself to his older teenage children (14 and 15 at the time) against his ex wife's outrageous accusations because in doing so, he would have to bring up her vast faults. He assumed because his children were intellectually smart, they would see through her, and respect him for not sinking to her level or creating them undue pain. But the world is not perfect and book smart does not always mean common sense. They have chosen to believe this never ending soap opera from the worlds' biggest hypochondriac. She disobeys the court order to not create dissention against their father and makes them fear calling from her house. She guilts them when they see him or speak well of him. It has got to the point that it is easier for them to not have anything to do with him than to stand up to her and listen to her whining. It's easier to go along with her victimization of herself than stand up and be a true human being. Now that the national honor roll student has failed a grade and is still in school beyond 19 and the 17 yr old who ha been in adult ed for 2 yrs because the mother would not make him get his but up and go to school is still in adult ed after a time of droppig out and swearing he didn't need school and wouldn't be back...that is until we filed to stop child support payments because once he stopped school, so did support for him. Is it necessary to continue to feed her McDonalds habits so she doesn't have to work, or can we stop this now. The kids no longer have anything to do with him because of her, his heart has been ripped out and stomped on numerous times during this. Must he pay to continue to be hurt? He was THE most involved father I had ever seen, but she has convinced them that he was "never there." Is there anything that can be done? Yes it is their loss in losing him, but it is our loss when I hear him talk in his sleep about them and his love for them and watch him get hurt again.

 

[Zephyr]

Definitions of hypochondriac on the Web:

* a patient with imaginary symptoms and ailments
* suffering from hypochondria
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

* Hypochondria (sometimes hypochondriasis) is the unfounded belief that one is suffering from a serious illness. Hypochondria is often associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety. Hypochondria can also be brought on by stress.



it is really so close to the time he would have to stop paying support that by the time it went through the court it would be done, and he would have wasted a lot of money. Just deal with it for these last few months, then you will never have to deal with it again.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Brevard County, Fl
My husband is, in MOST ways, a courageous man. He runs into burning buildings to save the lives of others, helps those bleeding to death from traumatic injury or disease and provides comfort and control to those who have lost their control. When he was younger and a bit irresponsible, he'd not thin twice about a brawl. He is a true hero. But when it comes to confrontation on an emotional level, he would rather everything be non confrontational, which has led to our problem. He refused to defend himself to his older teenage children (14 and 15 at the time) against his ex wife's outrageous accusations because in doing so, he would have to bring up her vast faults. He assumed because his children were intellectually smart, they would see through her, and respect him for not sinking to her level or creating them undue pain. But the world is not perfect and book smart does not always mean common sense. They have chosen to believe this never ending soap opera from the worlds' biggest hypochondriac. She disobeys the court order to not create dissention against their father and makes them fear calling from her house. She guilts them when they see him or speak well of him. It has got to the point that it is easier for them to not have anything to do with him than to stand up to her and listen to her whining. It's easier to go along with her victimization of herself than stand up and be a true human being. Now that the national honor roll student has failed a grade and is still in school beyond 19 and the 17 yr old who ha been in adult ed for 2 yrs because the mother would not make him get his but up and go to school is still in adult ed after a time of droppig out and swearing he didn't need school and wouldn't be back...that is until we filed to stop child support payments because once he stopped school, so did support for him. Is it necessary to continue to feed her McDonalds habits so she doesn't have to work, or can we stop this now. The kids no longer have anything to do with him because of her, his heart has been ripped out and stomped on numerous times during this. Must he pay to continue to be hurt? He was THE most involved father I had ever seen, but she has convinced them that he was "never there." Is there anything that can be done? Yes it is their loss in losing him, but it is our loss when I hear him talk in his sleep about them and his love for them and watch him get hurt again.

A true hero would continue to see his children and wade through the difficult times, proving by his actions who he is to his children.

He should continue to contact them and try to be involved in their lives. Eventually kids find out who's who...and teen years are tumultous even in the best of circumstances. The children are buying into Mom's BS because it's easier on them also- then they don't have to try or work hard.

Child support should just be paid until the near future date it's to stop per court order.

The Mom is not a hypochondriac unless she plays physically ill all the time...Drama Queen, yes, hypochondriac- No. And what does Satan have to do with anything?

 

[bakbrakr1]

hypochondriac

Someone who constantly calls saying she's dying for real this time, having another heart attack, dying of cancer and makes almost weekly visits to the emergency room for her many ailments I think qualifies as a hypochodriac, especially since they have NEVER found anything wrong with her and just rx her antidepressants.
As for continuing to pay for something that the court order said he should have stopped paying already - would you through away your money on ingrateful brats and a psycho ex when you had step kids that worshiped your every breath and appreciated you? Those are better people to invest money into I would think.
He is a great hero that does not deserve lazy ingrates as children just so it'seasier on them. He continues to call, to be there for them, they never return the call and unfortunately you are absolutely correct when you tagged the kids as they are. But it goes much deeper than that. They WANT to be victims like their mother and are fine with that type of life style. His honor and refusal to fight her and speak against her lost him the respect of his children instead of gaining it. If someone can help me with what can be done about this. She has broke ever law the judge put in that decree and gets away with murder (character) To just allow this to continue is to condone it. I can't do that. Any advise please that can help stop this and make her accountable. There are only 9 more months in which to do so.

 

[casa]

Someone who constantly calls saying she's dying for real this time, having another heart attack, dying of cancer and makes almost weekly visits to the emergency room for her many ailments I think qualifies as a hypochodriac, especially since they have NEVER found anything wrong with her and just rx her antidepressants.
As for continuing to pay for something that the court order said he should have stopped paying already - would you through away your money on ingrateful brats and a psycho ex when you had step kids that worshiped your every breath and appreciated you? Those are better people to invest money into I would think. He is a great hero that does not deserve lazy ingrates as children just so it'seasier on them. He continues to call, to be there for them, they never return the call and unfortunately you are absolutely correct when you tagged the kids as they are. But it goes much deeper than that. They WANT to be victims like their mother and are fine with that type of life style. His honor and refusal to fight her and speak against her lost him the respect of his children instead of gaining it. If someone can help me with what can be done about this. She has broke ever law the judge put in that decree and gets away with murder (character) To just allow this to continue is to condone it. I can't do that. Any advise please that can help stop this and make her accountable. There are only 9 more months in which to do so.

Of course you think your children are better 'investments'...they are yours.

And his children are his children, regardless of what you qualify their behavior as.

You didn't say the mother was pretending she was sick and dying all the time in your original post- If you would have said that, no one would have wondered why you chose hypochondriac.

You have interesting thought processing...I wonder if the Dad in all this didn't jump from the frying pan- into a fire.

 

[Zephyr]

To just allow this to continue is to condone it. I can't do that.

It's not up to you, it's up to dad, and he is obviously not willing to make waves.

 

[brisgirl825]

As for continuing to pay for something that the court order said he should have stopped paying already - would you through away your money on ingrateful brats and a psycho ex when you had step kids that worshiped your every breath and appreciated you? Those are better people to invest money into I would think.

So here's the problem. You think that dad should stop supporting his kids to support yours. I have to wonder if a lot the rift between the kids and dad might have somethng to do with you. You can't even keep your resentment under control on the internet, talking to a group of strangers. What is like at dad's house? What are you doing, saying to them?

You knew what you were getting yourself into, now deal with it.

 

[SITLYNNE]

bakbrakr1,
I shouldn't respond, as I have other work to be doing, but I can't help myself. I have no legal advice for you, but I must tell me of all the posts I have read over the last 9 months, this is the only one that made me cry. I feel for you husband for I to am living this same nightmare. Exactly as you say it! I will tell you, no one, and I mean no one, unless they have been through this will ever understand what all of you have gone through. And to think the kids will see through mom is almost crazy. Usually, they won't. They will just parrot everything she says and does. Trust me, I've been living it for about 1 1/2 years now. I will not go into details, however, if you send me a personal message, we can talk privately. For now, check out this web site www.deltabravo.net. It is great. What you need to research is Parental Alienation Syndrome. It doesn't make things better, but it does help you to know and understand that this happens, an awful lot. And, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Crying doesn't help. Reading about other similar cases as yours somehow calms you. It helps to know you're not the only one. Anyway, best of luck to you. I'm dreaming of my sons each and every night even though they call me horrible names, hang up the phone on me and threaten me. I must go. I'll check back tomorrow to see if you got this post. Hold your head up and support your husband and take care of the children who want to be loved and taken care of by you. They at least respect you and your husband.

 

[bakbrakr1]

hypochodria (and judgementalism)

I assumed (yes, I know what they say about assuming) that if "key" words were placed, that most would be able to read between the lines or "outside the box" and know that there was much more to the story than the writer would want to bore others with. But that is what you get for assuming, huh? There are too many people so filled with bitterness and hostility to recognize someone trying to legitimately help.
Someone who also can become bitter when they have sacrificed much more than money or pride to make the children feel welcome, loved and have lavished gifts on them, taking away from my own, including Christmas when Mrs Hypochndriac couldn't even go to a dollar store to buy her children a single christmas gift, but gave them each a used Bible from her priest.Though I try not to let my hurt show in every aspect of my life - especially professional! Yet I have seen clearly here that some people don't care if theytake things out on someone who is there to help, they just have the deep rooted need to expell some of their own hostility and bitterness on someone who asked for help. Maybe it's to feel a bit of power since they feel powerless to control the hostility consuming them; but when people allow themselves to be swallowed up by the bitterness, as is so plainly evident here, they become blinded by their hatred and misery and that in turn clouds their eyes, thus they lose the ability to judge fairly, yet they will judge without any provacation just to spew out their bitterness somewhere else because it it too great to be kept within themselves, so they have to take it out on the first person they get a chance to. I'm sorry that whatever hurt you so bad is not something you were able to overcome and you feel it neccessary to attack those looking for your help. In the future you should try getting more info before judging a situation you know nothing about. It makes you license look like a cheap piece of paper without meaning or merit.
By the way, this lazy hypochodriac is also a nurse who was making more than my ("now") husband, but wanted more child support so Quit with the reason that "No one likes me there" and took a job working 15 hrs a week at half the pay. Sounds like a great mom. I, on the other hand ,when seeing divorce was coming, put my self through EMT, fire and paramedic school while working and taking care of my children without a dime of child support that was ordered by the judge. And since I respected that he loved his children so much that he would continue to give into her sympathy pleas, asking for just 3 more months (for a year) and continued to give lard butt almost his entire paycheck, minus $100 every two weeks, to keep the children fed housed and with electricity, because she refused to work, and even scammed workers comp, I gave him somewhere to stay and fed him, because knowing how full of crap she was and he did that anyway for the sake of his ingrateful children, a father like that was worth helping even though I was struggling too. I certainly sound like the scum bag you are judging. You have my sympathy and I hope you can get over your anger problems.

 

[Zephyr]

look lady, first of all you are the one with "back breaker " for a user name (how is that not hostile?)

and secondly reread your own posts, then see who sounds angry....

your arguement should be with your husband not with his ex

 

[CJane]

there was much more to the story than the writer would want to bore others with.

this lazy hypochodriac is also a nurse who was making more than my ("now") husband, but wanted more child support so Quit with the reason that "No one likes me there" and took a job working 15 hrs a week at half the pay.

he would continue to give into her sympathy pleas, asking for just 3 more months (for a year) and continued to give lard butt almost his entire paycheck, minus $100 every two weeks, to keep the children fed housed and with electricity, because she refused to work, and even scammed workers comp, I gave him somewhere to stay and fed him, because knowing how full of crap she was and he did that anyway for the sake of his ingrateful children, a father like that was worth helping even though I was struggling too.

Yup, it's everyone here who is bitter and angry.

 

[bakbrakr1]

There was only one reply that gave any legit advice. Everyone else had little comments that had nothing to do with rectifying a problem. Am I angry? Yes! But about a specific situation and I don't spread it by throwing digs at someone trying to get help with a problem.
I even got "blame him" and you knew what you were getting into. I would never "blame" him for loving so much that he sacrificed his own happiness for many years for the sake of his children, then in desperation, when he could no longer deal with the life he was living, left and still took care of the ALL. Who can "blame" someone who is so selfless that they get walked on and screwed, but in dedication to their children, let it happen for them. Would I have done it that way? HELL NO! Would you? I sure hope not! But his heart was in the right place and he tried to do what he thought was best for them. I can't blame him from trying to be so unlike 98% of the divorcees out there bashing their exes, not paying until the judge orders it and sacrificing his own feelings and heart to do what the judge (and prior to that , his own conviction) of not bashing their mother - no matter what! ( no matter how he felt, no matter what she did to him, no matter how bad he hurt)
Maybe one of you have a personal fortune teller, but I don't. I don't know what the future holds. I know that I have lucked into being in love and being loved by the most wonderful man that ever lived. I would never change that because of this situation. But that doesn't mean that I approve of seeing him still be hurt by them after all these years when he has done even more than he should have for ingrates. And yes, I do feel that children that reciprocate love are better to be around than those that don't. Are his jealous, why I'm sure they are. Their mother never allowed discipline so all he was allowed to do was "give" so all they do is take and think everyone owes them. They have no interest of being viable society members. One wants a rich husband, the other to win the lotto. Both plan on being rich without working for it. They never learned to share. Face it, most parents divorce. Do all step siblings hate the newcomers so much they are willing to give up their dad? I don't think so. My kids didn't have a problem with giving up time with me so we could do things with his kids, all for the hope of being a big happy family. They hoped by sacrificing some time with me, the others would come around. They got crushed too. And the meaness and cruelty these brats displayed with my children surely created some hurt feelings by my kids and me after welcoming them with open arms and hearts. There is no excuse for their actions and selfishness. They are, unfortunately, nothing more than selfish brats. A product of their enviroment. A product of a home where discipline was not allowed. My husband is not perfect, but his intentions have always been made with more love than I have ever seen in a human being. So yes, I get protective over his feelings. Especially after he has been hurt so much by selfish, wannabe victims. And knowing him as I do, I feel I have a right to get testy with those that have no real advice to share, so solutions, just little stabs for a situation they no nothing about. I did not realize that the barbs were a part of this service - I thought it was people trying to help people, not put them or their situation down.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Can you please just ask your question without all the drama?
Please supply the facts associated with your question.
Please allow a response with out going into hysterics.

 

[SITLYNNE]

As I told you, no one, especially here, will feel sorry for you. Obviously they have never been through anything like this. Take my advice, don't waste your time responding to the bitter responses and people who are judging you and your husband. They really don't have your answer, because there is no answer. The court can't change this. If you have tons of money to waste filing contempt charges, try to modify the order, etc., you could do that. Also, if you want to deal with hostile kids who disrespect you and your home, you could have the judge force visitation, but as my sons threatened, they would trash my home, abuse me verbally, disrespect me, and just be completely uncontrollable, I chose to take the high road and save some of my emotions and soul for the rest of my life which I will live. I hate every second of it, but it is my choice and I just couldn't take anymore of the lying and hatred showed by my sons and my ex and his new wife, who is now the boys mom, as they call her. I will, however, never sign the adoption papers I was served with in March. I will not give her the satisfaction. I am and will always be their mother. If they chose not to let me be a part of their life, they will, in the future have to live with that decision. I live with their decision each day. I don't always deal with it the same, but none the less, I get by and move on. It's all you can do. Play the hand the dealer dealt you, because the courts don't play fair. I must go. Take a breath and check out the web site I left you. Best wishes.

 

[Rushia]

As I told you, no one, especially here, will feel sorry for you. Obviously they have never been through anything like this. Take my advice, don't waste your time responding to the bitter responses and people who are judging you and your husband. They really don't have your answer, because there is no answer. The court can't change this. If you have tons of money to waste filing contempt charges, try to modify the order, etc., you could do that. Also, if you want to deal with hostile kids who disrespect you and your home, you could have the judge force visitation, but as my sons threatened, they would trash my home, abuse me verbally, disrespect me, and just be completely uncontrollable, I chose to take the high road and save some of my emotions and soul for the rest of my life which I will live. I hate every second of it, but it is my choice and I just couldn't take anymore of the lying and hatred showed by my sons and my ex and his new wife, who is now the boys mom, as they call her. I will, however, never sign the adoption papers I was served with in March. I will not give her the satisfaction. I am and will always be their mother. If they chose not to let me be a part of their life, they will, in the future have to live with that decision. I live with their decision each day. I don't always deal with it the same, but none the less, I get by and move on. It's all you can do. Play the hand the dealer dealt you, because the courts don't play fair. I must go. Take a breath and check out the web site I left you. Best wishes.

Honey, I remember your situation and wanted to help you, but I just wasn't that "legally" intelligent. While you both have some similiar situations, there is NO reason for her to call her stepchildren such names. Do you blame your children for their behavior? Of course you don't, the father and stepmother have alienated you from your children. The mother of the children in the OP's questions has done the same thing, however I believe that OP is fueling the fire. Look back at what she has posted. Her children are perfect and his are scum of the earth. If she says this kind of stuff here to perfect strangers, can you imagine what she might have done or said to those children?

I don't remember you ever speaking about a child in the manner that the OP is speaking about her stepchildren.