School Communication

[stealth2]

There is much more to it than just the school work. She dictates to them what they are allowed to say on the phone, she doesn't allow them to take their own toys to my house, yells at them if they return to her house wearing something she doesn't like, she tells them that dad's house is bad, that my current wife is bad, that she wishes our baby would die.

And what proof of this do you have?

However, I'm not convinced - since OP hasn't stated exactly what the order says. OP said in the first post that Mom has "sole custody" - which could mean anything from sole legal to primary physical the way laymen use the term. The fact that co-parenting issues are apparently spelled out in the order suggests that OP has SOME rights.

OP should tell us exactly what the order says.

Something he's been asked to do, yet has not.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Actually, the OP said this in his other thread. I guess a good reason to keep 'em together, huh?

The Parenting Agreement states that she "is hereby awarded the sole care, custody and control of the parties minor children ..."

When I mentioned "school work" versus "records" that was in reference to the their homework, projects, and worksheets that she is blocking me from. I am receiving that basics as called out in FERPA, but that is it. That was different last year, but now the school has changed their position due to my ex's request. My ex refuses to discuss the issue or explain her concerns with my involvement in their education.

 

[CJane]

There is much more to it than just the school work. She dictates to them what they are allowed to say on the phone,

I tell my 5 year old what to say on the phone too. Otherwise, he'd just walk around the house, babbling about random junk.

she doesn't allow them to take their own toys to my house,

I wouldn't either. I have a 14 year old and an 11 year old and I don't let them take anything special or important or expensive to their Dad's house. Never have. He wants them to have nice stuff there, he can buy it.

yells at them if they return to her house wearing something she doesn't like,

Yup. Happens to my kids to. On the other end. They get grounded at Dad's for hanging out with friends he doesn't like on my time. They're used to it.

she tells them that dad's house is bad, that my current wife is bad, that she wishes our baby would die.

Crappy. Not a reason to change custody.

The list goes on and on. Each item on its own my not seem harmful, but I can already recognize a change of the children's behavior around some of these issues. She is mentally screwing them up, and it seems as if there is nothing I can do about it because she has sole custody.

There wouldn't be anything you could do about it with joint custody either. Does that make you feel better?

You split up when the kids were REALLY young. And it's going to be VERY hard to tell, over the next few years, how much of their behavior is because of the divorce or Mom's behavior, or growing up. My kids were around the same age when I divorced. It was REALLY HARD for 4 or 5 years. Now? Easy peasy. They're FINE and you wouldn't believe the hell my ex and his wife put them through.

I agreed to the sole custody under recommendation of my lawyer at that time. I had no idea, and did not explain, what kind of power that would give her. I would have never agreed to that if it were explained properly.

Doesn't matter. You agreed.

 

[frylover]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois.

My ex-wife is somehow blocking my access to see our children's school work. The school is saying their hands are tied due to her having sole custody. My former lawyer gave her sole custody, there was no reason for that to happen. Now she is using that against me in any way she can.

In this case, she has asked the school not to share any worksheets, projects, or homework with me. I only get the basic announcements and report card. I want to be involved with their education more than that, what can I do?

You may have already thought of this, or maybe it is not an option. Just throwing it out there. Does the school have a website? The school where I teach/my kids go has basic information from every teacher posted online, viewable simply by going to the website. Weekly homework assignments, project information and due dates, study guides, etc are all on the website.

I know it's not the level of involvement you want, but it would be a place to start. A way to connect with the kids on what they are doing in school. If you know kiddo is doing addition, you can play some addition games with her at your house, for exaple.

 

[Proserpina]

You may have already thought of this, or maybe it is not an option. Just throwing it out there. Does the school have a website? The school where I teach/my kids go has basic information from every teacher posted online, viewable simply by going to the website. Weekly homework assignments, project information and due dates, study guides, etc are all on the website.

I know it's not the level of involvement you want, but it would be a place to start. A way to connect with the kids on what they are doing in school. If you know kiddo is doing addition, you can play some addition games with her at your house, for exaple.

Excellent post

 

[frylover]

Thanks!