Seeking Full Custody, what are the odds?

[BusyBee2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

My bf and I currently live in the same home with our son who is under 1 yr old. We have not been getting along and feel it's just not healthy anymore to stay together. I have an appointment in a week with the courts to file for custody. I am seeking FULL CUSTODY. I do not want my son seeing his father AT ALL without my sole permission. It may sound vindictive on my part but this is why:

The father has priors including 2 DUI's, and has spent a few months in jail. Unfortunately, I found out too late but he has an alcohol and drug addiction. While he's been intoxicated he's hit me and even sliced his arm (I have no idea why) in which I had to rush him to the hospital. This was during my pregnancy mind you. When my son was 7 weeks old he had troubles again which resulted in him trying to pull me down the stairs and the baby was also harmed "on accident." We had to press charges for domestic violence and got a one week restraining order. The judge found him guilty and is now on some sort of probation without an officer where if he commits any small fraction of a crime he will receive jail time. Also, his parents have not been supportive and have even stated that their son "did not hurt us that bad." His father among other members are alcoholics and haven't acted accordingly in my presence either.

OK, the reason why I stated all of this is because this is my proof that I don't believe my son is safe with his own father or family. I have proof of all situations. I don't believe it is in his best interest to be alone with any of them. I'm willing to fight for him! What are the odds that I will gain full custody-and the father have no physical rights or at the least with supervision.

 

[CJane]

The legal reality is that while you MIGHT succeed in getting supervised visitation NOW, it's very likely that Dad will have visitation rights w/out supervision in the relatively near future.

Things you need to be able to answer:

How many times has your BF been alone with the child?

How long ago did he harm you?

How long ago did he harm the child?

Was DFS involved when the child was allegedly harmed?

Why did the RO last only a week?

Why did you return to the home/relationship after he harmed you?

Why did you choose to remain with him if he injured you while pregnant?

 

[BusyBee2]

Thank you, I figured the father would have some sort of visitation right. I just thought if there was abuse on record and he's already on supposed "unsupervised probation" due to that fact I would be granted sole legal custody.

Father works full time, I stay at home. I do NOT allow him to drive my son anywhere alone. ANY alone times are during evening walks around the neighborhood.

Last incident on record he hurt the both of us was 3 months ago.

I'm not sure if they were considered DFS but I had a court advocate for myself during the domestic violence matter.

I have no idea why it was only a week. Possibly because he when he harmed us, he ran off when police was called. He had to turn himself in the next day. All of his stuff is in our current home and he's the sole provider.

As for the last question, I could never answer properly. It was a poor decision to stay on my part not only for my sake but for my childs as well. I think I was scared of raising a newborn on my own and terrified to go into legal proceedings. I really DON'T want the father to have custody.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

My bf and I currently live in the same home with our son who is under 1 yr old. We have not been getting along and feel it's just not healthy anymore to stay together. I have an appointment in a week with the courts to file for custody. I am seeking FULL CUSTODY. I do not want my son seeing his father AT ALL without my sole permission. It may sound vindictive on my part but this is why:

The father has priors including 2 DUI's, and has spent a few months in jail. Unfortunately, I found out too late but he has an alcohol and drug addiction. While he's been intoxicated he's hit me and even sliced his arm (I have no idea why) in which I had to rush him to the hospital. This was during my pregnancy mind you. When my son was 7 weeks old he had troubles again which resulted in him trying to pull me down the stairs and the baby was also harmed "on accident." We had to press charges for domestic violence and got a one week restraining order. The judge found him guilty and is now on some sort of probation without an officer where if he commits any small fraction of a crime he will receive jail time. Also, his parents have not been supportive and have even stated that their son "did not hurt us that bad." His father among other members are alcoholics and haven't acted accordingly in my presence either.

OK, the reason why I stated all of this is because this is my proof that I don't believe my son is safe with his own father or family. I have proof of all situations. I don't believe it is in his best interest to be alone with any of them. I'm willing to fight for him! What are the odds that I will gain full custody-and the father have no physical rights or at the least with supervision.

You make all these accusations and yet you live with this man? If he is guilty of all the crimes you say he has committed and you still keep the child in this environment you are as bad a parent as he is - even more so. Maybe you should consider giving your child up?

 

[CourtClerk]

Who's going to support you next when you two break up?

 

[BusyBee2]

I'd never give my child up like some failure. I made a mistake in staying I never said I made a wise choice. If that makes me a bad parent then over half of the country are as well.

I'm moving in with a close family member and they will watch my child while I work full time to gain enough income for a place of our own. I'm getting a lot of support from family now that they are aware of what's been going on.

 

[Humusluvr]

I'd never give my child up like some failure. I made a mistake in staying I never said I made a wise choice. If that makes me a bad parent then over half of the country are as well.

I'm moving in with a close family member and they will watch my child while I work full time to gain enough income for a place of our own. I'm getting a lot of support from family now that they are aware of what's been going on.

Well then why the world aren't you staying with your family now????!!!!!!???? That's insane!

 

[Humusluvr]

I'd never give my child up like some failure. I made a mistake in staying I never said I made a wise choice. If that makes me a bad parent then over half of the country are as well.

I'm moving in with a close family member and they will watch my child while I work full time to gain enough income for a place of our own. I'm getting a lot of support from family now that they are aware of what's been going on.

I'm absolutely outraged that you have a safe place for you and that baby to go and you're still with a man who hurt that kid. What the heck is wrong with you. Get out, like NOW!!!! Or at least send the kid where he'll be safe. What is wrong that you are putting your kid in MORE DANGER????????:mad

 

[Humusluvr]

I'd never give my child up like some failure. I made a mistake in staying I never said I made a wise choice. If that makes me a bad parent then over half of the country are as well.

I'm moving in with a close family member and they will watch my child while I work full time to gain enough income for a place of our own. I'm getting a lot of support from family now that they are aware of what's been going on.

Giving up your child would be a WIN FOR THE KID if you obviously can't make sane decisions!

 

[CJane]

The legal reality is that you CHOSE to stay with this man after he supposedly injured you AND your infant child. For MONTHS afterward, you were content to stay in his home and raise your child in that environment.

You claim that he injured the child, and yet family services was not involved and did not investigate him for child abuse/endangerment.

YOU have CHOSEN to continue raising your child in an abusive environment with a father you claim is an addict.

Your credibility will suffer mightily in the court room. You need to be aware of that.

Dad WILL get time with the child. It's unlikely to be at your sole discretion. Ever.

 

[Antigone*]

Well then why the heck aren't you staying with your family now????!!!!!!???? That's insane!

You Humusluvr typed exactly what I said only you're a bit gutsier than I. See Humus the OP luuuuuuvvvvvvvvvvvddddddd him and deep down inside she still luuuuuuvvvvvvvvvvs him (oh crap, I'm about to barf).

It is usually a sad thing to lose a parent and I feel for those children. In this case I think it is appropriate for both parents to get lost; it would be beneficial to the child(ren).

 

[Proserpina]

I'd never give my child up like some failure. I made a mistake in staying I never said I made a wise choice. If that makes me a bad parent then over half of the country are as well.

I'm moving in with a close family member and they will watch my child while I work full time to gain enough income for a place of our own. I'm getting a lot of support from family now that they are aware of what's been going on.

The problem might not be that you've made a poor decision - I'd guess that we've all made poor decisions - but rather that you're only now wanting to see Dad punished/penalized for a behavior that appears to have been present all along.

You're saying that Dad is a danger to his child.

Has this danger been present from the beginning? If not, what changed? When did the changes happen? What does the evidence suggest?

If he has been the same all along, why is it only now that you're concerned enough for your son's welfare? If you knew your son was at risk, why did you allow the situation to continue?

(You see how this can be played, right?)

None of us here know you. We don't know Dad, either. Neither will the Judge. You have all kinds of reasons for wanting sole custody - some of them valid, some of them probably less so - but you've got to understand that an objective third party is not going to take your word for it simply because it's coming from you. On the surface at least, you and Dad are pretty much on equal ground as far as being suitable parents, and will remain that way unless and until there is actual proof that one of you is unsuitable. Not just allegations and accusations, but proof. Dad doesn't have to prove that he didn't do something - you have to prove that he did. Your actions may also be questioned, and you need to be prepared to answer some difficult questions and perhaps justify why you did or did not do something.

And don't ever forget that the dirt you try to throw on Dad can leave you with dirty hands too.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you, I figured the father would have some sort of visitation right. I just thought if there was abuse on record and he's already on supposed "unsupervised probation" due to that fact I would be granted sole legal custody.

Nope.

Father works full time, I stay at home. I do NOT allow him to drive my son anywhere alone. ANY alone times are during evening walks around the neighborhood.

So he is alone with the child. And on these walks the child is not killed, murdered, injured or otherwise harmed.

Last incident on record he hurt the both of us was 3 months ago.

And YOU stayed.

I'm not sure if they were considered DFS but I had a court advocate for myself during the domestic violence matter.

Nope. That is NOT DFS.

I have no idea why it was only a week. Possibly because he when he harmed us, he ran off when police was called. He had to turn himself in the next day. All of his stuff is in our current home and he's the sole provider.

So the money is more important than the safety. YOU stayed with him for the last three months and he has been alone with HIS child during that time. How much money is your safety worth to you?

As for the last question, I could never answer properly. It was a poor decision to stay on my part not only for my sake but for my childs as well. I think I was scared of raising a newborn on my own and terrified to go into legal proceedings. I really DON'T want the father to have custody.

Then you should have made better decisions because if dad wants to have custody he most likely will get some sort of custody. And even with sole custody visitation would NOT be at your discretion.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'd never give my child up like some failure. I made a mistake in staying I never said I made a wise choice. If that makes me a bad parent then over half of the country are as well.

I'm moving in with a close family member and they will watch my child while I work full time to gain enough income for a place of our own. I'm getting a lot of support from family now that they are aware of what's been going on.

That is nice but it means nothing. YOU are a bad parent. Try to bring up how he has abused you since BEFORE the child was born and if he goes down then YOU will face charges of CHILD ENDANGERMENT. One count for each incidence you want to throw against him. Understand?

Dad will get custody -- joint custody -- most likely and at least joint legal custody. And people that place their children for adoption willingly are NOT failures. The people who are failures are those who ALLOW their children to be exposed to violence and placed in dangerous situations for the sake of having money. Oh yeah, like you.

 

[Ohiogal]

Hey OP is this you: MySpace.com - ♥Daala always the busy bee!♥ - 30 - Female - Virginia - myspace.com/jubeichanxoxo