Seperated, but still married.

[debcrosby123]

I have thought about what I did to him, and I am sorry for all of it. He says the reason our son is the way he is, is because of me. At the time I left, that was probably the best thing I could have done for them both. I was messed up on crack, and then I helped rob a store, and went to prison, not once but twice! I paid my dues. Now my parents who are aging dont' want much to do with me, my husband is living with another woman, and my son is finally coming around. I realize what I did, and I hate it, but I have to move forward. If I agree to a divorce, and I end up with nothing, that is not fair. I mean my name is on the house. I know I didn't pay any mortgage payments, but I also found out that he got like $3000 after one of the hurricanes to put a roof on the house, and I didnt' get any of that money either! Shouldn't he have had to send me half that money? I think him and her actually put their own roof on because one of my friends drove by and saw them both tearing off the roof, so it probably didnt' cost the whole $3000 to do the roof.
He wont' really talk to me, I call and he is always busy. He told me he wants to get a divorce, but we neither one really have the money to hire a lawyer right now. I guess if I just dont' do anything, we'll stay married, and if something happens to him, the house will be mine anyway, right? Maybe that is the best thing for me to do. If he hasn't filed for a divorce in all this time, maybe he never will. Then she'll be the one that ends up with NOTHING, instead of me.....

 

[moburkes]

I have thought about what I did to him, and I am sorry for all of it. He says the reason our son is the way he is, is because of me. At the time I left, that was probably the best thing I could have done for them both. I was messed up on crack, and then I helped rob a store, and went to prison, not once but twice! I paid my dues. Now my parents who are aging dont' want much to do with me, my husband is living with another woman, and my son is finally coming around. I realize what I did, and I hate it, but I have to move forward. If I agree to a divorce, and I end up with nothing, that is not fair. I mean my name is on the house. I know I didn't pay any mortgage payments, but I also found out that he got like $3000 after one of the hurricanes to put a roof on the house, and I didnt' get any of that money either! Shouldn't he have had to send me half that money? I think him and her actually put their own roof on because one of my friends drove by and saw them both tearing off the roof, so it probably didnt' cost the whole $3000 to do the roof.
He wont' really talk to me, I call and he is always busy. He told me he wants to get a divorce, but we neither one really have the money to hire a lawyer right now. I guess if I just dont' do anything, we'll stay married, and if something happens to him, the house will be mine anyway, right? Maybe that is the best thing for me to do. If he hasn't filed for a divorce in all this time, maybe he never will. Then she'll be the one that ends up with NOTHING, instead of me.....

Why do you keep expecting to get something for nothing? If he didn't use all of the money to repair the roof, then he kept the rest. Maybe it reimbursed him for some of the insurance premiums that he paid while you were gone. Maybe it paid him back for the labor he put into repairing the roof himself, with his girlfriend.

As long as his girlfriend is accepting of the fact that she may end up with nothing because she is in a relationship with a married man, that is her problem. You want to get back at her for some reason. I don't agree with dating a married man, but she didn't do anything to YOU. You did it to yourself.

I'd be busy too. Now you know that he doesn't want to get back with you. Remember, she may get the life insurance proceeds. You aren't "entitled" to that either. You certainly didn't help pay those premiums.

 

[debcrosby123]

I didn't think about that... what kind of a woman moves in with a married man? I mean, shouldn't SHE leave, now that I am back? If I were her, I would leave. I heard through the grapevine, that they were "just friends" for a long time, and that she didn't want to date him because he was married.....one of our mutual friends told me that....she used to be my good friend and now she is "their" good friend. Anyway, she tells me that this woman insisted on just being "friends" with him for like two years, and I guess they "just fell in love".... ugh!
According to my friend, she is like this really super sweet, and has helped him through his sickness, etc. she helped my son get through a lot of stuff too, so basically she is like this wonderful woman.....which makes me look even worse! She actually told my friend that "all she cares about is him, and she doesn't want any money or anything, if something should happen to him" ..... How can I compare to that?

 

[Job_Hunting]

Oh lordy, get over it. Move on already.

 

[ceara19]

I didn't think about that... what kind of a woman moves in with a married man? I mean, shouldn't SHE leave, now that I am back? If I were her, I would leave. I heard through the grapevine, that they were "just friends" for a long time, and that she didn't want to date him because he was married.....one of our mutual friends told me that....she used to be my good friend and now she is "their" good friend. Anyway, she tells me that this woman insisted on just being "friends" with him for like two years, and I guess they "just fell in love".... ugh!
According to my friend, she is like this really super sweet, and has helped him through his sickness, etc. she helped my son get through a lot of stuff too, so basically she is like this wonderful woman.....which makes me look even worse! She actually told my friend that "all she cares about is him, and she doesn't want any money or anything, if something should happen to him" ..... How can I compare to that?

Hopefully your soon to be EX husband will be asking the judge to order child support for all of the years that you failed to help raise the child that you gave birth too. Then, you can give up any claim you THINK you have to the house and just call it even! If it weren't for the capital letters, I'd think this was Kelly!

 

[darthems]

Wow. I am completely disgusted. You are an extremely selfish woman!

You keep going on and on about how you've "changed," but can you even hear yourself? Everything you say indicates nothing but greed and selfishness on your part. "Well, if my husband dies, then I can get the house - yay!" Can't you see how saying things like that makes you seem extremely self-centered and greedy?

You keep saying "It's not fair that I should be left with nothing!"

Guess what? It IS FAIR. If you abandon your family, get tied up with the wrong crowd and get messed up on drugs, you need to realize that there are consequences for that. Yes, you have nothing. You may be old, alone and left with absolutely nothing. But that is what you have earned for your actions. Sounds to me that after all your mistakes, NOTHING is what you deserve.

"Everyone makes mistakes," you may say. Yes, but there are consequences. Women who lead happy, secure old ages in their own homes have earned it by being good wives and mothers. You made mistakes. You messed up. Now, you have to deal with the results of your indiscretions.

You have not earned the right to have anything at all in your old age, sorry to say. If you're seventy years old, starving and homeless - oh well. That's just the price you have to pay for your earlier mistakes.

What a nerve you have to criticize the morals of his new girlfriend! I agree that it's wrong to live with a married man, but you need to take a look at your own self before you criticize others! Living with a married man may be morally reprehensible, but abandoning your family and getting messed up on drugs is far, far, far, far worse. And I don't think that she has any reason to leave now that you're back. You forfeited your old life. and it's too late. He found someone he likes better. Sorry. You need to move on.

 

[AHA]

I didn't think about that... what kind of a woman moves in with a married man? I mean, shouldn't SHE leave, now that I am back? If I were her, I would leave. I heard through the grapevine, that they were "just friends" for a long time, and that she didn't want to date him because he was married.....one of our mutual friends told me that....she used to be my good friend and now she is "their" good friend. Anyway, she tells me that this woman insisted on just being "friends" with him for like two years, and I guess they "just fell in love".... ugh!
According to my friend, she is like this really super sweet, and has helped him through his sickness, etc. she helped my son get through a lot of stuff too, so basically she is like this wonderful woman.....which makes me look even worse! She actually told my friend that "all she cares about is him, and she doesn't want any money or anything, if something should happen to him" ..... How can I compare to that?

WHAT KIND OF WOMAN LEAVES A HUSBAND AND CHILD TO GO DRUGGING WITH CRIMINALS??????????????????
You are a disgrace to any woman, wife and mother in the world. You are seriously f-ed up in the head and I hope you end up with NOTHING just like you deserve.
You truly are the most disgusting person I have ever come across on the internet, you make me sick. Unfortunately since your kid carries your genes, he seems to be going the same route. Hubby is better off without either of you egomaniacs.
Get the hell off this forum AND GET A JOB!!!!!

 

[LdiJ]

Despite the fact that I am not particularly impressed with her attitude either. She has not gotten totally correct advice.

Florida is an equitable distribution state. Her name is on the house and the judge can't simply take away her ownership for no compensation of any kind. However, the judge CAN divide things equitably...which means that the judge could assign her only half of the equity that accrued during the time that she lived in the home.....or only 15% of the equity, or whatever division the judge feels is "equitable".

 

[moburkes]

Despite the fact that I am not particularly impressed with her attitude either. She has not gotten totally correct advice.

Florida is an equitable distribution state. Her name is on the house and the judge can't simply take away her ownership for no compensation of any kind. However, the judge CAN divide things equitably...which means that the judge could assign her only half of the equity that accrued during the time that she lived in the home.....or only 15% of the equity, or whatever division the judge feels is "equitable".

I don't think that anyone actually gave any advice, not legal anyway. We all just kinda were bashing her.

 

[AHA]

Funny how people all of a sudden cares so much about OP after I have posted and not after the previous 2 PAGES (20+ posts) of posts saying the same things as me!!!!!

 

[moburkes]

Funny how people all of a sudden cares so much about OP after I have posted and not after the previous 2 PAGES (20+ posts) of posts saying the same things as me!!!!!

Was this directed at LdiJ, because I was the first to respond to the OP? Just asking.

 

[debcrosby123]

I understand that my actions in the past were horrible.to say the very least....I am sure I deserve all the bashing...believe me, I have gotten the same thing in my personal life from my "friends and family" nearly on a daily basis. Like I said, I am trying to change my life, for the better. I am off the drugs for the last 3 years, and I am trying to make the right choices in my life. All I was trying to find out in this forum, was if anyone knew what legally I have the right to regarding the house. I know I probably don't deserve anything... I don't even know why I bother, I guess I'm such a terrible person I don't deserve anything, now matter how hard I have tried to change my life. I am just trying to be honest. I could lie, and say I dont' care about the money, etc. But we all need money to survive.... don't we? I have no where to live, and I was just hoping that maybe I had a leg to stand on, and could move back in to the house. The idea of us 3 living in the same house....but rightfully, it is more my house than "hers" correct? Can he keep my out of it? I mean if I show up, can he like have me arrested? or force me to leave? I'm not saying I would do this, I was just curious how far he could go to legally keep me out. I guess you all assume that because of my past, I'm presently a terrible person. I didn't realize there were so many righteous people out there. Am I to believe that each and every one of YOU, have never done anything wrong or made any wrong or selfish decisions in your own lives? I simply was looking for answers in a forum where I thought that is what I would get. I can get 'bashed' pretty much anywhere I go.....but I can't get legal advice just anywhere.....

 

[moburkes]

I understand that my actions in the past were horrible.to say the very least....I am sure I deserve all the bashing...believe me, I have gotten the same thing in my personal life from my "friends and family" nearly on a daily basis. Like I said, I am trying to change my life, for the better. I am off the drugs for the last 3 years, and I am trying to make the right choices in my life. All I was trying to find out in this forum, was if anyone knew what legally I have the right to regarding the house. I know I probably don't deserve anything... I don't even know why I bother, I guess I'm such a terrible person I don't deserve anything, now matter how hard I have tried to change my life. I am just trying to be honest. I could lie, and say I dont' care about the money, etc. But we all need money to survive.... don't we? I have no where to live, and I was just hoping that maybe I had a leg to stand on, and could move back in to the house. The idea of us 3 living in the same house....but rightfully, it is more my house than "hers" correct? Can he keep my out of it? I mean if I show up, can he like have me arrested? or force me to leave? I'm not saying I would do this, I was just curious how far he could go to legally keep me out. I guess you all assume that because of my past, I'm presently a terrible person. I didn't realize there were so many righteous people out there. Am I to believe that each and every one of YOU, have never done anything wrong or made any wrong or selfish decisions in your own lives? I simply was looking for answers in a forum where I thought that is what I would get. I can get 'bashed' pretty much anywhere I go.....but I can't get legal advice just anywhere.....

If you had simply stated: 9 years ago, I left my husband. We never divorced. However, I would now like to move back into the home that we both purchased. Is that legal?

Without adding the additional details......you wouldn't have gotten bashed. Your legal question would have been answered. But you felt the need to tell all of your personal business expecting people to take sides with you, and have pity for you, and empathize with you. That was not going to happen. If your friends told you this already, what made you think that complete strangers would tell you something differently?

 

[AHA]

I guess you all assume that because of my past, I'm presently a terrible person. I didn't realize there were so many righteous people out there. Am I to believe that each and every one of YOU, have never done anything wrong or made any wrong or selfish decisions in your own lives? I simply was looking for answers in a forum where I thought that is what I would get. I can get 'bashed' pretty much anywhere I go.....but I can't get legal advice just anywhere.....

Oh, come off it. You have found out that he'll probably be dead within the year and now you want to assure yourself that you'll get everything that he has accumulated and built while you where smoking crack, and you have the audacity (sp) to claim you are a better person now????????? Don't mistake anyone here to have been born yesterday, you're just embarrassing yourself.

 

[darthems]

I know I probably don't deserve anything... I don't even know why I bother, I guess I'm such a terrible person I don't deserve anything, now matter how hard I have tried to change my life.

That's right. You still have to suffer the consequences no matter how hard you change. "Changing" does not mean that you are entitled to anything.

But we all need money to survive.... don't we?

Yes. That's why people have JOBS. GET A JOB LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Really, lady. You are 50 years old. It is time for you to grow up!

I guess you all assume that because of my past, I'm presently a terrible person. I didn't realize there were so many righteous people out there.

I assume that you're a terrible person because of the nature of your posts. If you were truly a changed person, you wouldn't be talking about making your husband's and girlfriend's lives miserable just because they aren't giving you your way. You wouldn't be looking forward to your husband's death so you could get the house! Everything in your posts indicates that you are still nothing but a selfish, selfish, greedy woman.

Furthermore, nobody here is being "righteous." Most of us are just annoyed that you seem to believe that you can get a home for nothing. Most people have to make an effort in life. People must WORK for their homes. Wake up to reality! Nobody just "deserves" anything. People work for it and they earn it. People who don't want to lift a finger to work for their homes are the people who wind up homeless. That is not "righteousness." That is simply how real life works.

Am I to believe that each and every one of YOU, have never done anything wrong or made any wrong or selfish decisions in your own lives?

I have never abandoned my family, become addicted to drugs or done time in prison. It is not normal for people to mess up as much as you have. As much as you might not want to admit it to yourself, you have been far more selfish than most other people are.

But you're right, almost everyone makes mistakes (though not usually to such an extent as you have.) But everyone also knows that there are always consequences for mistakes. The bigger the mistake, the bigger to consequences. Sorry to say, you will probably have to accept very, very grave consequences for your grave indiscretions.

I don't really think that we or your family or friends are "bashing you." We are merely trying to clue you in to reality. Namely,
1. Nobody simply "deserves" anything. People earn their rights to things by working for them.
2. When you mess up that badly, there are going to be major consquences for it. And it doesn't matter if you have changed or not. You could be the nicest person on earth right now, but you'll still probably have to pay quite a harsh price for what you did.