Shared Custody, but barely??

[Proserpina]

I don't get that at all ProSeDad....Remit=give advice. How is that "telling"?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/remit

Note #6 .

Hence ProSeDad's comment. I can see where he's going there.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Actually, what I'm 'after' is to protect my daughter's interest and not let the sly fox get away with the entire henhouse...



Meaning?? Look, I'm just going by what the guidelines stipulate as full and 1/2 day...that's all. Dude's a snake!



Sooo...what's it telling ya?

Ok, so you commented on EVERYTHING but the only question I asked. Hmmmm....

Never mind the fact that it took you a day to answer at all, even though you answered another thread between the time I posted and you posted now. Again, Hmmmmmmm...

I don't get that at all ProSeDad....Remit=give advice. How is that "telling"?

Of courseyou don't Ld. I never expected that YOU would...

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/remit

Note #6 .

Hence ProSeDad's comment. I can see where he's going there.

I didn't even read the link, but I know I can say... TADA!!!

Aren't you some kind of accountant, Ld? If you don' t know what I mean/meant, you must be a craptastic one...

 

[RemitAdvice]

I've NEVER heard a judge say "you're filibustering, so let's continue this later". It's far to easy for a judge to tell the person to shut up if they're babbling about irrelevant stuff.

If the judge continued the hearing, there was probably a good reason.

Right, we have a visitation hearing scheduled in mid Sept., I had requested a continuance through the clerk's office (as previously posted) but it was denied as it continuances aren't granted for cases on the DCSE docket. Dad pushed to have the support mod heard yesterday and tried to bring up a lot of unnecessary details and reasons why we should just 'resolve it now.'

 

[RemitAdvice]

Ok, so you commented on EVERYTHING but the only question I asked. Hmmmm....

Ahhh...is this the question about "Do I count my days...etc, etc"?? I am going by our CO to count days. It's specific and has been graduated for the year he's decided to include his daughter in his life. There are times mentioned. I'm not really sure where you're going with this... If you have a question, please just ask the question...don't beat around the bush.

Never mind the fact that it took you a day to answer at all, even though you answered another thread between the time I posted and you posted now. Again, Hmmmmmmm...

Jeez, I gotta job, and a life outside the internet...sorry I'm not getting back to you as quickly as you think I should be...sheesh.

Of courseyou don't Ld. I never expected that YOU would...

I see your truuuueee cooolooorsss...shining through....and it's ugly. And unnecessary here.

I didn't even read the link, but I know I can say... TADA!!!

I do asset and debt recovery for a living. I thought the correlation was kinda clever...

Aren't you some kind of accountant, Ld? If you don' t know what I mean/meant, you must be a craptastic one...

Please don't use my thread to smack somebody else around, it's rude.

 

[frylover]

Unless you have had the chance to use LDiJ's services as an accountant, and have proof of this, than it was kinda uncalled for

And yes, for some reason I having trouble "quoting" correctly this morning....bring on the insults about me now.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Just to keep this record straight...

Unless you have had the chance to use LDiJ's services as an accountant, and have proof of this, than it was kinda uncalled for .

Any accountant/bookkeeper/person who works with MY money, who says this...

I don't get that at all ProSeDad....Remit=give advice. How is that "telling"?

... with a straight face in this instance is a "shyster", or has some hidden agenda(go figger), and I will not, and DO not apolgize for pointing that out. Period. End of story.

 

[RemitAdvice]

Served

So I guess I should have seen this coming:

I believe Dad now realizes that he doesn't have enough time with our daughter to qualify for the shared custody worksheet and I have been served with his request to increase visitation.

During the Summer he had every other Saturday pm to Wednesday am, when he would drop her off at daycare and every Monday afternoon to Wednesday am. This was agreed to in mediation and visitation was to be revisited at the beginning of the school year. He and I, after much talk, have agreed to every Monday afternoon to Tuesday evening and EOW from Friday to Sunday.

His request is as follows: Friday at 5 p.m. through monday morning EOW and every monday from school dismissal until Wednesday morning when I return her to school. Return Tuesday Morning following my weekend of visitation.

His reasons are that he has a flexible work week so she would not have to attend daycare on Monday and Tuesday, reducing daycare expenses (which it would not) so that she may continue to build her relationship with her 3 other siblings that he has the same visitation schedule as described above. This will reduce the back and forth between Mom and Dad and will be consistent year round for all the children.

I don't understand his request schedule. On one line he says return on Monday a.m. and on another he says return on Tuesday. How do you read this? Would it be out of line for me to request that we continue our current schedule that he has obviously agreed to? How much weight does that carry? What about the fact that he's only known her a year? That no school functions, including K graduation have been attended. No doctor visits and only one birthday? The fact of the matter is that it is more convenient for him to have her the same schedule as his boys as they are all act in after school curricular activites and she usually remains home with another caregiver during the week.

What about the fact that she has a sibling here?

Is this much time really ok? Originally I had requested that he have her on Thursdays to Fridays bc it coincides with her brother (here) visitation schedule with his father, which was intiated waaay before his was.
Furthermore, I was aware of his leaving her with another caregiver while attending the boys functions or leaving her alone in the stands while he assistant coaches...only after I was NOT ok with that did he begin leaving her with someone else.

What about the fact that his request for visitation is solely financially motivated and he even offered me whatever visitation schedule I wanted if I would write a check to him for $300 each month.

Do I have any arguements here to keep visitation as it is agreed between us currently? Does any of this have any bearing whatsoever? Am I being selfish to want to see her more during the week?

 

[LdiJ]

So I guess I should have seen this coming:

I believe Dad now realizes that he doesn't have enough time with our daughter to qualify for the shared custody worksheet and I have been served with his request to increase visitation.

During the Summer he had every other Saturday pm to Wednesday am, when he would drop her off at daycare and every Monday afternoon to Wednesday am. This was agreed to in mediation and visitation was to be revisited at the beginning of the school year. He and I, after much talk, have agreed to every Monday afternoon to Tuesday evening and EOW from Friday to Sunday.

His request is as follows: Friday at 5 p.m. through monday morning EOW and every monday from school dismissal until Wednesday morning when I return her to school. Return Tuesday Morning following my weekend of visitation.

His reasons are that he has a flexible work week so she would not have to attend daycare on Monday and Tuesday, reducing daycare expenses (which it would not) so that she may continue to build her relationship with her 3 other siblings that he has the same visitation schedule as described above. This will reduce the back and forth between Mom and Dad and will be consistent year round for all the children.

I don't understand his request schedule. On one line he says return on Monday a.m. and on another he says return on Tuesday. How do you read this? Would it be out of line for me to request that we continue our current schedule that he has obviously agreed to? How much weight does that carry? What about the fact that he's only known her a year? That no school functions, including K graduation have been attended. No doctor visits and only one birthday? The fact of the matter is that it is more convenient for him to have her the same schedule as his boys as they are all act in after school curricular activites and she usually remains home with another caregiver during the week.

What about the fact that she has a sibling here?

Is this much time really ok? Originally I had requested that he have her on Thursdays to Fridays bc it coincides with her brother (here) visitation schedule with his father, which was intiated waaay before his was.
Furthermore, I was aware of his leaving her with another caregiver while attending the boys functions or leaving her alone in the stands while he assistant coaches...only after I was NOT ok with that did he begin leaving her with someone else.

What about the fact that his request for visitation is solely financially motivated and he even offered me whatever visitation schedule I wanted if I would write a check to him for $300 each month.

Do I have any arguements here to keep visitation as it is agreed between us currently? Does any of this have any bearing whatsoever? Am I being selfish to want to see her more during the week?

You are being no more selfish than he is. You each want what you want. You each have the right to argue for what you want.

However, unless you have hard evidence that he told you that you could have any schedule you wanted if you cut him a 300.00 check each month, then I would NOT go there.

 

[RemitAdvice]

You are being no more selfish than he is. You each want what you want. You each have the right to argue for what you want.

However, unless you have hard evidence that he told you that you could have any schedule you wanted if you cut him a 300.00 check each month, then I would NOT go there.

Right. I don't and I figured as much. I guess combined with the fact that visitation was not requested until he was served with a child support order an d that visitation has increased after each cs review, then followed immediately with another review wouldn't be seen as financial motivation for visitation? She has a Life here and I want to spend the time with her that I have for her entire life. The separation between her brother and her is sorrowing for everyone here. I feel like my family is being torn apart. For money. And she is nothing more to him than an obligation; One most conveniently met on his terms, rather than what is BEST for her. He, himself has admitted as much and knowing is making me sick.

I thought about asking for a GAL and seeing if it is me and I just need to let it go. In my county, I would bear the financial burden of such. It is not inexpensive and I'm not sure if I can afford it, but if it would help, then I would do it. Any thoughts?

I have thought of asking him if he would stop pursuing the increased visitation if I could cancel my cs case. That's bad, right? For obvious reasons. And aside from that, I guess there's no guarantee. I mean, everyone knows her now and we all live close to one another, I supposed it would look bad on him if he just stopped seeing her so I don't really see that as a possibility anyway.

 

[RemitAdvice]

Okay, it's done. Just for posterity, I thought I would complete the saga. The judge was very....fair. He combined mine and his requests for a parenting schedule. He got the time he needed to qualify for the shared custody worksheet (now @ 40% of time) and I got the schedule I needed to have family time at home with her brother and her.

Despite everything that has happened between the father and I and all the bad things I think about him sometimes, I do think he loves her. And while no, I don't think he'll care for her as I can and do, I think that he'll do his best.

The judge (who has presided over every hearing between dad & I), had a little talk with me while the order was being written and signed, away from Dad. He told me that he was sorry that it hurt, and that he knew it did. And these cases can be so hard when there's so much conflict. But it is OBVIOUS to him that we both want the very best for our girl. And he was proud of me to be able to let go enough to do the right thing for her. That right now, I'm not thinking clearly (and I'm not, still) but later I would be able to recognize that THIS IS BEST FOR HER.

Hopefully, he is right. This has been one of the most difficult and painful lessons I have had to learn (to date!) about being a 'single' parent. Thanks to everyone here for your thoughts and time.

Now, the CS. The big J really ripped him a new one about not paying. He shut him down at every turn and excuse he had to not pay. His arrears will be reduced since the change will be retro'd to my date of service, which was April. He then told the judge if DCSE's total matched, or came close to his, he would pay the arrears immediately.

The judge just told him that if we were back in front of him for contempt it would not bode well for him. So, I guess we'll see.