Should I contact this man's probation officer?

[Anais Ovadiah]

Hello,

My parents and I live in Suffolk County, New York.

In January 2017 my father's friend began living with us. His friend was removed from his home by his mother. During this time, my father's friend was arrested and convicted of animal neglect and abuse. My mother and I were not aware of the severity of his crimes at the time. My father also did not ask or consult my mother and I about having this man live with us temporarily or long term.

I believe this man is currently on probation. I have not looked up his probation officer.

My mother and I have expressed both to my father and to this man that we do not want him to live with us. We were not consulted about him living with us, he is not our family or friend, he has legal problems, he is difficult to live with, he has been disrespectful and uncooperative with all members of the household, he lives in poor conditions in my father's home office, and he does not contribute financially. I believe he has undiagnosed mental health and developmental problems. He has not kept consistent employment in four years.

My father does not put pressure on this man to leave and the man refuses to leave. My mother is an undiagnosed schizophrenic. She does not believe her mental health situation and does not wish to get treatment.

There have been numerous verbal fights and altercations between this man, my mother, and I. I believe my mother and him may have gotten into a physical altercation that she may have started. Last week, I pushed and hit him after he and my mother got into a fight. Since then I have been living with a friend and her fiancé. I believe my mother's name is on the title of the house that he refuses to leave and her name is on the title of the car that he uses without her consent.

Basically, I want to know if I should or can contact this man's probation officer. Are there grounds for me to do this? I understand this man is not committing crimes per se but he is not living in good conditions, he is living at our home against half the home's will, and he is not taking steps to improve his life or stay out of trouble in the future. Would a probation officer in Suffolk County, New York investigate his living situation?

I am also worried there will be a more serious altercation between my mother and him in the future. I do not want my mother to get in trouble. It is inappropriate that this man is living with us.

 

[quincy]

Hello,

My parents and I live in Suffolk County, New York.

In January 2017 my father's friend began living with us. His friend was removed from his home by his mother. During this time, my father's friend was arrested and convicted of animal neglect and abuse. My mother and I were not aware of the severity of his crimes at the time. My father also did not ask or consult my mother and I about having this man live with us temporarily or long term.

I believe this man is currently on probation. I have not looked up his probation officer.

My mother and I have expressed both to my father and to this man that we do not want him to live with us. We were not consulted about him living with us, he is not our family or friend, he has legal problems, he is difficult to live with, he has been disrespectful and uncooperative with all members of the household, he lives in poor conditions in my father's home office, and he does not contribute financially. I believe he has undiagnosed mental health and developmental problems. He has not kept consistent employment in four years.

My father does not put pressure on this man to leave and the man refuses to leave. My mother is an undiagnosed schizophrenic. She does not believe her mental health situation and does not wish to get treatment.

There have been numerous verbal fights and altercations between this man, my mother, and I. I believe my mother and him may have gotten into a physical altercation that she may have started. Last week, I pushed and hit him after he and my mother got into a fight. Since then I have been living with a friend and her fiancé. I believe my mother's name is on the title of the house that he refuses to leave and her name is on the title of the car that he uses without her consent.

Basically, I want to know if I should or can contact this man's probation officer. Are there grounds for me to do this? I understand this man is not committing crimes per se but he is not living in good conditions, he is living at our home against half the home's will, and he is not taking steps to improve his life or stay out of trouble in the future. Would a probation officer in Suffolk County, New York investigate his living situation?

I am also worried there will be a more serious altercation between my mother and him in the future. I do not want my mother to get in trouble. It is inappropriate that this man is living with us.

If the fellow is on probation, he needed to inform his probation officer or the probation office of his address. Contact the probation office to see what his status is.

If your father and mother own the house together, either one can invite guests to stay even if the other objects. If your mom alone owns the house, however, she can give the fellow a notice to quit the premises and, if he doesn’t leave, she can move toward evicting him.

Any violent interactions should be reported to the police as should be the unauthorized use of the car by the fellow.

You were smart to leave the chaos - but you should leave it to your parents to handle the guest.

 

[Anais Ovadiah]

Thank you.

This man uses our car even though my mother does not consent. I believe the car is only in her name. Is there any way to prevent this man from using our/her car at least?

 

[quincy]

Thank you.

This man uses our car even though my mother does not consent. I believe the car is only in her name. Is there any way to prevent this man from using our/her car at least?

Yes. If the guy does not have permission to drive your mother’s car, his taking and driving the car is car theft. Your mom can report it to the local police.

Here is a link to Suffolk County’s Probation Department:

https://www.suffolkcountyny.gov/departments/probation

 

[Anais Ovadiah]

Thank you! I will ask my mother who the car's title is under. How can I get proof of the car's title?

If we report car theft to the police should we then contact the PO or will the police department contact the PO?

 

[quincy]

Thank you! I will ask my mother who the car's title is under. How can I get proof of the car's title?

If we report car theft to the police should we then contact the PO or will the police department contact the PO?

Here is a link to information on reporting a stolen car:
https://dmv.ny.gov/more-info/stolen-and-recovered-vehicles

How old are you, Anais? This is all stuff that should be handled by your mom.

 

[Anais Ovadiah]

I am 27. My mother is not computer or legally (?) literate.

 

[Just Blue]

I stand by my comments from your other thread "down the street". This man was invited to the home by your father, the co-owner of the house, and if your mother has issues with it she should discuss it with her husband.

If you want to help your mother, encourage her to seek psychiatric care for her un-diagnosed mental illness. Encourage her to not attack a legal tenant in the home or she could end up in jail.

 

[Anais Ovadiah]

I stand by my comments from your other thread "down the street". This man was invited to the home by your father, the co-owner of the house, and if your mother has issues with it she should discuss it with her husband.

If you want to help your mother, encourage her to seek psychiatric care for her un-diagnosed mental illness. Encourage her to not attack a legal tenant in the home or she could end up in jail.

This is besides the point. Whether my mom has a mental illness or not is irrelevant. Even if she was not mentally ill or physically attacking him there would still be nasty altercations between them. He is living in my parents house without half the owners consent.

If someone were monitoring this man's living situation and wanting to make sure he was staying out of trouble (like a PO, no?), wouldn't they be concerned with this? Irregardless, this man has a criminal past: he has abused and neglected animals to the point of 2 of them having to be euthanized and my mother is not comofrtable with him living with us. Shouldn't she or I be concerned for her safety?

 

[quincy]

I am 27. My mother is not computer or legally (?) literate.

Thank you for answering my question, Anais.

I can appreciate you wanting to help your mother, especially since you probably have an interest in returning to your parents’ house (and the friends you are currently living with probably have an interest in you doing this before long, too ). I think, however, that this is really a matter for your parents to resolve. If they can’t seem to agree on ridding the house of the house guest, perhaps your mom needs to speak to an attorney in your area to discuss her legal options.

 

[Just Blue]

This is besides the point. Whether my mom has a mental illness or not is irrelevant. Even if she was not mentally ill or physically attacking him there would still be nasty altercations between them. He is living in my parents house without half the owners consent.

If someone were monitoring this man's living situation and wanting to make sure he was staying out of trouble (like a PO, no?), wouldn't they be concerned with this? Irregardless, this man has a criminal past: he has abused and neglected animals to the point of 2 of them having to be euthanized and my mother is not comofrtable with him living with us. Shouldn't she or I be concerned for her safety?

Actually your mothers mental health issues are very relevant. Per your comments here she is severally mental ill. If she were to be arrested for attacking her tenant, (and whether she likes it or not, that is what he is), she could end up in jail. When she is bailed out she very likely will have a restraining order against her that will prevent her from going within XXX feet of him. That means she won't be able to go home.

She needs to discuss how intolerable she finds this situation with her husband. If he is unresponsive/uncaring of her feelings/concerns she should consider filing for divorce and request sole possession of the house.

 

[quincy]

Your mom might find some legal assistance by exploring the resources at the following site:

http://ww2.nycourts.gov/courts/10jd/suffolk/dist/lawyers.shtml

Good luck.

 

[not2cleverRed]

This is besides the point. Whether my mom has a mental illness or not is irrelevant. Even if she was not mentally ill or physically attacking him there would still be nasty altercations between them. He is living in my parents house without half the owners consent.

If someone were monitoring this man's living situation and wanting to make sure he was staying out of trouble (like a PO, no?), wouldn't they be concerned with this? Irregardless, this man has a criminal past: he has abused and neglected animals to the point of 2 of them having to be euthanized and my mother is not comofrtable with him living with us. Shouldn't she or I be concerned for her safety?

You are 27. This is an issue between you parents.

If your mother is against having this man living in her home, and your father is not, then this is a marital problem. If you want to help them, convince them to get marital conselling.

If they are unwilling to get help with their marriage, then they should consider divorce. You can help by getting your Mom an initial consult with a divorce lawyer. Or 3.

As the unrest could indicate a domestic violence situation, you should consider contacting the Family League or The Retreat.

Don't engage in passive aggressive annoying meddling end runs. Your strategy is not the legally best way and will only add gasoline to the situation. Address the actual problem: your parents' relationship. And get yourself some therapy, as you've had very poor role modelling of healthy familial relationships.