Should I let 13 month old child stay overnight?

[UpAllNight83]

What is the name of your state? Michigan
The father of my 13 month old child is demanding the I let child stay overnight with him. He filed a paternity case and then didn't show up to give sample, never contacted child support office, gave phony address so he couldn't be served. I have no idea where he lives as he won't tell me. He takes our child on Sundays, it could be more often but father can only make it that day, even though he will not admit to the court that is his child and did not contribute anything for the first year of child's life. Since he is still so young(in my eyes), has never lived with dad and only sees him once a week I would prefer him to be older when overnights begin. I am trying to foster a good relationship between the two of them so I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable about overnight visits. I believe part of the reason he is pushing so hard for overnights to lower the amount of child support he will eventually have to pay because he is lying about his income as well as giving toys, clothes, 4 jumbo boxes of diapers telling me they count as child support.

 

[eerelations]

If you decide yes on the overnights, you must first know the address where the child is staying.

 

[UpAllNight83]

He tells me he isn't going to take him to where he lives he will take him to his aunt's house. I'm not sure that he would even give me that address because I may then give it to the child support office.

 

[eerelations]

So get Aunt's address.

Are you telling us that you're seriously considering letting your 13-month-old child be taken to some unknown place? Overnight? By someone who refuses to support or acknowledge a biological relationship with said child?

Where is this legal stranger taking the child on Sundays? If you don't know, do you understand how unfit this makes you look? And how this can be used against you if "Dad" ever drags his sorry you-know-what into court?

 

[UpAllNight83]

So get Aunt's address.

Are you telling us that you're seriously considering letting your 13-month-old child be taken to some unknown place? Overnight? By someone who refuses to support or acknowledge a biological relationship with said child?

Where is this legal stranger taking the child on Sundays? If you don't know, do you understand how unfit this makes you look? And how this can be used against you if "Dad" ever drags his sorry you-know-what into court?

I don't know the exact address, I know the city and street name, I have been there a couple times. His aunt drives him to pick up and drop off our son because he doesn't have a driver's license. I didn't realize how bad that sounded until you put it that way.

I get so nervous because everything I've read says I have to foster their relationship. He tells me when we go to court he will do etc.. the judge will do etc... So I don't want to go about things the wrong way but apparently I am. I shouldn't let him go on Sundays from now on?

 

[t74]

What legal filings have been made to date? It sounds like a DNA test was ordered but not taken as yet.

Do you have an attorney that you hired or are filings because you and child have received state benefits?

 

[UpAllNight83]

What legal filings have been made to date? It sounds like a DNA test was ordered but not taken as yet.

Do you have an attorney that you hired or are filings because you and child have received state benefits?

Yes, his father ordered the paternity test. My son and I gave our samples in June and no contact has been made between the child support office and dad to date. I called the child support office because he told me he was going to contact them (a lie) and they explained that they were still working to provide him due process before they could make a default judgement against him.

I had to file for support because my son and I are receiving state benefits.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Michigan
The father of my 13 month old child is demanding the I let child stay overnight with him. He filed a paternity case and then didn't show up to give sample, never contacted child support office, gave phony address so he couldn't be served. I have no idea where he lives as he won't tell me. He takes our child on Sundays, it could be more often but father can only make it that day, even though he will not admit to the court that is his child and did not contribute anything for the first year of child's life. Since he is still so young(in my eyes), has never lived with dad and only sees him once a week I would prefer him to be older when overnights begin. I am trying to foster a good relationship between the two of them so I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable about overnight visits. I believe part of the reason he is pushing so hard for overnights to lower the amount of child support he will eventually have to pay because he is lying about his income as well as giving toys, clothes, 4 jumbo boxes of diapers telling me they count as child support.

If he hasn't even established paternity yet and he hides from you where he lives I personally wouldn't allow him any unsupervised time at all. I would tell him to establish paternity and get visitation (and child support) orders so that everyone is on the same page.

 

[LdiJ]

You started a second thread where you explained that your child's father was giving you items such as toys, clothes and diapers and was telling you that you will never get money from him, that you will have to tell him what is needed and he will buy it. You wanted to know if you were obligated to accept those gifts.

I am answering your question on this thread. No, of course you are not obligated to accept those gifts, but it doesn't hurt you or set any legal precedent to accept them either. Dad is going to get a rude awakening someday and unfortunately, I think that you are enabling him a bit by treating him like he has any rights at all at this point. He has not established paternity and is in fact hiding from establishing paternity and therefore should never be alone with the child.

 

[stealth2]

Yes, his father ordered the paternity test.

Just as an FYI - the father did not order the test, He may have asked for one, but the court/judge ordered it.

 

[HRZ]

OP you are missing the boat and may well be failing to protect your child's future

1: Dad has no legal visitation or custody rights until and unless there is a court order in place .

2. Dad has no legal duty to provide child support and any appropriate insurance until and unless there is a court order in place .

3. YOU need to be a lot more proactive to get things in place for your child re dad.

 

[UpAllNight83]

So get Aunt's address.

Are you telling us that you're seriously considering letting your 13-month-old child be taken to some unknown place? Overnight? By someone who refuses to support or acknowledge a biological relationship with said child?

Where is this legal stranger taking the child on Sundays? If you don't know, do you understand how unfit this makes you look? And how this can be used against you if "Dad" ever drags his sorry you-know-what into court?

Used again

Just as an FYI - the father did not order the test, He may have asked for one, but the court/judge ordered it.

Ok thank you for explaining that, I think it's quite obvious I am not well versed in any of this. I want to be so I appreciate all of the responses.

 

[UpAllNight83]

You started a second thread where you explained that your child's father was giving you items such as toys, clothes and diapers and was telling you that you will never get money from him, that you will have to tell him what is needed and he will buy it. You wanted to know if you were obligated to accept those gifts.

I am answering your question on this thread. No, of course you are not obligated to accept those gifts, but it doesn't hurt you or set any legal precedent to accept them either. Dad is going to get a rude awakening someday and unfortunately, I think that you are enabling him a bit by treating him like he has any rights at all at this point. He has not established paternity and is in fact hiding from establishing paternity and therefore should never be alone with the child.

That makes a lot of sense thank you.

 

[justalayman]

I presume he and you have not filed an affidavit of paternity where he and you agree he is the father, legally, either.


Personally, I would play a bit of hardball. Tell him that if he wants any visitation that he needs to complete the establishment of paternity through the courts. Without that he actually has absolutely no legal right to demand any visitation. He also is allowed to ignore his obligation to provide support for the child.


I was watching a people’s court show today. The judge was actually chastising a mother for not stepping up and seeking child support from the father of her child. Her statement made a very strong point


The mother is seeking what the child has a right to; that both parents provide support for the child and it is the mothers responsibility to represent the child’s best interest in seeking the father pay his share.


Stand up for your child’s best interest and get this taken care of through the courts.


I would tell him

No legal paternity, NO visitation.

 

[HRZ]

As to "gifts", my view as a layman is you can accept all the gifts you want ...and ignore any supposed strings.

The general view of responders here is that court will treat payments / gifts made prior to petition for child support as NOT counting in payors favor and will be treated as gifts . CS is rarely retroactive ( varies by state) to earlier than the date of proper petition for same : get started darn soon.