Single mother fed up doing it alone. What can I do legally?

[kuraimenbri]

I am a single mother to a seven year old and we live in WI. Her father and I currently have 50/50 custody, I have primary placement and a set visitation schedule that allows him every other weekend. He has been in and out of her life ever since she was born, this current abandonment has been going on about five months, he lives eight miles away. He is currently ordered to pay me 75.00 a week in Support which doesn't always happen because he does seasonal work and doesn't always work. I have to work six days a week eight or more hours a day just to pay ours bills. I have to pay for childcare on HIS weekends. My daughter is failing school because I do not have the time to spend with her that I should. What can I legally do about this. I don't think I can get more money out of him seeing as he has two other children but the state has to recognize that ONE parent cannot do it all and he's basically paying (sometimes) 75.00 for me to do his job as well. I do not have contact with him except via social media where I message him asking for help or to inform him of his daughters activities but he never responds. I'm not rich otherwise I would have already started court precededings but I wouldn't know where to start, what case can I make?

 

[Astrolink]

I've walked in similar shoes before....broke, beaten and defeated.

You can't make him be a good parent. You can have the court enforce the child support order, but it sounds like it's only $300 a month.

The only way to really put yourself into a better long term financial situation is to get a better job or an education that increases your income.

That's what I did. I had $8000 to live on per year for several years (and as the non-custodial parent with shared parenting, there is no safety net; the kids and i were damn near starving), but once I got a college degree and worked a few years in my field, I make nearly 10 times that. I don't know what your age is, but I got my first good paying job at 50, so don't think it's too late.

I wish you the best....don't sell yourself short.

 

[single317dad]

Child support is based on Wisconsin standards:

http://dcf.wisconsin.gov/bcs/order/guidelines_tools.htm

You should review that information and determine if the support he is ordered to pay is in line with the state guidelines. If there is a significant discrepancy, petition the court to order the correct amount. If the amount currently ordered is reasonably accurate, then you must learn to live with it.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm seeing something far more important than child support and daycare.

This child is failing school, largely because Mom isn't spending enough time with her.

I'm not even going to start a discussion about "Dad's fault versus Mom's fault" ; I'm simply asking why Mom can't spend time with the child while working 8 hours a day.

 

[LdiJ]

Also, just FYI, 50/50 custody refers to timeshare. You clearly don't have a 50/50 timeshare. You will confuse things if you continue to refer to your arrangement as 50/50.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm seeing something far more important than child support and daycare.

This child is failing school, largely because Mom isn't spending enough time with her.

I'm not even going to start a discussion about "Dad's fault versus Mom's fault" ; I'm simply asking why Mom can't spend time with the child while working 8 hours a day.

When my eldest was 5,6 and 7(8,9,10,11.12.13,14....) I was working 14hours a day...I still found time to help her with schoolwork and attend all school functions. You do what is needed...ya know?

 

[SESmama]

this current abandonment has been going on about five months, he lives eight miles away.

He is currently ordered to pay me 75.00 a week in Support which doesn't always happen because he does seasonal work and doesn't always work.

It sounds to me that the OP is footing more of the bill than she should. Although... that is part and parcel of being the CP

I have to work six days a week eight or more hours a day just to pay ours bills. I have to pay for childcare on HIS weekends.

The OP is spending more time trying to make up the difference in the cost of living that the NCP is failing to help with and as the above is also failing to help support the child in schoolwork



OP, do you have any vacation time or time off? If so you, and your child, can look for help in the local law library. You to learn to file for contempt for the lack of CS. Of better yet, have DCSE take over if they aren't already in the picture.

You can spend time with your child to help get her caught up. Might also help to see if the school can offer someone who might help tutor at a nominal cost. Maybe hire a babysitter/tutor when you have to work weekends.

 

[LdiJ]

I am a single mother to a seven year old and we live in WI. Her father and I currently have 50/50 custody, I have primary placement and a set visitation schedule that allows him every other weekend. He has been in and out of her life ever since she was born, this current abandonment has been going on about five months, he lives eight miles away. He is currently ordered to pay me 75.00 a week in Support which doesn't always happen because he does seasonal work and doesn't always work. I have to work six days a week eight or more hours a day just to pay ours bills. I have to pay for childcare on HIS weekends. My daughter is failing school because I do not have the time to spend with her that I should. What can I legally do about this. I don't think I can get more money out of him seeing as he has two other children but the state has to recognize that ONE parent cannot do it all and he's basically paying (sometimes) 75.00 for me to do his job as well. I do not have contact with him except via social media where I message him asking for help or to inform him of his daughters activities but he never responds. I'm not rich otherwise I would have already started court precededings but I wouldn't know where to start, what case can I make?

Believe me I understand your dilemma. Having to work six days a week to make ends meet, spotty child support from dad, and then the added indignity of having to pay for child care on his weekends because he won't exercise them, is really difficult to take...particularly when you are under a lot of stress to make things work. I also understand the difficulty of needing the time to help the child with homework when you are already exhausted from working six days a week, and have to fit in all the home responsibilities in the limited time off that you have. I have actually been there...many years ago. It was for a fairly short period of time but I truly understand that when you are in that situation SOMETHING has to give.

So, I am going to give you some practical suggestions. Whatever after school care you have now needs to be changed to something where your child is provided assistance with homework. That may mean not utilizing after school care but paying instead a local high school student to watch your child after school, at your home, and providing homework assistance...it also might mean other options. Those options are out there and they might not cost you any more than you are spending now, or not much more.

Weekend care...again, that same high school student might be available to provide Saturday care...family options might be available...play dates with a sympathetic parent of one of your child's friends might be available...think outside the box. Yes, it can be embarrassing to admit that you need help, but you would be surprised how many other parents would be sympathetic, and who might be willing to trade a Saturday day, with a Saturday night.

Its also not impossible to convince a family law judge to order that the parent who is supposed to be exercising visitation be ordered to provide child care if they opt not to exercise parenting time when the other parent has to work during that parenting time. I know of many cases...but its also not something that you can count on either. You really do have to think outside of the box.

 

[stealth2]

The after-school care my kids went to had homework time set aside, and had both teachers and HS students (fulfilling community service requirements) available to help w/homework.

The idea of talking to another parent w/the plan of switching some after school care (w/homework help) with a weekend night sleepover is a good one.

Do you have the option of going in early so you can get home earlier a few days a week? I used to have a friend drop her youngest off a few mornings a week so she could do that.

Absent all of the above, I would strongly suggest going in to speak with your child's teacher, principal, etc to ask for their help. They all want to saee your daughter succeed, and may have additional ideas for you.