So sick of the threats

[worriedIL]

What is the name of your state? IL

Back again. I dont know if I'm just venting, but I can't take it anymore. My bf and I are looking for a home. We currently have an offer in on one, and are waiting to hear back. My bf's daughter stays here at my house with us every other weekend. Reason being my boyfriends place is being remodeled to sell. Every other sunday there's nothing but an all out arguement with the ex. THe ex is "threatening" again to take my bf to court because his daughter stayed at my house with us. UNDER WHAT LAW IS THIS VIOLATING! We had a sleepover last night with my nephew and the two kids wanted to sleep on the pullout couch in the family room. IS THIS IS CRIME! I can't ever seeing this bs going to court. My biggest frustration is the harm this is causing the child. Every other sunday she is getting questioned by her mother. TO top it all off the mother is saying that the child said she slept in a cold basement and was scared. THERES NO BASEMENT HERE!!!!!!!!!!! Should I (my bf) be documenting all this crap even though we aren't doing anything wrong? I dont know what to do to put an end to this. IS IT EVER GOING TO END.

 

[tina5160]

What is the name of your state? IL

Back again. I dont know if I'm just venting, but I can't take it anymore. My bf and I are looking for a home. We currently have an offer in on one, and are waiting to hear back. My bf's daughter stays here at my house with us every other weekend. Reason being my boyfriends place is being remodeled to sell. Every other sunday there's nothing but an all out arguement with the ex. THe ex is "threatening" again to take my bf to court because his daughter stayed at my house with us. UNDER WHAT LAW IS THIS VIOLATING! We had a sleepover last night with my nephew and the two kids wanted to sleep on the pullout couch in the family room. IS THIS IS CRIME! I can't ever seeing this bs going to court. My biggest frustration is the harm this is causing the child. Every other sunday she is getting questioned by her mother. TO top it all off the mother is saying that the child said she slept in a cold basement and was scared. THERES NO BASEMENT HERE!!!!!!!!!!! Should I (my bf) be documenting all this crap even though we aren't doing anything wrong? I dont know what to do to put an end to this. IS IT EVER GOING TO END.

It never hurts to document things when there is a conflict. Really to keep a journal about how visits go isn't a bad idea because you never know whenshe may bring something up. An option that your BF should look into is mediation. Most courts if petitioned will order her to go. Also he may be able to petition the court to have them take parenting classes. In the parenting class I took it went over how she can ask how the weekend went, but she should not he giving the child the 3rd degree about every little detail or the other parents partner.

If you and your BF have an established relationship and his daughter likes you, then a court will not say anything about her being at your house as long as there is nothing that happens when she is there to harm her. You should contact a lawyer about what other options there may be though. If either of you work for a company that offer and Employee Assistance Program you can get free legal advise that way.

 

[stealth2]

We had a sleepover last night with my nephew and the two kids wanted to sleep on the pullout couch in the family room. IS THIS IS CRIME!

Not a crime, but depending on the ages of the kids, could be a concern. I'd certainly take a dim view of my daughter sleeping in the same bed as an unrelated boy, depending on the ages of them both.

 

[worriedIL]

My nephew is 4 and my bf's daughter is 6. I thought about that being an issue too, but they love having sleep overs. They sleep on the pullout couch or they sleep on the floor with tons of blankets etc. I mean if it came down to it once they fell asleep I could always move one of them. Its hard to explain to them why they wouldn't be able to sleep next to each other. Either way, that hasn't been brought up as a concern yet. My bf's ex has brought up mediation a million times but never goes through with it. Whats to be mediated? That she's a nutcase! My boyfriend keeps telling her fine, lets go to mediation. I guess he would have to be the one to look into it, she thinks she's using it as a threat. The other thing is she keeps saying AFTER I GET REMARRIED IM GOING TO DO THIS AND THAT. Well if her daughters life was in such danger, why wouldnt she do something about now. The other thing is yes, the daughter and I have a great relationship. The daughter wants me to hold her all the time, wants me to be the one to help her dress, take a bath, play, and she falls asleep on me, cuddles with. I think the ex is just jealous. She keeps saying that I will never be the daughters mother. HELLO! I dont want to be! Thats an enormous responsibility, but I will always treat this girl as if she were my own, because I care about her, and love her.

 

[MominMass]

If the mother hasn't actually filed a complaint with the court, then just let her blathering roll off your back. I have a four year old son, and would be fine with him sleeping in a pullout with a six year old girl. Kids that age LOVE sleepovers, and it's a big adventure for them. The mother is obviously jealous and making a bunch of noise just to stir things up. Make sure you and the child's father cherish your time with her and don't let the mother's mean spirited bull**** take away from the valuable time you have with the daughter and/or nephew. I would encourage mediation in an attempt to stop the mother's interference with her relationship with the father. To answer your question - Is it ever going to end? Probably never. What needs to change is your reaction to her hostility. She hasn't actually done anything about her alleged concerns, so she's probably not actually worried about the child in your care. She's just trying to rile you up, and she has succeeded.

 

[worriedIL]

You are absolutely right. I go in phases where i laugh it off, and then i just get so upset and fed up. I just feel terrible for his daughter. The mother calls my bf screaming and yelling in front of the child. It just sickens me.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? IL

Back again. I dont know if I'm just venting, but I can't take it anymore. My bf and I are looking for a home. We currently have an offer in on one, and are waiting to hear back. My bf's daughter stays here at my house with us every other weekend. Reason being my boyfriends place is being remodeled to sell. Every other sunday there's nothing but an all out arguement with the ex. THe ex is "threatening" again to take my bf to court because his daughter stayed at my house with us. UNDER WHAT LAW IS THIS VIOLATING! We had a sleepover last night with my nephew and the two kids wanted to sleep on the pullout couch in the family room. IS THIS IS CRIME! I can't ever seeing this bs going to court. My biggest frustration is the harm this is causing the child. Every other sunday she is getting questioned by her mother. TO top it all off the mother is saying that the child said she slept in a cold basement and was scared. THERES NO BASEMENT HERE!!!!!!!!!!! Should I (my bf) be documenting all this crap even though we aren't doing anything wrong? I dont know what to do to put an end to this. IS IT EVER GOING TO END.

Some court orders have a "no cohabitation clause" which means no overnight guests of the opposite sex. Unless your BF has one of those~ he doesn't have to answer/address his X's complaints. Re; the children, at this young age- I highly doubt a court would find anything 'amis' in the situation.

Ignore the X and don't participate in being baited into arguments.

 

[ceara19]

Even though it's not actually harming the child, mom DOES have a valid legal point. It is not unusual at all for the court to restrict the parents from overnight guests of the opposite sex that are unrelated. Since you and your boyfriend aren't MARRIED, it's very possible that mom can have a judge put an end to the two of you living together until you are married. Of course, your boyfriend can have the same restrictions applied to mom also.

 

[worriedIL]

I understand what you are saying. The issue here is not the sleepover with my nephew. The issue is me. The ex can't stand me. She does everything she can to try and ruin things, but it doesn't work so she goes for more. She has her daughter sleep at her boyfriends house, and we say nothing about it. Two weeks ago when we all stayed the night at my bf's moms house with my bf's sisters and brothers and their kids, the ex got mad (because she never got along with his family, so again its jealousy). The ex said you should have stayed by your gf's house not your mothers house. This is taped on his voicemail by the way. So its just about the ex finding reasons to complain. She has a lawyer, so if she's so concerned where's are letters from the attorney?

 

[worriedIL]

Re: this cohabitation clause. Is this something she can take us to court over after she gets married? Like I said we have an offer in on a house, but of course we just found out the house is going into pre-foreclosure, which is a whole nother story. Point being, we are waiting to hear if our offer has been accepted. If we live together before she attempted to pull something like that, would it matter?

 

[casa]

Re: this cohabitation clause. Is this something she can take us to court over after she gets married? Like I said we have an offer in on a house, but of course we just found out the house is going into pre-foreclosure, which is a whole nother story. Point being, we are waiting to hear if our offer has been accepted. If we live together before she attempted to pull something like that, would it matter?

No. Unless it's in the current court order~ There is nothing she can do about it. She can try to file in the future, but the date of her marriage vs. the date of the original court order would demonstrate to the court she had no problem with co-habitation prior to her own marriage. It would be a huge waste of time and the court would likely ask her to provide some evidence as to why changing the court order to include this clause (after the fact) was in the best interest of the children. (ie; proving you are a danger to the children etc.)

 

[worriedIL]

Thank you.

The ex just emailed saying the two most important days of her life are coming up, her wedding and court. Thing is, whats she taking to court? That his daughter "suppossedly" slept in a basement, that I dont even have at my house! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[ceara19]

Thank you.

The ex just emailed saying the two most important days of her life are coming up, her wedding and court. Thing is, whats she taking to court? That his daughter "suppossedly" slept in a basement, that I dont even have at my house! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

If she's letting her bf spend the night when she's got the child or spending the night with him, she's got nothing to go on. Like casa said, if she just waits until she is married to bring it to court, the judge will see right through it. Just be sure you keep any evidence that shows mom has no problem with overnight guest when it's HER boyfriend.

 

[worriedIL]

I will. She just said she's taking him to court for sole custody! I wish she would try, I really do. There's so many people in terrible situations that really need to address the courts, this is all BS, its so sad.

 

[allison3005]

Your x sounds alot like my x. If so, then if its not one thing being complained about its another. I ignore him. If he feels it is a big concern he can try to bring it to court. The judges see this all the time, they can usually pick out what is going on. Especially if he makes a history of bringing you to court for stupid reasons.