Update - I have taken my son to a Counselor as suggested by some posters on this thread. Son liked the idea of being able to talk to someone. He was insistent that we not tell mom and was afraid "she would take it out on him." I told him I will schedule an appointment with the counselor but I expressed we should talk to his mom about it.
Once again, a ten year old does NOT make those kind of decisions. You are hurting your son by doing this to him. It is not good parenting to 'bond' with your child by making him feel like he is able to make decisions with you against his own mother. It is YOUR JOB, as well as Mom's, to facilitate the LOVING relationship with the other parent. NOT to UNDERMINE it as you continue doing.
He has gone twice and my son really seems to like the counselor. I sat in on the first visit and they talked about school, his teachers, etc as he was trying to build a re pour with him. At the time he asked him to write a journal about his teachers and all the things he wanted to talk about. The following weekend we worked on it together. WORST DAY EVER. As I have mentioned the past 9 + years the ex and I have had a mutual best interest for our son and manged to get along. Certainly there are things she does I do not agree with and I am sure she has her issues with me. With that said we managed to work things out for him but the things he listed wants to talk about were heart breaking. He is in no physical danger is appears and I am not an expert on what mental harm is but there are some serious issues between him and his mom.
You do realize that by working on that list WITH him he's very prone to say/write what he thinks YOU want to hear, right?
The second visit I wanted him to talk to the counselor alone not to be influenced with me being in the room. He said he is really glad he is going. Said he talked about the items on the list etc. I never spoke with the counselor but I am totally at a loss. If my son was in danger I am sure he would have to tell me, but even if he is not in physical danger the feelings he has is not good and could be damaging as well.
What you are doing is damaging.
Maybe since the counselor has not said anything because there is nothing to address and we should keep the visitations and orders alone. I know I need to get his feedback but in the meantime I feel I owe it to my son to get him out of that bad situation.
You owe it to your son to stop doing these kinds of things without working with MOM. It is not your son that you parent with. If you were genuinely concerned about him you would be working WITH her, not pitting him against her. Although you may not be directly saying negative things about her, you are clearly not encouraging a good relationship by allowing things to be kept from her and talking about these issues with your son.
First question - I feel like I have to let his mom know he is seeing this guy but I don't want it to cause a disturbance in my son wanting to go. Legally it says we have to notify and make medical records available and I assume this would be considered medical records.
The decision is not your son's to make. The decision is yours AND Mom's. You better tell her, yesterday. You also better hope she takes it better than any other parent I know. You were legally obligated to tell her before you took son to the first visit. If I were her, I'd have your ass in court on a silver platter for pulling this kind of crap. It is not healthy. It is not in your son's best interest.
For a moment, humor me, and imagine this same scenario reversed. Mom is taking kiddo to a counselor to talk about YOU based on information from a ten year old (which we all know is very unreliable and often is what the child thinks the other parent wants to hear). Mom does not inform you or ask for your input AT ALL about this decision. Mom is also thinking about going back to court to ask that your time be reduced based on what kiddo is saying.
You see how things can spiral out of control with very little basis very quickly? A child of divorce knows their parents don't love each other. They know that one parent doesn't want to hear great, fantastic, amazing things about the other parent. So, when you ask questions they will almost always tell you what they think you want to hear. Anything negative. To gain your approval.
It's a very selfish thing to do. So stop. Be Dad.
[edit: I was typing this as you replied saying you would want to know. Do you know that LEGALLY you are sooooooooooo out of line it is not funny. It will very likely HURT you badly if you go to court or if Mom pursues it.]
