Step-Monster...Mother Issues

[brisgirl825]

I suspect that stepmom is not organized enough to deal with the kids on those mornings...and is perhaps even resentful of the need to be responsible.
Dad wants to maintain his "time"...and isn't willing to address the issues....and maybe even doesn't want to make "waves" with his wife.

...and of course, they both resent the child support....perhaps stepmom even more than dad.

In any case I agree that the "group meeting" is not going to benefit anyone...least of all the children. Parenting is between the parents, and any kind of meeting, even between the parents isn't particularly appropriate when an appeal is pending.

Does your children's school have an option for putting money "on account" for meals? If so, you might want to do that so that at least you don't have to worry that the kids can't eat because they don't have their breakfast or lunch money on them. You might even want to slip some breakfast bars into their backpacks so that they have something to eat if stepmom can't get her act together.

A resentful SM...you mean that happens? I thought that was an urban legend.

 

[michiganmom2005]

Have your ex go to counseling with them if he wants to honestly work/talk it out. This is his issue and as hard as it is, courts won't let you get involved unless the child is in some type of danger or neglected. Dad is suppose to be home on Weds. nights though. I have that schedule too. It's always hard to stay out of it, I know. I just tried to talk to my ex about the same thing today. But like he said it's his issue and unfortunately courts will see it that way too. good luck...

 

[Fairy4]

I suspect that stepmom is not organized enough to deal with the kids on those mornings...and is perhaps even resentful of the need to be responsible.
Dad wants to maintain his "time"...and isn't willing to address the issues....and maybe even doesn't want to make "waves" with his wife.

...and of course, they both resent the child support....perhaps stepmom even more than dad.

In any case I agree that the "group meeting" is not going to benefit anyone...least of all the children. Parenting is between the parents, and any kind of meeting, even between the parents isn't particularly appropriate when an appeal is pending.

Does your children's school have an option for putting money "on account" for meals? If so, you might want to do that so that at least you don't have to worry that the kids can't eat because they don't have their breakfast or lunch money on them. You might even want to slip some breakfast bars into their backpacks so that they have something to eat if stepmom can't get her act together.

No, maybe some of ya'll misunderstood a little bit.

Step mother gave the kids breakfast money, and evidently dropped them off a little late, but still thought that they would be able to eat breakfast at school. That didn't happen because as soon as the kids got into the cafeteria the teacher on duty dismissed all of the kids to their appropriate teachers. So instead of telling the truth, and saying that perhaps they were a little late, SM is saying that the kids are lying.

Their father is afraid of his wife...and it shows, and really I think it's sort of funny (except where the kids are concerned) that he doesn't have the b**** to stand up to her...but that's his problem!

I know they are resentful. After I told him what our oldest said about the SM, the next thing out of his mouth was "well A***** told me exactly how much I have to pay you, and she said you told her!" That isn't true, he's either making it up, the SM told her (A***** has asked her why Momma has to pack their clothes, toothbrushes, lunch money, etc when they go to Daddy's now), or she read it while it was sitting on the desk...evidently he doesn't know that a 9 year old can read!

Can I give you SM phone number, and maybe you can get it through her thick skull that she has no say so in the kids' lives (other than what their father allows), and that I don't have to deal with her concerning our children?

A resentful SM...you mean that happens? I thought that was an urban legend.

Unfortunately they are a reality, that too many people have to put up with! But it's a nice thought!

 

[Fairy4]

Have your ex go to counseling with them if he wants to honestly work/talk it out. This is his issue and as hard as it is, courts won't let you get involved unless the child is in some type of danger or neglected. Dad is suppose to be home on Weds. nights though. I have that schedule too. It's always hard to stay out of it, I know. I just tried to talk to my ex about the same thing today. But like he said it's his issue and unfortunately courts will see it that way too. good luck...

He'd never go to counseling without his wife sitting beside him to tell him what to say...therefore defeating the purpose!

I really have tried to stay out of it, but he calls me over stupid things...he brings me into it. Not to mention that I have to deal with a child who cries for 2 days before going with him on Wed.

Their father is there on Wed. nights, it's just that he leaves for work on Thursday mornings for work, before the kids get up; so that's left up to SM...I didn't have a problem with that until all of this came out into the open!

 

[michiganmom2005]

Your ex and my ex are probably friends. My daughter does the same thing. Kinda sad what people ,let alone a childs own parent, can be capable of.

 

[brisgirl825]

No, maybe some of ya'll misunderstood a little bit.

Step mother gave the kids breakfast money, and evidently dropped them off a little late, but still thought that they would be able to eat breakfast at school. That didn't happen because as soon as the kids got into the cafeteria the teacher on duty dismissed all of the kids to their appropriate teachers. So instead of telling the truth, and saying that perhaps they were a little late, SM is saying that the kids are lying.

Their father is afraid of his wife...and it shows, and really I think it's sort of funny (except where the kids are concerned) that he doesn't have the b**** to stand up to her...but that's his problem!

I know they are resentful. After I told him what our oldest said about the SM, the next thing out of his mouth was "well A***** told me exactly how much I have to pay you, and she said you told her!" That isn't true, he's either making it up, the SM told her (A***** has asked her why Momma has to pack their clothes, toothbrushes, lunch money, etc when they go to Daddy's now), or she read it while it was sitting on the desk...evidently he doesn't know that a 9 year old can read!

Can I give you SM phone number, and maybe you can get it through her thick skull that she has no say so in the kids' lives (other than what their father allows), and that I don't have to deal with her concerning our children?





Unfortunately they are a reality, that too many people have to put up with! But it's a nice thought!

You know, I'm gonna tell you what I did once. I know I shouldn't have and I'll prolly get ripped a new one but hopefully those who have to deal with psycho step-parents, will understand and cut me some slack.


My ex remarried a woman with whom he had, had an affiar with while I was pg with our first child. So I knew her and had issues with her from the past. There's a whole story that I don't have the time to get in to here. However she had shown signs of resentment and not wanting my ex near our baby or me. So it was clear the type of person she was and the kind of SM she was going to be. She put an enormous amount of pressure on my ex to TPR and allow the SP adoption.

One day I called the ex and she answered the phone. When she heard it was me, she hung up. So I called again...it was important, about my daughter's diabetes stuff. She answered again and said, "no." So I straight up told her...look I don't have to allow this adoption, I don't have to forgive arrears, you are NOT in control of this situation, this is between me and the ex.

After she realized that I meant business, was tired of her bs, and she wasn't going to control me like she did her husband, she left me alone. I realize now that it could have backfired but at the time, I had, had it.

We all have our limits.

 

[xKellyx]

You know, I'm gonna tell you what I did once. I know I shouldn't have and I'll prolly get ripped a new one but hopefully those who have to deal with psycho step-parents, will understand and cut me some slack.


My ex remarried a woman with whom he had, had an affiar with while I was pg with our first child. So I knew her and had issues with her from the past. There's a whole story that I don't have the time to get in to here. However she had shown signs of resentment and not wanting my ex near our baby or me. So it was clear the type of person she was and the kind of SM she was going to be. She put an enormous amount of pressure on my ex to TPR and allow the SP adoption.

One day I called the ex and she answered the phone. When she heard it was me, she hung up. So I called again...it was important, about my daughter's diabetes stuff. She answered again and said, "no." So I straight up told her...look I don't have to allow this adoption, I don't have to forgive arrears, you are NOT in control of this situation, this is between me and the ex.

After she realized that I meant business, was tired of her bs, and she wasn't going to control me like she did her husband, she left me alone. I realize now that it could have backfired but at the time, I had, had it.

We all have our limits.

what a sl*t


I'll admit to something as well....

I have my husband talk to my ex's wife very casually when my ex and I are discussing matters, this makes my ex extremely jealous (he didn't allow me to talk to anyone female or male when we were together) and it keeps her from butting in.

I also try to be nicest person I can be to her but I will mention things I know will piss her off, like I told her that I love what she has done with my daughter's bedroom (I'm not allowed in her house according to my ex, but he let me look around one day anyway)

Then I go home with a smile, knowing they are making up a storm. My ex and his wife have severe insecurities and trust issues, so its easy.

 

[Rushia]

I'm going to brag again. I LOVE my kids stepmom. She's in Fl right now visiting with her parents. I can't wait until she gets back. I miss her.

 

[brisgirl825]

I'm going to brag again. I LOVE my kids stepmom. She's in Fl right now visiting with her parents. I can't wait until she gets back. I miss her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...rub it in!!

It is hard to be in these situations. I often wished that my ex would hurry and remarry so that I would know that someone would be there to help him with the kids. As they say, be careful what you wish for...

I know that there are loving steps out there, my husband is/was one of them. He loved me and wanted to be with me, even though I had kids, which was a concern of mine for a long time. I thought that I'd never find a man who would love me b/c I had kids. He loved my kids like his own.
He knew when to get involved and when to keep his mouth shut. I have to say that my husband helped my ex get a lot more than I would have given, had I not had my husband to help in those decisions. He was not emotionally invested like my ex and I were so he was great in helping us make compromises when the ex and I were angry with each other. Steps can be very valuable, for everyone.

Now he has taken the leap and trusted me enough and loved my kids, w/o preference for his own, and adopted them.

I wish all steps were that way, it would make things easier for everyone especially the kids, they can't have too much love!

 

[stepmonster2]

have you read my occupation? I am currently a student teacher.

Your right kelley. Teachers can be ask to testify in court. This usually happens in abuse or neglect cases. I am not sure if this would constitute an appearance . If it were me I would not agree to get involved on somthing like this. I too am a teacher. Spec. Ed. to boot. we see alot of divorce in this field.. nasty one too. Most teachers will try not to get involved or decline to do so.

 

[brisgirl825]

Your right kelley. Teachers can be ask to testify in court. This usually happens in abuse or neglect cases. I am not sure if this would constitute an appearance . If it were me I would not agree to get involved on somthing like this. I too am a teacher. Spec. Ed. to boot. we see alot of divorce in this field.. nasty one too. Most teachers will try not to get involved or decline to do so.

I'm going to be going to school, next fall, to be a special-ed teacher. I worked as a spec-ed para and loved it. Special needs kids were the best I have ever worked with, it's very rewarding.

Some of the parents were awful though. I often brought clothes that my brother grew out of or didn't wear anymore to give to some of the boys, one in particular was in high need. A lot of the kids lived in destitution and it's quite sad.