P
PiCrystal
Guest
Hello, my name is Crystal and I live in Florida.
Briefly, here is my situation:
I have two daughters, ages 6 and 4. I was married to their bio father when both girls were born. He has been in prison since December 1997 with little to no contact and no child support, of course. Even before he was arrested, he was very neglectful of my oldest. He was never father material and is a very irresponsible person. The reason why we had to get divorced was because he left me when I refused to abort our second child.
I am getting remarried in December and my future husband wishes to adopt my girls. They both have developed a bond with him and wish to call him "daddy" after we get married (I told them they couldn't call him that until we get married). My oldest has always wanted a daddy and expresses her sadness at not having a daddy. She knows about her "real daddy," but never talks about him.
My fiance would make a really good father and is a very responsible person. He was even in the military for 8 years. Whereas my ex-husband did drugs regularly before he was arrested and was at one time involved in some gang activity. He also has smoked "pot" in front of my daughter (during one of his visits). I know about this only because I had been on the phone with him and he didn't hang up the phone all the way. I noticed this and listened to what was going on. Also, one time when my oldest was just an infant (during another of his visits), he was drinking and driving while my daughter was in the same vehicle with him (a truck). My sister witnessed this when she was working at our local Wal-Mart (he was driving through the parking lot and stopped to say "hi" to her). He had a beer in his hand and my daughter in the seat next to him. My sister told me of this immediately. This occurred shortly before he was arrested.
I truly do believe that my husband-to-be adopting my daughters would be in their best interest. It's not a matter of me being mad at my ex and trying to steal his daughters away or even about making our family 'whole' (a simple name change would do that). But what it is about is my sincere concern for my daughters should my ex-husband decide to take them for visitations when he gets out. He was irresponsible with my oldest in the past and I'm afraid that he would either endanger them or teach them to do bad things (allow them to do drugs or just plain be a bad influence by doing drugs in front of them).
So, a termination of rights + adoption would give my daughters safety, security, and, most important, a father.
What do you think? Do I have a case? My ex-husband is currently scheduled to be released in September 2005. I still have some time. Would it make my case better if I waited a year or two after I get married? What should I do?
Thank you so much. I love my daughters more than anything and I only want what is best for them.
***Just wanted to add:
I don't know whether my ex-husband would object to an adoption. I have not approached him for fear of how he might react. I would like to mention it to him in case he might be willing to do it to get out of paying child support.
What would be the best way to approach him about it? Should I just file the papers first and do it that way? Or, would it be better if I spoke with him about it first? My thinking is that if I approach him in a respectful manner, then he might be more inclined to sign over his rights vs. being 'surprised' with a petition, which might just anger him.
Currently, the child support is 'building up' while he is in prison. When he gets out, he will have to set up a plan to pay that back plus continue the regular monthly payments. My hope is that he might sign over his rights to avoid this.
But if he does object to the adoption, what are my chances of getting his parental rights terminated?
Thank you.
Briefly, here is my situation:
I have two daughters, ages 6 and 4. I was married to their bio father when both girls were born. He has been in prison since December 1997 with little to no contact and no child support, of course. Even before he was arrested, he was very neglectful of my oldest. He was never father material and is a very irresponsible person. The reason why we had to get divorced was because he left me when I refused to abort our second child.
I am getting remarried in December and my future husband wishes to adopt my girls. They both have developed a bond with him and wish to call him "daddy" after we get married (I told them they couldn't call him that until we get married). My oldest has always wanted a daddy and expresses her sadness at not having a daddy. She knows about her "real daddy," but never talks about him.
My fiance would make a really good father and is a very responsible person. He was even in the military for 8 years. Whereas my ex-husband did drugs regularly before he was arrested and was at one time involved in some gang activity. He also has smoked "pot" in front of my daughter (during one of his visits). I know about this only because I had been on the phone with him and he didn't hang up the phone all the way. I noticed this and listened to what was going on. Also, one time when my oldest was just an infant (during another of his visits), he was drinking and driving while my daughter was in the same vehicle with him (a truck). My sister witnessed this when she was working at our local Wal-Mart (he was driving through the parking lot and stopped to say "hi" to her). He had a beer in his hand and my daughter in the seat next to him. My sister told me of this immediately. This occurred shortly before he was arrested.
I truly do believe that my husband-to-be adopting my daughters would be in their best interest. It's not a matter of me being mad at my ex and trying to steal his daughters away or even about making our family 'whole' (a simple name change would do that). But what it is about is my sincere concern for my daughters should my ex-husband decide to take them for visitations when he gets out. He was irresponsible with my oldest in the past and I'm afraid that he would either endanger them or teach them to do bad things (allow them to do drugs or just plain be a bad influence by doing drugs in front of them).
So, a termination of rights + adoption would give my daughters safety, security, and, most important, a father.
What do you think? Do I have a case? My ex-husband is currently scheduled to be released in September 2005. I still have some time. Would it make my case better if I waited a year or two after I get married? What should I do?
Thank you so much. I love my daughters more than anything and I only want what is best for them.
***Just wanted to add:
I don't know whether my ex-husband would object to an adoption. I have not approached him for fear of how he might react. I would like to mention it to him in case he might be willing to do it to get out of paying child support.
What would be the best way to approach him about it? Should I just file the papers first and do it that way? Or, would it be better if I spoke with him about it first? My thinking is that if I approach him in a respectful manner, then he might be more inclined to sign over his rights vs. being 'surprised' with a petition, which might just anger him.
Currently, the child support is 'building up' while he is in prison. When he gets out, he will have to set up a plan to pay that back plus continue the regular monthly payments. My hope is that he might sign over his rights to avoid this.
But if he does object to the adoption, what are my chances of getting his parental rights terminated?
Thank you.
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