Step-Parent Troubles

[Fairy4]

State: VA

Jslopez - the funny thing is IF harassment charges would ever come about, the same judge that hears family cases would also handle the harassment charge (we live in a small county and only have 2 judges...one for traffic & criminal, and another for the rest)!

Making1962 - I liked having the emails as a reference source; although my ex said he'll gladly allow himself to be recorded (note: that was said before he had the chance to talk it over with his wife )...he will NEVER agree to that!!

I don't think that I'm legally responsible for providing all of these things; but does anyone know of a website I could search to get the info...or even point me in the general direction? My attorney who represented me in this case, told me to comply with his demands to be nice...but where do I draw the line?

I feel like sending dirty clothes with him tomorrow evening, and seeing how he likes it..but I don't want to sink to his (his wife's level)!! I definitely do not send "good" clothing because the past two times the kids have gone with him, it's been impossible to get all the stains out of their clothing!!

 

[NCP Dad in TN]

Do NOT send clothes that you would be upset over getting ruined or lost. You cannot even make them return them to you! Send the child in something they feel comfortable wearing but that you wouldn't get distraught over losing.
Send him ONLY in the clothes on his back. They can't send him back naked, so you won't lose clothes by doing it that way.

 

[casa]

WANNACRY, you are too funny! Although it is sad, because I can't help but feel that she is going to take out her animosity towards me on the kids.

As for him growing manly stuff; that's only a dream. Never has he had his own backbone, and I'm sad to say that he never will. He's not a horrible person, but I pity him for making such a poor decision in his life!

I've blocked all her email accounts, but I know she'll just create another using yahoo and email me yet again...when is enough, enough?

When you block her e-mails, then send her VA statute on cyberstalking, then report her address to yahoo or whichever ISP she is using. (and it might not hurt to fwd the nasty grams she wrote to your X)

 

[simpleguy05]

Ok I think alot of us have lost some site as to the RIGHT thing to do. What was the stupid comment I read about sending your kids to their dads in "dirty" clothes. Come on ppl. Look, you get child support and you want whats best for your kids so block the womans emails, always be civil and just send the stuff with your kids, toothbrush etc. Matter of fact, my wife sent her daughter off tonight with a bag full of nice clean clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo and all that other jazz. And why? Because she knows if she sends it, then her daughter will always have what she needs. Pick your battles wisely because its your kids that will suffer. Don't stoop to that level.

 

[Rushia]

Ok I think alot of us have lost some site as to the RIGHT thing to do. What was the stupid comment I read about sending your kids to their dads in "dirty" clothes. Come on ppl. Look, you get child support and you want whats best for your kids so block the womans emails, always be civil and just send the stuff with your kids, toothbrush etc. Matter of fact, my wife sent her daughter off tonight with a bag full of nice clean clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo and all that other jazz. And why? Because she knows if she sends it, then her daughter will always have what she needs. Pick your battles wisely because its your kids that will suffer. Don't stoop to that level.

I also send all the stuff that my kids need for visits with dad. Luckily they send it back. Once in a while something gets kept, but you know, I don't really care. Sometimes I can have a "blonde" moment and forget to pack something. Why is this always such an issue?

 

[casa]

My ex's wife has done the same thing. When she was angry with me, no child support. I stopped conversing with him via email because I was never sure the reply was from him or her? Sometimes it was a nasty reply and made me think that she either answered or she was there when he did so he had to impress her. I think in person or by telephone is the best way.
If you do that, you won't have to block emails because you won't be sending any.

LOL I can always tell who is the X and who is the s/o~ the X has terrible grammar!

 

[Fairy4]

Ok What was the stupid comment I read about sending your kids to their dads in "dirty" clothes. Come on ppl. Look, you get child support and you want whats best for your kids so block the womans emails, always be civil and just send the stuff with your kids, toothbrush etc. Matter of fact, my wife sent her daughter off tonight with a bag full of nice clean clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo and all that other jazz. And why? Because she knows if she sends it, then her daughter will always have what she needs. Pick your battles wisely because its your kids that will suffer. Don't stoop to that level.

You know that comment was meant to be taken lightheartedly...evidently you didn't catch that!

Why do I have a problem with this??? Simply because he had all the things for the children (even clothing) BEFORE we went to court (just the week before), and either him or his wife decided that they won't let the kids use them anymore...how stupid is that??? In case you didn't read the whole post; I do send the kids with everything that they need, and other than the clothing (that is sent back filthy) everything always comes back unopened or unused; so evidently either they DO have the things at their home for the kids to use and they are just being asses, or the kids are made to go without even though I've sent it!

The past two times he's come to pick up the kids, our oldest cries that she doesn't want to go with him. He gets all bristled up at me, thinking I've got something to do with it, but I don't think that he understands that she's nine, and she's not blind...she see what him & his ex are suddenly doing!! From what I can gather, ex's & his wife's son is allowed to do whatever he wants, & the others are blamed for it. I just hope that any anomosity they have for me won't be taken out on the kids...then again, his wife is just that juvenile!!

 

[stealth2]

Ok I think alot of us have lost some site as to the RIGHT thing to do. What was the stupid comment I read about sending your kids to their dads in "dirty" clothes. Come on ppl. Look, you get child support and you want whats best for your kids so block the womans emails, always be civil and just send the stuff with your kids, toothbrush etc. Matter of fact, my wife sent her daughter off tonight with a bag full of nice clean clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo and all that other jazz. And why? Because she knows if she sends it, then her daughter will always have what she needs. Pick your battles wisely because its your kids that will suffer. Don't stoop to that level.

And it is not always so simple. Unfortunately.

 

[simpleguy05]

The past two times he's come to pick up the kids, our oldest cries that she doesn't want to go with him. He gets all bristled up at me, thinking I've got something to do with it, but I don't think that he understands that she's nine, and she's not blind...she see what him & his ex are suddenly doing!! From what I can gather, ex's & his wife's son is allowed to do whatever he wants, & the others are blamed for it. I just hope that any anomosity they have for me won't be taken out on the kids...then again, his wife is just that juvenile!!

Ok at the risk of sounding cheesy and old, just kill her with kindness.

 

[Fairy4]

Ok at the risk of sounding cheesy and old, just kill her with kindness.

That's just what I am doing! I don't dare let on to them that their "demands" piss me off; and I send more for the kids than they ask for. Of couse his wife thinks I'm just being an ass; but my ex hasn't complained once...or even said a smart remark. I know it gets his wife's "goat" that I'm not throwing a fit, or acting like a child!! I'm so nice to them that it makes me sick!!!

 

[simpleguy05]

That's just what I am doing! I don't dare let on to them that their "demands" piss me off; and I send more for the kids than they ask for. Of couse his wife thinks I'm just being an ass; but my ex hasn't complained once...or even said a smart remark. I know it gets his wife's "goat" that I'm not throwing a fit, or acting like a child!! I'm so nice to them that it makes me sick!!!

Don't let her piss you off because thats what she wants. Trust me, she'll start to catch on to the fact that everyone thinks she's a psycho.

 

[kcs00]

Its just jealously. I see the point that she is trying to make. She is trying to control how you spend YOUR child support money. She figures that if "they" quit supplying things then you would be forced to get it, thus spending the CS. Its bullcrap but now its all she has because she is mad, and things are not going to get better any time soon. She is feeling that you are taking something away from her home, something that she dosent have any control over once its gone. No good parent is going to let their child go without, she is now somewhat satisfied becasue she feels that she is controlling the situation. I felt the same way at first then I realized that CS was not only for the children it is to take care of the children also, meaning light bill, gas, car insurance and note. So she is very worng in saying these things and the ex is wrong for letting her "enforce" these "rules"

 

[Fairy4]

VA

KCS - I know that's why she's doing all of this. She claims it's because "Ex has been ordered to pay his share to me, therefore now I have to provide needed things when the kids are with him". Jealousy is an ugly thing! She claims "their" attorney advised them to stop providing for the kids when they are with them!

Here's a little bit of background: Ex was paying $400 a month cs (what we verbally agreed on) & in April, when I went back to work I asked him to contribute $150 per month for daycare expenses (for 3 kids); he refused and thus is how we ended up in court for custody. Now he has been ordered to pay $275 a week; therefore doubling what he was paying!

He doesn't have the $$ to buy the kids toothbrushes now (yeah right) but he's not having a problem paying for his brand new $40K truck he bought in July, or his other new vehicle...a brand new Pacifica.....I see where his priorities lie!

 

[sbaldwin]

Does your ex and his wife not understand that child support is supposed to be used to support the child while in YOUR home?
I am a stepmom and when the divorce was still pretty new, Mom sent a bag to school with the child which included clothes only. At the end of EVERY visit, I washed and neatly folded all clothes and returned them to "the bag" One day, about 1 year after the divorce, my husband asked his son what he liked least about his parents being divorced. His response... "having to always carry that bag to school!" We went out the next night, stocked up on clothes and he has never carried that bag again!
I truly hope your ex soon sees what he is allowing his wife to do to your children! This is all so petty. It's truly disgusting!
As for MONEY to feed the children while in his care, that is COMPLETELY CRAZY!!!!! Toothbrushes, soap, shampoo... even crazier!
In my husband's Divorce Decree, It says that during there respective periods of possession, one of the "rights, dutiesand powers" they retain is "the duty to support the child, including providing the child with clothing, food, shelter, and medical and dental care not involving an invasive procedure"
I would talk to your attorney and ask about this!