step son

[corset]

What is the name of your state?Pa
good afternoon to all
my stepson has informed us via his mother that he did not want to return to his father (cp) after his visitation with his mother (ncp) his mother has visitation during the summer months. He told his mother and us that since his father works at night and also that he thinks that his father will deployed to the middle east that he should stay with his mother. his father and i the stepmother informed him that once his father's probation period is over with his new job he is able to transfer to the morning, and we know for a fact that his father will not be deployed, however son insisted to us that he goes lives with his mother... the father and son had a talk and father found out that son has "real girlfriend" my question to you all, ,should we allow son to stay with his mother or try and force the son home, son is 13 years of age.
i suggested that son go to a counselor and speak to them about his feelings. also the son mentioned that he misses his father, and when asked why did you go to camp and not stay home, the boy could not answer to this.. also the mother expressed to the son that it would be better if he stayed with her..
i am totally confused about this whole situation,
what would you guys do if this was your kids
thanks

 

[Zephyr]

how far apart do parents live?

 

[titansfan]

mom can file for custody

if your husband and his ex are in agreement, they could file for a change in custody. judges will take his sons wishes into account, but will do what is in the child's best interests.untill then, his son must return home, or mom could face contempt charges.

 

[corset]

thanks for replying
the parents live 45 minutes apart,
and i know for a fact that the father wont change the custody order.
also when the child left for the summer, no attempt was made to communicate..
thanks for replying soo fast

 

[stealth2]

Let's repeat it, this time with bells. CHILDREN DO NOT CHOOSE. Parents who allow their children to have that sort of power are asking for trouble. Either do it through the legal system if Dad thinks it best, or don't do it at all.

 

[titansfan]

he has to go home

if dad wont agree, his son has to go back, or mom could be held in contempt.he doesnt have a choice, im sorry.

 

[corset]

hi there
i hear you loud and clear
and if this were my kids this crap would not be happening
thanks
i will past this on to the father
thanks again

 

[Zephyr]

what is the current custody split? is it possible to compromise and get close to 50%/50%?

 

[corset]

the current custody is as follows, the son stays with the father for the school year and during the summer the son goes to stay with the mother. the standard custody is also standing, ever other weekend and alt. holidays this situation has gone on for years. the mother left child when he was 10 months and in 2002 when father was deployed the mother took the child. this time there is a written order that saids when father is deployed son goes to live with mother...
i know life is not always fair, but would a court grant the son/daughter their wishes to live with the ncp just because the father and or mother works a 4-12 shift. and also because the child is experiences his first true love..or puppy love. i would love to hear your parental advice with this situation

also as this morning father is going to tell son that he has to be home for the fall.. here we go again,
i know for a fact that ncp is going to drag me and my kids into this because last time she told the counselor that we are a bunch of pigs and all that other wonderful things people say to hurt others..
the son did not express to me or his father that he was unhappy about his father working the 4-12 shift and in fact told his father that he has to do what he has to do..
always thanks

 

[stealth2]

Out of curiousity - if Dad is working 4-12, when does the kid see him?

 

[corset]

the father gets up at 6 am and drives the son to school and also when the son asks to be driven to the father's office he is taken there, and again on the weekend that the son is at the father's house

i see what you are asking, ,the son is living with his mother during the summer, and has not once called the father, and father has called the son and no response....

from my understanding, its not the quantity of time, its the quality of time

i can give many examples where children live with both parents and there is no communication.
this is a very sad situation, the son has told me and his father that while father was deployed ncp hide letters that were written from myself and father. and also because there was no communciation with ncp the son stayed in the basement and played video games, he even called himself subterrean boy...
thanks again

 

[LdiJ]

the father gets up at 6 am and drives the son to school and also when the son asks to be driven to the father's office he is taken there, and again on the weekend that the son is at the father's house

i see what you are asking, ,the son is living with his mother during the summer, and has not once called the father, and father has called the son and no response....

from my understanding, its not the quantity of time, its the quality of time

i can give many examples where children live with both parents and there is no communication.
this is a very sad situation, the son has told me and his father that while father was deployed ncp hide letters that were written from myself and father. and also because there was no communciation with ncp the son stayed in the basement and played video games, he even called himself subterrean boy...
thanks again

Realistically, dad's work shift would be decent grounds to switch the custody arrangements. During the week the child is basically seeing dad for just a very short time once a day. If mom filed for primary custody she would have a reasonable shot at winning....particularly since the child also wants to live with her.

 

[corset]

thanks for the reply
the work shift is only temporary, once father probation is up then he can switch to the 1st shift,, so if this happens they up right back in court to settle this mess.

i spoke with my husband and strongly suggested that he call the counsler who they saw last year and have her a professional witness. apparently every summer when son goes to live with mother the child never wants to come home,
i know this will end up in the courts again, just like it has for the last five years,,

and what about our family, there are other kids involved, a boy and a girl..who protects our family stablity?

and what happens if the child wants to come home and realizes that the grass is not always greener over on the other pasture, do we continue to be yanked around?
thanks for listening

 

[LdiJ]

thanks for the reply
the work shift is only temporary, once father probation is up then he can switch to the 1st shift,, so if this happens they up right back in court to settle this mess.

i spoke with my husband and strongly suggested that he call the counsler who they saw last year and have her a professional witness. apparently every summer when son goes to live with mother the child never wants to come home,
i know this will end up in the courts again, just like it has for the last five years,,

and what about our family, there are other kids involved, a boy and a girl..who protects our family stablity?

and what happens if the child wants to come home and realizes that the grass is not always greener over on the other pasture, do we continue to be yanked around?
thanks for listening

Well...one thing that could be done is that you could agree to a "trial run" for one semester without actually changing custody on paper.

You also can't be sure that your husband would automatically get to switch to first shift as soon as he gets off probation. I am sure that he will be eligible to switch, but that doesn't mean that there will automatically be an opening available right away.

Honestly, mom's chances are reasonably good in this case. I am not saying that its guaranteed by any means...but they are reasonably good.

 

[corset]

hi there
i the step mother suggested to the son that he should at least finish middle school, he has this year left, and if he still wants to leave go to the mother and finish out the high school years. but i quess my suggestion wasnt taken

i can understand alot of things, however if the son was not happy with his father working at night, why didnt he speak up and why do we always have to hear it from the ncp?
what rights do the step parents have. is it soo hard to ask that schedule be kept to and that we are not given six hour notice to when he will be here or not..
i know from my experiences at being the cp for my own two children, schedules need to be kept and if there is going to be a change a large enough notice is given, my own two children let me know when things are not the way they like it,

i just dont know anymore,, perhaps i should go and seek counseling
thanks everyone for your support