step son

[LdiJ]

hi there
i the step mother suggested to the son that he should at least finish middle school, he has this year left, and if he still wants to leave go to the mother and finish out the high school years. but i quess my suggestion wasnt taken

i can understand alot of things, however if the son was not happy with his father working at night, why didnt he speak up and why do we always have to hear it from the ncp?
what rights do the step parents have. is it soo hard to ask that schedule be kept to and that we are not given six hour notice to when he will be here or not..
i know from my experiences at being the cp for my own two children, schedules need to be kept and if there is going to be a change a large enough notice is given, my own two children let me know when things are not the way they like it,

i just dont know anymore,, perhaps i should go and seek counseling
thanks everyone for your support

Well, no, stepparents don't have any rights.....but you lost me on the scheduling issues...you didn't mention anything about that previously.

 

[corset]

sometimes i type so fast it my my head spin
according to the custody agreement during the summer months the son lives with the mother. and father has him every other weekend and alternate holidays.
on the weekends that he is to be here we dont always have a confirmation until that morning, the schedule is never kept to, . last year when they went through this very same situation, mother was directed by the courts to allow communication between son and father and to encourage it, however the son has not called and or email the father,,, son has access to the internet over his mother house.
according to the son he misses his father, however he does not call and or write to him. and when asked about why did he go to camp and not stay with his father because according to him he misses his father he could not answer, my husband is not a loud person and keeps his cool where his son is concern..+
the son will be leaving one of the best school district in the state of pa and and attending a school district that can hardly compete with the one that is we currently live in. the son has friends and is very active in the school band and is in the gifted classes..
i dont know what else to do about this
thanks

 

[LdiJ]

sometimes i type so fast it my my head spin
according to the custody agreement during the summer months the son lives with the mother. and father has him every other weekend and alternate holidays.
on the weekends that he is to be here we dont always have a confirmation until that morning, the schedule is never kept to, . last year when they went through this very same situation, mother was directed by the courts to allow communication between son and father and to encourage it, however the son has not called and or email the father,,, son has access to the internet over his mother house.
according to the son he misses his father, however he does not call and or write to him. and when asked about why did he go to camp and not stay with his father because according to him he misses his father he could not answer, my husband is not a loud person and keeps his cool where his son is concern..+
the son will be leaving one of the best school district in the state of pa and and attending a school district that can hardly compete with the one that is we currently live in. the son has friends and is very active in the school band and is in the gifted classes..
i dont know what else to do about this
thanks

Well, if dad is supposed to have his son every other weekend, then why is a confirmation necessary? Also, why isn't dad calling his son? Why does he expect his son to call him? Normally its the parent currently without the child who is supposed to be doing the calling. If dad wants to know for example what time to pick up the child, then dad should be calling to find out. If dad wants to talk to the child, then dad should call him.

You can certainly use the school issues in a custody case. I am not sure that they will be enough to overcome both the child's wishes and the fact that dad works nights...but you should certainly use them.

 

[corset]

hi there
the reason for the confirmation, because in the last five years ncp has had a tendency to call at the last minute and change the schedule and say that they have something planned.
cp has called son and son is not always there, and the calls are never returned.

we think alikeand its nice to see someone who thinks as i do, i have told all kids that the parent that you are not with should be doing the calling, i have noticed with step son, when he is here, there are days that go bye that ncp does not call and step son asks to call his mother, we have never said no to that, all the kids are encourage to talk with their ncp and talk long and about everything...

when i was going through my divorce and custody hearing the lawyers love to find out the dirt, i dont want any of that, however we know for a fact that while husband was deployed the letters that were written to son was hidden from him and son found them in a box and has never confronted his mother,,
i know this is unfair but if this was your family what would you guys do?
fight and or leave alone?
thanks

 

[LdiJ]

hi there
the reason for the confirmation, because in the last five years ncp has had a tendency to call at the last minute and change the schedule and say that they have something planned.
cp has called son and son is not always there, and the calls are never returned.

we think alikeand its nice to see someone who thinks as i do, i have told all kids that the parent that you are not with should be doing the calling, i have noticed with step son, when he is here, there are days that go bye that ncp does not call and step son asks to call his mother, we have never said no to that, all the kids are encourage to talk with their ncp and talk long and about everything...

when i was going through my divorce and custody hearing the lawyers love to find out the dirt, i dont want any of that, however we know for a fact that while husband was deployed the letters that were written to son was hidden from him and son found them in a box and has never confronted his mother,,
i know this is unfair but if this was your family what would you guys do?
fight and or leave alone?
thanks

If I honestly thought that it would damage my child to live with my ex....or that my ex wasn't a fit parent. Then I would fight any change in custody. However, if I couldn't honestly say that it would damage my child, or that my ex wasn't fit, then I would probably allow a "trial run" without giving up custody.

This is a very common issue in the teen years. Teenagers often want to live with the other parent. Some of it is rebellion...some of it is an honest desire to spend more time with the other parent...some of it is a "grass is greener" mentality....some of it is due to very valid reasons.

Some judges tend to give the child's wishes very significant weight. Others look at the situation more deeply. In your husband's case you not only have the child's wishes...but you also have the fact that dad doesn't really see the child all week anyway. (Other than the brief time in the mornings).

The advantage of allowing a "trial run" is that if the child realizes its not the right decision, its easy to bring the child home....and if dad IS able to get a swift shift change then by the time it would end up in court (assuming that mom fought the child going back) dad's work schedule might not be an issue any longer.

 

[corset]

wow i like this idea and will share this with my husband
now they the ncp and cp needs to agree to this situation without going to the courts...
to be honest i am sick of the fighting and if i had it my way, i would totally change the custody agreement, where the father gets the son during the summer and mother gets the son during the school year..
thanks for the many replies