What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Colorado
I am desperate!! I have a 2-year-old daughter whose father and I separated when she was 4 months old. He got married and joined the army, while I continued working and going to college. About a year ago, I was forced to quit school in order to work more hours to pay the bills. Immediately following my withdrawl from college (with only a semester left to get a B.A. in Psychology) my car broke down during my lunch bread and I was fired. After searching for a job with no avail, I became extremely depressed and turned to using and selling meth to make a living. At that time I was the custodial parent, and her father (stationed in Alaska while I am in Colorado) and his lawyer determined the child support order to be $208/month, which he paid every month without fail. My mother stayed at her home with my daughter the majority of the time because I did not want my daughter in this environment, and I did not want to damage or negatively effect her because I was smoking meth, but I could not bear the thought of her being in Alaska because it is so far away! In November of 2004, I was arrested and held in jail for 3 weeks, and am being charged with 2 counts of Distribution of a Class 2 Substance, both F-3's in the state of Colorado. I actually thank God that I had to spend some time in jail because I realized that I had messed up my life and had the time to sober up and see that I have some serious changes to make. I have been sober since my release from the county jail, I have removed myself from the environment (the drugs as well as the social circle) entirely and moved in with my dad in a different town. I start a new job on January 10th waiting tables, and I am actively seeking both rehab and mental health counseling for the depression. When I was in jail, however, my baby's dad sent me papers concerning our parenting agreement that stated he would become the custodial parent but we would have "substatially equal parenting time". I did not want to sign the papers because I didn 't feel I was in the correct state of mind and I wanted the advice of an attorney, but I ended up signing them because he was threatening to take me to court on an emergency hearing and prove me an unfit mother. Though I did my best to keep my daughter out of the extremely bad environment I was in, I know that I messed up...really bad...and I am taking every step possible to improve myself as a person and a mother, but my ex is constantly telling me that I will never get her back and that the state will basically give me no custody rights over my daughter because of my pending charges. I am pretty much broke until I start my job on Monday and even then I will have little to no cash flow because of past due bills and collections agencies ringing my phone off the hook! I want to wait a few months before I get my daughter back, if I ever get her back, so that I can get on my feet and be somewhat stable for her. My questions to anyone that has any experience in this sort of custody "battle" are:
#1- Do I have ANY chance of getting custody?????
#2- If my ex is deployed overseas at any point and he does have full custody of my daughter, will his wife have the power to keep that custody while he is away????
#3- How much consideration will the courts have for both the recent turn of events in my life and also the past mistakes I have made?
#4- My ex was extremely violent with me during our relationship. He once, in a drunken rage, held a loaded shotgun to my head after basically beating the crap out of me. I wanted to work things out because I thought he would change (typical!) so I did not press charges and in fact signed an affidavit saying it did not happen. After I had our child, he endangered her life many times as well, usually while drunk, which ended up being the reason we separated. What effect will these additional factors have, and what will the court base it's decision on? Does the gender of the parent have any effect? How about marital status? Does the fact that he is now in the army give him a very good, if not great or absolute guarantee that he will be able to have sole custody of my daughter?????
I am losing hope by the minute. My ex has always used intimidation and threats to get me to cooperate with his wishes, but I have always encouraged his participation in her life. When I was the custodial parent, I told him that he could spend as much time with our daughter as he wanted, and he chose instead to move to Alaska, and asked me to let him take her every other holiday and 2 weeks out of the summer, which is not near what I expected. Now he wants me to accept that same schedule...and I cannot imagine only seeing her on those times!! My daughter is my love, my life, my reason for living, as I imagine every child is to their parents, and I don't know what to do!!!!!! Please help. I can't change the past, but I will do anything to be with my daughter and be the mother she deserves to have. Help!!!!
