Stuck

[Redhead43754]

What is the name of your state? ohio

I am 15, going to turn 16 in February. My parents are divorced and my mom is remarried to a man i cannot stand. At my moms house we are contantly fighting and i know its a bad influence on how i act and its not good for my 2 little brothers to be around. I go to my dads everyother day and he has always been very active in my life. I really want to live wiht him. I will still come to my moms house but im afriad that if i dont move out of here it will cause alot more problems then it already has. But my stepdad also has alot of money and power around where we live and i know i could not move in wiht my dad without a fight and they could probally make my dad look like a unstable parent even though he is a great dad and we are very close. I was wondering if anyone had any advice or an opinion if i had a chance if i took it to court.

 

[fairisfair]

YOU aren't taking anything to court. Your DAD can petition to gain custody. The judge may or may not take your wishes into consideration.

We don't guess at outcomes.

 

[jaxpink]

Sorry Kiddo, but fairisfair is right YOU cant take anyone to court or anything and yes your dad can.
Some Judges will listen to what the children over 10-12 have to say about where they are living or prefer to live.
Heres what is stated about Childs Preference


Child's Preferences
"The wishes of a child can be an important factor in deciding custody. The weight a court gives the child's wishes will depend on the child's age, maturity, and quality of reasons. Some judges do not even listen to the preferences of a child under the age of seven and instead assume the child is too young to express an informed preference.

A court is more likely to follow the preferences of an older child, although the court will want to assess the quality of the child's reasons. If a child wants to be with the parent who offers more freedom and less discipline, a judge is not likely to honor the preference. A child whose reasons are vague or whose answers seem coached also may not have his or her preferences followed.

On the other hand, if a child expresses a good reason related to the child's best interest--such as genuinely feeling closer one parent than the other--the court probably will follow the preference. Although most states treat a child's wishes as only one factor to be considered, two states (Georgia and West Virginia) declare that a child of fourteen has an "absolute right" to choose the parent with whom the child will live, as long as the parent is fit.

If a judge decides to talk with the child, the judge usually will do so in private--in the judge's chambers rather than in open court. Generally, the parents are not in the room when the judge talks to the child, although the parents' attorneys might be. In some cases, the judge may appoint a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker, to talk to the child and report to the court."


http://public.findlaw.com/

 

[jbowman]

At my moms house we are contantly fighting and i know its a bad influence on how i act .

*I hate to say it but....

THIS is a fine example of master manipulation from a typical 15 year old.

 

[Redhead43754]

accually please dont judge me. you do not know me or what goes on. Im not minupulating i want to get out of my mothers house before something seriously bad and/or violent goes on. Thanks

 

[majomom1]

What is the name of your state? ohio

I am 15, going to turn 16 in February. My parents are divorced and my mom is remarried to a man i cannot stand. At my moms house we are contantly fighting and i know its a bad influence on how i act and its not good for my 2 little brothers to be around. I go to my dads everyother day and he has always been very active in my life. I really want to live wiht him. I will still come to my moms house but im afriad that if i dont move out of here it will cause alot more problems then it already has. But my stepdad also has alot of money and power around where we live and i know i could not move in wiht my dad without a fight and they could probally make my dad look like a unstable parent even though he is a great dad and we are very close. I was wondering if anyone had any advice or an opinion if i had a chance if i took it to court.

No one is judging you, we just have experience with teens.

You go to your dad's every other day... and you say you will still see your mom. Why not help find a resolution to the fighting and just enjoy being at both houses.

What can YOU do... every other day... to not fight with your mom? Even if it means pick something up, help with dinner... you should know what your mom expects and at least have some idea of what YOU can do to avoid any fight.

 

[jaxpink]

accually please dont judge me. you do not know me or what goes on. Im not minupulating i want to get out of my mothers house before something seriously bad and/or violent goes on. Thanks

well the good thing is your not too young to call the cops. if there is a situatuon call the police so it can be handled properly.

 

[escape2paradise]

well the good thing is your not too young to call the cops. if there is a situatuon call the police so it can be handled properly.

Jax, maybe I am a little sensitive here, as this so reminds me of how my daughter sounded a year ago. However, I don't feel you should be sharing even the little info you gave this teen. You basically just gave her the low down on how she could best influence a judge. Custody and the legalities involved should not be discussed with children or teens. It just encourages them to feel power that they do not have. Op you certainly don't want to willy nilly call the police, please make sure you have good cause if you do.

Majo, I know you've got similar problems to mine, I think you hit it on the head.

OP if you want to do what is right here and you want to be more grown up, then take a look at your own behavior. How are you contributing to the situation at home? How can you make it better? Go to your mom and have a heart to heart, not an argument and tell her how you are feeling. Talk to her when you are both having a good time together etc...

I wish my daughter had come to me when her dad started his campaign to free her from me and my terrible household. I bet she now wishes she had. Things got way out of control for a while there and now DD realizes she is where she belongs. I am not saying your dad is like my X and that he is encouraging you here. I hope he is not, for both of your sakes.

 

[Redhead43754]

i understand but i have also tryed many times to make things right. I agreed to go to therepy with her even though i strongly disagree with them. My stepdad constantly is talking bad about my real dad, which i cannot take. He screams at me and cusses at me. He talks to me like im stupid and treats me the same way. Ive tried to have conversations with him about how he acts but he claims to not be doing anything wrong. I dont know what to do anymore. Im not saying i dont take part in any of our fights because i will admit i have an attitude and a temper, but i also have tried to be calm with him but it gets us nowhere

 

[escape2paradise]

i understand but i have also tryed many times to make things right. I agreed to go to therepy with her even though i strongly disagree with them. My stepdad constantly is talking bad about my real dad, which i cannot take. He screams at me and cusses at me. He talks to me like im stupid and treats me the same way. Ive tried to have conversations with him about how he acts but he claims to not be doing anything wrong. I dont know what to do anymore. Im not saying i dont take part in any of our fights because i will admit i have an attitude and a temper, but i also have tried to be calm with him but it gets us nowhere

Tell your mom how you are feeling and ask that you go to counseling as a family.

 

[Redhead43754]

and if you are trying to imply that i will call the cops to try and make my case look better i would never do that. i do not by any means hate my mom and allthough i do not like my stepdad i do not hate him. I just think that it would be better for all of us if we just let this whole thing cool down for awhile and then see how it goes, which will happen if i move in wiht my dad. i do not want them out of my life i just want to make things better and this is the only way i have not tryed.

 

[Redhead43754]

we've been through counseling.

 

[majomom1]

we've been through counseling.

Try counseling again. Don't strongly disagree... go in with the idea of accomplishing a goal. You probably won't understand everything from your mom's side, because you are still young. I don't mean that you are stupid at all. I do understand your frustration. Trust me. Talkiing with a counselor is the "cooling down" phase that helps ALL parties come to an agreement. That really is the best way for you to even attempt to move in with your dad. If you do it that way, then who has the most money is not relevant. It will help you, it will help your dad and it will help your mom.

Talk to the counselor. State YOUR case... You might have to do that several times, but if you do, then the counselor can help you and your mom find a compromise. You can't just give in, you can't just give up... you have to talk.

 

[escape2paradise]

and if you are trying to imply that i will call the cops to try and make my case look better i would never do that. i do not by any means hate my mom and allthough i do not like my stepdad i do not hate him. I just think that it would be better for all of us if we just let this whole thing cool down for awhile and then see how it goes, which will happen if i move in wiht my dad. i do not want them out of my life i just want to make things better and this is the only way i have not tryed.

I'm not trying to imply anything. I just know from experience that in custody situations things can spiral out of control quickly. For some teens Jax's comment might have inspired an unruly teen to escalate things beyond what they should. Not that I think Jax intended that at all.

You think things are tough now, encourage your dad to go to court and you will find out what tough is. The stress level in your home will sky rocket. You will put yourself in the middle of situation that will likely last for a year or two. Heck you might be 18 by the time it is resolved and for what? Hard feelings all the way around and it will cost your parents a fortune. The money is better spent on counseling and funding your college

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Now is a time to learn how to deal with hard situations instead of running from them. You know, that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that.

 

[Ohiogal]

Sorry Kiddo, but fairisfair is right YOU cant take anyone to court or anything and yes your dad can.
Some Judges will listen to what the children over 10-12 have to say about where they are living or prefer to live.
Heres what is stated about Childs Preference


Child's Preferences
"The wishes of a child can be an important factor in deciding custody. The weight a court gives the child's wishes will depend on the child's age, maturity, and quality of reasons. Some judges do not even listen to the preferences of a child under the age of seven and instead assume the child is too young to express an informed preference.

A court is more likely to follow the preferences of an older child, although the court will want to assess the quality of the child's reasons. If a child wants to be with the parent who offers more freedom and less discipline, a judge is not likely to honor the preference. A child whose reasons are vague or whose answers seem coached also may not have his or her preferences followed.

On the other hand, if a child expresses a good reason related to the child's best interest--such as genuinely feeling closer one parent than the other--the court probably will follow the preference. Although most states treat a child's wishes as only one factor to be considered, two states (Georgia and West Virginia) declare that a child of fourteen has an "absolute right" to choose the parent with whom the child will live, as long as the parent is fit.

If a judge decides to talk with the child, the judge usually will do so in private--in the judge's chambers rather than in open court. Generally, the parents are not in the room when the judge talks to the child, although the parents' attorneys might be. In some cases, the judge may appoint a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker, to talk to the child and report to the court."


http://public.findlaw.com/

Yeah. Not in Ohio. And West Virginia does NOT have that absolute right.