Suggestions Please

[stealth2]

LOL I obviously took too long typing!

 

[concernedmom4ki]

LdiJ- Thank you for taking the time - and stealth - thanks bunches too!

ANYONE else? - JUMP IN PLEASE!!!

I do know that the judge said that whoever was not willing to 'work out' the details on getting the kids back and forth to school, the other parent needed to ask the court to look into it and the first parent would have to pay for court costs the next go 'round because they were not willing to work it out.

Dad moved so far away because that is where SM lived when they met and when they dated for 5 yrs, where SM's mother lives, where SM's brother lives, and where SM's ex and Skids' father lives - and I guess he liked it over there. They now go to church over there, - so new town, new lives, everything - but SM and Skids haven't changed anything except moved into a bigger house with father and the kids - and bought another car to carry everyone in one car...

Stealth - they do do their hmwrk FIRST - nothing else gets done first.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Oh - and Dad has to drive another 10 minutes past their school to get to work - so I know that it's hard for him to drive too but he's an adult -
plus, if he works over here and she works over this way, why in the world did they not buy a house over here??? I asked him for a year what his plans were and he always said he didn't have time to talk to me about it - maybe later - then up and made an announcement at 2nd child bday party. - now, he's mad because I've ruined all of his plans and say it's for the better for them. The answer : her life over there and her kids' lives over there - is all I can come up with.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

....but father has told the kids he's going to do everything he can in the next 3 months to get the decision overturned and for them to go to his stepkids' school over there - and my kids are scared and crushed.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Oh and judge also said in court order the "least intrusive on the kids" - haven't gotten my copy of the court order yet but my attorney tells me that if ex seems to make it impossible or so hard on the kids it's stupid that we can take him back to court and ask for a change in visitation. I just don't want to piss the judge off and would like to get kids' father to agree that it's too hard on the kids -


Any suggestions? ANYONE?? Everyone!

 

[LdiJ]

Oh and judge also said in court order the "least intrusive on the kids" - haven't gotten my copy of the court order yet but my attorney tells me that if ex seems to make it impossible or so hard on the kids it's stupid that we can take him back to court and ask for a change in visitation. I just don't want to piss the judge off and would like to get kids' father to agree that it's too hard on the kids -


Any suggestions? ANYONE?? Everyone!

I think that you should be listening to your attorney. Honestly, its very unlikely that you are going to be the one that would "piss off" the judge.

You weren't the one who moved and created all these complications....dad was. Dad was a dufus for doing this....particularly if both he and his wife's work are closer to where you live.

Please understand that the only way that dad is going to agree that its too hard on the kids, is if that means that he gets primary custody and the kids go to school in his community and primarily live with him. The odds of you coming to any agreement in mediation are honestly slim unless you give him what he wants. Odds are that its going to end up in front of the judge and the judge is going to have to decide.

Please don't be afraid of that. Logic and right are on your side.

 

[legalcuriosity]

LOL I thought I was done, but no - I will add more Dear Abby advice.

And now it's time for "Sincerely, Stealth".

 

[stealth2]

And now it's time for "Sincerely, Stealth".

Hey! At least I recognize when I do it!

 

[CJane]

ANYONE else? - JUMP IN PLEASE!!!

Ok, my ex and I have 50/50 custody. I have the kids from Sunday night until Wednesday morning, and we alternate weekends. I recently moved about 45 minutes away from the ex, and was VERY clear in my notification of the move that I would provide all transportation since I was the one creating the distance (because I'd read enough on here to know that's what would be expected anyway). The kids attend school in his district because he kept the house and it's a fabulous school district, so on the mornings that I have them, I drive the 40-45 minutes to drop them off at school. That makes my commute to work almost 90 minutes, but it's worth it to me.

We have pretty hectic lives due to riding lessons, softball, soccer, hockey, gymnastics, etc, so as soon as the kids get in the car after school, they hand over backpacks and I take a minute to see what needs to be done that night. Reading and math can get done in the car on the way to wherever we're going. Spelling words get practiced in the grocery store or while I'm making dinner. If it looks like there's too much to do and still squeeze in the extras, then there are no extras that night.

No judge in his/her right mind is going to punish you for choosing the education of your children over baseball practice, so sit down and come up with a REASONABLE agreement with your children about what will happen on YOUR days. If they want to play ball, then they need to understand that it's not a first priority, and they need to schedule themselves appropriately.

I realize that the ex not helping is a pain in the a$$ but that doesn't mean you should kill yourself to pick up the slack. Explain to the kids that too much is too much, and y'all need to scale back.

When you go back into court, suggest a more reasonable schedule for visitation. Make sure to include things like specific transportation arrangements, times, even things relating to extras (my parenting plan says we should consult on extracurricular activities and we're not allowed to enroll them in anything that affects the other parent's time without that parent's consent).

 

[concernedmom4ki]

(sorry - been working so I hadn't been on here)... anyway, Thanks so much for the advice.

CJane, I am interested in how your kids deal with that long of a commute every day.?.
My kids have told me they don't want to be doing that much driving back and forth - they are tired of it now and school hasn't started yet...-

Yes, I agree with you on their father not agreeing on anything unless it's what he wants... it's always been that way.
He even tries to make them feel guilty that they want to live with me.

As far as choosing the education of my children... my kids have ALWAYS been first and foremost in my life - my job, my house, even the town and state that I live in is because of them (I didn't move back home to another state)- everything is centered around their school, ...even my work hours is centered around THEIR schedule.
Their father works straight shifts and either pays people to watch them or gets his mom to keep them. I can't afford that, so I have to switch and puzzle and mingle everything around the kids.
- which is fine,-anything for my kids - but it's exhausting and hard with my job - but I do it.
I'm just wondering if the judge and the guardian will see that.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Can't even agree on a Guardian

As of right now - the last I heard, my attorney and his attorney are supposed to agree on the appointment of a Guardian Ad Litem but that isn't happening. He wants one from where he lives, I want either the old one or one from here - where the court's jurisdiction is -so I guess it's going to the judge now for him to decide...

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Oh YEah...

Another thing....

It seems that this may end up being one school district vs another.

Can they do that? And how would that work?

 

[CJane]

CJane, I am interested in how your kids deal with that long of a commute every day.?

The kids are great with it. They work on homework in the car, today we listened to a book on CD that we'll finish tonight on the way home, we talk about our days - it's actually a pretty good time for us to spend together.

BUT, we also live in a very rural area. These kids are used to it taking 30 minutes to get to the grocery store, and 45 or so to get to WalMart or Target or the nearest mall. Driving is something they take for granted, not something they needed to get used to.

 

[gabrat303]

concerned...i am no lawyer or even a law student, but sometimes it feels like i have been in court enough to know a little.

you definitely have reason to modify your court order. I don't think any judge would grant it to stay the same with the chaos you have going on. I think you have a great chance at getting something done in your favor. My kids are HEAVILY involved in sports and run me absolutely stark crazy. So don't take this the wrong way...no judge is going to damn you for having to give up on some activities. My kids and probably me would die if we had to give up something, but you can't let their school work fizzle because of it. A judge is going to know this if you have to drop something. Good luck and you have my email address if you need to talk.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Honestly? Your description of the situation makes no sense to me. that's why I haven't responded. What y'all verbally agreed to is moot. What does the order say - specifically. Who created the distance? Who is responsible for transportation? Why can your kids not do homework before they go to Dad's?

Even when mine have games/meets - there is time either before they start or after they end that is before 8:30pm. There are 40-50 minutes in the car that they can do schoolwork in both directions. There's homeroom. There's lunch. Both of those can be used to do homework. And if they can't find the time to do homework otherwise - sports are out. Make them responsible for figuring out how to get their work done.

Hi Stealth,

Dad, yes, created the distance and he is actually being very nice about not making me too much of the driving. Yes, I am meeting him further at this point and I'm not sure if that will change when school starts or not - but I'm thinking it may not since he works over here and can bring them/pick them up every day on his way over and on his way back from where he lives now.

My problem is that the kids told me last night that he has now told the kids that they are going to have to go to morning daycare and afternoon daycare since he will have to get them over here early in the am's and pick them up again in the afternoons on his way home on his days.

I have already told him that he can drop the kids off at my house in the am's and that have already been working on the plans at work to get them every afternoon from school. - but he's told the kids something different than what I have offered. Plus - I cannot afford for him to put the kids' morning and afternoon care charges on my account!

What should I do?

I still am planning on picking them up from school every day - but how do I go about all of this?

And how will it play out in court? Am I bending over backwards and I shouldn't because it's not going to make a hill of beans to the judge or the GAL?